Greetings, Galaxy Rangers!

Not a very big installment this week, as I am swamped with various bits of creative endeavors that need to be attended to. But… I don’t want to leave you all with emptiness and solitude. It’s so… empty and solitude-like. And there’s no pie there.

For those of you who are going to Dragon*Con this weekend – have fun! Come back in one piece, and get me Nathon Fillion’s autograph.

Okay, you don’t really have to.

So, where was I? Oh yes – this week’s column. Well, I haven’t had the chance to do much this week worth writing about, but I did manage to play one sweeeeet little demo on my PS3:

I’m talking about the demo for the upcoming Star Wars game The Force Unleashed.

Now, before you start groaning and rolling your eyes in that George Lucas raped my childhood kinda way, hear me out. Say what you will about special editions, prequels, and CG animated movies sans the 20^th Century Fox logo. This demo alone made me forget about all that. I was too busy throwing stormtroopers around with the Force.

I’m not going to go into a full review, at least not until I get to play the full game. Instead, I’m going to offer up a short list of things that made me giggle with excitement while I played the demo.

Yeah, so I giggled. So what?

List of Things I Loved About The Force Unleashed Demo:

- Smooth and amazing graphics.

- Great orchestral score, some from the films, some brand new.

- Taking out stupid Imp droids! Gonk droid is enjoying his sandwich made of pure not-functioning.

- Breaking the windows of the Star Destroyer and letting the vacuum of space suck my enemies out for me. Bye, guys! Hope you don’t mind the opposite of breathing.

- I took out a dude by throwing a TIE Fighter at him with the Force! Booyah!

- The Force is crazy!

- No good guy heroics this time. I’m all SITH, baby!

- Infusing my lightsaber with Force lightning ensures my enemies suffer a death reaction to lightning and being sliced in half.

- All grabbing your trooper buddy does is give you company when I Force lift you and drop you into the no-bottoms below.

- I split that AT-ST up the middle like there was candy inside!

Based on all the fun I had with the demo, I can’t wait until release day to get the full game. It’s been awhile since I’ve been this excited about Star Wars, and I wanna jump in head first before that feeling wears off. Who knows when it will come back again? So, hurry up and get here, mid-September! I wanna start trashing bozos now!

*sigh*

Fine, I’ll step forward so that I may see…

The Don was once a Jedi Knight, the same as your father. Wait, who are you again?

Greetings, Dream Warriors!

First off, I want to take a moment to celebrate my 20^th article with Spwug!

Okay, moment over.

Now, if memory serves, I believe I said last week that I would do something resembling a con report for my trip to Horrorfind last weekend.

You asked for it.

This year, instead of being at the Hunt Valley Inn in Baltimore, the festivities were moved to the UMUC Marriott Inn and Conference Center in Adelphi, Maryland.  This would prove to be the con’s undoing over the weekend.

“Why?” you ask, in what has become a regular staple of our time together.

To put it bluntly, I was severely disappointed.

Let me break it down for you:

One of the things that didn’t quite hit me immediately when we got there, but which began to permeate through me as the weekend wore on, is that the atmosphere didn’t seem right.  One of the things I loved about Horrorfind at the Hunt Valley Inn was that everywhere you went, there were decorations, costumes, tables set up to peddle wares of dark design – all of these  constant reminders that one was forehead-deep in the middle of all that is horror.  The Hunt Valley Inn was small and cozy enough that you couldn’t turn anywhere without soaking in the ambiance.  It was everywhere – from the autograph room brimming with celebrities of the horror genre, to movie screens showing a fine mixture of cheesy and horrifying fright fests, to the dealers’ room that spilled out into the halls with curiosities and items of novelty that put the Hallowe’en displays in Spencer’s to shame.  There was even a haunted house set up within one of the hotel rooms that put your typical spook houses to shame.  You could wrap the convention around you like a blanket, and it was warm with delicious evil.

Sadly, the Conference Center in Adelphi was missing all of that.  It was a much larger building, so all of the different events were spread out considerably.  The halls were rather large, stark and cold.  No decorations other than the tape and skulls used to direct unsuspecting attendees to their tickets of disappointment.  There were a couple of tables placed out in the halls here and there, but it was a non-existent attempt at a sinister décor.  The movie screens were shoved out of the way and hidden into side rooms, and the dealers’ room seemed like a pale reflection of itself.  Once littered with treasures and prizes of the macabre, now the tables seemed uninteresting.  I barely bought anything the entire weekend.

That’s probably a good thing, as the other problem with the convention this year was that a good number of the guests this year jacked their prices up enough to make you wallet shriek in agony.  I ended up only getting pictures and autographs from Roddy Piper (John Carpenter’s They Live), Chris Sarandon (The Princess Bride, Fright Night), and Michael Biehn (The Terminator, Aliens, Tombstone).  That was pretty much all I could afford, as each one of them charged $25 for an autograph, plus an extra $25 to have your picture taken with them (in Piper’s case, it was only an extra $10).  This was quite a mark-up from the standard 15 – 20 bucks for both.  Now, it turns out that almost all of the regular staples of Horrorfind (Ken Foree, Dee Wallace, Sid Haig) kept their prices reasonable.  Problem is, I had already gotten all of them at previous cons.

So, I sucked it up as I blew about $135 on three celebs, noting that the lines for each of them varied from very short to non-existent.  This was a complete 180 from past conventions, when all of the big guests would have lines with at least an hour-long wait.

Sucks about them gas prices, hunh guys?

The only saving grace for the entire weekend was the time I spent hanging out with the Darkstone Entertainment folks.  You know, the independent film company who made a movie not too long ago that I got to be a zombie in?  I pretty much spent the entire weekend at their table, helping them promote stuff, picking their brains, and providing a sound board for film ideas.  It was a blast getting to hang out with them all weekend.

Of course, the best part was getting to watch the premiere of Skeleton Key 3, the movie I had the privilege to be a part of.  For two hours I sat with a good-sized crowd as we laughed and applauded a fun and crazy new entry in John Johnson’s SK series.  It was quite surreal to see myself in blue make-up, trying to eat brains on the big screen.

So yeah… my Horrorfind experience for this year.  Not the pinnacle of fun.  Again, if it wasn’t for the enjoyment I had with the Darkstone crew, this past weekend would have been a total bust.  I may have seriously considered not going back.  I’ve certainly decided that I’m not bothering with autographs next year if the prices continue to be that high.  As it stands, I plan on returning next year, if only to pimp with the D once again.  If my audition with them this Sunday goes well, I may become a permanent fixture.

Oh yeah, I suppose I should show you pictures.  I mean, they’re only worth $25 each ($10 in Piper’s case).  May as well make good use of them:

We’re here to kick ass and chew gum.  And I’m all out of money.

My father’s final words were, “Charge him $50 for a picture and an autograph.”

There’s no fate but what you make.  And it costs $50.

 
I leave you now on a high note:  the Friday of the con, my friend Dan took me to this really cool retro toy shop in Ellicott City, Maryland called All Time Toys.  This place was awesome!  It was like my entire childhood was on display for me to behold!  All the classic toys I grew up with – Transformers, G.I. Joe, Star Wars, The Real Ghostbusters, He-Man, Visionaries, and more – were there to be purchased.  Some toys were loose, some in their original packaging.  All of them were reasonably priced.  It was amazing!  This guy had everything!  And what he didn’t have at the store, he had in storage and could get it for you.  He told us that he had enough stock, collected over several years, to fill a K-Mart.  He also had this on display:

And he had just sold it for $5K!

Man, I would love to have my own Han Solo in carbonite.  Maybe I can afford one the next time I stop by there if I stop spending money on celebrities.

The Don is alive… and in perfect inebriation.

Guh, it’s almost the end of a brutal Monday. I wish it was still Saturday night.

Because I went to 32-Bit Genocide, a video game music festival held annually in Baltimore! It was a blast! And to think it’s in this blogger’s hometown too! Cover bands like Year 200X stole the show for me personally, with heavy anthems of Journey to Silius, Lifeforce, the NES version of Ducktales (you read that correct, DUCKTALES.) and a Contra medley to finish it off. Cheap Dinosaurs was a one man digital melee, ripping the sound samples from a Gameboy cartridge to mix beats on the fly in a drum-and-bass-y style. Very, very cool performance, and about the most unique.

Other acts like The Megas, Ultraball & This Place Is Haunted brought more of the kind of gamer-meets-indy-rocker vibe that makes these shows so interesting. During those times, I was in the gallery hall to sample works by 2-D artists and craftmakers. The music acts got to graffiti the facing wall, while pretty much everyone with a working shoulder and chunk of chalk did their best. I got in the act too, dropping plenty of signature shooting game fanart. Oh yeah; Ironing bead art to the stars. You too, could have owned your very own Skull Castle.

Gotta say though, while not my cup of tea, The Protomen (one of the headline bands of the evening) impressed the heck out of me. They played hits from Queen, Kenny Loggins, a nice shift from the game-centric sound. Moreover, their stage presence, the way they handled rowdy crowds — by joining in the heady chaos(!), dealing with bum equipment; the Protomen just had a level of class that was really impressive, and one of the real highlights of the night.

In all, I had a great time — it helps that my raiding party consisted of webcomic artists, game industry heads and Mr. Magfest himself. Speaking of which, Magfest strikes at the start of 2009, so I’ll be covering that too! It’s not everyday one can plug into some Mike Tyson’s Punch Out or throw on Lifeforce (Konami Code & all) while the crowd is jumping to to a cover of The Legend of Zelda.

By all means, follow the links, find a show and enjoy!

Greetings, Cylons!

Wow.  It’s been awfully quiet around here in Spwugland.

*looks to the left*

*looks to the right*

Hmmm.  I suppose I wouldn’t feel good about myself if I just left you guys in a lurch on a Thursday, sitting about and twiddling thumbs, or whatever you have available to twiddle.

Be nice.

Well, I can’t offer much this week, but the least I can do is leave you something so that you aren’t bored.  The reason for my lack of time and space (dude, I’m a cosmic being!) is that I am currently getting ready for a convention this weekend.  In fact, it’s one of the cons that I really look forward to every year:

 
Horrorfind Weekend in Adelphi, Maryland.

 
You guessed it (always a bright one, you are), Horrorfind is a horror-themed convention,  and it is a blast.  It’s like going to visit Hallowe’en a couple of months before he comes to visit you!  It’s such a magical place – with beer carts being pushed around all weekend long so that you may never thirst, horror flicks playing non-stop on movie screens outside and in, celebrities from your favorite horror flicks and shows, and a dealers’ room loaded with cool horror novelties, films and decorations.

And this year will be even cooler!  Remember that movie shoot I posted about a couple of months ago?  The one where I dressed up as a giant smurf zombie?

That’s right – it premieres this weekend at the convention!  I finally get to see my efforts on the big… screen… in front of all those…

*ulp*

Okay, I think I need to lie down for a minute.  In the meantime, I leave you with this:

Tune in next week, as I post something that may or may not resemble an attempt at a con report.

The Don ain’t afraid of no ghost.  He is, however, afraid of having vegetables thrown at him.

“DO what they say, SAY what they mean, ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHE– *ahem* Sorry.

Gotta say, folks — this is a crazy time. Otakon 2008 kersploded all over the place.  The Monday before, this blogger had no chance of going.  By Thursday, the world was a proverbial oyster.  Friday, migraine.

And then in no uncertain terms, *gasp*

Jam Project Artist Alley chaos UDON Comics OMG doujinshi Orioles fans not knowing what the heck was going on with ZOMG a SWEET Touhou Cosplayer 10-dollar parking Holiday Inn Express ROCKS harder than the Inner Harbor sushi rolls and Sake Billiards at night Complimentary Breakfast in the morning Packed too much Still need to upload SDCC photos Didn’t bother taking any at Otakon Late bus rides Hyatt is sexy What the heck is Hoolihans Everybody’s got an IPhone look it plays Solitaire Nintendo DS Etrian Odyssey II hurts my soul How did I end up on Route I-97 where is the Dealer’s Room Watch me make 100$ disappear in an hour B & O Railroad museum Comic books Peace bonded swords everywhere Up at 9 am In bed at 3 Stupid cellphone Where’s my badge — oh here it is.

That was MY weekend.  And I’m spent.  Next week.

Greetings, Wheeled Warriors!

Just like a tagline from one of those classic, B-movie horror trailers of the ‘50s and ‘60s, I Survived Last Weekend’s Parental Invasion!

Dunh dunh duuuuuuuhn!

It was (almost) painless. One of the highlights of the weekend is that I got to finally play (at my dad’s request) Metal Gear Solid 4 for the PS3, a game I’ve had since I purchased it with my PS3 bundle, but haven’t had the chance to crack open yet.

And when I say I played MGS 4, what I really mean is that I attempted to play a game that continuously handed me my ass.

As you are all aware, the Metal Gear titles stand apart from other classic video game series that have endured since the bygone days of the NES.

What sets it apart? Ah, ever vigilant with the questions. You have an incredible thirst for knowledge. Don’t even pay attention to what the jerk next to you just said about you.

Whoa-hey! No need for fisticuffs, unless there’s money riding on it.

Ahem. Moving on…

What sets the Metal Gear series apart is that the player doesn’t just run through levels, guns blazing, blam-blam-thank-you-ma’am, taking out the bad guys, saving the world, and getting the girl. Okay, there is some of that, but is that the focus?

No.

In this game, you have to sneeeeeak around. And to help you with that, you have a camouflage suit, shadows to hide in, boxes and walls to hide behind, and the ability to mooooooove reeeeeeeal sloooooooow.

It’s more fun that it sounds. It’s also really frustrating. This is because the makers of the Metal Gear up the ante when it comes to the enemy AI. These guys respond to anything your character (Snake) does – footsteps, movement, knocking on walls, etc. If any of these things are spotted by the enemy, an alert goes off and a swarm of reinforcements are called in to test your allergic reaction to lead. This forces the player to run for his life, trying to find a place to hide until the alert gets called off, or to face his attackers and eat oblivion. And it’s even more intense with the newest installment.

When you’re succeeding at pulling off the stealthy, it’s kind of a rush. You’re in the zone! You’re a shadow! A wraith! None of these villainous yahoos have a frikkin’ clue where you are, what you are doing, or even that there could be a guy somewhere doing a thing.

Sadly, the scenario above may happen once in a thousand attempts. What really happens is more like this:

“Oh yeah, I’m moving slooooowly. No one even kno-“

ALERT! ALERT!

“What the hell? How did anyone see me? There wasn’t even anyone around!”

“Aaaaaarrrrggh! Where did they all come from! Jeebus! They’re shooting at me!”

“Gottarungottarungottarun-oh good, a locker to hide in.”

“GAH! How did they know I was in here! No one saw me!”

“Quit shooting at me!”

“StopstopstopstopIT!!!!!!! I can’t get out of here with you all surrounding me!”

“Rations! Rations! Crap, I’m using up my rations and they keep hitting me!”

“Please stop shooting at me!”

“Okay….okay. I’m hidden. They can’t find me hiding under the truck.”

“Alright, the alert has been lifted, I can sneak back out.”

“Look around carefully… no one there…or there. Coast seems clear.”

“Oh! Dude coming. Going camouflaged. Okay, at 90% camo, no one can see—“

ALERT! ALERT!

“What in the seven levels of Cabbage Patch Hell!?! How did he see me!?!”

“Aaaagh! Go away!” Quit shooting!”

“They killed me!!”

“I’m gonna go curl up in a ball on my bed and play Barbie Dream House on my DS.”

The funny thing (or the sad thing, depending on your point of view) is that despite how frustrating the game can be, I can’t stop playing it. I love watching the story unfold, I love all of the little easter eggs scattered throughout the game, as well as the funny tricks you can do during and in between levels (you can call a female psychiatrist on your CODEC and make her boobs jiggle on the CODEC screen by shaking your controller). I love all of the bells and whistles. And the game looks awesome. The graphics are the best I’ve seen so far. I feel like I’m watching a movie that I get to play in. All these things keep me coming back even after I’ve been given a big defeat sandwich.

Or maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment. It would explain how I survived last weekend.

The Surgeon General has determined that The Don is dangerous to your stealth.