There’s no denying that video games have had a huge impact on society, even upon those who don’t play them. In the early 1990s, a survey revealed that more people recognized Mario than Mickey Mouse. A certain disbarred lawyer afflicted with, shall we say, “a lack of total sanity” had his career shattered by his misguided attempts to have video games criminalized. And let’s not forget the money brought in every year by games and the merchandise and events they spawn (Penny Arcade Expo, anyone?)

With an epic opener like that, you’d probably think I’m getting into some really deep discussion territory here. My friend, you’d be wrong.

I’m going to talk about a phenomenon unique to video games: game phobias. Specifically, my own.

In the “real world,” phobia-wise, I’m probably best known for being terrified of anything vaguely arachnid-like. But that didn’t matter in video games! I’ve sliced my fair share of crab/spider-like Gohmas in the land of Hyrule, as well as stomped the nasty little web-spinning buggers (or should I say, arachners? Or just spiders?) in various 2D platform games. Oh, fighting and destroying spiders was all fun ‘n’ games when all the action was in two dimensions. It was blissful revenge for all the times those little jerks made their webs right over the head of my bed.

Then video games decided it was time to step things up a bit, and went 3D.

I’ll never forgive you, Ocarina of Time.

The very first level of The Legend of Zelda’s initial foray into 3D gaming. Absolutely crawling with various species of Skulltula, the new giant spiders of the Zelda universe. I thought the first level was supposed to take it easy on you! Give you a feel for the game! Apparently no one told the Great Deku Tree dungeon that. I remember s-l-o-w-l-y inching my way through that tree, jumping every time a spider dropped out of nowhere. The scratching sounds of the Gold Skulltulas told me where to find them, but they also wreaked havoc on my nerves, knowing that soon, I’d have to face another arachnid. (The fact that there’s one in there you don’t kill until later in the game didn’t help. Its presence taunted me, reminding me that I’d have to come get it if I wanted to complete the Gold Skulltula sidequest. And you’d better believe I did want to. I was going to eliminate every spider in Hyrule.)

Then I came to the darkened boss room, where I heard skittering along the ceiling and saw little bits of debris falling from where the as-yet-unseen boss knocked them loose. My heart rate jumped up by about nine times over. I was going to fight a giant spider. I knew it. But the game couldn’t be happy just letting me know what I was going to face and then triggering the fight once I entered the room. Oh, no, it forced me to look for the giant spider Gohma; the battle doesn’t start until you make first-person eye contact with the traumatizingly-ugly thing. I believe it took me a good fifteen minutes to get up the courage to switch to first-person mode and look around.

The actual battle itself is a bit of a blur. I believe it largely consisted of me jumping and flinching nervously in my seat and constantly yelping out words that aren’t repeatable on this site. Eventually, though, I was victorious, and Skulltulas largely became a bad memory until the Forest Temple–except for the gold ones that inevitably landed on my head when I rolled into trees. And the people who had been turned into Skulltulas in Kakariko Village. The head of the family, with his giant spider’s body and contorted human arm and face, still makes me shiver…as does his plaintive scream when you attack the vulnerable belly.

GAAAH! I don’t want your money–I want to NEVER SEE YOUR ANTI-ALIASED FACE WITHIN 500 MILES OF ME AGAIN!!

Ugh….I…I need a hot shower. And a family-size flyswatter.

You know, Ocarina of Time is actually the genesis of many of my in-game fears. Remember the creepy woman-scream of the ReDeads? The strange bloody spots and organic-looking waste in the Kakariko Village well dungeon? The Kakariko Village graveyard and its many secrets? (Is it just me, or is Ocarina’s Kakariko Village a neverending source of Lovecraftian horror?) The deep, dark shadows that might or might not conceal face-eating enemies, just waiting to get a little taste of Legendary Hero?

I never got scared playing a video game until the fifth Zelda title came along. (My forays into the survival horror genre came later. Don’t even get me STARTED on Resident Evil 2, with its own giant spiders and its Lickers.) But what I’ve addressed here is a phobia that already existed for me in the “real world” and merely carried over to the in-game world. Stick with me, and next time, we’ll dive even deeper into game world phobias by addressing ones that exist only while playing video games.

….And yes, it took a lot of guts–and a little hyperventilating–for me to include spider-filled screenshots in this post. And I now know I may never be able to complete The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess because of THIS:

If you don’t see anything frightening about that picture, then, my friend, you are crazy.

Stumble it!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 21st, 2009 at 8:15 pm and is filed under DKM Marlink, Random, WTF?, games, stuff. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. Both comments and pings are currently closed.