Here’s a game review from Joe Chan. Lineage II looks very shiney, but you don’t have to take MY word for it!

It turns out there’s this little-known MMORPG out there that only about 1.5 million people worldwide play called Lineage II. I first checked out this game a little over a year ago where I was greeted with breathtakingly stunning visuals and PC archer fire from the treelines which kept me from ever getting past the boundaries of my starting city. But there was one thing in particular that caught my eye — and I’m not talking about that last arrow that bounced me back to the spawn point.

I’m talking cheesecake.

I mean, dang, there’re some drop-dead gorgeous female avatars kicking my butt in that game.

So, when my friends at NCSoft invited me and a few other press folks to take a personalized tour of their newest Lineage II campaign arc, The Chaotic Throne: The Kamael, I was ecstatic. I mean, now I could check out those hotties without getting beaten to a pulp.

Lineage II has always been heavy on the PvP, though they have been adding more features to make it friendlier towards solo-play as well. However, to truly enjoy the bulk of the game, you’d have to join in the PC genocide and slaughter player avatars alongside your fellow gamers. Join in a clan and participate in a planned castle siege, or take down some of the epic bosses in the game. There’s a ton of stuff to do that you can’t accomplish on your own.

This latest installment of the Lineage II saga introduces the rediscovery of a race known as the Kamael, winged war machines that were once so badass, they had to get one of their wings clipped to seal the bulk of their power away. New to the game are features such as fortress sieges, which allow you to put together parties to take on strongholds 24/7, new armor slots, transformations, and, of course, a new playable race: The Kamael.

But, c’mon now. I wasn’t there for the new feeps. Though I smiled and nodded graciously at my hosts’ words, I was really there for the hands-on demo that would finally grant me the chance I’ve been waiting for and I know it wasn’t just me. I exchanged knowing glances with my fellow journalists, and we knew that soon we would catch a glimpse of hot elf booty.

Finally, the long-awaited moment had arrived. I was seated in front of a brand-spankin’ new Dell Dimension XPS with a 24-inch widescreen LCD as my guiding light, and as the game revved up, I slid down my chair to mask my giddy glee. There it was: the world of Lineage II and all it had to offer at my fingertips, and let me tell you, my friends, I was not disappointed.

cheesecake

After giving us a brief moment to run around to check out some of the new game features, greeting us at our rendezvous point was our host and tour guide, a pale elf lass in silk and lace. I didn’t want to seem like I was ogling, so I complemented her on the spiffy hat she was wearing while my eyes drifted lower. I was instantly teleported elsewhere. I forgot she had GM powers.

orc!

I found myself outdoors, near the entrance to one of the instanced dungeon areas, where before me stood a towering orc gal who looked like she could easily kick my ass and eat it too, with a side of fava beans and a glass of chianti. But my, she had some impressive assets. I chose to side with caution and tried to avoid staring for too long, but she still noticed me looking and growled. I never knew a game avatar could piss itself.

elf

The tour guide took pity on me and brought me back to the rendezvous area. She shooed me off towards the rest of the group after admonishing me, and I slunk back in feigned defeat. After all, I had caught sight of another looker. Another elf, this time decked out in glittering white armor. As I edged closer towards my companion while preparing a few choice pickup lines, a voice not unlike Barry White’s issued forth and … oh for crying out loud, it was a guy! Curse those elves for all looking too pretty. I ran down the corridor, crying.

female human

I suppose that due to my reaction, my fellow party members thought that I had encountered a mob. They chased after me thinking they were rushing to my rescue. I turned back towards the sound of armored feet clanking on the stone floor and caught sight of a mini-skirt-clad human woman in a most vulnerable upskirt position. I grinned stupidly as she paused long enough to beat me to a pulp. It was worth every cut and bruise.

fight!

As it turns out, there really was a mob right there in the room with me. The redhead left just enough life in me to let the monster finish me off, before she proceeded to beat on it with almost everyone else. I say almost everyone, because there was a second human girl that just stood there, staring at my broken, bleeding body while the others were fighting for their lives. I weakly raised my hand to beg for a heal plz!!!, but she just giggled and walked off. Damn her. Those cat ears were a nice touch though.

winged cheesecake

I awoke to find myself in a chamber surrounded by strange creatures. As it turns out, they were actually one of the newer features of the game, temporary transformations so that players could take on other forms. Of course, from my vantage point, all I saw was this scary four-winged Amazon hovering above me. For a brief moment, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven, but I couldn’t see under that scale mail loincloth, so it had to be hell. Then she kicked me in the head and forced me to get back into the game.

dwarf… girl

After some aimless wandering, I found myself staring at a most incongruous sight. There, in the middle of the room was a dwarf… girl — the problem is that those dwarf women look way too cute to belong in this game — and yet there she was, twirling and sparkling like some anime magical girl. And the kicker is the sight of her in a birthday hat and a full-metal chastity suit. Talk about mixed signals! I only stared long enough to gawk since that hammer really scared me. Oh, and if anyone discovers where the key is supposed to go, I’ll give you $10.

female Kamael

Turning away from the diabetes-inducing sight, I literally ran smack dab into one of the new denizens of the game — a female Kamael in all her one-winged, battle bikini hottie goodness. This time, I couldn’t help but to gaze; after all, my head had bounced right off her steel bustier. She just perched there, smiling, hand at her hip. You’re looking at exactly what I saw right before I learned that the female Kamael specialize in crossbows.

She laughed, shot me in the face, and sent me back to the spawn point.

Stumble it!

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008 at 2:18 pm and is filed under Guest Writer, Spwug 4, games. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. Both comments and pings are currently closed.