Greetings, Legion of Doom!

As recently-appointed head writer, I want to try to contribute more content for this wonderful realm we all call Spwug.  One of the things I’ve come up with to do that is a new feature called The Don Says…

Appearing randomly each month, TDS will feature products, shows, films, music, or just general news items related to geek culture that either do not require a full article or that I just don’t have the time to do a full article on.  Each installment will be a paragraph at most and will be a quick summary of my initial thoughts and musings on said subject.

One of the nice things about doing a regular column like this is that it allows me to be able to report on whatever’s topical without having to wait for every Thursday.  I mean, how silly do I look when I finally get to report on something that’s already a week old?

Don’t answer that.

So, keep your eyes peeled for this new (definitely) and exciting (probably not really) regular series.  Could pop up on a Tuesday afternoon.  Could rear its ugly head on a Friday night.  Or, maybe first thing in the morning on a Sunday (yeah, that’s never happening).  The point is that an installment could appear on Spwug at anytime.  All the more reason for our wonderful reader(s?) to check in more often.

And to kick off this new series proper, here’s a one-two punch summary of two movies I got to see last weekend – Land of the Lost and Drag Me To Hell:

Land of the Lost – produced by the Kroffts themselves.  While not a great flick, it was a fun movie to watch and captured the spirit of the original series perfectly.  Of particular note, that giant crab scene that the trailers are showing plays out in a completely different manner than what most of you are expecting.

Drag Me To Hell – Classic Sam Raimi!  Not Spider-Man Raimi.  I’m talking about Evil Dead Raimi.  If you are a fan, you should have seen this film already.  It’s not doing well at the box office.  Go see it so that Sam will be able to make more classic Raimi horror films!

And there ya have it (a letter opener).  Expect to see these regularly, scattered throughout each month.  And expect a possible surprise or two in upcoming installments!

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled Spwug, already in progress…

The Don is aware that he cheated by using his regular Thursday column to advertise for his new series.  Hush.

Well, the Electronics Entertainment Expo (E3) has come and gone this year, and I must say, I was glad to be in attendance. The show truly returned to form, bringing with it the mass attendees, the giant screens in the giant booths, and even the “booth babes.” It was, to say the least, a successful year.

While I was busy working most of the show, I did have a chance to check out some of the awesome upcoming titles we should see by year’s end.  Rather than do my usual wall of text, though, I figured I’d give them to you guys top ten style. Keep in mind, I’m an old-school RPG gamer, so if you’re looking for Beatles: Rockband on my list, you’re looking in the wrong place.

So, without further adue, here’s the stuff that sparked the most excitement out of me at the show:

Runner Up: Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom (Capcom, Wii)

The Awesome: I don’t think ANYONE expected this thing to actually make it over to the states, and the fact that is, short of only ONE character, is nothing short of a miracle. That, or some major cash changing hands in corporate Capcom. I’ve played the import version, and I’ve gotta say, for as awkward as you’d think a fighting game would be with a Wii remote, the control scheme is succinctly mashed into the Wii with startlingly clarifying results. It’s nothing like any other fighting game I’ve played, and that’s refreshing.

The Concerning: It had better sell well, or chances are we’ll never see anything like this happen again. Also, I don’t know how 90% of the anime-based characters are, and I hope I’m in the minority there for their intended audience. Capcom has announced that four new characters will be added, and let’s hope they’re cool.

10. Bayonetta (Sega, PS3, XB360)

The Awesome: Bayonetta is an action game that oozes style and well… action. Taking a page from the Devil May Cry series, you chain combos together all the while executing crazy moves and imbuing yourself with crazy witch powers. I’ve got to say, the game looks fluid. It’s clean, chaotic, and most of all, it just looks fun. Alas, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out to the males out there that the “ass physics” of the protagonist are probably some of the finest ass physics we’ve seen in gaming yet.

The Concerning: The formula is getting old and tired. There was a long dry spell of these 3D, combo heavy hack and slashers, and I’m just not sure Bayonetta is really gonna stand out from the crowd as anything super special. Fun, fluid, yes, but original? Didn’t see that.  But before I’m done, I just wanna say “ass physics” a third time.

9. Assassin’s Creed 2 (Ubisoft, PS3, XB360)

The Awesome: For those that could stomach getting all the way through the incredibly repetitive original title, AC2 promises a far more dynamic and varied experience. It really sounds like Ubisoft listened to the fans on this one, and corrected the mistakes that prevented the original AC from becoming an instant masterpiece. The reconnaissance missions should be more action packed, you can hang-glide, swim, and assassinate fools in new and interesting ways. It’s also set in 1400s Italy, an amazing setting that has already yielded some amazing cutscenes and artwork for the game.

The Concerning: Ubisoft has a reputation for hyping the hell out of their AAA titles only to have them fall short of the mark. See the original AC, or even Prince of Persia 2008. I will invest in AC2, but I don’t think I’m going to be as shocked and amazed by its gameplay as Ubisoft hopes I will be.

8. Metal Gear Solid Peacewalker (Konami, PSP)

The Awesome: What isn’t awesome about the chance to play a new Metal Gear? We can hope the control issues that plagued Portable Ops will be addressed, and that we’re in for another epic ride into the MGS saga, in the shoes of Big Boss. Like him or hate him, it sounds like Hideo Kojima has a major role to play in this title, and his games more than prove that video games are an artform in themselves.

The Concerning: Okay, here’s the thing. Do we actually need another MGS ? So far I’m not convinced that we do. MGS4 wrapped up the series succinctly, with epic moments leading to epic conclusions, and more epic-osity than you can actually fathom. Epic overload, really. I don’t think this chapter in Big Boss’s story really needs to be told, and I hope Kojima will prove me wrong. I’m already not liking the potential direction it’s going though, as the trailer showed several Big Boss characters all on the screen at once. This could be his way of hinting at some cool multiplayer mode , or… it’s his way of saying our heads are gonna be spinning the whole time as he gets on his cloning soapbox… again.

7. Metroid: Other M (Nintendo, Wii)

The Awesome: I spent a whole article on how awesome the Metroid series, is, so I’ll keep this brief – the fact that Metroid is going in a new, action-oriented, perhaps even story driven direction excites me. I like when games break new ground but stay true to their roots at the same time. What I saw of Other M in the trailer looks awesome, action packed, and intense. I’m looking forward to this one.

The Concerning: Like I said, Ninja Team is behind this game, and I’ve got high hopes that they conform to Nintendo’s standard of quality here. They need to  make the game at least somewhat more approachable than the Ninja Gaiden series, which is known for wiping the floors with amateur gamers. That’s not what Metroid is. On the same token, they better keep Samus respectably sexy. She’s hot in that “no touchy” sort of way, and if they try to play up her sex appeal, it just wouldn’t be right. Also what the hell is up with that name?

6. Final Fantasy XIV (Square-Enix, PS3, PC)

The Awesome: A true sequel to Final Fantasy XI, SE’s only true MMO, I am on this game like a flea on a dog. I have faith that SE can take what World of Warcraft does well but make the game more than just a mass-market tool of brand marketing and ridiculousness. They’ve already promised that the game will cater to the casual as well as the hardcore, and contain a fully realized single-player experience – something XI sorely, sorely lacked.

The Concerning: How much is it gonna cost? Are they seriously going to expect us to keep playing XI once this is done? And oh my dear god, how am I going to find the time to fit another MMO in my schedule? In life, I think (most of us) make time for one MMO… and once we walk away, can we really come back?

5. Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Vanillaware, Wii)

The Awesome: What I saw of this spiritual successor to Odin Sphere looked beautiful, even for the technologically saddening Wii. The backgrounds and characters are lovingly rendered in 2D animation, and the attacks don’t seem to be suffering from any of the slowdown that plagued Odin Sphere. Games like this prove that 2D gaming isn’t dead. No matter how expensive it is to make, the work on this one will pay off in spades.

The Concerning: If Ignition Entertainment screws up the localization, I will never forgive them, and my vendetta will probably be strong enough to reach beyond the grave and haunt some fools.

4. Golden Sun (Nintendo, DS)

The Awesome: The sheer fact that it exists is awesome. Golden Sun was a fan favorite RPG back on the Gameboy Advance, and Nintendo has taken their sweet time about bringing it back to the limelight. Not much is known about it, but the protagonist looks a lot like Isaac, and the summons look pretty sweet.

The Concerning: I know that Golden Sun: the Lost Age left off with some unanswered questions, but I don’t remember what they were. I do hope there is some continuity here, though.

3. The Last Guardian (Sony, PS3)

The Awesome: What a beautiful trailer this game has. Featuring some crazy beast that looks to be a mashup of a dragon, a rat, and maybe a lion, the game looks epic in scope and chock full of imagination. The game comes from Team Ico, creators behind Ico and Shadow of the Colossus, two of the most critically acclaimed games to grace the Playstation 2. I’m sure it’s going to be a title to keep our eyes on as more becomes unveiled.

The Concerning: That awesome dragon thing is SO going to die at the end, after we’ve been made to care about it and love it and want to have one in the backyard. I’m calling it here and now!

2. New Super Mario Brothers Wii (Nintendo, Wii)

The Awesome: I think every boy and girl who grew up playing Super Mario Brothers with their friend or sibling, switching off when the other died said to themselves or out loud at some point, “Would it be cool to play this at the same time?” That dream has been realized. NWSMBW is the stuff of legend, with not two, but four players trapsing across the side scrolling landscapes only a Mario game could create. It’s beautiful.

The Concerning: Why do players 3 and 4 BOTH get stuck playing Toad? One’s yellow, one’s blue, sure, but of all the characters in the Mario universe, you had to make them BOTH Toads? I’m guessing the princess is busy being kidnapped, but a Super Mario Brothers 2 style reunion would have been nothing short of awesome. Also, I dislike the fact that when one player dies, the screen locks up for a split second. That can really make or break you if you’re taking a leap of faith, as Mario games often require you to do.

1. Castlevania: Lord of Shadows (Konami, PS3, XB360 ?)

The Awesome: Castlevania finally steps back into the ring to contend with the other AAA titles, a match it lost too many years ago to count. Being developed some dudes in Germany and overseen by Kojima himself, the game looks nothing short of an epic journey accompanied by some of the best whip-slinging moves the series has ever known. The narrator of this new game? Patrick freakin’ Stewart. The game is setting up Castlevania fans for something great, and here’s hoping it doesn’t let us down.

The Concerning: Two main problems here – One, the German team developing the title doesn’t have the best track record. They’ve developed like two other games, and both of them were major flops. Secondly, I don’t think they have any actual knowledge of Castlevania as a series, and the name feels very tacked at this point, as there has been no mention of a Belmont, or even Dracula to spare me my worries. I don’t WANT a reimagining or a reboot of the series as much as I want a true entry into the existing timeline of games. It wouldn’t be that hard, and they better throw us fans a bone. OoOooh, bad pun.

Welcome back to the horror house, kiddies! Last time, I sang the praises of Chris Hazelton’s webcomic Misfile. This time, I’ll yak a bit about problems I have with the comic. I’d post a bunch of disclaimers about how It’s All My Opinion and Your Mileage May Vary, but I know you smart guys out there already know it. We’re all (pretending to be) adults here, right?

If you missed last week’s article, I highly recommend you read it. What’s the point in promoting a loved comic if people only read the criticisms about it, after all? Let’s have some good vibes out there too! And a kitten. Can I have a kitten?

So, here we go. DKM’s issues with Misfile.

This first one is actually a non-issue for me, but I realize that you typically have to talk about art when it comes to comics, and art is what can make or break a potential reader’s desire to follow your work. In Misfile’s case, the art is done in a skilled, unique manga style that’s immediately recognizable as belonging to Chris Hazelton, but it didn’t begin that way. In its early days, Misfile’s art was still a recognizable style, but it was also sketchy and inconsistent as the artist got his bearings. There was also a tendency to overuse manga clichés, such as eye-pulling raspberries, random super-deforming, and “chibiness” that didn’t really seem to fit into the story at hand (note I’m not hatin’ on manga, being a huge animanga geek myself). I’m glad to say that Hazelton has made the comic’s art style truly his own since then, but new readers may be put off by the early pages. Just keep reading; the art really does get better, and you should be focusing on the story more anyways!

Something that bothers me rather a bit more than art inconsistencies is the comic’s characterization. Now, don’t get me wrong, guys–Hazelton, an adult male, does a terrific job overall at writing female high school characters. I’ve never seen another male artist do it better, at least not in my personal experience. But there are some places where he falls into personality traps and stereotypes. The biggest trap concerns Ash, who isn’t incredibly likeable as main characters go–she’s perpetually grumpy and griping about her gender-switched situation, and if she smiles more than twice in a month, I don’t recall having ever seen it. I occasionally want to smack her around and yell, “YOU’RE A GIRL NOW. ANGSTING ABOUT IT WON’T FIX THAT. STOP BEING A JERK TO THE ONE ANGEL* WHO CAN HELP YOU, AND DEAL WITH IT, OKAY?!”

*(Heck, stop being a jerk to everybody while you’re at it, please, Ash?)

On top of that, Ash is also a real know-it-all character. Yes, I get that if you’ve been more than one sex/gender, you’re going to have some perspective that people who’ve never been in your situation don’t have. But it gets old that whenever Emily or another girl has some sort of personal crisis, they just sit around complaining like a bunch of catty female stereotypes, but never seem to have the desire or the ability to figure out how to fix their problems. Ash is always the thinker, the one saying, “Well, just do this. Problem solved. Girls always do X-thing, and X-thing is the hard way. Guys do things much more simply.” And how do you know suddenly so much about girls, Ash? You haven’t been one that long, you still retain a male mind, and the comic makes it pretty darn clear your boy years were spent working on your car rather than the ladies.

And when it comes to gender stereotyping, a big no-no occurs with Emily. Ash complains that the guys at the auto parts shop always treated her rudely and cheated her as a guy. What does Emily, supposedly strong female character with firm morals, suggest? She tells Ash to flirt with them. Show a little boob jiggle-age. Feign a little interest in order to get great service and a great price. I have NO clue what Hazelton was thinking with this; Emily is portrayed as being level-headed, intelligent–not one to willfully use her body to get what she wants, and definitely not one to recommend doing so to others. And this is passed off in the comic as being something females in general think of as an acceptable practice. I don’t know about you all out there in Intertube-land, but the only women I know of who find this sort of thing kosher are pretty loose with their bodies all around, ifyaknowwhutImeanVern.

But the plot point that bothered me first, and still heavily irritates me, is one plot cliché that is so pointless, I don’t know why Hazelton brought it out in the first place, and why he doesn’t just write it out already. In order to stay near Ash and perform his good deeds to get back into Heaven, the angel Rumisiel tells everyone he’s Ash’s boyfriend from Canada. This is accepted despite the fact that Ash makes it painfully obvious, and everyone can see, that she flat-out despises Rumisiel. Oh, no. Did we REALLY need to pull out the fake-relationship cliché? I mean, really? It would be one thing if this actually had an impact on the comic’s story. But it…doesn’t. There are a dozen other ways I can think of that would have kept Rumisiel within shouting distance of Ash that don’t stoop to plot clichés. And the whole “relationship” barely ever even gets mentioned. Hazelton’s never done a thing with this overused plot device, except for an also-overdone joke where a Series Of Miscommunications makes Ash’s dad think that Ash and Rumisiel have slept together.

Since I’ve been hitting you kinda hard with my major gripes, I’ll end on a minor one because I really do love this comic. The artist has been going through some insanely tough times lately. He’s been hit with more family and personal tragedies than one person has any right to experience in a single year, and he’s been busy as heck trying to keep up with everything in his life. But that doesn’t excuse the typos that are becoming more common in the comic. Listen, guys: if you don’t have time to do the proofreading yourself, get someone who does. It’s awesome that Hazelton never misses his scheduled updates, but it’s better to release no product than to release a faulty one. (I’m also looking at you here Re: typos, Sluggy Freelance and “VG Cats.”)

I know it looks like I’m tearing Misfile a new one in this post, but this comic has such a brilliant story, impressive art, and terrific humour, I’d hate for anyone to miss out on it. I only post my complaints out of fairness. Nothing’s perfect, not even webcomics drawn and published by mostly-unpaid people in their exceedingly scarce spare time!

And thus concludes this webcomic review. Next time….I hope I’ll have that kitten.

See you, space comickers….

Welcome to this week’s installment of my Geek Journal!

Hmm… where to begin…

Movies -  I saw Pixar’s Up this past Saturday and was blown away (mind the pun) as I was expecting. Pixar continues to out-do themselves and I look forward to even more films from them in the future. While that ends what I referred to as the “Month of Blockbusters”, May was only the beginning of the summer blockbuster season. This weekend brings the release of Land of the Lost starring Will Ferrell. I usually avoid WF movies, but I’ve warmed up to him a little bit after finally viewing Elf this past holiday season (yeah, it took me that long ^^). I’ve been told that early reviews say LotL sticks somewhat close to the original TV series, but since I never really watched that, I’ll have to wait and see how much I enjoy this film.

Games -  The Electronic Entertainment Expo just ended yesterday, and several big announcements were made. Sony officially announced the not-so-secret PSPgo!, a UMD-less version of their PlayStation Portable (definitely looking into getting one of these!). Sony also mentioned their new take on what Nintendo has already been doing for years: the PlayStation Motion Controller. Not to be outdone, Microsoft announced Project Natal, their “controller without a controller” (like the PlayStation Eye, but better, I guess). Nintendo’s new hardware announcement didn’t seem to be as big to me as the others: the Wii Vitality Sensor.

On the software side of things, many upcoming games were announced at E3, but only one really caught my eye: Sony’s announcement of Final Fantasy VIX, the next MMORPG from SquareEnix. I’ve been playing SE’s previous MMORPG, Final Fantasy XI,  for many years now and I’m really interested in seeing how well they took what they learned from producing FFXI. SE has indicated that they are planning a world-wide simultaneous release in 2010 for multiple languages and will have a client for Windows PCs while being console exclusive to the PS3. If the trailer (viewable on the game’s website) is any indication of what the in-game graphics will look like, it will be a very impressive looking game, and I expect the (probably multiple) storylines will be just as good.

TV -  Next Friday (June 12th) is the last day for most broadcasters to be transmitting in analog! Are you ready for the DTV Transition? Just a friendly reminder, though I would expect that most people reading this won’t be affected. ^^

So ends this week’s posting, see you next week!

Greetings, Mouseketeers!

This review is going to be short for two reasons.  One, my work schedule has changed and the current hours I am working don’t afford me much time to work on extra-curricular stuff.

And second:

Up is such an incredible movie that it almost renders me completely unable to manipulate writings and talkings.

Now, I’ll say this first – I like Pixar films.  I do.  But, I’m not like most of the folks out there who have already purchased their ticket the minute the next Pixar film is announced.  I know, I know.  It’s blasphemy.  Run my innards up the flag pole and affix my noggin to the hood of your 1983 Ford Tempo.

Seriously though, I do like most of the films Pixar has put out.  But, I feel that with anything that we become fans of, we still need to take a step back and keep our objectivity about us.  Otherwise we become foaming-at-the-mouth crazy folk over small changes to what are otherwise great films like Transformers and Star Trek.

But I digress.  My point is that I went into the theater to see Up with a completely unbiased point of view.  In fact, when I first heard the premise, it didn’t really appeal to me.  But, the growing positive buzz for the film over the past several months had begun to tug at the back of my Goo Matter.  The final straw that got me wanting to see the film was a couple of reviews I had read a week prior from a couple of trusted sources.  What they described intrigued me and played upon my affections for character-driven stories.  With that in mind, I went with my wife and our very own Krellion to go see the film.

Wow.  Just, wow.

I really don’t want to try to get too wordy with how great this movie is.  I would almost say that this is Pixar’s best film to date (almost, because I still love The incredibles).  The story is a perfect blend of character moments and adventure.  In fact, Spielberg and Lucas need to take notes.  This is how you do an Indiana Jones flick with a geriatric adventurer.  There were thrills, throwbacks to the early adventure serials of the 1930s (I mean, zeppelins, man!), moments of tear-jerking, and humor.  Up has managed to hit all the right notes in a single film.  I found myself completely immersed in the events as they unfolded onscreen (and not just because I had a pair of 3-D glasses on.

And speaking of the 3-D – this is officially Pixar’s first fully 3-D film, and it never comes off as gimmicky.  In fact, it works really well with the material presented.  I left the theater wanting more films to start being shown in 3-D (Star Trek immediately came to mind).

Overall, Up is a sweet and endearing film, peppered with awe-inspiring moments of adventure.  Combined with a preceding cartoon short that I actually enjoyed, I found this to be one of the best Pixar experiences I’ve ever had.

And I dare anyone to not bawl your eyes out after the first ten minutes.  If you don’t even get misty-eyed, you’re dead inside.

Or the villain in the movie. 

Or Scott Baio.

The Don needs emergency assistance for those who have fallen and can’t get Up.

I know why you’re here, and you know why I….Well, you’re probably actually looking at me and saying, “What are you doing here, again?” So let’s get to it, eh? Be warned, this is a long one….But debuts are the perfect time to pull out the stops!

This week’s webcomic review is Chris Hazelton’s Misfile, active since March 2004. This comic updates Monday through Friday, and in the several years I’ve been reading, I haven’t seen the artist miss an update yet. That already puts him ahead of much of the webcomickin’ pack!

The story in Misfile is definitely an attention-grabber: A teenage boy named Ash wakes up one morning missing something very near and very dear to him…but he’s gained a lovely girlish figure in return! Then there’s Emily, a senior in high school who’s just been accepted to her dream university, Harvard. Well, until she wakes up on this fateful day, only to suddenly find herself a sophomore in high school, with Harvard a distant dream.

The reason for all this oddness is Rumisiel, a pot-smoking failure of a file clerk in Heaven–or, I should say, former file clerk. He’s been booted out of the divine realm after getting caught with a lit blunt on the job. But right before being kicked out, he tried to hurriedly cover up one of his many other mistakes, a file and some loose papers he’d neglected to put away earlier, thus disturbing the order of the Universe. Of course, the file was Ash’s, mistakenly placed in the celestial filing cabinet for females instead of males. The loose papers were two years of Emily’s life, shoved under the rug since Rumisiel didn’t know where they belonged. Now unemployed, Rumisiel seeks Ash and Emily out in order to explain things and help them, needing some very good deeds on his record in order to get his job back and fix his filing snafu before it’s found, which would result in Ash and Emily being permanently altered in order to cover up the screw-up in Heaven. Although they’re pretty furious with this lazy angelic bumbler, Ash and Emily want their old lives back, so they agree to help Rumisiel with his good deeds. (Of course, as the comic goes on, Emily and Ash are forced to admit their new lives aren’t so bad, and would it really be THAT awful if they were never returned to normal?)

(Also: why couldn’t Rumisiel’s filing glitch be one that transforms me into a lottery winner?)

Only Ash, Emily, and Rumisiel are aware of the filing errors; the divine order of things prevents paradox by changing all of existence based upon how files were, you know, filed. However, since Ash and Emily were misfiled, they still remember how their lives were beforehand. But now they have to deal with reality being rewritten, and this is where the story really gets interesting, especially regarding Ash.

The boy-transformed-into-girl plot is one that’s too easy to turn into a cliché. It’s been done in anime, comics, and more than a few comedy variety shows, most of which revolve around a boy-turned-girl being alternately embarrassed and turned on by the sudden presence of boobs. It’s done mainly for comedic effect. It’s been overdone mainly for comedic effect, I’d say. I’m happy to state that Misfile does not fall into this trap. In fact, none of the genderbending stories I’ve encountered (and I seem to have an oddly large number of them under my belt) have ever done what Misfile does. Keep reading….

Since all of Ash’s reality has changed along with her sex (good thing her parents had the foresight to give her a gender-neutral name, eh?), she discovers how different things are as a girl…not just in the present, but throughout her entire life. For example, boy-type Ash knows next to nothing about his mother, except that she’s a model. She walked out on the family to pursue her dreams when Ash was very young. A few years before the beginning of the comic, Ash wrote a heartfelt letter to his mother, wanting to be part of her life again. But he never sent it, embarrassed at showing such emotion. Girl-type Ash, however, is surprised to learn that she has a close relationship with her mom, because in this reality, she actually did send the letter and initiate a reunion between the two. Meanwhile, Ash’s father, Dr. Upton, is very distant to his son in the male reality, but in the female one, he’s a loving, overprotective daddy (who is also responsible for one of the most amusing scenes in the comic so far, when Emily realizes Ash’s dad is her gynecologist).

Of course, Ash also has to deal with other side effects of the female life, such as being hit on when she goes to the auto parts store, female “problems,” and…oh, right, auto parts store. See, that’s something else this comic does that you don’t see a lot of. The artist is a big car buff, so many of the characters in his comic are racers who know their stuff under the hood. I have to admit, I actually learned a thing or three about car engines just from reading this webcomic. Luckily, for those of you who aren’t interested in that fancy learnin’ stuff, the artist never makes the car talk and racing the stars. It’s all about the story. And lest you think Misfile is one big dramatic wah-wahfest of teen identity angst: oh, no. This comic is freakin’ funny. What with Rumisiel’s drunken/stoned bumbling, Ash’s hard-learned lessons in female life, her somewhat perverted father, and Rumisiel’s vengeful ex-girlfriend, an angel who is literally Lucifer’s niece, there’s no lack in the amusement department.

Now, there’s no such thing as perfection, and it wouldn’t really be fair for me to only talk about the things I like, but I’ve gone on for far too long already. Next episode, we’ll hit the other side of the coin, and address some little issues I have with reading Misfile (obviously VERY little, or I wouldn’t enjoy the comic!) But, hey, what’s stopping you from going ahead and checking out Misfile for yourself if this review intrigued you? Who knows, maybe you’ll read something in next week’s article and think, “Hey, I totally noticed this issue while I was reading the comic. Cool to know I’m not the only one who thought that!”

Stay frosty, peeps. I’ll see you next time, so study up! You never know when there’s gonna be a pop quiz….

Only hours ago, Nintendo’s E3 press conference ended with the announcement of a new Metroid game, being developed by Ninja Team. Only days ago, I completed my first foray into the Metroid series – Metroid Zero Mission for the Gameboy Advance. The Metroid series is like Nintendo’s bastard child, second only to Star Fox maybe. It’ll never have the selling power that anything with the Mario moniker does, and the hardcore audience is (arguably) more intrinsically drawn to Link and his various exploits. 

This is why it’s great to see that Nintendo hasn’t forgotten Samus Aran, promising to give us more of who she is in the new installment, the oddly titled Metroid: Other M. Early reports say the cutscenes look fantastic, and that the game will offer a return to form with 3^rd person platforming. More details will obviously be forthcoming, but the game isn’t due until 2010, so prepare for quite a bit of drip-fed PR and titillating Samus ass shots.

 But for more reasons than having a fine pixilated ass, if there was such a thing as a video game character hall of fame, Samus Aran would deserve a prominent place within it. 22 years ago, she shocked gamers around the world by revealing that she was in fact a she, when at the end of the game she removed her helmet. She was one of the first female video game heroines, and (at the time) she wasn’t even using sex appeal to be one. After all, she was covered from head to toe in space armor. As her wikipedia entry argues, she paved the way for characters such as Chun Li and Lara Croft. 

The game itself was equally as innovative. Metroid was one of the first games to implement the idea of backtracking, where upon gaining a new power, the player would be forced to backtrack an area that was previously inaccessible. It was also one of the first games to be non-linear, offering players the expansive and dangerous surface of the planet Zebes for Samus to confront. 

And as I delved into Metroid Zero Mission, the GBA remake of the original title, I discovered just that – this game isn’t so much about the monsters, the shooting, or even the story – Metroid is a game that pits the player against the terrain, and challenges them to think outside of the box to overcome the challenges it presents. 

For being as old as the game is, I got legitimately stuck in some places. At times, it wasn’t clear to me that I couldn’t progress further without a certain power-up. At other times, I didn’t realize the game would go so far as to employ fake lava pits, or areas you could bomb through at the bottom of real lava pits. I braved entire rooms of extreme temperatures that made my energy tick down like a time bomb, only to discover that a suit modification would later let you walk freely through them. I found energy takes and missile upgrades in the most unlikely of places, and still ended up with only a 62% completion rate. 

And through it all, the only thing I had to blame were my own shortcomings, and like I said in my review of Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, that’s where a game really shines in level and scenario design. Admittedly, the fake lava was kind of a cheap trick, but one I can overlook. 

But no first time experience with a Metroid game would be complete without discussing the very namesake of the game – the Metroids. Metroids are easily one of the most terrifying creatures I think I’ve ever encountered in a game. And Resident Evil or Silent Hill fans can take that to the bank. 

The metroids themselves are confined to a particular area of the planet, one that is designed to show you just how devastating they are. The area is littered with the drained corpses of their prey, and the doors are locked, preventing you from progressing until you eradicate them. One particular passage even has a long fall, where you land atop of a slew of corpses, and are assaulted by 4 metroids. Now that’s survival horror. 

What I like about the concept of the metroid though is that they don’t feel too cheap or overpowered; they’re just fast, strong, and beastly. They require a very precise way of being dealt with, or you become dinner. To look at them, I never really felt just how menacing they are. They look almost sort of cute, with those little teeth and gelatinous heads. To fight them in the game was like reaching out to pet a lion.

Series fans are no doubt accustomed to this, but I had no idea that when a metroid latches onto you, the only way to escape its vitality draining tentacles was to curl up into a ball and drop a bomb. I lost half my energy figuring that out. It also took me a minute to discover that in order to kill them, they had to first be frozen, and then pumped full of missiles. Stronger hides on those bastards than they look. 

As gamers, we owe quite a bit to Metroid. Especially if you’re a Castlevania fan. Naysayers are already hating on the new game for the sheer fact that it’s Team Ninja, but ladies and gentlemen, for my part, I’m going to embrace new innovations in Metroid until proven that this will suck. 

If you’re interested in anything Metroid, Gametrailers has a 5 part retrospective on the series as a whole, that could easily eat up an hour of your time. I recommend them if you’re curious, especially part 5. 

‘Tis the season for some of the nation’s biggest and nerdiest conventions.  Tomorrow marks the beginning of E3 at the LA Convention Center, and just a month later, the LACC will host Anime Expo.  If you haven’t purchased your ticket already, now’s the time to take advantage of some last minute savings.  A single day pass currently runs $30 online and $35 at the door, a two-day pass runs $50 online and $55 at the door, and a four-day pass (there is no three-day pass) runs $65 online until July 5th, and will be $70 at the door July 2nd through 5th.

Haven’t booked a hotel room yet?  No problem.  Several AX designated hotels, including the Omni Hotel, Biltmore Hotel, Wilshire Grand Hotel, and soon, the Marriot and Sheraton, have issued new discounted room prices.  For more information, visit Anime Expo’s website (http://www.anime-expo.org/2009/05/29/anime-expo-2009-provides-additional-discounts-for-hotels/).

In true AX fashion, the official programming guide has yet to be posted (and probably won’t until later in the month), but if you’re looking to plan out your gathering visits, Cosplay.com has it’s official AX cosplay gathering list posted and regularly updated.  You can find it here: http://www.cosplay.com/showthread.php?t=167513

Admittedly, these gatherings are only really interesting if you enjoy seeing how different people interpret crazy anime and video game designs and bring them to life (or miss the target completely), but one gathering in particular this year promises to be very exciting.  This year AX cosplayers will attempt to beat the Guinness World Record for most video game cosplayers in one place.  The current record is 337, but for a large convention like AX, breaking the record should be a piece of cake.  A lot of thought and planning has already gone into this attempt.  You can follow the efforts of these AX cosplayers here: http://www.cosplay.com/showthread.php?t=164635 or cheer them on Saturday, July 4th, from 11AM to 1PM.

See you there!