Greetings, Thunderbolts!

I just got hit with yet another cold, so bear with me as I try to type out a new installment of “Office” with my head seemingly wrapped in bubble wrap and then entwined with shredded strips of the unused Superman Reborn script.

In other words, I feel crappy.

But, I refuse to be daunted!  In fact, I am past-tensing quite the opposite of the daunt.  I am undaunted!  I just hope I don’t suffer major Fallout for pushing myself while my head is currently experiencing how a gold fish lives.

And there cues the segue.

I have been a video gamer since I was three.  My parents had one of the original Pong home machines when I was that age.  And from that point through Atari, Nintendo, and Playstation my desire to play the latest and greatest has only grown.

Throughout that time, several video games have come and gone that I found myself getting addicted to.  And these are games that I enjoyed playing so much, nothing short of a small megaton bomb or a shady deal with Mephistopheles could separate me from spending endless hours glued to the TV while my fingers and thumbs go beyond calloused and straight to strange-material-that-seems-to-resemble-particle-board-but-has-no-sensation-whatsoever.

Okay, I just dropped another hint in the paragraph above.  I think I’ve teased it enough.  If any of you still have no idea what I’m talking about, lemme go get you some ice cream and you can go play in the corner while I finish my talk with the grown-ups, okay?

I’m just kidding.  But I’m done playing around, because Fallout 3 is just friggin’, mind-blowingly awesome!!! 

I’m addicted.

I picked up this game on a lark a few weeks ago after a friend and co-worker of mine couldn’t stop telling me about it.  Secretly, I think he’s really a shill for the company that puts out the game.  I prolly helped him meet his quota of celebrity look-alike sales, or something.

But damn, was it worth the price I paid.  This game is phenomenal!  It uses the sandbox approach, allowing you to pretty much go anywhere you want and do anything you want.  Don’t wanna work on the main story quests?  There are at least seventy side quests you can go on, as well as a 16 square-mile game world for you to explore.  And I just got lost in the criss-cross-crazy maze of Subway tunnels beneath the surface world.

This game is incredible.  As an action RPG, it seems to nail all of the proper components dead on.  It even takes it all one step further.  This ain’t no Final Fantasy where you’re stuck looking like some spikey-haired imposter – you can customize what your character looks like from the very beginning.  First, pick your gender.  You want him or her to be Asian?  African-American?  Latino?  Caucasian?  You can start with any of those four race types, and then you can literally mold your face into what you want.  Add your hair and facial hair (men only, please) of choice, and then get ready to be born!

I’m not kidding.  You start out coming right out of momma!  As you look up into the proud eyes of your poppa voiced by Liam Neeson, you begin to see that this action RPG isn’t your typical run-of-the-mill gun-and-level adventure.  In fact, your first mission for experience flashes you forward a year and has you walk to daddy!  The way this game integrates your initial point spending on your starting abilities is brilliant.

Set in an apocalyptic future where there world has been demolished by nuclear war, you find yourself stuck in the outside world trying to avoid crazy raiders, giant insects, bloodthirsty mutants, and bounty hunters out to collect that price on your head.  Amidst all that, you have the ability to choose how you play the game.  You earn karma for good deeds you perform, while you lose karma for slightly shadier actions.  Your status as a goody two-shoes or as a distributor of all things nasty is determined on where your karma is.  This not only gives you the option to play as evil or as good as you want, but you’ve got your replay value right there.

I mean, there is just literally a butt-ton (that’s the technical term) of different decisions you can make at every turn.  Wanna set off a nuke in the middle of a city?  Go ahead.  Wanna disable the death-bringer instead, save the townies and become a hero?  You can do that too.  Even your conversation choices for almost every NPC you talk to can go multiple ways.  Wanna tell that merchant where he can stick his expensive weaponry?  If the option is there, let the words fly free.  Need to lie convincingly to woo some sassy lassie of her items?  As long as your skill is high enough, get your Billy Dee on.

And you can kill.  Every.  NPC.  In.  The.  Game.  Okay, not really, but almost.  I discovered the other night that the game won’t let you kill anyone that isn’t this tall to ride this ride (Hey!  I’m not a bad person.  I was doing research… for this article.  Really.  Look, over there on the other side of the ellipses!).  So, no blasting kiddies in the face with buckshot makers or mini-nukes.  But everyone else?  Fair game.

Man, I’m almost exhausted from going on about this game (or maybe that’s the cold smacking me into the tired zone), and I’m barely over twenty hours into the game.  I haven’t even completed the first main storyline quest in the Wastelands yet.  I’ve just been spending several hours exploring, killing, doing side quests, building up weapons, ammo, armor and food, and dying.

Yeah, you’ll die a few times, especially when you underestimate just how much your little rinky-dink chest plate can stop a barrage of lead coming at you from a super mutant with a minigun.  But, that’s all in the fun.  I mean, I enjoy watching my character meet his untimely demise just as much as I love the slow-mo of my boomstick teaching some raider’s noggin how to separate his flesh from his skull.

Overall, this game has everything an enthusiastic button-masher could want.  I even saw Fallout 3 toted in another review as an MMORPG without the MMO part.  I would have to agree.  There are so many NPCs, quests, and battles to get into, that you often forget there’s no one playing in there with you.  For that reason, I think this game can appeal to the online players and the console players alike.  Because really… if a video game can’t bring people of different gaming tastes together in harmony, than what hope is there for the rest of the world?

I think Fallout 3 already answered that question.

The Don doesn’t wanna set the world on fire.  But a place to cook his Hot Pocket would be great.

A brief word through the din of work, con preparation and falling ice — I’m off to Ohayocon in Columbus, OH this weekend.  I feel absolutely terrible that I was unable to deliver an apropo inauguration post… two weeks ago!  Thus, in the spirit of the original message and a reminder for myself — as well as a notice to all of you, I deliver this message and a man of the new century alike:

Spwug, may I introduce comedian Katt Williams.  Profuse profanity ensues, thus a NSFW ruling is in effect.  Watch at home & laugh at your leisure!  But pay attention, a very worthwhile message lies within… Motivate yourself, don’t let others tear you down, be happy with yourself and what you’ve got going for you!  That’s taking care of your star player.  CB here’s gonna try –how about you?

It all started with Odagiri Joe. Before he played Kamen Rider Kuuga, the Kamen Rider series was almost dead in the water.  It hadn’t been on TV in years, and it was kept alive mostly by boys who wanted to grow up to be Kamen Rider and tokusatsu fans who had never really grown up.

With OdaJoe, the series discovered a third, even more profitable audience than young boys: the housewives who watch TV shows with their children.  The housewife crowd gobbled up OdaJoe’s wild good looks, calling him an ikemen (short for iketeru men, or “hot ‘n’ hunky dudes”) and throwing money at the Kamen Rider franchise.  Video sales, merchandise sales, even the ticket sales to the live shows went up thanks to Odagiri Joe’s primeval masculinity.

Always happy to squeeze extra money where they can, the production company went all-in on the ikemen hero.  Kamen Rider Agito featured not just one, but three sizzlingly hot kamen riders to draw in the ladies (reference pics available on the Toei site, like this picture of two smolderingly sexy Japanese men from ep 1 of Agito). Kamen Rider Ryuki in 2002 was probably the largest gathering of ikemen ever assembled outside of Johnny’s, as 12 (well, 13, but it’s a long story) smexy Kamen Riders were pitted against each other in a constant struggle to see who could make the poutiest faces at the camera and make the ladies swoon. Kamen Rider 555 (Fives/Phis) went one step further, turning even the monsters into adonises when they were in human form.

There are some interesting pieces of fallout to the Kamen Rider series’ discovery of a new audience to draw in.  First, the tokusatsu shows are fascinating sociological studies these days, as you can usually find a few kids who want to go home because it’s too hot out or they’re bored, but their parents keep them put because they want to see that cute hero come on stage.  Second, all of the other tokusatsu shows, from the annual X-ranger sentai shows to Ultraman, have taken the lesson and enlisted their own casts of good-looking people.  Gravure idols often fill out the pink ranger suit these days, while Ultraman… well, just take a look at Ultraman Dina’s blog.

And, for tonight’s final brain-breaking note on how the tokusatsu genre has changed to attract more diverse audiences, here’s the Mahou Sentai Magiranger (AKA Power Rangers: Mystic Force) ending sequence. Note that this was on the air a full year before the Haruhi dance thrust otagei into the spotlight…

Greetings, Thuggees!

Today’s tale begins with a lone warrior.  His physical preparations for his journey are complete and his hunger has been sated.  It is now time for our intrepid hero to embark on his trip to Mars.  This year, the red planet promises to offer up the sights and sounds of technologies from a bygone era – items and inventions of steam and punkish glory that lie in wait to be rediscovered by this courageous explorer.

Our protagonist makes his final preparations to board his vessel, his mind awash in shades of rampant imagination.  His heart beats with excitement.  There is eagerness in each step.

But… something is wrong.  In the shadows a silent, evil visitor waits to strike!  He descends upon our intergalactic champion with speed and cunning.  Before the space warrior can react, the evil one strikes!  As the dust settles and the air clears, all that remains is our fallen hero – a victim of The Shadowstone.

Hi.  I’m The Don and I’m here to talk to you about a serious issue.  Our friend above fell prey to the evil Shadowstone, but there is something more sinister in real life that we should all be aware of: kidney stones.  They don’t attack you like in our story above, but are just as dangerous to your health.  They can grow inside your kidneys and hurt really bad!  So be careful kids, and avoid kidney stones.  You can read more about them at your local library.  Until next time…

So yeah, I was on my way to Marscon and a frelling kidney stone decided it didn’t like my recent decision to start exercising so that I can start writing these articles as The Thin Don.

Luckily, the stone took pity on me after hearing my pathetic cries and left me after only a couple of hours.  I wasn’t able to make it to the convention Friday night, but I sure as hell flew my vessel drove my car to the con Saturday and Sunday.

And here lies the essence of this piece – a short and sweet Marscon report.

There isn’t much to tell.  And to be honest, that’s actually a good thing.  One of the things I love about Marscon is that it’s a small con – a Relaxicon (patent pending), if you will.

Danny Valentini (my partner-in-crime at 2wcOnline) and I were asked back this year to be guests because our web comic The Draconia Chronicles is the quickest gunslinger in the west (never lost a draw, they say!).  And since all of our perpetual lies about The Draconia Chronicles being the quickest gun in the west seemed to have fooled folks into offering us guest status at a convention, we heartily accepted!

We found out late in the game that we had a web comics panel Friday night, another one Saturday morning, and one more Sunday morning.  Now, I can’t vouch for Friday (stupid Shadowstone kidney stone), but Danny says that it was a decent turn-out with some great discussion.  And I believe him, you betcha!

Saturday morning’s panel was fun.  It was still a little too early for a Saturday, but between the awesome group of people that showed up and the excellent variety of topics that were covered; I think it was a very productive morning.

Sunday was a short day.  The crowd for that 10 AM panel was the smallest of the weekend, yet we still managed to enjoy ourselves with crazy talk for an hour.

Now, you’re probably yawning at this point and wondering when I’m gonna get on with the run-down of the con itself.  The truth is, it seemed the convention was a little light this year, in attendance, as well as in use of theme.  The theme for Marscon this year was all things steampunk.  And to be honest?  I didn’t see that many congoers suited up in the theme.  In fact, I didn’t see that many costumes at all this year.  There were the different Stormtroopers running around, but they had a panel on “How to Make a Stormtrooper Costume”.  It would be kinda silly to do a panel and not wear a costume as an example.

There was an incredibly cool, homemade George Pal Time Machine sitting in the lobby that you could sit in.  Otherwise, the theme didn’t seem to be all that present.  I’ve been to a few Marscons in the past.  When they did the pirate theme or the super hero theme, you can bet that there were lots of costumes running around in support.  Even the Con Suite was done up in themed decoration for previous years.  This year, the theme just fell short.

That’s not to say the con was a dud.  Not at all.  I have to admit, the lighter attendance was a welcome change, as finding a parking space in at the small hotel was a blessing.  The panels that I was able to attend (or be a part of) were fun, as they always seem to be.  The display tables (such as the Lego folks) were a fun distraction on the way to wherever you happen to be going.  The band that Marscon has every year – Coyote Run – never fails to entertain.  The same goes for comedy troupe Luna-C.

And then there’s the Rocky Horror live production, put on by Norfolk’s own Fishnet Inc.  It has become a tradition in recent years for Danny and me to stay up late Saturday night to witness this fun-filled spectacle.  The Fishnet crew never disappoints.

And I think that’s the important thing to make clear here – even though the con felt light in theme and attendance, it’s never light in substance.  There’s always plenty to do, even if that just means you get to hang out with friends you only get to see at conventions or you get to talk to that uberfan who loves your web comic and will gladly talk to you about it for hours, reigniting your excitement for it amidst your hazy, sleep-deprived brain.

That’s why I love Marscon, and that’s why I’ll gladly go back there every year – whether I’m asked to be a guest or not.  It’s a con where I get to have fun, relax and just enjoy myself.

But next time, I’m training my kidneys to kick ass and take initials.  They don’t have time to take full names.

The Don is not a “stoney individual”, no matter what Pauly Shore says.

Heyoo, Spwug-ites!

Just a brief, but loud notice:  I don’t say this often, but I mean it here — “If you missed it in theatres (for it’s limited release), if you don’t already have it on DVD; if you missed Persepolis — GET PERSEPOLIS NOW.”

I got to see this last Friday.  Released in 2007, it’s an adaptation of Marjane Satrapi’s graphic novel about her growing up during the Iranian Revolution.  I can’t say enough, and I’m keeping it brief to let you viewers praise or dismiss it on your own.  But I can say, I absolutely loved the development of this spunky, hilarious Iranian girl into this snarky, bitter, but hopeful and resilient woman.  It deserves all the accolades it gets, so go and get it, should you know where to find it.

(Casper, from Deathsmiles — from a session with the creator, art crew and friends of Skullgirls.)

In the meantime, I’m getting ready for this weekend — the American side of things says I get the Super Bowl two weeks early, as my hometown heroes in Baltimore clash with their divisional rivals in Pittsburgh!   Also, there’s rumblings of a new UDON artbook in the works.  Two words.  Dark. Stalkers.  Oh yes.  So for now, enjoy the little dash of art, folks.  Oh yeah, and don’t hurt yourselves in this blinding cold trying to advantage of liquidation specials at Circuit City!

-CB, ooooooout!

If you follow anime fandom, you probably heard about the Kannagi brouhaha – the revelation of thousand-year-old Nagi’s previous romantic history set off a storm of otaku protests at having a 中古 (”used”) wife.  While the countless nico videos and pictures of burnt, torn, or otherwise destroyed manga and Kannagi goods are mostly behind us, I’d like to take this opportunity to look at how the 2D-marrying crowd thinks.

You might be surprised, but the Kannagi firestorm was not an isolated incident of fan backlash: back in 2004, well-known ero-game maker Elf released Kakyuusei 2 (Link not safe for work).  However, shortly after the game’s release, there was a huge wave of fan outrage over the main heroine, Tamaki.  You see, before the player could do the digital nasty with the childhood friend, there was a plot revelation that Tamaki was not a virgin.  And so there was fury on the Internet – pictures were posted on 2ch of Kakyuusei 2 game CDs being burned, stomped, scratched, and otherwise mutilated.  Many of these CDs were sent back to Elf in protest -which seems strange to many spectators. Who cares if a PC game character is a virgin, since she’s almost certainly going to lose that virginity by the time the credits roll?

This is the madonna/whore dichotomy at its finest: many of the repressed souls who escape into the 2D world of these games cling to the image of the “pure and chaste” virgin as the feminine ideal. Some even go so far as to proclaim  these fictional women to be superior to all “real” women, who they find to be distant and hard to understand. However, due to the constraints of the PC game media, where the reality is that sex sells, no matter what the fantasy is, the girls must also be whores for the men whose fantasies they fulfill.

For this reason, the standard progression for a character in an ero-game is madonna -> first sexual encounter -> whore (but YOUR whore, so she’s still okay!).  It’s a very repressed way of looking at relationships, but it’s the reality for many of these fans, and without that madonna stage, their fantasy concept of the world shatters, leading to the two great “she’s NOT a virgin?!”backlashes mentioned above.

In the case of Nagi from Kannagi, the pure, virginal image was even more important to the fans because in the non-adult manga format, there is no opportunity for that transformational, self-insertable sexual event. In the meantime, they could – and did! – create their own fantasies of making Nagi their own personal sexual object, pure of the corrupting touch of another.  This kind of thinking is pretty explicitly encouraged by the people who make money off of these fans, and you can take a look at the Kannagi pillow (also NS4W) and see it all laid out there.

What are your thoughts on the Kannagi and Kakyuusei kerfuffles?  Sad reflection of a repressed subsociety, product of exploitation, or something else?

Greetings, Karate Kommandos!

Something wonderful happened over the holidays to my cable line-up that made me giggle like a school boy.  Then again, it doesn’t take much to make me giggle like a schoolboy.  In fact, I’m giggling like a schoolboy now.

I should probably cut that out; I’m starting to get strange looks from the other nuns.

Now, when I say that something wonderful happened to my cable line-up, keep in mind that this statement is relative.  I say this because the line-up of Hi-Def channels on my digital cable package currently looks like a Morse code pattern when I flip through them.  Despite our cable company’s original assurance that all of the channels represented would be available by the end of last October, many of them continue to air shows that are apparently filmed in pitch black rooms that happen to be sound-proofed.

With that context established, we can now proceed to the “something wonderful” that happened right after New Year’s.  One of the channels that my TiVo was kind enough to inform me about a few months was channel 266 – known simply as Chiller.

Chiller is a new horror/thriller channel owned by NBC/Universal that initially launched in March of 2007.  Because the channel is still in the stages of diaper changes and bottle feedings, the line-up isn’t all that fleshed out just yet.  Despite that limitation, it still manages to offer up a variety of different movies and TV shows – films like the Friday the 13^th movies, The Shining, C.H.U.D., the Universal monster flicks, and shows like “Millennium”, “The New Twilight Zone”, “Freakylinks”, “Haunted”, and “Kolchak: The Night Stalker”.

One show in particular caught my eye immediately, as it was a show I watched voraciously when I was a young teen of about fourteen or fifteen.  It was an anthology show, much in the same vein as “The Twilight Zone”.  Only, instead of a monotone chain-smoker introducing you to the weird and the freaky-deaky, this show’s host was an angry burn victim who was obsessed with your sleep habits.

Freddy Krueger, suckers.

“Freddy’s Nightmares” premiered in 1988 in syndication – meaning you could pretty much catch it on any channel that bought the airing rights.  This was right around the time that a lot of new and original programming was showing up on TV in a syndicated format – shows like “My Secret Identity” and even “Star Trek: The Next Generation”.

Oh, but kiddies… “Freddy’s Nightmares” was something special.  Reason being?  This show managed to break certain television taboos during its 1988-1990 run.  As a syndicated show, it somehow managed to get around a number of the FCC regulations.  Hosted by Freddy Krueger himself (really Robert Englund!), he would introduce and provide occasional comments throughout the two stories featured in each hour-long program.  Sometimes he would even be the focus of an episode here and there.  The combination of TV show rule-bending and everyone’s favorite horror icon resulted in a fun, addictive little television program that hormone-crazed teens like myself could enjoy on Friday nights at eleven (local times and channels may vary).

Here’s a quick rundown of the great things “Freddy’s Nightmares” dared to feature:

Gore

This show got quite blood-and-gutsy.  Sure, it was time by the film series’ standards, but there was some gruesome imagery a play during the two seasons of the show – stuff that wouldn’t fly on any of the networks.  I’m only halfway through the first season, but already I’ve seen a decapitation, a full severed head with protrusions from the sever line in the neck, a guy chopping off an arm with a bone saw,  a gnawed hand (I’ll get back to that one later), and several instances of Freddy clawing folks.  And they got quite liberal with the blood, almost like they were delivered too much of it and needed to use it all up before they got cancelled.  It was even used when it wasn’t necessary, like when a mother falls off a ladder and breaks her neck.  Covered in blood!!

Skin

Again, not nearly comparable to film standards, but “Freddy’s Nightmares” managed to inject almost every episode with a little extra sex-appeal in the form of at least one female running around in her underwear or in lingerie.  This was practically unheard of on network TV, even on the 10 o’clock dramas.  And if your network program did manage to show off a panty-clad lass, it was somehow important to the scene.  On “Freddy’s Nightmares”, it was just gratuitous.  But hey – young, growing teenage boys didn’t have much of an outlet for that kind of thing back then, so our resources were limited.  Even more so if your parents didn’t subscribe to Cinemax.

Language

“Nightmares” also skirted the language barrier.  No, I don’t mean that Freddy started speaking Spanish or started doing sign-language with his glove (although that would be awesome to see).  What I mean is that the dialogue throughout the series was frequently peppered with “more colorful metaphors”.  It didn’t get as far as poo synonyms or f-bombs, but urinary epithets, female dogs, and children whose parents have never been married were thrown about here and there.  At this point in the late 80s, only one of these words was even starting to get any use on prime time or after-prime TV.  And it was used sparingly.

The Two-Tiered Story Idea

Now, this one didn’t really bend or break any rules, but I listed it here because it did think outside the standard anthology series formula.  Each episode was two half-hour stories.  What made it unique was that the second story always built off of the first.  Example – a minor character that showed up in the first story would be the center of the second story, and more often the second story would play off of the events that occurred in the first.  This concept always fascinated me, and I have yet to see another anthology series do this.

And now… I’ve saved the best for last:

Brad Pitt!!!

That’s right, Joe Black fans.  Brad Pitt starred in an episode of “Freddy’s Nightmares”.  Before he became Mr. Jolie and adopted a bunch of kids, Ocean # 2 played a newlywed who eloped with his new wife, only to end up at a questionable hotel with a Jacuzzi filled with piranha hungry for some Benjamin Mutton.

See for yourself:

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!  I am Jack’s half-eaten hand!!!

I really enjoyed watching this show growing up.  Based on all the elements above, plus a regular appearance by one of my favorite horror icons, this show managed to be one of the things I looked forward to when the weekends came (okay, so I had rotten luck with the ladies).  Watching it now, the cracks in my fond memories of this program are starting to show – the cheesiness, the bad writing, the weak plots, and the horrible acting (yes, even you, Mr. Smith).  But despite all that, I still find myself grinning from ear to ear every time I press play on the TiVo to visit with that familiar green sweater and brown fedora wrapped around burnt dead guy.

And my hormones cheer.

One, Two, The Don is coming for you… you promised him you’d hang out this afternoon.

Hello again, folks, and welcome back to the weekly moe report.  I’ll be taking Thursdays again, and if I miss any Thursdays, the tastefully named Richard Kim will tastefully take a baseball bat to my knees.  Hurray for deadlines! This week, I’d like to talk about memory loss and anime – specifically, how you forget a lot of anime these days as soon as you’re done watching.

My theory about this phenomenon points squarely at the writers, who have taken to building popular character archetypes and merchandising them rather than crafting charaters you can empathize with as they grow and change.  Part of this comes from episode counts – it’s difficult to build a cast of likeable characters from scratch when you only have twelve or thirteen episodes to work with, when the “classic” anime romances like Maison Ikkoku (96 episodes) and Kimagure Orange Road (48 episodes) had plenty of time to develop their leads from weak-willed do-nothings into the kind of people you really could fall in love with.

The greatest example of this is Tatsuya from Touch (101 episodes), who starts off the series as a young man so lazy and unmotivated that you just can’t see what Minami, the female lead who matures far more quickly than Tatsuya, sees in him. But, after “Tacchan” spends dozens of episodes rebuilding himself from the ground up into an ace pitcher, a dedicated teammate, and a reliable friend, you can finally see what Minami has seen all along.  I still sniffle every time that picture of his brother falls out of his pants as he slides into first, even though sliding into first doesn’t make much baseball sense.  His character becomes so strong and so memorable that Japanese TV still plays the clip of his plain, heartfelt confession to Minami – “Uesugi Tatsuya loves Asakura Minami… more than anyone else in the world.” That’s how you build a believeable romance.

Compare that kind of development to today’s milquetoast protagonists.  Are we supposed to believe that the main character of Shuffle! is a sexy piece of man-meat because he said a few nice things when he was five? Or that the boilerplate whatshisnames from Akikan or Sekirei have any worthwhile qualities whatsoever?  No – the focuses for those shows are on how sprouting-moe the girls are.  You’re supposed to like the girl, buy her merchandise (for the low, low price of 9900 yen, you can buy your favorite tsundere on a body-sized pillow!) and move on to the next character after twelve or thirteen weeks have passed.

All that said, there are still a few recent shows that stick out to me because they have  main characters you can believe in.  The foremost example in my mind is Clannad and its After Story, which have the luxury of 48 episodes to transform Tomoya from a misanthropic punk into a decent human being.  It helps that he’s pretty likeable though worthless to begin with, but it’s very, very easy to root for him as he changes himself into the kind of romantic lead you can get behind.

What about the rest of you romance fans out there?  Do you think that the anime romance landscape is as dire as I do, or do you think that there are a few recent gems that I’ve missed that could join the Pantheon?

Greetings, Caped Crusaders!

Did everyone out there in Spwug-readingland have an enjoyable holiday and a fun New Year?  Vacation is over and I hope we’ve all recovered enough to make that daily jaunt back into work as our ball of cooled Big Bang matter begins its next trip around Sol.

And hopefully that recovery didn’t require a Doctor, because you’re getting a new one.

Back in October, current Time Lord David Tennant made the official announcement that he would be stepping down as The Doctor at the end of 2009.  As what always happens when there is a major change to the source of a large fandom, the fans went nuts.  Variations on the emotional spectrum ranged from anger to tears to eager anticipation to cries of “Wait.  There’s a new Doctor Who show?”

Then the speculation began.  Who was it going to be?  Lots of names were bandied about (is it acceptable to use “bandied about” nowadays without losing a ‘man’ card?).  “Ooh!  Paterson Joseph would be great!  He’d be the first black Doctor!”  “Oh man!  My money’s on David Morrissey!  He’s going to play “The Next Doctor” in the Christmas special!”  “No way!  It’s Sean Pertwee!  He’s the son of a former Doctor!”  “You’re all nuts!  It’s going to be David Hasslehoff!  I read it in The Sun!”

For months the speculation continued.  Bets were made, arguments were raised, red herrings were tossed into the crowds, children were sold for porridge (is it acceptable to use the word porridge nowadays without being mauled by a bear?).

Now, let me break from the article for a moment to acknowledge an overlooked fact – I am, indeed, a little late covering this news.  Most of you who watch “Doctor Who” probably already know all this and have probably already read everything there is to read on the subject and have already moved on, had kids, and retired to that cute, little, woodland cottage you’d always dreamt of when you were fighting in the First Great Intergalactic Conflict Over Telosian Summer Squash.

Yeah, I know.  But, since I can really only update this on Thursdays, it kinda puts me behind on the curve.  It’ll be okay, though.  We’ll get through this together.  I’ll even rub your feet and bring you warm milk when you wake up in the middle of the night from the night terrors you frequently get from back when you were taken prisoner by the King of the Potato People.

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled program, already in progress…

So, fast-forward a few months to last Saturday – the day it all went down and The Don had to wait five extra days to talk about it.  The BBC aired a special “Doctor Who Confidential” that evening, and the announcement was made.  The new Doctor was…

Drum roll please…

Matt Smith!

Who?

Exactly!

No, I mean who is he?

Yes, he is!  Brilliant, isn’t it?

No, I don’t think you quite understand.  I know he’s bloody Doctor Who, because you just said so, but just who the bloody hell is he?

He’s Who!

Yes, who?

Indeed!

I need to pop into the chemist’s for some cyanide capsules.  Don’t wait up…

With the name of the new actor revealed, the world joined in with a collective “WaHUH?”  This was quite a bold move for the show – a veritable unknown who had only done a few projects here and there.  Not only that, but he is the youngest actor to ever tackle the role – beating fifth Doctor Peter Davison by three years.  Many fans started talking themselves into the idea.  He had worked with Billie Piper a few times, and she played Rose on the first two “Doctor Who” series.  And Steven Moffat recommended him, and he can be trusted because he’s the best writer the new serial has.  All that must mean that he’ll be okay!

As the above collective continued to talk themselves into liking the new guy, as well as into trying that new latte flavor they heard about on television, the other variations of the emotional spectrum started getting worked up again.  Many some several a few one person immediately embraced the creative decision, while the angry ones once again threatened to quit watching the show or said they’d quit and will continue to watch anyway, all the while complaining that they don’t like the new guy until they finally warm up to him like they did with David Tennant, and then everything will be cool again until Smith leaves and the cycle begins anew.

Personally?  I was taken aback at first.  I mean, look at the guy:

Doesn’t really scream out The Doctor does he?  I mean, besides the fact that it’s a static picture and he can’t say anything.  But, the more I look at the pictures of him, the more I begin to see the potential he has.  I’m a huge fan of Tennant, and am somewhat saddened that he’s leaving, but I felt the same way when Eccleston left.  I really enjoyed his one-series stint as The Doctor, and when Tennant took over, I wasn’t too overjoyed.  But, Tennant soon became one of my favorites.  I think if I give him the chance, this Smith character will grow on me as well.  In fact, I eagerly anticipate what he’ll bring to the character.

Because honestly, when all is said and done, one of the biggest aspects that makes “Doctor Who” such a great piece of British television is the fact that each Doctor is his own character.  Half the fun is seeing what the personality of each new Regeneration will be like.

Oh, and I just noticed something!  His last name is Smith.  The Doctor goes around under the pseudonym “John Smith” all the time!  That must mean he’ll be okay!

Yeah, I think he’ll do just fine.

The Don is trapped in his own TARDIS (Totally Absurd Room Disguised In ShamWow!s).

Happy New Year, Spwug!

Man, do I wish I had a working camera last weekend. Magfest 7 was a five-day bash in Alexandria VA to start 2009. From the ball drop to the Sunday zombie march out of the Hilton, it was wall-to-wall-to-wall-to-wall gaming, music and comraderie!

(0) BUT FIRST, BREAKING NEWS.

-According to reports that went out today — Electronic Gaming Monthly, a 20-year veteran magazine, and one of the most well known gaming publications out there, will launch it’s final issue this month.

EGM, and parts of 1UP.com were sold by it’s parent company Ziff-Davis to UGO to stave off it’s losses, after filing for Ch. 11 bankruptcy protection last year. Simply put, UGO now owns 1UP.com, and maintains that the website’s features will remain, but the side effect was EGM’s sudden conclusion.

This blogger remembers vividly the first issue he’d seen in 7th grade — a blitzkrieg of gaming news and info in the heyday of 1990, when Mega Man 3 graced it’s cover. I had no idea just how deep the well of video games ran, and EGM was the light on my helmet. Yeah, Gamepro is still shambling along, and I still have a dusty pile of GameFan magazines laying around, but there was an air of legitimacy with EGM. If it wasn’t covered by EGM — and what wasn’t in that magazine? –then it must not have been good. Time sure have changed, but I sincerely hope those dedicated folks are able to bounce back and find a new mag — or build an even better one.

(1) MAGFEST 7 GAMING, or CRYBRINGER’S CAVE-TASTIC WEEKEND.

Old friend I hadn’t seen in years, much old and new school gaming, and another fantastic performance by The Smash Brothers describes my overall experience with Magfest 7. But honestly, my MISSION as soon as the cabinets got turned on were THESE. I finally got to play three of the most popular shoot-em’-ups by CAVE/AMI! The original arcade boards, in full glorious stereo sound, rich graphical detail, and housed in modern seated cabinets. All three games were runaway hits at the con, bringing in a constant stream of players, and rousing exclaimations of “OMG” or “How can you DODGE that!? That’s ridiculous!” If you’ve read my previous posts, I’d made mention of one or more before. But with several loops and about six hours of total play under my belt, I’m a changed man.

Mushihimesama:

-I’ve actually had a BRIEF run in with the import PS2 release of Mushi, but hardly cracked the first stage. Having done two full runs on both Normal & Maniac difficulties, I can say this is about as pure a vertical shooter as you can get. The title Mushihime (Insect Princess) character Reko has three types of weapons (normal vulcan, wide shot and focused beams,) with two flavors of helpers that either shadow her movements or form up on either side. Said helpers fire long lasers that compliment the main weapon. Tapping the fire button, as most modern shmups do, means faster movement. Holding the button gives a constant stream of firepower with slower movements to get through the stickiest of enemy salvos. Mushihimesama is five decently sized stages, promising a blistering amount of enemy fire throughout. From the smallest of foes to the stage bosses, each hit or kill adds to a combo counter that multiplies the score — seeing a big fat +20,000 hit counter rapidly climbing as the player punishes a boss is a real rush. I’ve long since memorized the soundtrack and drawn plenty of Mushi-inspired artwork, so it’s easy on the eyes & ears… but that’s about it. While it allows 2 players, it feels like a purely solo affair is the best way to clear it and see any extra bonuses. After clearing Maniac difficulty, I was well satisfied and looking for crunchier, more complex shmups to dig into. Luckily…

Ibara:

…There’s Ibara. And “crunchy” is a great description. I tried this in a PS2 re-release — and it’s clear that it’s not nearly as tight or crisp visually. Gameplay is identical, but the devil’s in the details: Ibara pits 1 or 2 players against the assault of the gothic lolita-dressed Rose Sisters, and their army of very-not-child-safe tanks, airships and fortresses; COVERED in spikes, blades and all sorts of painful looking details — said guns and cannons firing shurikens, broadswords(!), knives and Really Big Bullets. The player gets to answer back with five different weapons to pick up in battle, equipped individually on up to three drones, in any combination. Thus, a player can have their main gun, with a flying rocket launcher, flamethrower and 5-way spread gun all at the same time! On top of that, with each super bomb in stock, the player can charge said bomb up, and fire an invinicible super beam; the “Hadou Gun” that nullifies any enemy fire that runs into it, does insane damage to enemies trapped in it, and stays on screen for minutes at a time. Even with that safety net of hot lead, player death erupts in a shower of bullets that does damage to the enemy too.

If it sounds busy, it is. If it sounds intense, believe me, IT IS. Ibara revels in it’s bold, stylish presentation, and delivers on some heavy gameplay — although compared to Mushihimesama, it’s a bit easier in difficulty. Not much, but enough to notice. The last of the three though…

ESP Galuda 2:

…is a big, beautiful, sexy, steampunk inspired BEAST of a vertical shmup. CAVE/AMI pulled out all the stops for the third of their ESP “series” (Galuda 1 & Ra.De.) Stay with me on this one: Genetics, super-science, alchemy, whatever you want to call it, but the three characters; Tateha, Ageha & newcomer Asagi, wage a battle against an imperial family of cyborg psychics (this author assumes…) Shot types differ between the three, and the most basic system is like Mushihimesama. But instead of support drones, the old ESP Ra.De. powered shot and chargeable super bomb/shield returns. And then there’s Kakusei Mode. Pressing the secondary button engages/disengages a ‘bullet-time’ mode that drastically slows down enemy fire. Normally as you kill opponents, they drop green gems, and these gems power Kakusei Mode. If an enemy launches a volley of bullets and is killed before nailing the player, their bullets are converted to gold instead of gems, and racks up extra points. If the player uses up all their gems (a total of 500 to collect) Kakusei Over mode kicks in, DOUBLING the bullet speed and making enemies attack more aggressively! A screen full of fast, angry red bullets is a scary thing. But ESP Galuda 2 goes even further, as if the Kakusei mode button is held, the screen goes into a negative image and Zesshikkai Mode is on.

Now, instead of just changing to gold, every enemy killed turns the screen full of bullets turn into MORE bullets… now AIMED at the player. The player gets an even bigger bonus score for each ‘flip’ of curtain fire from normal to homing and so on, but the same rules apply. Slow down enemy fire for gold, or risk a Zesshikkai Over mode with faster aimed bullets!

Whew! Deep, huh? One can play the game without ever using Kakusei, Zesshikkai or their Over variants (or if they REALLY wanna challenge themselves, they can waste their gems and tackle the whole game in fast-forward!) But the risk vs. reward aspect is VERY tempting and the mechanics of the game are very well executed througout!

(2) SOUNDTRACK UPDATE!

-Even more CAVE/AMI fandom here, as I got an advance listen to the soundtrack for the latest game, Dodonpachi Daifukkatsu. I’ve mentioned it before, but for this gamer a soundtrack can make the experience (or break it.) I’m happy to say, I’ll be ordering this CD VERY soon. If I didn’t know better, I’d say composers Manabu Namiki, Yoshimi Kuzo & Asuza Chiba melded the DDP series (and Namiki’s signature) techno style with live guitar and a decidedly… hip-hop sort of rhythm! “Shadowing World ~ Obverse” hits it’s listeners with a funky R& B drumbeat, a slithering guitar solo and a very pop/game music flourish throughout. The end credits theme, “Who Decided About ‘Dying Peacefully?” at times feels like a young modern hip hop ballad. Of course, boss themes like “Element Daughter” & “Longhena Cantata” rage and throb with brutal 808 beats, and “][|/34<#!” (”Hibachi”, for the l33t impaired — the second half of this repeat video link) is one of Namiki’s better PSYCHOTIC Amen-breakbeat spamming sessions — you get points with Crybringer if you can trick him into thinking his speakers flatlined.

“Numerous Blinking Lights In The Night Sky Towards A Shining Future” and “The Battle Was Just ‘To Continue That Future” are just pure Namiki and a real showcase of his musical know-how. Elegant chord progressions, sharp melodies, excellent atmosphere… I CANNOT wait until an arrange album appears, as these are MUSTS to include. If the rest of Basiscape gets a hold of them, watch out…

(3) THERE IS NO NUMBER THREE.

(Mainly because Windows Vista seems to want to think for me instead of letting me do it. I love this new laptop, and don’t have a problem with Vista overall per se. I guess it’s just unfamiliarity with the machine that irks me… now– QUIT SELECTING WHEN I MOUSE OVER STUFF!!!)

That’s about it for now. Best to pace out the new year, eh? See y’all next week!