I hope everyone had a great day of feasting yesterday and managed to hold on to some of your hard earned moneys today. I’ll have something more fun to talk about next week, but for now, I wish you and your’s the very best the season has to offer.
Salut!
It’s the holiday season. And that sickening feeling that’s slowly bubbling in the pit of your soul is anticipation. It’s not the happy kind of anticipation you get when you’re on the verge of pressing your hungry lips to the lips of your significant other. Oh no. This is the dreaded anticipation of the inevitable vacation that spells certain doom! At some point in your relationship, your significant other, who you’ve spent weeks seducing most artfully and whose very look sends your heart aflutter, will turn to you and ask if you would like to spend the holiday with his or her family.
And because you love your significant other, there’s only one possible answer for you.
CERTAIN DOOOOOOM!!!
Surviving the Holiday’s With Someone Else’s Family
If you are a geek and you significant other is a geek, chances are both families have geeky tendencies. If this is the case, you’re in luck.
However, if your significant other is geek lite, chances are his or her family is completely geek free.
Breath, breath. It could be worse.
Take comfort in the knowledge that your significant other probably hates to see you uncomfortable and probably dreads spending the holidays with their family and extended family more than you do. This is good. Misery loves company and there’s nothing more miserable than holiday family gatherings.
Be prepared. You will have to bring a few things to keep your brains from oozing out of your skull box. A DS would be good, especially if you have games you can play networked. These gatherings typically have many children running around. They will probably have a DS as well allowing you to challenge them to Poke battles while the “grown” folk talk about politics and the war (god, the war is sure to be a fun holiday topic). A video iPod or other similar device might not be such a bad idea either. Bring cables with you so that you can connect to a TV so you can be the one who is able to calm the kiddies down and get them to sit still while watching Mobile Suits plow through each other. Every one needs some anime in their holiday. Now might also be a good time to bust out that Watchmen trade paper back. You won’t be able to read comics at the party itself, but at least you’ll have some brain food for before and after should you be cornered into a conversation about what, exactly, it is you do. They don’t really care, they just have nothing else to talk about.
While you’re arming yourself, you might as well practice your winning smile and hand shake. Lots of invasion of personal space at these things so if you prepare yourself mentally, you won’t accidentally hip toss uncle Steve when he comes barreling towards you with his hands outstretched.
It’s Not All That Bad–Okay Fine, It Really Is That Bad
You may be lucky and have an absolutely wonderful time. You’re a lucky bastard because from personal experience, I always leave these family vacations feeling like a I need yet another vacation.
As bad as they tend to be, the nice thing about going to these events with your significant other is that it shows your commitment to the relationship. Otherwise, why would you bother getting to know the family if you don’t intend to stick around. That’s a warm fuzzy feeling that will make it all, surprisingly, worth the pain.
And hey, now your significant other owes you one. Time to ask for that plasma TV you’ve always wanted!
Last night, I had the “pleasure” of staying in Suburban hospital’s award winning Emergency Room lobby. This amused me greatly. Who knew that they gave out awards for such things?
So what does an award winning ER lobby look like? Pretty much like you’d expect. There were three vending machines, one for Pepsi products, one for Coke products, and one for random snacks from various other brands. In the corner hung a flat panel television broadcasting CNN which is always a winner in my book. Various and sundry magazines dealing with health and current affairs were strewn around the tables. And that unpleasant hospital odor filled the air. If this is the best that hospitals have to offer, I shudder to think what a less-than-award winning ER lobby looks like.
Suffice it to say, I did not have time to come up with any articles for today as we spent the night at the hospital with my father. Today, we’re transferring him to another facility that can better handle his care. And we’ll just see how it goes from there.
The LA Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) is hosting Takashi Murakami’s latest exhibition, © Murakami from October 29, 2007–February 11, 2008 (so if I come out to visit Pocky between now and then, we may have to take a side trip to LA). The LA Times article about the exhibition gives some more insight to this whole Superflat movement. And now I’m more confused than ever.
The problem stems from trying to pin down exactly what Superflat is. I suppose in an oversimplification type of definition, Superflat is the conceit that low art is high art, low art being things like manga and anime, high art being paintings and sculptures that only art critics really understand. These same critics took this simple notion of Superflat, the non-existence of boundaries between commercial and high art, and attempted to use it to explain postmodern Japanese culture to the West. For these critics, they believe that the conditions that brought about Superflat no longer exist. They believe that modern Japan doesn’t suffer from the postwar dystopia reflected by Murakami’s generation. Therefore, these critics say that Superflat is no longer relevant in a modern context.
I doubt very much that Murakami meant Superflat to explain the whole of Japanese postmodernism. It seems more likely that he uses Superflat as a term to describe his artistic exploration. Superflat is very much alive as long as Murakami continues to push the boundaries between commercial and high art.
In the end, all this artsy fartsy mumbo jumbo doesn’t mean a whole lot. In the end, if you like it, you like it. If you don’t, you don’t. Either way, it’s probably art.
Now that I’m completely and utterly confused, next week I’ll try to discover if there are other artists out there working in this Superflat style.
[Via LA Times]
Takashi Murakami is a Japanese pop artist who seeks to “flatten tradition, modernity, and other media including oneness” with his Superflat art movement. Even though I consider myself to be somewhat of an artist, I’m still trying to figure out just what the hell that means. So instead of me fumbling through a poor definition, let me instead show you what Superflat looks like. First up, an interview with the man responsible for Superflat, Takashi Murakami.
Next, we have an advertisement for Luis Vuitton.
Here are two of Murakami’s characters, KaiKai and KiKi. Beware the cutie attack!
This is a scene from Mindgame, my first encounter with Superflat. Our main character has just died (about ten minutes into the damn thing) and meets God.
Finally, here’s a bit from Tekkonkinkreet which just came out on DVD. I highly recommend you get out and rent this sucker right away!
I’m not sure any of that helps in terms of definition, but at least now you know what it looks like. For the next few posts, I think I will seek out more information and examples of the Superflat movement.
Clearly my efforts of becoming a relationship blogger are futile. So let’s just move on.
Energy independence would go a long way to make our homeland safe. Less dependence on foreign sources of energy would allow us to pull out of some of the more volatile regions of the world and stop pissing them off. I’ve heard President Bush talk about energy innovation and independence in his State of the Union addresses, but until there’s money set aside for specific programs, it’s all smoke and mirrors. As long as this war continues, funding for renewable energy sources from our federal government will be scarce at best.
I bring all this up because it has recently come to my attention that as early as 1975, we’ve had the technology to harvest and endless supply of energy. Imagine sending a satellite into low-earth orbit that was essentially a solar power collector and then beaming that energy safely to the surface. Sounds a bit far fetched, but as this video demonstrates, it is indeed possible to beam energy from point to point.
1975! Thirty-two years of siting on this technology and not implementing it. What a tragedy. Well, hope is not lost. It seems a little strange to say this, but this war may actually result in the development of space based solar power.
The Department of Defense may be now interested in developing this technology for practical applications. Last week on October 10, the National Security Space published a report entitled Space-Based Solar Power As an Opportunity for Strategic Security. That’s a mouthful. The report makes four recommendations:
And look, there’s even a nifty CG demonstration of a prototype:
The fact that this is coming from the Department of Defense is somewhat alarming. This technology should be used for the benefit of us all, not for some nefarious plan for strategic dominance. But if it starts the money flowing and there’s actual funding for this technology, the benefits are tremendous.
Imagine. Clean, infinite, renewable energy is just waiting for us on the other side of our atmosphere. And we could have been harvesting it for years.
If you are now in the dating zone or are soon to enter said dating zone, there are certain things that you may want to be aware of. These should help you navigate the troubled waters of building a relationship with that special someone you have already asked out from Chapter 1. You have asked her out, yes? Okay then. Let’s go.
The Check
Who pays for the check?
Fifty years ago, when Sputnik was kicking our ass in the space race and “Wake Up Little Suzie” was topping the chart, this question was never asked. The man pays for the check. End of story. Ah yes, the innocence of 1957.
Screw that!
This is the new damn millennium. Your relationship must be based on honesty and equality. This includes the check, especially when your relationship is new. If she expects you to pay for the check automatically, you’re cruising for a very expensive courting experience. If, after a few dates, things don’t work out, there goes a few paychecks down the drain. That’s not fair to you. If you pay for the check all the time, you’re asserting your control over the dating process which can be quite unsettling if your relationship is new. Some ladies even get offended if you pay for them without asking.
A good rule of thumb is to just ask. When the check comes, you can simply ask “are we splitting this?” This is a nice polite way of saying, “we ARE splitting this” without demanding she cough up the dough. If she pauses or looks at you funny, she either has gas or is expecting you to pay. No harm. Just pay. And then decide if she’s worth paying for again (if the answer is yes, please be sure you have a steady source of income. Dating can be quite expensive). If she picks up the check first, you’re good to go.
Arguments over money are usually the worst in relationships. It’s better to start out on equal footing from the very beginning.
Compromise
Just because you’re dating, that doesn’t mean you have to do absolutely everything together. You both have your own friends, your own hobbies, your own interests. Many times, they are compatible. And you should at least introduce her to your hobbies, friends, and interests and take the time to get acquainted with hers. But if she doesn’t want to go to the giant scary anime con in Baltimore, that’s perfectly understandable. She still likes you and all, she just might not be all that in to anime or large groupings of scary otaku. EEK!
By the same token, if she wants to go do something that you absolutely abhor, let her know that you don’t want to go and that you hope she has a good time. You must respect each other and you must give each other space to do the things that make you both happy.
You will find that as you get to know each other, you may start getting into the same hobbies and interests. This takes time. It’s okay for it to take time. That’s what getting to know each other is all about. Introducing each other to new things keeps the relationship fresh. Be open and be honest.
Yes, there will be times when you have to suck it up and do something you really don’t want to, like maybe going to her high school reunion or something like that. Just make sure that she returns the favor.
Gifts
I personally don’t give flowers. They’re dead, they’re dying, they die. Not the best message to send a loved one. I have given a cute house plant. But she killed it.
That being said, women love flowers. A nice surprise bouquet once in a while is awful thoughtful and romantical. But if you really want to seduce her with great gifting jutsu, handmade things made by you are the best. It could be something as simple as a card. Even if your construction is a bit flawed, the fact that you spent time to make it yourself will overwhelm her with squishy hearty feelings.
Don’t go for the extravagant or expensive gifts. Now’s not the time to buy her an iPod. Save that for at least a year or two. A nice thoughtful something once in a while should do nicely.
To Blog or Not to Blog
If you blog, whether or not you decide to blog about your dating experience is completely up to you. It’s probably a good idea to keep real names out of it. If you do want to use her real name, ask first.
As to whether or not you tell her that you’re blogging about your dating experience, that depends. If the date doesn’t go well, you might not want to tell her. But if you end up spending a lot of time with her, you should probably tell her about your blog.
If your blog gets a lot of traffic, chances are she knows about it already. My wife looked me up on teh internets fairly soon after we started talking to each other and found many a thing attached to my name.
That’s it for now! See you all next week.
You’ve asked her out on a date and she’s said yes. See, that wasn’t so hard! Now what?
Hopefully you’re meeting at some neutral type place for coffee or lunch. If you’ve decided to work some advanced seduction jutsu and have jumped right in to dinner for the first date, we’ll deal with you in a bit. Let’s start small.
First Impressions
If you already know and interact with the lady you’re going out with, chances are you’ve already made your first impression. And hey, it must have been pretty decent because she’s agreed to go out with you.
If this is the first time you’re meeting your lady face to face, first impressions are tricky. Consciously or unconsciously we size up new people we meet within a few seconds. It may be something as simple as, “hey, I’d like to hang out with this person” or “wow, this person is a complete ass hat.” These initial snap judgments color our interactions with that person. They usually evolve over time if you interact with them more, say in a work type situation. Your initial impressions may hold some truth, but they don’t give you the whole picture.
By the same token, don’t get too caught up in trying to make a good first impression. There’s only so much you can do. Yes, please shower. And brush your teeth. In fact, good hygiene in general helps a lot with first impressions. And wear something nice. And try to be on time. But in the end, your goal is not really to make a good first impression. Your goal is to get to know each other better on an intimate level, first impressions be damned.
However, there are some things you can do to make it easier for her to have a good first impression of you.
The Look
The way you look does more to color initial impressions than anything else. Well, unless you’re blind. Then I guess it doesn’t matter so much. But for those of us cursed with sight, it’s important to look your best.
Take a shower, wash your hair, dry your hair, comb your hair, brush your teeth, floss your teeth, etc. Practice good hygiene for a good long while. You can get away with lapsing once you’re living together, but for now, be clean.
You probably should avoid getting all suited up with fancy formal dress shoes, a tie, a jacket, and all that. You’re not going to the prom. A nice pair of jeans and a nice shirt should suffice. You could even go as far as business casual, but only if that fits your personal style. Make sure you’re comfortable and that you feel good in what you’re wearing (can you tell I’ve been watching too much Bravo lately).
Your breath is also pretty key. Since you’re going to be talking a lot, any death breath is sure to sneak out. Halitosis is the enemy of a good first date (trust me, I know). Be sure to brush nice a good before you go meet. And don’t be afraid to bring along some gum or tic tacs or breath mints. The death breath bacteria is a powerful enemy and must be tempered with spearmint and cinnamon.
I’d Like to Get to Know You
Always always always be yourself. Honesty is always the best policy in relationships. You may find that conversation comes easy. Awesome! Communication is just as important as honesty in relationships. There may be lulls in the conversation. That’s okay. You don’t have to talk each other’s ears off. Just let the silence be while you think of something else to say.
Ask plenty of questions and try to relate some of your own experiences with hers, but don’t over do it. Don’t dominate the conversation. Sure, you want to tell her everything about you so she can see how awesome you are. But you’re also trying to find out more about her to see if you are compatible.
People will tell you to avoid talking politics or religion on a first date. The problem is that I think religion and politics play an important role in shaping how we interact with each other. Our views distinguish us from one another and understanding them is essential for communication. I think that if you are tactful about it, you can talk politics and religion. If you find that you have opposing views, now is not the time to try to change them. Respect her views and opinions. Try to explain your own with out accusing each other. And move on. It is possible to have a deep and loving relationship with someone you don’t always agree with. You just have to accept that they see things differently.
Other than that, sit back, relax, don’t over think or over prepare, and just have fun getting to know each other.
Follow Up
As your date winds down, set up your next date. Don’t worry if you don’t feel that enigmatic “spark” that the movies tell you about. Many times, the first date won’t feel any different than hanging around playing Halo 3. Dinner or a movie or dinner and a movie work well for second dates. Or maybe a local show at a club or a play or whatever. The point is to set something up for the next time in person. Don’t do that whole wait two days to call but only call if she calls first or emails or sends smoke signals or any of that other bull crap game playing. You’re not playing a freaking game.
Oh, and no matter how well it goes or how deep a connection you feel, avoid making a “move” on her on the first date. Hugs are quite fine. But save the tongue wrestling for at least the second or third encounter. If you act too soon, it might color your relationship in a physical manner all too soon. You will be connecting physically, but without the emotional attachment, it’s just empty snogging. Not that there’s anything wrong with one-night or two-night stands. But if you’re in it for the long haul, play it slow. There’s plenty of time. You’re not going anywhere and she’s sort of interested now. So keep cool.
That’s it for now.
One of the comments from a geek lady on the Preface asked where she could find all you Man-Geeks out there. Of course, your friendly neighborhood geek love guru has thoughts on this subject, but I’ll save this for another time. For now, let’s get back to the guide.
Be Yourself
If you forget or ignore every other bit of advice in these columns, please take this first bit to heart. Really, this is all you need for ultimate seduction. But sometimes it helps if someone else reminds you.
Besides, you’re a geek. This means you’re an awful lier. Dreadful, really.
Don’t hide your fandom. When you talk about the things you love, you do so with a fiery passion that will warm the heart of your maiden fare. She might not fully understand. But your knowledge and ferver will impress her. She might even think to herself, “if he’s so passionate about the nuances of Klingon metal working, what else might he be passionate about?” Your confidence in your fandom will translate to confidence in front of her.
Just Ask Already
Now before you get all nervous and spend endless nights going over how many ways she might reject you, just calm the freak down. You’ll never know until you try. She might say no. She might say YES! But if you never even ask her out, you’ll spend the rest of your days pining over a missed opportunity.
Go up to your girl, look her straight in the eyes, take a deep breath (oh, and please remember to brush you teeth before hand), and ask her if she would like to go out with you.
Strategery - A Roadmap to Geek Seduction
There are a few schools of thought on what exactly to say when you first ask a girl out. Generally speaking, it’s probably a bad idea to just blurt out the “L” word if you haven’t even established a solid base of even flirting. I made that mistake. I asked the girl in question to take a walk with me around the courtyard in front of the dorms. We met up and took a few steps and then I looked her dead in the eyes and said, “I’m in love with you.” Well, she didn’t really say anything. And we never went out. And I probably screwed up a decent enough friendship. I survived, and so will you if you jump in with the “L” word right away, but chances are, you’ll fare much better if you slow play it at first.
If you are going to ask the girl out, and you are, you should probably figure out a place to go out to. Your initial instincts might be to ask her out to a movie, but this is no good. Movies are a lousy way to get to know someone. You don’t really get to engage in real conversation and generally the tongue-down-the-throat attack doesn’t work on the first date.
Coffee is a nice neutral place to start. Coffee joints provide an excellent atmosphere to get to know one another. And even if you go to one of the more exotic coffee huts, it’s less expensive than dinner so it seems like less of a commitment and thus less scary for both of you.
If you can’t stand to feed more money to corporate moguls who charge too much for their black water swill and attempt to justify it by naming it different foreign-sounding names, lunch or brunch is a pretty good alternative. You don’t want to hit her with the dinner thing too early because dinners tend to be a little more serious territory. Coffee, lunch, brunch are all much more innocent sounding events that have a good chance of cracking even the most reluctant woman.
Alrighty then, we’ll leave it at that for now. Next week, we’ll talk about the first date. Oh yes, you will be going on a first date.
With advice, you get what you pay for. This is certainly true with this series of columns I’m starting today. Should you take any of these musings to heart and apply them to your own lives, you do so at your own risk.
What qualifies your friendly neighborhood web monkey to wax poetic on the jutsu of love? Certainly, it’s not my successes. You’re looking at a man who never dated in high school or college, had sex for the first time at the ripe old age of 23, and divorced after a single year of marriage. Yes friends, my fail rate far exceeds my win rate. Yet my win chi destroys my fail chi! I have learned from my sad attempts to conjure love and am glad to report that I am now happily married and plan to be for the rest of my days. I hope to pass on some of the lessons that I have learned through years of fail.
Ladies, I won’t bother giving you any advice. Let’s face it. You have the Happy Fun Bags. That’s like getting 1600 on the SATs for just spelling your name correctly. You win at the loves. This guide focuses on us geeky guys who wouldn’t know love if it ripped off our pants and played tonsil hockey with our Happy Fun Bag.
You Don’t Need Any Help
Before we get to far, we have to determine whether or not you really need help. The following not-so-hypothetical situations should indicate that you’re doing just fine. You just might not recognize your good fortune.
You may be thinking to yourself, man, I’ll never be in any of these situations. That’s what I thought. And because I was ill prepared, I completely failed to recognize opportunities for geek seduction that were virtually thrown at my man parts. So if you find yourself in these situations often, you don’t need any help. You just need to do something about it.
For everyone else, you might need some sort of game plan. So let’s get you started.
Target Acquired
The good news is that in this day and age, the smoking hot woman you have naughty dreams about every waking and sleeping hour probably has geeky tendencies. You’re in luck! Geek is the new chic for the ladies.
There are, however, certain basic standards that you potential target must meet before you set your sites on Geek Seduction. Don’t forget, your brain meats need stimulation, much more so than your man meats. We’re aiming for quality relationship territory here, not some one-night-stand drunken mistake. You deserve better than that so don’t you dare sell yourself short.
In no particular order, here are some suggested guidelines:
See, that’s not that bad. Most women, hell, most everyone you will want to interact with anyway meets those basic standards.
In short, she has to “get” you or at least “get” some aspect of you.
Once you’ve got your target, it’s time for the approach. We’ll tackle that subject next week when Super Geek Seduction Guide GO! continues!
