The month before last, my husband and I attended our 15^th Katsucon. Katsucon is usually the only convention we’re able to make these days, our time and money being spoken for by car payments, utilities, and our daughter’s preschool tuition. We had a great time at Katsu 15. The best part, as always, was the catching up with old friends. We also purchased a smattering of items from the dealers’ room, mostly presents for family members left back home.

I lost count of how many times one of us said “Can you believe this is the 15^th Katsucon?”. Many of our friends said the same thing. Time has flown! As we mixed and mingled with the younger anime fans, who don’t remember when cartoons from Japan couldn’t be bought at every store in town, I wondered how many of them knew something about how anime fandom used to be. Let’s go back, just for a few minutes, to the pre-Naruto, pre-Pokemon days. Let me tell you about my first anime convention: (more…)

Dear Nintendo,

I’ll get right to the point: Stop screwing with me. My name is Link. I’ve been called the Hero of Time, I have wielded the Master Sword, and I have slain Ganon and his minions innumerable times. I am as much a synonym of your brand as that plumber guy, and I practically carried the company when you thought it was a good idea to stick to cartridges for that whole “N64” thing. ……So what in the name of the Triforce am I doing DRIVING A DAMN CHOO-CHOO TRAIN?

I always wondered when it would come to this. Over the years, you’ve transformed me from a heroic youth into a deformed, anime-eyed midget who probably needs a Ritalin prescription more than a sword or shield. But that’s cool. Me and the fans have dealt with it, and moved on. Wind Waker was apparently quite an enjoyable experience for many, despite how ridiculous I looked. That’s why I never played it. Here’s a quick memory jog for those of you who have fogotten where everything went downhill:

Okay, so Twilight Princess was a step in the right direction. But must every right step be followed by a step backwards? Disguise it all you want in that trailer, but I’ve got the Triforce of Wisdom, bitches. What you’re really saying is, “OooOOOoh, look, fanboys! This train shoots cannonballs!” Since when have I NEEDED cannonballs? Heck, since when have I needed a TRAIN to get places?

And while I’m talking about fanboys, I’ve heard some rumors on this internet thing that you are all quite happy that Zelda is included in this game. Excuuuuuse me? Did someone drop you all off Death Mountain? This series isn’t called Legend of LINK. (It should be, but that’s another rant.) It’s called The Legend of Zelda. And there’s a reason for that.

Because, for as badass as I am when you bother to draw me correctly, ultimately, that worthless broad Zelda is more important than I ever will be. So let’s get this straight, fan boys – you’re happy she’s included, because at some point they took her OUT? You’ve done a bang-up marketing job, Nintendo. Somehow you’ve confounded the masses into congratulating you when you include the title character in the games now.

Really, I am all for change. I know I’ve been doing more or less the same thing for the last 25 years. You’re trying to draw a new audience into a series traditionally reserved for the hard-core fan base that supported you in your infancy as children, who are now being all but forgotten. I know I’m no Wii Fit or Wii Sports, and you don’t need me like you used to.

But seriously. I’m DRIVING A TRAIN. The Hyrule theme is being performed by fiddles, and Zelda is about to knight me or something while I’m wearing a conductor’s hat too small for my deformed little head.  Get me off this train and put me back on track. Er… Off of them. Far, far, away from them.

Thanks guys, and best regards to Miyamoto-san,

Link

P.S. It’s a new century, and I’d kinda like to have a spoken line. Samus got one…

(Do not adjust your calendar, it’s still Monday.  Your regularly scheduled Scott and I decided to switch places for a week.  Er… article-wise, not in the Freaky Friday sense).

When I was in elementary school, I was made fun of a lot – mainly because while the majority of my female peers were spending their money on the latest Teen Beat and trendy accessories, I chose to invest my money in more important things – like Barbies, Ninja Turtles, and Lego playsets.  And after awhile, I decided to keep my buying habits a secret.  But years later, something wonderful happened.

Nostalgia happened.

Suddenly, the world decided, “Hey, these fandoms are freakin’ awesome and if you don’t agree, you can kiss my ass!”  And I rejoiced.

If you’re like me, and enjoyed (or still enjoy) collecting Lego playsets, you’re really going to like something I discovered (a little late) this past weekend.  Two words – Lego keychains.

Sure, you could have one of those “normal” keychains with the emblem of your car make’s company or one imprinted with the name of some location you visited this past summer, but why settle for something so trite when you could have a Lego character dangling from your ignition!

Lego has taken the same character figures from a variety of their playsets and turned them into some of the most unique and fun keychains around.

But which Lego keychain is right for you?

If you’re a Star Wars fan…

…there’s the obvious,

or you can allow your keys to turn sith with other members of the Dark Side, like Boba Fett, Emperor Palpatine or a Storm Trooper.  Of course, if you prefer your keys become stronger with the Force, there’s Yoda, Obi Wan, or R2-D2 (to name a few).  I came very close to getting one of these, myself.  The Storm Trooper is especially awesome.

Aside from Star Wars characters, there are favorites from Indiana Jones and Sponge Bob Square Pants, a pirate, dwarf, police officer, rock monsters, and the oldest of the oldskool, the Lego block.  Even the famous block has been upgraded, and comes in standard colors, more exotic ones like pink or lime green, and for those that like their old skool with a side of flashy, there’s a light-up block.  Each keychain features a character or block and a small white Lego logo tag.  I had the worst time trying to choose just one, but in the end…

I couldn’t resist this guy –

(I couldn’t help it!  He’s so ridiculously happy!  You can’t be mad at the person riding your bumper or the douche who just cut you off with him around!  …Right?)

One word of caution – although these are children’s toys and should stand up to normal wear pretty well, their painted features + metal keys ≠ getting along well.  To help your character have a longer relationship with your keys, take some glossy clear scotch tape (i.e. this) and cover any areas you don’t want scratched off.  I’m not sure how well the character arms and hands will stand the test of time, but they seem nice and tight, so they should be okay.

Who’da thunkit, huh?  Now you can have your nostalgia and use it, too.

Lego keychains are available here: http://shop.lego.com/ByCategory/Leaf.aspx?cn=286&d=228 or at a Lego store near you.  Other varieties (including Harry Potter characters) can be found on other toy sites or eBay (they’re a bit more pricey).

Greetings, Sebaceans!

I’m sure that the one many of you who read this site are avid “Battlestar Galactica” fans.  And I’m sure that you’ve already seen the series finale that aired last Friday.  I’ve heard that it was some incredible stuff.  It’s definitely sparked many a debate online as well as in live discussion.

I’m not here to talk about that.

Instead, I want to draw your attention to a momentous occasion that I, myself, had been completely oblivious to until last week:

This year marks the ten year anniversary of the sci-fi television show “Farscape”.

It’s hard to believe that this wonderfully written show began ten years ago.  Still much harder to believe that it got cancelled so suddenly after just four seasons (and on a cliffhanger, no less – thanks a lot Sci Fi SyFy Sci Fi channel).  Luckily, after an enormous backlash from the show’s fanbase, the creators were given the green light to return with a four hour mini-series that resolved the cliffhanger, as well as tied up a few of the other loose threads that had been running throughout the original series.

Just a quick plot synopsis of the show – American astronaut John Crichton accidentally falls through a wormhole with his shuttle during a test flight in space.  He finds himself flung halfway across the universe, ending up on a living prison ship with three escaped prisoners and an intergalactic police commando.  Add to that another police commando (whose brother he accidentally killed upon exiting the wormhole) hot on his heels with a thirst for vengeance, and you have yourself a fun and well written little show.

The funny thing is, I didn’t even get into “Farscape” when it first started airing on the Sci Fi SyFy Sci Fi Channel.  I was only watching it for one show – “Sliders”, which aired at 9 PM.  Since “Farscape” aired an hour earlier, I skipped it entirely.  I was aware of it, but was unfortunately ignorant of the spacey (not Kevin) wonders contained within.

Nope, instead I continued to watch a show that got dumped by Fox Slide itself further into the toilet… without a timer to get itself back out.

When “Sliders” finally got cancelled, I started to see what else Sei Fei Si Feye Sci Fi had to offer.  That was when the ghost of Jim Henson appeared, sat beside me, smiled… and smacked me dead in the face while yelling at me that I should be watching the “Farscape” marathon that was being shown that Saturday.

So I did.  And boy-howdy, was I glad I did.

“Farscape” turned out to be a pretty incredible show.  Muliple-episode story arcs contained within season-long story arcs.  A colorful and well developed cast of characters.  Henson-designed make-up effects and muppetry that didn’t look fake.  Adventure, excitement, and a half-dozen other things that a Jedi would crave if he or she watched this show.

“Farscape” would become my new favorite show, as I eagerly awaited for each Friday to arrive so I could veg out between 8 and 9 PM on the Sye Phi Soleil Moon Frye Sci Fi Channel.

For four seasons the show didn’t disappoint.  Each episode delivered a creative mixture of plot, character development, drama, action, and humor.  Perfectly balanced, this show could have easily gone on for quite some time.

But, like I said before, the Scie channel with the Saturn logo (not to be confused with the car manufacturer) decided it was too expensive to continue to produce.  And despite the fact that the show was contracted for five seasons, the plug was prematurely pulled after four.

One lucky break and a mini-series later, and “Farscape” is still a hot issue within its fanbase, as well as with the creators and actors who participated in it.  And now with the tenth anniversary upon us, we have reason to celebrate.  Already there are several new comic book mini-series being planned, the first of which is already up to issue number three.  The best thing about these minis is that they are being written by creator Rockne S. O’Bannon himself, are considered canon, and pick up immediately where the television mini-series left off.

The other great news is that the creators are also bringing “Farscape” to the internet as a live action series of webisodes that will also tie in to the original program, as well as the comic book minis.  These webisodes will include participation from the original cast members.

So, while all the BSG fans are lamenting that their frakking show has met its final fin, “Farscape” fans can rejoice as their frelling show continues to hold on for its tenth cycle in one form or another, continuing to share the wonders it has seen.

Happy Anniversary, “Farscape”!

The Don is trapped on a living dead ship.  Oh frell…

WARNING: This post contains SPOILERS for Metal Gear Solid 4, Final Fantasy XII, and Prince of Persia (2008): 

When I first heard that the latest Prince of Persia installment was going to feature an entirely new prince and his new love interest, I was kind of pissed…  Just who was this n00b with Vincent Valentine’s claw and what was he doing taking the place of a character I had grown to love over the course of several games!?  And how dare they replace an archer with what looked like your typical female mage!  Needless to say, I didn’t have very high hopes for these newbies.
 
But after finishing the game, I’m completely floored.  Not only are the new prince and Elika well-designed characters on their own, they make up what I consider one of the most believable and enjoyable video game relationships I’ve seen.  For two characters that had the seemingly impossible task of replacing beloved ones favorably, they’ve easily cleared that hurdle in my book.
 
In most games, the relationships aren’t the star of the show, but for many story-driven games, it can become the well-designed cherry on top or something that can actually take the viewer out of the story momentarily by its unbelievablility.  Imagine Mario and Princess Peach in place of the prince and Elika, and you’ve got a ridiculous comedy rather than a serious story.  And no wonder; they would fail two of the three criteria I find most important for creating a believable couple:  physical compatibility, communicative compatibility, and proven devotion.
 
Obviously, Peach and Mario can’t really be tested using this method, because they’re not meant to be taken seriously.  But sometimes, story-driven games can have pairings that seem just as oddball.  Take for instance Meryl and Johnny of Metal Gear Solid 4 fame.  I know I wasn’t the only one staring at my TV in disbelief when they somehow fell in “love.”  Let’s see how well these love birds stand up against my little believability test, shall we? 
 
Physically, they work together pretty well.  It’s not uncommon for physically strong women to fall for… shall we say… less physically-inclined men.  Nor is it unusual for an older woman to be in a relationship with a younger man.  At first glance, Meryl and Johnny seem like a new-age couple.  As for devotion, Johnny’s continued service to Meryl and her dedication to his safety are both good indicators.  But how well do they communicate?  For the majority of the game, Meryl’s conversations with Johnny are pretty limited and are mainly geared at getting him to man-up.  It’s only at the very end of the game when any romantic feelings are discussed, and they basically amount to Johnny being a Meryl-fanboy and Meryl being so despera- er… elated at this newfound attention that she proposes (or accepts Johnny’s semi-proposal of) marriage.  In real life, this relationship would probably have about as good of a chance as a celebrity marriage.
 
Sometimes, some of the most interesting potential relationships never even get off the ground.  If you know anything about Final Fantasy XII, you know there’s the roguish self-proclaimed “leading man,” Balthier, and a couple of lovely ladies named Fran and Ashe, among the group of rag-tag heroes journeying to save Dalmasca.  Although Balthier doesn’t get tied down to any one girl in the game, most pair him with Fran, citing the fact that she is his number one confidant and she’s smokin’ hot… y’know… despite the fact that she’s a rabbit.  But really, she’s the sexy Chewbacca to Balthier’s Han Solo.  They’re a great pair when the world (or universe) is in crisis, but beyond that… eh, not so much. 
 
Balthier and Ashe, however, are a bit more believable.  Besides looking pretty hot together (you know he’s enjoying that hand on Ashe’s waist), and helping one another through various scrapes throughout the course of the game, the two share the most meaningful conversations in the entire game – in fact, they’re the only conversations that really show much character depth. 

This one cutscene says a lot about the two.  Obviously, this isn’t enough to build a true romantic relationship with, but it’s a solid foundation, showing that the two are able to trust one another with the secrets of their past, and are able to comfort one another.  Already, I’d say these two would have a much better shot at lasting love than Meryl and Johnny.
 
There are plenty of game relationships that work well – Sora and Kairi of Kingdom Hearts, Rosa and Cecil of Final Fantasy IV, and Rufus and Alicia of Valkyrie Profile 2 to name a few.  But I would place Prince of Persia’s newest prince and Elika among the best of these relationships.  Physically, it’s very easy to see that they work together.  They have a similar disheveled-yet-sexy appearance, they’re both athletic, and their fighting abilities complement one another perfectly.  However, the area they really excel in is communication.  The first prince and Fara had good conversations towards the end of the game, but nothing on par with those of the new prince and Elika.  Aside from discussing their newest mission objectives, the two talk about their pasts, their ideas, and share silly quips.  Prince of Persia’s writers have truly created conversations that by themselves weave a rich storyline.  They also explain why both show the ultimate in devotion at the very end of the game.
 
This is your last warning – major ending spoilers ahead.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
 
So you’ve just spent hours and hours solving puzzles, fighting strange creatures, traversing the land, and locking a seriously insane god back into his tree-prison-thing.  Elika shows her devotion by giving up her life – partly for the good of the prince, partly for the good of the world.  It’s one of those selfless princess things.  The prince could’ve said to himself, “Well, that’s an honorable way to go,” “She was good company while she lasted,” etc.  But what does he do?  He goes and destroys everything you’ve just completed, because world peace doesn’t mean squat without Elika.  It may not be as selfless or honorable, but I think it’s freaking awesome.

I didn’t leave enough time in my schedule today to write anything of… substance. So instead, I’ve got a 7 minute video.  A video in which some dudes rap through the entirety of Megaman 2. Despite adding Rush and Protoman to a game where they had yet to exist in the name of poetic license, and despite taking the bosses in the entirely wrong order, they know their Megaman. If you have even the slightest nostalgia for the blue bomber, I think you’ll be amused. Even if you hate rap.

If the ESRB were to rate this video it would be “M”, for Strong Language, Suggestive Themes, and Violence toward mechanical robots.

Feel free to check out the Final Fantasy one too, that’s a 10 minute doozie.

Greetings, you zarkin’ froods!

Last week I said that I would return this week with my take on the film Watchmen.

I also like having bamboo shoved under my fingernails, being given hundreds of paper cuts then having lemon juice squeezed on them, and setting myself on fire while watching re-runs of “Joanie Loves Chachi”.

Seriously – reviewing a film like Watchmen is no easy task.  I find myself slightly overwhelmed even as I type these words.  And these words.  Not so much with these words.  Nope, back to being overwhelmed as I type this out. 

I think part of the reason why is because Zack Snyder did such a great job with this movie.  All of the complexity and most of the subtle nuances of the graphic novel (mini-series to those who read it when it was first published back in 1986) were faithfully and successfully transferred over from the comic medium to the celluloid (digital) medium. 

And this was no easy feat.  From the beginning this was a project most deemed as “unfilmable”.  Even original comic scribe Alan Moore dismissed it as a ridiculous venture.  Of course, Moore says that about all of his comic properties, which is why many believe him to be a cantankerous recluse who also happens to be a great writer.  Despite those allegations, Moore’s objections turned out to be correct over the past several years, as almost all of his works that were adapted into movies turned out to be awful.

This is one of many ways that Watchmen stands out, as Zack Snyder managed to do what most considered impossible.

And let’s be honest, he had his work cut out for him.  “Watchmen” the comic mini (graphic novel for those who read it after 1987) is filled with allegory and symbolism.  It’s a look at superheroes in a realistic world, and then the deconstruction of said superheroes.  It’s an analysis of the world as it stood in 1985, its policies and practices, its ideas and attitudes, its politics and principles.  There are multiple themes scattered throughout the narrative.  Some of them slap you in the face while others require a little more effort to see, even requiring multiple readings.

Snyder managed to keep all of these things completely intact in his adaptation, despite having to make some plot changes and scene cuts that would be necessary in order to squeeze a twelve part comic series (one part graphic novel for those who like the story all at once) into a film that comes in a little under three hours.

The final product is nothing short of incredible.  Visually, the movie delivers a cascade of intense and colorful imagery, invoking the same sense of style and scenery illustrated in the source material.  Like he did with 300, Snyder filmed almost every scene as a moving replica of the original printed pages.  It literally looks like the comic has leapt off the page and has gone into full motion for the audiences viewing pleasure.

The casting for this movie was spot-on.  Every actor and actress hits their mark perfectly as their respective characters, especially Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach) and Billy Crudup (Doctor Manhattan).  Even Malin Ackerman (Silk Spectre II), whom many have criticized for having the weakest performance, did extremely well with her performance.  Each of the main characters became living, breathing versions of their comic book counterparts, retaining all of the complexity and depth that Moore wrote for them twenty-three years ago.

The special effects never fell short, either.  This movie proved that you can still do amazing and wonderful things with CGI without it looking shoddy.  Doctor Manhattan’s motion capture effects, as well as elements like the Martian base and even Rorshach’s mask were seamlessly integrated into the film.

Now, I’ve given a decent-sized paragraph to a few of the important elements that make up the film.  But, what makes this review such a daunting task isn’t each piece of the whole, it’s the fact that there are so many pieces that make up the whole.

Watchmen is complex – in character, in story, and in scope.  It’s a social commentary on people, and how we are reflected in our love of the superhero mythos.  There are no less than five different radically opposing world views in both the comic and the film.  Each one is given its moment to make its point, but at no time do any of them try to establish itself as the right view.  In that regard, Snyder – as well as Moore before him – have taken this dark narrative and turned it into a mirror for the audience to look into.  Each one of us takes away from it what we want to see.  Each of us sees only what we allow ourselves to notice.  Those who tend to favor the black and white, lack of moral greys view that Rorschach has may see this film as a middle finger to that institution.  Someone else who sees the world through moral ambiguity may find the ending slightly unsatisfying, as the story almost dares to suggest that right and wrong are set in stone no matter what decisions we make.

And there lies the crux of what makes a review of Watchmen, be it comic or movie, so difficult.  There’s no real way for one person to do a complete review.  Each reviewer will take what he or she wants away from what they see or read, whether because they overlook everything else by accident or because they choose to ignore everything but what satisfies them.  To get the full experience, to truly get a complete and satisfying review, one needs to read several of them.  Every review contains a piece of the whole.

But to understand the film, to really get it beyond what it seems to convey on the surface, you need to go in completely open-minded, allowing yourself to be an empty canvas that serves as a receptacle to everything visual and audible, implied and direct, subtle and over-the-top.  You have to let it paint its tapestry on you, so that when you leave the theater you have the complete picture.

And the best part is, no matter how you feel when you leave the theater, no matter whether you liked it or hated it, Zach Snyder has created a film on the threshold of cinematic achievement.  Because there is one pleasant side-effect I’ve noticed since the movie was released over a week ago – Watchmen has people analyzing and discussing the film in great detail.  People aren’t just sticking with simple answers as to why they did or did not like Watchmen.  There are some deep discussions being had.  And it’s doubly impressive considering this is still considered a superhero movie.  There is some deep thought going on that not even Spider-Man or the The Dark Knight could drum up.

So even if the film doesn’t earn the box office that’s hoped for, Zach Snyder succeeded in doing the impossible – he made a film based on a prolific comic work and managed to keep the prolific in the details.  And in doing so he’s causing the same kind of stir that its predecessor caused over twenty years ago.

Meanwhile, there’s a reclusive British writer who continues to believe that his works can’t be adapted.  Even a peace can be disrupted by a journal.

The Don did it 35 minutes ago…

Top o’ the evenin’ to ya, Spwug readers!  And Happy St. Patty’s Day!

(Are you wearing green?  That’s okay.  I won’t tell.)

Ah, holidays.  The merriment, the festivities…

…and THE CAKE!

Yes, ten out of ten cake-a-holics agree, cake makes a holiday fifty percent more awesome.

There are two kinds of cakes in this world – the kind for eating and the kind for marveling at.  If you’re a fan of Food Network (like me), you’ve probably seen many of the latter kind on Ace of Cakes.  These aren’t like those character-shaped birthday cakes your mom used to make – we’re talking edible masterpieces.  The master bakers/artists use everything from fondant and fudge to rice cakes and wooden rods to construct some of the wildest cakes ever imagined.

Haunted church with zombie bride, groom, and an assortment of costumed cats?  No problem!

Giant rubber duck with lipstick and heavy artillery?  Charm City Cakes has got you covered.

But Ace of Cakes isn’t the only place to find some tasty, towering works of art.  A few weeks ago, I beheld the wondrous site where cakes are either awesome or just plain awful – “Cake Wrecks” (found at http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com).  The majority of these cakes are decadent disasters featuring misinterpreted messages (i.e. “(picture of Olympic rings here)” spelled out in frosting) or are for unusual occasions (i.e. “I Quit!” cake), but the blog also boasts some of the most amazing and detailed cakes ever made.

There’s my personal favorite, 50^th Anniversary Barbie, the cake.  Imagine a larger than life Barbie flawlessly made of chocolate cake and fondant.  Impractical?  Yes.  A little creepy…?  Yes.  Major win?  Hell yes.

Do you own a cape?  Secretly wish to be a part of a fellowship?  This Minas Tirith cake is probably right up your alley.  The amount of detail in this cake is incredible.  It looks like part of the Warhammer Lord of the Rings game sets, not something you can actually eat.  Talk about a tasty siege…

Maybe you’re the nostalgic type.  Maybe you’ve got every DVD set of your favorite old shows and cartoons, and want something more.  This Fraggle Rock cake might be just your style.  I especially love this one because of the characters.  The artist captured the look and spirit of each of the characters perfectly – not an easy feat when working with fondant and frosting.

For the extremely nostalgic and engaged, this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cake might make an excellent addition to your reception.  I especially love that the cake topper has husband and wife ninja turtles.

And finally, for the engaged gamers of the world, behold the sheer amounts of detail and awesome in this Super Mario cake extravaganza.  Apparently, the couple who commissioned it took their cue from this famous Mario cake, and ran with it!  I love that so many elements and stages are represented – and the kissing Mario and Peach figures are a romantic touch.

Seeing all of these cakes really makes me want something like them for my own wedding cake someday.  Knowing the future groom and I, our cake would most likely have something to do with Final Fantasy.

For more crazy cakes, visit the Cake Wrecks blog.  Be sure to check it out on Sundays – that’s when the latest in amazing creations are posted.

Have a safe and happy St. Patty’s Day!

Once lauded for its family-friendly hardware and innovative game design, the Nintendo Wii has recently come under fire from many of its former supporters for failing to provide proper parenting to its millions of dependant users under the age of 18.

“For its $250 price tag, plus the numerous peripherals, the Wii really ought to be doing more of its share around the house,” said Linda Laze, founder of Mothers Against Wii (MAW.) “I parked my kids in front of the system and told it to vacuum the house and have dinner cooked by 7PM, and when I came home from my party, the Wii had done little more than bleep and bloop at them the whole day.”

In fact, 2009 has seen a number of child owners become increasingly dissatisfied with the Wii’s ability to parent. Chief among their concerns, was that the Wii is a stationary box of white plastic, unable to feed, clothe, or ask children how their day at school was. One child owner, Eric Morales , took matters into his own hands, but ultimately become frustrated. “I was trying to mod the Wii so that at the very least, it could make simple macaroni and cheese for my kids,” said Morales, a programmer from Echo Park.  “But after over 25 hours of failed attempts, I figured, this is retarded, I may as well feed the damn kids myself!”

Mario, the iconic face of Nintendo for over 25 years, has also not escaped public scrutiny. Child owners believe that Mario, who requires input from children in order to do his job of smashing creatures and tracking down stars, should be providing children a percentage based commission of his earnings. “Our children collect all those gold coins for him, and do we see even a cent of that? No!” said Angie Stills, a concerned parent. “That Sony Wiibox thing is just a scam to further the communist Japanese agenda.”

How have parents reacted? Research shows that despite their claims, they continue to buy Nintendo software in droves, hoping that titles such as “Wii Fit” and “Wii Music” will at least keep children from becoming the “fat, uncultured slobs their parents are.” Many other child owners, however, have turned back to the old mainstay – TV. Sara Rhodes, a self-described housewife from Laguna Beach with better-things-to-do-than watch-her-children said it best: “If the Wii won’t raise my children right, I may as well let the TV do it. It’s old fashioned, but that’s how my parents did it, and I turned out jussst fine.”

Sincerest apologies, everyone.  There will be no installment of “Office of the Don” today.  My job has me working in New York this week, and the long hours prevent me from being able to give you the chocolatey goodness you deserve.

I leave you with this, though.  Watchmen is out in theaters.  Weather you like it, hate it, or just haven’t seen it yet, this movie has succeeded in doing one thing – it has sparked a major movement in discussion of film.  I haven’t had the chance to see it yet (due to the afore-mentioned job), but when I do I will be bringing my thoughts to Spwug fo you all to ingest and enjoy.

See you all next week.