I’ll Make Sure the Lady is a Friend…
Had this jam stuck in my head, Shai’s “If I Ever Fall in Love” (obviously, not Shai in the video). So let’s talk about friends and lovers.
There’s a movie coming out, Made of Honor, where Mc Dreamy’s best gal pal gets engaged. Only then does he realize that he loves her and not just in a platonic friend way. You probably don’t need to suffer through the film to predict that he’ll eventually close the deal and get with his friend. What a home wrecker.
I’ve actually witnessed similar scenarios with my friends. All of a sudden one will realize the other is the one and random acts of dating break out! It’s so darn sweet. And no one is very surprised because everyone else knew they were perfect for each other.
On the other hand, for me personally, it’s never ended well. The two times I professed my love for someone who started as a friend were disastrous. One time I right out blurted “I’m in love with you” and things went from awkward to get the fuck away from me in a matter of weeks. The other time I planted one right on her lips. Never knew you could un-kiss someone but there she was, un-kissing me. That too ended fairly poorly.
I suspect it takes a much lighter touch than just blurting it out or face attacking to break out of the “Friend Zone.” You Friend Zone is the area you place your friends. You rarely see them as dating material let alone potential lovers. If you find most of the time you spend with your friend is in the company of other friends, you’re deep in the Zone.
But all is not lost! Since you’re in the Zone already, it’s not that unusual to ask your friend to hang out with just you, sort of like a disguise date. Go on enough of these disguise dates, you may start to emerge from the Zone without your friend really realizing it. Unfortunately, this may backfire and put you into the “Sibling I Never Had Zone.” Then you’re totally screwed.
If you’re crush has gotten to the point where you just have to make a move or you’re going to explode, you must be willing to sacrifice your friendship. If you succeed in wooing your friends, the benefits are obvious. There will be much rejoicing and laughter. If you fail, you may loose your close friend forever. There will be much pain and sadness. And if you never try, you’ll never know. There will be much Friend Zone.
Still, if you ever fall in love again, it might be good to make sure the lady is a friend. Doesn’t have to be your best friend. But you should probably get along as friends first before you go in with the face sucking.
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May 1st, 2008 at 2:45 am
Wait, wait, hold on, back up a sec. A gal you weren’t dating for a few months, and isn’t telling you that she loves you a half dozen times treats you like a psych-ward escapee after you say you love her once and another chick “un-kisses” you. All that and you somehow believe you’re in some way qualified to give relationship advice to others? Disguise dates? Emerge from the zone? Sacrifice friendship? Dear lord, I fear for anyone, and everyone who might follow this advice you give, because it seriously lacks any tangible signs of wisdom. I’m sure that you’re an all around nice guy, and you’re obviously starting to recognize where you screwed up with those ladies in your past, but the values your advice here advocates greatly concerns me, and I don’t even know you.
Why wait for some woman to be your friend first, isn’t a period of dating a better opportunity to find out if you’re both a match for each other? If you’re not a match, you can make her your friend. Maybe even help her hook up with other guys, and she might be able to help hook you up with other gals. She could become your female wingman, so to speak.
May 1st, 2008 at 2:56 am
You have a good point. Starting out dating makes it much easier to gauge whether or not you fit.
I don’t know if you’ve followed this particular column, but I’ve tried to do my best to admit to not knowing a whole lot when it comes to geek dating. I try my best to relate experiences that I’ve either been through or am somewhat familiar with.
May 1st, 2008 at 8:13 am
Sorry, this is SomeGuy. I skimmed through some of the previous “Geek Love” postings and this is the only one I had a problem with, so I had to respond. There’s enough bad relationship advice in the world right now, and even worse examples to model off of, we really shouldn’t add to it, especially when someone’s suggesting things that might imply they have dubious values. I will say this much though, it speaks volumes that you’re starting to understand why some past relationships ended the way that they did and frankly that’s going to leave you ahead of the curb compared to other folks.
The only real way to prevent a gal from putting you in the “just friends” category, is to consciously be the one that allows yourself to be placed into her friends category. If you see a gal across the room, and she looks so beautiful that your heart skips a beat, THAT’S when you make your move. If you two don’t click the first few dates, end the romantic pursuit. No harm, no foul, and no lost love between you both. She might get a bit disappointed that you’re not calling her up to go out on dates anymore, but if she still respects you, she won’t mind being invited to bring her friends along to do stuff with your friends.