Office of the Don #18: Metal Gear Solid Frustration
Greetings, Wheeled Warriors!
Just like a tagline from one of those classic, B-movie horror trailers of the ‘50s and ‘60s, I Survived Last Weekend’s Parental Invasion!
Dunh dunh duuuuuuuhn!
It was (almost) painless. One of the highlights of the weekend is that I got to finally play (at my dad’s request) Metal Gear Solid 4 for the PS3, a game I’ve had since I purchased it with my PS3 bundle, but haven’t had the chance to crack open yet.
And when I say I played MGS 4, what I really mean is that I attempted to play a game that continuously handed me my ass.
As you are all aware, the Metal Gear titles stand apart from other classic video game series that have endured since the bygone days of the NES.
What sets it apart? Ah, ever vigilant with the questions. You have an incredible thirst for knowledge. Don’t even pay attention to what the jerk next to you just said about you.
Whoa-hey! No need for fisticuffs, unless there’s money riding on it.
Ahem. Moving on…
What sets the Metal Gear series apart is that the player doesn’t just run through levels, guns blazing, blam-blam-thank-you-ma’am, taking out the bad guys, saving the world, and getting the girl. Okay, there is some of that, but is that the focus?
No.
In this game, you have to sneeeeeak around. And to help you with that, you have a camouflage suit, shadows to hide in, boxes and walls to hide behind, and the ability to mooooooove reeeeeeeal sloooooooow.
It’s more fun that it sounds. It’s also really frustrating. This is because the makers of the Metal Gear up the ante when it comes to the enemy AI. These guys respond to anything your character (Snake) does – footsteps, movement, knocking on walls, etc. If any of these things are spotted by the enemy, an alert goes off and a swarm of reinforcements are called in to test your allergic reaction to lead. This forces the player to run for his life, trying to find a place to hide until the alert gets called off, or to face his attackers and eat oblivion. And it’s even more intense with the newest installment.
When you’re succeeding at pulling off the stealthy, it’s kind of a rush. You’re in the zone! You’re a shadow! A wraith! None of these villainous yahoos have a frikkin’ clue where you are, what you are doing, or even that there could be a guy somewhere doing a thing.
Sadly, the scenario above may happen once in a thousand attempts. What really happens is more like this:
“Oh yeah, I’m moving slooooowly. No one even kno-“
ALERT! ALERT!
“What the hell? How did anyone see me? There wasn’t even anyone around!”
“Aaaaaarrrrggh! Where did they all come from! Jeebus! They’re shooting at me!”
“Gottarungottarungottarun-oh good, a locker to hide in.”
“GAH! How did they know I was in here! No one saw me!”
“Quit shooting at me!”
“StopstopstopstopIT!!!!!!! I can’t get out of here with you all surrounding me!”
“Rations! Rations! Crap, I’m using up my rations and they keep hitting me!”
“Please stop shooting at me!”
“Okay….okay. I’m hidden. They can’t find me hiding under the truck.”
“Alright, the alert has been lifted, I can sneak back out.”
“Look around carefully… no one there…or there. Coast seems clear.”
“Oh! Dude coming. Going camouflaged. Okay, at 90% camo, no one can see—“
ALERT! ALERT!
“What in the seven levels of Cabbage Patch Hell!?! How did he see me!?!”
“Aaaagh! Go away!” Quit shooting!”
“They killed me!!”
“I’m gonna go curl up in a ball on my bed and play Barbie Dream House on my DS.”
The funny thing (or the sad thing, depending on your point of view) is that despite how frustrating the game can be, I can’t stop playing it. I love watching the story unfold, I love all of the little easter eggs scattered throughout the game, as well as the funny tricks you can do during and in between levels (you can call a female psychiatrist on your CODEC and make her boobs jiggle on the CODEC screen by shaking your controller). I love all of the bells and whistles. And the game looks awesome. The graphics are the best I’ve seen so far. I feel like I’m watching a movie that I get to play in. All these things keep me coming back even after I’ve been given a big defeat sandwich.
Or maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment. It would explain how I survived last weekend.
The Surgeon General has determined that The Don is dangerous to your stealth.
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August 12th, 2008 at 8:06 am
The only MGS game I played was the first one on the PS1, and I played it on HELLA EASY. I still got lots of sweats and “button fingers” while playing it, proving that I game best when there’s nothing that’s going to make very loud noises at me and make me scream while playing.
This also probably means I’ll never play Silent Hill, and my nerves are grateful for that.