Did you miss webcomic reviews after the untimely death of my last computer? So did I! Luckily, I’ve been workin’ hard on getting new review notes compiled since then, and I now have some fruits of my labours. So let’s jump right in on this Review After the Fact….

Maybe you’re a gamer, but you find most gaming comics too vulgar or violent or absurd. I don’t share this problem, but I’m sure someone has it out there. So, if you’re looking for a less R-rated gaming comic, would you be interested in reading the archives of one that manages to be family-friendly while not dumbing down the content in the slightest? Then keep reading!

As many of you already know, CrispyGamer.com recently decided to shoot itself in both feet, then the head for good measure (or overkill; I’m not sure where the brains of that operation actually were located when all this was going on). Staff canned, CEO gone, and, most importantly to this article, comics unceremoniously terminated. One of those was Aaron Williams’ Backward Compatible.

I’m a huge fan of his work. You might be familiar with some of his other online-offering titles, such as Nodwick, Full Frontal Nerdity, and PS238. He also wrote for the acclaimed comic North 40, published by Wildstorm, and is also working with Marvel on an undisclosed project. This guy is a true professional artist in every sense of the words (and a real dang friendly dude!), and it shows in his work. The art in his comics is sharp and clean, and the lettering makes it clear that at least one person out there who publishes online stayed awake in English class.

Backward Compatible focused on the daily work lives of a small group of fictitious Crispy Gamer staff, based on actual people. The focus wasn’t on an ongoing story or characterization (which makes my job here much easier); it was all about episodic, topical gaming humour. That’s the meat of it, and it was tasty meat indeed. Take a look at a few prime examples of what made Backward Compatible so entertaining. Guys, I kid you not, I had over a dozen favourite strips saved to potentially post here for this review. Every single one was so funny, I couldn’t choose. I took the geek way out and rolled a die to determine the winners. The rest will be posted at the end of this page as links. I just couldn’t leave them out!

We all had these same thoughts about Fallout 3 (click to enlarge):

Let’s make fun of the Syphilis–I mean Syfy–Channel’s bad decisions–that NEVER gets old! No, I’m not being sarcastic there. Why, oh WHY do we have crap like Man-Thing airing as original Syfy programming, but The Lost Room is STILL in freakin’ limbo?! Here’s a novel idea, Syfy: if you want us to stop mocking you, STOP BEING STUPID. (Whew. Think I may have eaten a tangent for breakfast. No more citrus for me!)

A requisite World of Warcraft comic? Don’t mind if I do!

If this existed, I would play the heck out of it:

Are you keen to read more yet? Then hop on over to the very first strip and start reading! Backward Compatible only ran from January 2008 to January 2010, so you can expect to get through the entire archives in several hours or less. Not a bad way to spend an evening at home, eh? The current fate of the comic is unknown, but it’s likely that the archives will eventually be removed from CrispyGamer.com, so don’t wait! Act now to read the sheer comic genius that is Backward Compatible before time runs out! And if you need a little more convincing, here are the other comics that didn’t make it into this review:

Even the Pope was not amused by the “pre-downloading” concept of Left 4 Dead 2.

The second panel of this one says pretty much everything I’ve ever thought about those ridiculous Mac-which-is-actually-still-a-PC vs. PC ads.

What it would actually look like if illegal hunting was influenced by video games. Epic LULZ abound!

More Syfy mockery! That stuff is always in style.

Yeah, I could see why some people wouldn’t want to play a Zork MMO.

Why Gordon Freeman never speaks. (Where is our Half Life Episode 3, anyways?)

The…interesting…weaponry of Left 4 Dead 2.

You just keep telling yourself that, Mac. I own over a half-dozen Nintendo consoles, but no Apple products.

Snark Trek.

See now why I had so much trouble choosing? Go read more for yourself! Don’t worry. Unlike Crispy Gamer and Backward Compatible itself, I’ll still be here next week when you’re done.

Greetings, Toxic Avengers!!

Valentine’s Day is coming up.  So, in honor of this day of hearts and cupids I should probably do some kind of article commemorating fatal romances in movies, dictating the top love triangles in comics, or listing the love ballads everyone says they hate but secretly love.

I’m not gonna do any of that.

Instead, I’m going to veer completely around that holiday of pinks and purples and make a beeline straight for the twenty-four hours (almost) everyone in the U.S. will be observing (theoretically) the day after: Presidents’ Day.

For my contribution to the day in which we acknowledge the efforts of our leading forefathers, I turn to a medium that – in this day and age – can almost be considered as American as baseball and apple pie.

Comic books.

Presidents have been portrayed in comic books almost as far back as the beginning.  From George Washington penning for an (extremely) early version of The Daily Planet to last year’s run of Obama appearances, every age of comics through the years has had a commander-in-chief show up at some point.  In some cases, especially during times of war, having the president appear in a comic book was a way to rally the morale of Americans, as well as to add some weight to a particular hero’s efforts.  If FDR was responsible for helping Captain America obtain the shield he’s known for today, it must be just and right.

But as much as comic creators like to herald our national leaders, they also sometimes throw our presidents into comics to serve in a satirical sense.  The result is that often our leaders are portrayed in a negative light.  The reason for this is simple: comics, like any other entertainment medium, are just as often used to deliver a message as well as entertain.  It is not uncommon for comic book writers to infuse their own views on politics, society, and pop culture into their stories.  Richard Nixon tends to be a perfect example of this, as you’ll see shortly.

So, here are a few of the more notable moments in comic book history when our nation’s presidents made an appearance, for good or for ill:

Richard Nixon: Watchmen

Might as well start with what is most likely the most well-known appearance of a U.S. president in comics history.  Unfortunately for ol’ Tricky Dick, his role in the award-winning series only expounded upon the less-than-stellar reputation he was forever stuck with after his resignation in the shadow of the Watergate scandal.  In Watchmen, Alan Moore creates an alternate 1985 where Nixon is still president, using him as a tool to portray a country that thinks it is invulnerable.  Moore’s take on how Nixon would eventually lead the country to nuclear war was his commentary against “power politics” and “Reaganism”, a statement that continues to resonate with anyone who picks up this powerful graphic novel.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Captain America

FDR appears to have been quite the busy guy in comic books… retroactively.  While not part of the original canon of these books, over the years FDR was retconned into playing a major role in a number of major comic book moments.  Not only did he play a major part in the creation of the Justice Society of America and the All-Star Squadron over at DC, in Marvel’s Captain America issue 255 he makes a cameo appearance to present Cap with his current, iconic shield.

Ronald Reagan: The Dark Knight Returns

Another negative portrayal of a U.S. leader, this time from the pen of Frank Miller.  Miller’s tale also takes place in an alternate reality.  This time, a much older Batman comes out of retirement to reclaim Gotham from being overrun with crime.  Coming out right around the same time as Watchmen, Miller wasn’t afraid to take the founder of “Reaganomics” head on (unlike Moore), portraying him as a slippery-tongued oaf who had only his own best interests at heart.

Ronald Reagan: Legends

Reagan again, only this time, the actor-turned-president was portrayed in a more sympathetic manner.  A semi-successful mini-series that told the story of a Darkseid operative turning the American public against superheroes, Legends featured a Reagan who was a little more reasonable in his decision-making.  Though he initially had to reluctantly issue an order to restrict superhero activity, The Gipper immediately rescinded that edict after the Martian Manhunter saved his life from an assassination attempt.

John F. Kennedy: Action Comics

Kennedy’s appearance in Action Comics issue 309 is distinctive for a couple of reasons – not only does play a major role in the story by teaming up with Superman, he also ends up being one of the few people the Man of Steel trusts with his secret identity.  Sadly, the timing of this issue couldn’t have been worse, though it is part of the reason why this appearance is so notable – Action Comics 309 came out a week after JFK’s assassination in Texas.

Now, before I get comments and e-mails about the bajillion examples I missed, keep in mind that I couldn’t list every single instance of one of our leaders making an appearance in a comic book.  After all of my research, these were the ones that kept popping up the most.  And, for the most part, I think they serve as worthy representatives of a comic book tradition that really shows no signs of letting up for as long as we have presidents in these United States.  And I’m sure that we’ll continue to see them portrayed both sincerely, as well as satirically.

Or we could just get Lex Luthor as president again.

The Don doesn’t get sworn in.  He gets sworn at.

Greetings, Na’vi!

By now, most of you have probably already seen James Cameron’s latest epic Avatar.  Krellion gave you his thoughts on the film this past December, but you may have noticed that I was noticeably quiet on the subject.

That was because until this past weekend, I had no interest in seeing the film.  Don’t get me wrong, I bore no ill will against the movie at all.  It looked amazing in the trailers and it appeared to be another megahit for the director of Aliens and Titanic.  I’m certainly an avid enthusiast of all the movies Cameron has put out so far.  But for some reason, this particular film didn’t grab me, slap me around, call me a tramp, and make we want to see it.  It just didn’t interest me.

Well, leave it to Krellion to make me an offer I couldn’t refuse. (Hey!  I’m The Don.  That’s supposed to be my job.)  After twisting my arm (by offering to pay for my ticket), we went to one of the evening 3-D showings last Saturday.

I have to admit, I was quite impressed.  But then again, I knew I would be.  That was never a point of contention for me as far as the film was concerned.  The movie was just as head-splittingly stunning visually as I had expected.  What I didn’t expect was that the lackluster, formulaic story would actually pull me in and keep me entranced for two-and-a-half hours.

A lot of that has to do with how it’s presented.  I think Cameron knew that the storyline was one we’d seen a million times before (comparisons to Dances with Wolves and Fern Gully are accurate).  So, in order to compensate, Cameron completely draws you into the story, the world, and the characters.  You almost become a living, breathing part of the narrative.  This is definitely one of those cases where the 3-D effects aren’t used simply as a gimmick; they serve to help fully immerse you into this expansive world.

Of course, you can’t mention Avatar without mentioning the visuals.  I won’t say much on them, as this is the aspect that everyone from Ohio to the Mutara Nebula is already aware of – the sights on display are nothing short of spectacular.  Cameron definitely raised the bar as far as CG effects go, as well as how creative a special effects company can get with exotic, otherworldly locales.

But, while the eye candy is indeed impressive, it’s in the visual effects where my biggest problem with the film lies.

One of the main issues I had with the movie was that despite the brief interaction at the beginning of the film and big battle at the end, the Na’vi do not interact with the humans for most of the running time of the film.  And since I knew going into it that the Na’vi side of the story was almost entirely CG, my mind kept telling me that I was pretty much just watching a CG animated flick.  Without seeing live actors against the CG characters, it made it hard for me to see just how impressive and photorealistic the Na’vi really were.  Don’t get me wrong, all of the Na’vi stuff looked incredible, but without the contrast I couldn’t resolve in my mind that fact that I was just watching a CG movie.

What this created for me was a situation where it almost felt like I was watching two different movies – the CGI animated feature about the Na’vi, and the live action film about marines and scientists trying to exploit a planet’s resources.  It got to the point that every time the story would transition from one to the other I was briefly pulled out of the film, like having cold water splashed on me.  Granted, I was able to quickly get back into the story, but that jarring sensation continued to plague me until we got to the final battle and we finally got to see the “livers” take on the “animatees”.

But man… when the marines finally engaged the Na’vi armies head-on (apply directly to the forehead!), my mind was blown.  Ask Krellion – as soon as one of the Na’vi started to engage the humans in hand-to-hand combat, I actually whispered “Finally!”  This is what I had been waiting to see ever since Cameron first started bragging about how photo real the Na’vi were.  And it was glorious.  Just a shame I had to wait until the last act to really see it in action.

Despite my (minor) issue with the movie, I really did enjoy Avatar.  In fact, despite the formulaic plot, I still find myself thinking back to these characters as their story still seems to resonate with me.  I will definitely be picking it up when it comes out on Blu later this year.  In fact, I may be compelled to go see it in the theater again before it finishes its run.

I’ll even buy my own ticket this time.

The Don sees you.

This post is coming to you in the midst of “technical difficulties.” By which I mean, my computer has currently forgotten how to boot up, and while praying the backups of my three seven-year-old hard drives are mostly up to date, I’m trying to figure out how to navigate my significant other’s non-ergonomic keyboard and smaller monitor. Please report any typos or other errors to 1-800-EAT-CRAP, okay? Thanks!

Not having access to my own files, I’m having to write this without any notes. Which, let’s be honest, I was gonna do anyways. But now I have an excuse!

This past Saturday, I got to experience my first art/fan jam, for fans of the webcomic The Draconia Chronicles. Now, I know Donnie Sturges (writer) and Danny Valentini (artist) outside of the comic. We’re all buds; we hang, we be chillin’. I know where they live and I watch them sleep. So it was pretty much a normal Saturday of hanging out for me, just with a few extra strangers present. About a dozen of us artists, friends, and fans assembled at a local restaurant, where we talked shop and drew pictures until the dirty looks of the restaurant staff could no longer be ignored (I kid–they knew in advance we’d be there all evening). Donnie and Danny even gave us a sneak peek at the next couple of pages in the comic and dropped a few hints about future events…niftin’, eh?

Normally when I’m in the company of other webcomic fans, it’s as an audience member at a panel during some convention or other. We don’t really interact with one another. We’re too busy asking questions of the artists. Once the panel’s done, we all go our separate ways and don’t really ever get to know one another. This was the first time I’d ever been able to associate with my fellow fans in such an open setting. Instead of quietly listening to the artists talk for the hour or two most panels run, we were all speaking to each other (and usually all at the same time). I saw fans that I typically see at Draconia panels, such as the Überfan who has every page of Draconia printed out and saved in a folder (complete with the comic’s title and credits on the cover, written in the Daedric runes from The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion). But this time–and for the first time–it was one another we were interacting with, rather than just the artists.

More than one person commented that this fan jam was better than a convention panel. We had food, new friends, and none of the embarrassment of raising your voice in a busy panel room and asking a question that had just been answered five minutes before. Plus, ya gotta love not having to buy a convention pass in order to mingle!

I’ve seen jams hosted by other artists, and now I can totally see the appeal. If you’re looking for a good way to interact with your fanbase that doesn’t involve packing up your car and driving fifteen hours to an overpriced hotel, and doesn’t involve fighting with convention staff to respond to your emails as to whether or not you have a confirmed panel room…yeah, definitely consider looking into a local meet-up. They’re low stress (at least for us fans!) and a heckuva lotta casual fun.

Tune in next time, when I may or may not have tossed my computer into a ravine.

Guys, it’s the time of year where we show our holiday spirit by spending all our money on gifts that will very likely go unappreciated by their recipients. (Rosy picture I painted there, innit?) But I’m here to hopefully assist in picking a present that won’t go to the Goodwill center on the 26th….At least, as long as the person you’re shopping for likes webcomics.

Here are the stores of some of my favourite webcomics, as well as a mini-list of what you can find there. If you’ve ever heard your cousin mention how much he likes Richard from Looking for Group, or your roommate talking about how cool Sluggy Freelance is, you can achieve temporary respect in the form of a holiday bribe by shopping these stores for relevant merch. This is just a sampling–you can’t know the true glory until you check it all out for yourself. And don’t wait around, because holiday shipping deadlines are nigh!

Basic Instructions – Clothing, books, commissioned images of your fan-friend! We all need instructions on how to live a better life when the moon-men attack.

Draconia Chronicles – Stickers, clothing, calendars! Who doesn’t want lithe and buxom tigers, dragons, and foxes gracing their home? Foolish people, that’s who. (Please note the site is in the process of changing servers this week and may have a little downtime.)

Looking for Group – Comics, figurines, plushies, blankets, clothes, posters, and randomness! I don’t know about you, but I would burn so many villagers for those Richard socks.

Penny Arcade – Do I really have to explain this one? It’s freakin’ Penny Arcade. They’ve got EVERYTHING. They’re the Sam’s Club of webcomic stores. Good deals at bargain prices. You know the drill. (The Fruit F…umm…Lover certainly knows all about drilling. BAM!)

Questionable Content – Prints, clothing, tote bags! Much of which is not, in fact, questionable content, but much of which is, in fact, super cool.

Sluggy Freelance – Plushies, books, games, pins, and clothing! And you can buy a Defenders membership subscription so your Sluggite fan-friend can see all the juicy content the normal peons–err, fans–don’t get to see. Don’t forget to check out the Breakables Store for more delicate articles like calendars, mugs, and mouse pads. If you don’t buy something, Bun-bun plushie will stab you in the eye with his cute widdle pwushie switchbwade. I may do the same if I never acquire my own serial-killing bunny rabbit. (Regretting my own lack of Defender membership to buy the Defenders-exclusive Holiday Overlord version right about now.)

Something Positive – Posters, prints, cards, clothes, and alliteration! (Much of which is not work-safe, so browse with discretion.) Me, I’m holding out for a Choo-Choo Bear squishy stress doll to get made.

Studio Foglio, creators of Girl Genius, Buck Godot, and What’s New? – Pins, books, games, and squeezy toys. A Wulfenbach airship you can squish again and again? No wonder the Baron is an unstoppable force in Europa.

See, now I’ve done practically all the holiday shopping work for you, out of the goodness of my black little lump-of-coal heart, sharing the joy of the season.

You’re welcome.

….I expect to see those Richard socks and Bun-bun plushie under my tree by Christmas morning. Finder’s fee. You know.

Warning: rant doesn’t know when to quit.

Yeah, I know Internet quizzes are too easy when it comes to rant topics. But this the first time I’ve found occasion to do it, so cut me some slack, eh?

This chunk o’ venting applies all across the board of creative arts. And it opens with a plea: creators of all kinds, STOP TAKING THOSE MARY SUE LITMUS TESTS.

Does it seem like an odd thing to write about? I’m sure it does, but I’ve run into this topic six freakin’ times in the past month, and my patience with stupidity only goes so far. Which is to say, not far at all. I’m annoyed with people who make these tests, as well as the people who actually take them in the slightest bit seriously. I mean it. I’m going to smack some heads if I see one more message from someone who’s upset that “the Internet” told them their character sucks unto Sue-ness on some ridiculous quiz just because she has four colours dyed in her hair.

If you’ve spent much time reading online, you’re almost certainly familiar with the Mary Sue/Gary Stu. They go far beyond simple “insert” characters, which are based upon a creator of the work they appear in, but aren’t necessarily Sues/Stus themselves if well-designed. Mary Sues/Gary Stus are characters who are too perfect for the world of the story they’re in, or are so stricken with bad luck despite being “perfect” that you’re supposed to just want to hug them (but often you end up only wanting them to walk off a cliff). They’re always the smart one with knowledge beyond the ken of their peers, the pretty one, and/or the hero. Every other character either wants to sex ‘em or kill ‘em, past the bounds of believability. No matter how badly they behave, other characters easily forgive them–unless those guys are the ones unnaturally obsessed with killing the character. The eyes of the story world’s other characters are always upon the Sue/Stu. The rules of the story’s reality get bent or flat-out broken in order to make a Sue/Stu look better, in both the “Sue/Stu is a shining star” way and the “Sue/Stu is deserving of ultimate sympathy” way. (Look, I’ma just call them all the traditional “Sues” from now on. If Johnny Cash can have “A Boy Named Sue”…then so can I, dammit.)

Unfortunately, as always happens with time and the Internet, the original definition gets warped. People forget how to really define the thing anymore. And suddenly, the definition is incorrectly made so broad that pretty much ANY character can be called a Sue. That’s where the Mary Sue Litmus Tests come in. If you take those quizzes, I estimate there’s a 90% chance your character will be branded a Sue by the test results. I’ll be adding my “research” (if you can call it that) here to prove my point, don’t worry.

For some reason, variations on the “Original Mary Sue Litmus Test” (if such a thing even exists anymore) plague the Internet like a bedbug infestation. For an even more unfathomable reason, budding artists take these tests for their original characters, and take the results seriously, to look at the number of feedback comments wailing “I worked so hard on making my character believable, but this test says she’s just a Sue!” Look, people–as a general rule, Internet quizzes are not written by learned experts. They’re made by bored teens in high school, by college nerds slacking off term papers, and by adult nerds after a long shift behind the cash register at work. I shouldn’t even have to say this, but I will anyways….If you take an Internet quiz–hell, even a random non-quiz website as a valid source of feedback for your creative designs, you’re not just asking for failure. You’re begging for it. Those quizzes and other non-scholarly sources will always steer you in the wrong direction.

What really screws up these tests’ Sue-definitions is that the quizzes use incorrect guidelines to determine Sue-ness. Instead of going by the believability of personality, “perfectness”, and how much the rules are bent for a character, these tests tend to focus on a character’s physical appearance, hobbies, and even their name. I plunked “Mary Sue Litmus Test” into Google and got…well…FAR more results than I wanted to see, given my obvious dislike of this quiz. No, I won’t link to them. I’m giving them too much attention just mentioning them here, really. I took the first six tests that didn’t try to spam me with pop-ups or demand my email address to get my results, and here’s my haul.

Pretty Much Everyone Is A Mary Sue according to these tests, as proven by not just using fictional characters, but also real people, yers truly included. Most of these tests, being near-clones of one another, use similar or identical scoring systems, rating your character from 0 to whatever on the Sue scale (I averaged my scores as best I could).

I took these six quizzes for three characters (two mine from two different canons, third from a video game), two real-life friends of mine, and myself. (And good gods, did that ever take forever. The things I do for you guys….) The results? Five out of those six characters/people were classed as “High Mary Sues.” The only exception was a personal character who’s a talking plant and was classed “Not a Sue”–most of the questions just don’t apply to flora. I tried to answer the questions a second time as if the plant was human, and got a “You’re a Sue!”-type score, though still lower than for us other five human(oid)s. Answers only vary so much when the character changes species. But still, I think your tests are a bit broken, guys. And I’m not the only one–the roleplayers on this LiveJournal community post voiced their own problems with how the quiz they tried was lacking (warning: link contains no-no words). Says LiveJournal user harlecerule: “Basically, the test says ‘Is your character interesting? Okay, they’re a Sue.’ without enough sections for flaws/provisos that turn a ‘Sue trait’ into ‘oh, okay’ to potentially lower the score.” Llamrei replies, “Yeah, that was kind of my impression. Basically their definition of someone who isn’t a Sue is someone who is not out of the ordinary in any way whatsoever.” Browse the 160 comments tot that post, and you’ll see the vast majority of characters tested were high Sues, regardless of how well-designed they were outside of their unique traits.

It gets better, though–the three fictional characters got a LOWER Sue score than the three real people. Yet we were all still High Mary Sues who are completely unbelievable as characters, according to this quiz. My ex-military friend who’s travelled extensively with the forces, learned all about armed combat, has several visible scars from injuries received during training, and earned numerous awards? Totally unbelievable Sue, even though his experience is pretty normal for military personnel. My friend who’s generally considered quite attractive, is multilingual, hotheaded, and very active in conservation groups? Totally unbelievable Sue, even though, again, she’s not that unusual a person in this evolving and competitive world. Me, with an unusual first and last name, frequently mistaken for being a teenager half my age, and left-handed? Totally unbelievable Sue. Apparently having any sort of unique name and DNA that’s been good to me makes me unbelievable as a character. Huh. Who knew. (Of course, I’m not writing up EVERYTHING that affected our Sue-scores…just referencing some of the more ridiculous questions on these quizzes.)

I think it’s the name questions that are some of the most ridiculous. “Does the character’s name mean something?” Unless you made up a name comprised of syllables you like the sound of, EVERYONE’S name means something in some old language. Even common names like John (Hebrew, “God’s grace”) and Margaret (Greek, “pearl”) mean something. Oh, and don’t think you’re off the hook if you just made up a name that has no meaning; unique names ALSO get you Sue points. Being named after anything in nature, such as an animal or meteorological phenomenon, nets you Sue points as well. This is where the test really screwed me, since my parents made up one of my names, and, being of Native American descent, one of my last names is an animal. Which reminds me, having a Native American character puts you in Sue territory in half the quizzes I took. I suppose I should be offended. Apparently, realistic characters don’t have names like Maria TallChief or Peter Blue Cloud. (Go ahead, Google them. I’ll wait.) Really, if you whittle the quizzes down to their bare elements, just having a name puts you in Sue territory, the way some of these tests are rigged. And gods forbid you actually put any imagination into your character’s names! Can’t have creativity when we’re creating, now, can we? That said, you’re toeing the line of Sue-ness when you name your prophesied hero “Destiny” or give names that describe characters’ traits even though no one could have predicted them at birth, like “Oak” for a strong man who’s built like a tree, or “Melody” for a character who loves singing. You can perhaps pull it off if the babies were named based upon some old fortune-teller’s vision of their future at birth, but it’s really a crapshoot.

That’s not even getting into the ways these quizzes repeatedly contradict themselves. Scars appear to be a sore point for whoever writes these things, because I saw two related questions repeated in nearly every test. “Does your character have any visible scarring from battle?” Sue points! “Does your character have no scars despite being in battle?” Sue points! The problem is that these quizzes TRY to be thorough, but they don’t ask enough questions to provide provisos, and also don’t ask the right questions. Just leaving it at “you get Sue points whether or not your character is scarred” is just sloppy writing. Why would you take a quiz about creating art that’s sloppily compiled? As another example, here’re two more contradicting questions that repeat in each of the tests. “Is your character much older than they appear?” Sue points! “Is your character much younger than they appear?” Sue points! It seems that everyone in the History Of Ever must look EXACTLY within their age range. Well, dang. I guess I’ll go punish my naughty genes now.

Additionally, these tests mistake self-insert characters (GOOD if well-written) for Sues (generally always BAD). “Does the character share your beliefs?” “Is the character’s name based off your own?” Dammit, people, how many times must I go into this? Self-inserts are NOT exclusively Sues! And when I was growing up, I was taught that you’re supposed to write what you know. Writing what you know typically does mean that you, the creator, may share a few traits with your characters. But not too much, or you can cross the line into BAD self-insert. Which is largely indistinguishable from a Sue, if a character has many of your good traits and is very skilled, but has few of your faults. I know it’s a very confusing fine line. Which brings me to the final section of this rant-and-a-half….

Basically, physical traits, names, and interests don’t make a character a Sue by default. You can have a Sue who isn’t gorgeous or doesn’t have godlike powers. Conversely, you can have a well-balanced, well-written character who IS beautiful and powerful. While many Sues DO have superior looks, hobbies, intelligence, and/or abilities, those traits do not a Sue make. What makes a Sue is the lack of balance in your character and story design. In order to have them be believable as a character, they must also be believable as a real, flesh-and-blood person. They must make mistakes and bad decisions. They can’t always have the answers. They must have flaws, and they must pay for exercising those flaws–and I mean personality flaws, like occasional cowardice or flying into rages over trivial matters. Being clumsy or missing a finger doesn’t make your character well-rounded. Those are just physical quirks.

If they have extreme power, there still must be limits on that power so they’re not ALWAYS the saviour of everyone around. For example: “Yes, I could destroy the enemy castle with my mind, but the backlash of the power would put me in a coma if it didn’t just kill me, and I’d be totally useless to you guys then.” Or “Yes, I could destroy the enemy castle with my mind, but I can’t control my powers, and it’s not worth the risk that I’d just end up killing all of us by accident instead of the enemies!”

Everyone can’t be in love with or befriend your character. Everyone is not your friend in real life, after all. Not everyone thinks you’re special, and so it must be for your characters. Everyone can’t be talking about your character when they’re not around, or following your character’s every move. Trust me, no one gives a crap about much of the stuff you (all of us) do here in the real world, and the same must hold true in your created worlds if you want balance. It’s just not that interesting for other people to sit around listening to your character explain how they were the sole saviour of the people trapped in the enemy castle by destroying it with their mind. Any rules that you create for your world must also apply to your character. I don’t care if you’ve got a Jedi with a lightsaber in medieval France. That Jedi is still going to need rules and limits on what he can and can’t do, or you’re going to have a very boring character. Your audience wants to see what makes your character sympathetic and human (regardless of actual species). If you don’t give them that, then you won’t have an audience.

So forget about those Internet quizzes, you who took them. Trust them, and you’ll end up with a pile of bland flour instead of an interesting character. Focus on making your creations well-rounded and balanced. Examine the world around you to see how people really behave, and make sure it comes through in your works. Don’t be afraid to get creative! You’ll know you’ve done a good job when you notice your audience steadily increasing and the feedback is overwhelmingly positive. (Exceptions to this include Stephenie Meyer, who is essentially paid to write Sues. But that’s another rant for another time.)

And don’t waste your breath trying to tell me how X character is obviously a Sue because they’re pretty/descended from angels/a great singer, rather than because they never do anything wrong and all the main characters have a crush on them. You need to re-read this article from the beginning if you STILL think crap which isn’t related to character personality development makes a Sue.

Yeah, I think that’s enough from me for now. I’ll be seein’ you all next time…whether you like it or not!

Earlier this month, the creator of the brilliant social-parody-disguised-as-modern-high-fantasy webcomic, Bruno the Bandit, mentioned that he was no longer working on the comic as a way to make a living. In Ian McDonald’s own words:

Right now, my motivations for doing the strip, not to mention my energy levels, are nearly at zero.

The reason is simple: I failed with Bruno. My ultimate goal was to make a living at this. But it didn’t work out that way. Yes, I kept telling myself that it doesn’t matter that I’m not making a living as a cartoonist, I enjoy doing this as a hobby. Which is not entirely untrue, either. But deep down, what I really wanted was to join the illustrious ranks of webcartoonists who are making a living by publishing their comics online. That ain’t gonna happen. I’m just not that good… either at cartooning, or self-promotion, or both.

Furthermore, my readership has been dropping steadily over the past few years, though I’ve nobody to blame but myself for that, due to all the “breaks” I’ve had to take. As well, feedback on the strip has been at an all-time low. I rarely get any e-mail from readers these days, and the Bruno the Bandit forum is all but dead. I can’t help but wonder if you the readers aren’t getting fed up with the strip. If so, I’m not sure I blame you. I can’t help but wonder if my lack of enthusiasm for working on the strip hasn’t affected its quality of late. Rather than plod along and churn out comics I’m not proud of, I figure I should take a break and recharge the ol’ batteries.

Is this the end of Bruno the Bandit? No. But from now on, when I create new comics, it’s because I feel like doing so, not because I feel compelled to put them out on a weekly schedule.

I’m a huge fan of the comic. Being a long-time reader means I’m pretty familiar with the ebbs of flows of the comic over the years. Which means, I have to agree with much of McDonald’s blog about why Bruno so far hasn’t been successful as a business, having seen things like the frequent hiatuses. And that’s where I’m going with this post.

When you get down to it, there’s a lot that can go wrong when it comes to webcomics. That’s hardly news. We’ve probably all seen creators who started out strong and raked in the donations, only to hit a writer’s block that killed the comic and alienated the fanbase. Or, say, creators who got in over their heads when it came to merchandising, spending so much time stressing over pre-orders and getting things shipped out that their core work, the comic itself, suffered. The two biggest wildcards in making a business out of webcomics are, of course, the creating artist(s) and the audience. An artist may have the best story idea in history, but if you can’t ensnare and hold your target audience with it, you’re screwed. Likewise, the best comic in history won’t stay on top if the artist repeatedly flakes out on updates, delivers empty promises to the fans, or just drives them away with bad behaviour outside the comic.

If you’re seeking to make webcomics a business, you have to be open to listening to your fans’ suggestions. As part of the audience, I’m-a gonna list some of the things that destroy my enthusiasm for any given webcomic and lead me to spend my money elsewhere. I won’t be naming names (though I might be linking links). As always, it’s just my opinion; your mileage probably widely varies.

Flaky updates and empty promises. – Look, it’s okay to have a comic that updates sporadically, but be clear about this point on your site. Don’t say “Updates every Monday!” if it’s more like every Tuesday or every other Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…or whenever you remember you’re supposed to be working on it. Don’t change the update schedule every few weeks. Don’t say “comic will be up tonight” if there’s a chance outside of power outage or family emergency that you can’t deliver. If you have a schedule, stick to it. If you can’t, change the schedule to something that you CAN stick to, even if it means your updates go from three times weekly to once monthly. Hell, even “Updates sporadically” is a legitimate schedule since it tells us not to expect an update every time we check the site. Flaking out on your promises makes you look like a sloppy businessman. If my mechanic doesn’t have my car ready at the appointed time because he never got around to looking at it, I’ll be Googling for a new repairman. Same for webcomics. If you can’t deliver what you promise, I’m not trusting you with my donations or merchandise orders. You’re unreliable.

Semi-relevant to the above: Don’t use your “issues” to be flaky if you want to succeed as a business. – You’re not a freak if you suffer from chronic depression or adult ADHD or any myriad of other mental, physical, and emotional ailments. And I’ll smack anyone who says you are. But if you want to be a strong business, you can’t repeatedly use your issues as an excuse for backing out on your promised delivery of goods. In the “real world,” you get fired if you continually call in sick, no matter how much your boss sympathizes with you. Online, the audience is to some extent your boss, if you’re working for profit. If you constantly disappear for three months and then say each time, “Sorry, my *insert ailment here* wouldn’t let me draw,” the sympathy we all feel for you at first gradually turns into frustration. Millions of people work every day, doing their best to compensate for and conquer their ailments. In order to succeed, you have to work even when you don’t feel like it. I realize this is a touchy subject, but far too often, I’ve seen a webcomic artist vanish for an extended period, only to blog, “I was too depressed to make any updates, but please keep donating!” Your ailments are an explanation, never an excuse. I say this as someone who’s worked hard to defeat my own issues.

This next one invokes Will Wheaton’s Law: “Don’t be a [rhymes with 'stick'].” – You guys might wanna watch your behaviour even when you’re not on your personal site. Whether you like it or not, people’s eyes are on you anywhere you go online, once you gain any sort of following. About four years ago, my favourite webcomic was this unique and well-drawn story about a boy summoned to save another world, only it turns out the boy has so many mental issues and voices in his head that he needs saving almost more than the world he’s supposed to protect. I was in love with this story and its world; I recommended the comic to everyone I knew. Then I noticed that I was on several unrelated forums with the comic’s creator. Then I noticed what a liar, hypocrite, and all-around trolling jerk said creator was, when he didn’t think any of his fans were around to notice. He would deliberately start trouble on these forums, get smacked down by the moderators, then go back to his comic’s forum and cry to his fans about how racist and closed-minded everyone else was, and how poor widdle him got in trouble for being a decent person surrounded by trolls. I lost respect for that person then, and the comic was soon replaced by another in my “favourite” status. Prior to that, I’d been chomping at the bit for the comic to be released in book form. Now the comic’s finally seen the release of its first book, and I don’t care anymore. My interest is gone; that comic isn’t getting my money. I still read it out of habit, but my love for the comic has waned (though that’s also partly because the story’s pacing is awful–almost nothing has happened to advance the plot in the past few years). Some people can separate the artist from the attitude, but I’m afraid my blind eye is only a little bit nearsighted. I’ve had similar issues with a now-idle sprite comic whose artist constantly insulted his own audience, and the writer for a comic in which two people on opposite sides of the world see each other’s lives when asleep. Long rant short: if I catch you being a jerk, you can forget seeing my cash.

Don’t air your dirty laundry to your fans. – For the past year and more, the creator of another comic I follow has been repeatedly begging for more donations, complaining of the financial crisis he, his wife, and their year-old son are in, already having lost one of his family’s properties and dealing with only sporadic employment on top of the bills for the baby. His most current blog posts have been mentions that the comic is only drawing in a fraction of the donations he needs to fund his expenses….Only, he recently blogged that he had the chance to buy the car he’s always wanted. (Note it’s not NEEDS; it’s WANTS.) And even used, this particular model doesn’t come cheaply. My research results averaged from $5,000 to $10,000. You’re probably having a similar reaction to the one I had: “How is it that someone who can barely afford to feed his family can buy a car he doesn’t even need?” I don’t have a problem with people in financial crisis making little splurges. Sometimes that’s all that keeps you sane. But THIS? Is not a little splurge. Many of us have things we’ve wanted to buy for years, but being an adult and providing for your family must come first, particularly if the money situation is as dire as you claim. I acknowledge maybe there’s some unwritten backstory that justifies him buying a car instead of saving for bills, but the situation is presented on his blog as I shared it here. It gets worse, though; the most recent blog post has him complaining that he’ll never be able to buy this car, and putting the blame for it on an unspecified party. His equally underemployed wife, who shares a blog column, posts at the same time that she’s upset that she’s being misunderstood and ignored. Neither one says who they’re talking about, but the timing? Hmmm….If they’re not talking about each other, a little blurb clarifying this would go such a long way. As it stands, right now I’m not donating to someone who appears to value a car over family financial needs, not even if his next post says the three of them are living in a cardboard box.

Now, what’s probably the most important sum-up point of my lengthy rantings–and this part comes from my previous experience with running Web-based enterprises: If you don’t run your webcomic like a business, you won’t succeed as a business. – Just putting up a donation link and three updates every week usually won’t float you. You gotta pimp yourself out more than a five-dollar hooker. A successful business has to advertise, network, merchandise, reinvest…all those things most people hate doing. Most webcomics can’t sustain themselves by selling just books, either–these books tend to be expensive small-run prints with little to no profit. Begging for donations usually doesn’t work either, except to recoup some expenses. Most fans want something more substantial in exchange for their money, like T-shirts, mugs, and plushies, just for starters. Just look at Penny Arcade. Those guys are the classic model for how to run a webcomic business correctly. They stick to their schedule. They offer varied merchandise in their stores. (And they know when to delegate responsibilities like merchandising and advertising so they’re not overwhelmed with projects and can focus on the comic.) They don’t usually talk about their issues, and when Gabe does, it’s not in a whinging way; it’s more educational. They keep their business and personal personas largely separate online (chances are, you’ve been on a forum with one of them in the past and never even knew it), or at least try to be neutral about talking of personal matters on their site blogs. I’m not saying that doing everything Penny Arcade does guarantees you success; after all, their comic has a more mainstream appeal than many others out there in the Interwebs. But learning how to be a businessman won’t hurt you, either.

As usual, this “little” rant got away from me, but it’s all done…for now. I must now go reinforce my pillow fort against angry artists, so ciao!

When I do webcomic reviews, it’s mostly to show my love for a comic that I feel doesn’t get enough exposure.* But what about when a comic I love is already popular enough that I probably can’t tell you webcomic fans anything about it that you don’t already know?

*That doesn’t mean I’ll never write reviews for comics I don’t like. But for my past reviews, I’ve just gone through my regular reading list of comics–and I don’t tend to keep reading things that have stayed past their welcome with me. That said, I actually do have a review in mind for a webcomic that I gave up on, but as it’s only a few months old, I’m giving it half a year to improve before I make with the frowny-faces. Fair’s fair.

Originally, I planned to just leave off reviewing these ceWebrities of webcomic fame and only mention them in terms of comic news and what-have-you. Still, though, I couldn’t escape the desire to blow these guys’ horns. In order to satisfy myself without beating too many deceased equines, I’ve settled on a compromise: the mini-review.

This time, I’m singing the praises of Phil and Kaja Foglio’s Girl Genius (with colourist Cheyenne Wright), a success story in print as well as online. Girl Genius has in the past been nominated for the Web Cartoonists’ Choice Awards, the Eisner Award, the Hugo Awards, and the Eagle Awards; it’s won a Hugo and numerous WCCA categories. The Foglios themselves are no strangers to art fans. Phil Foglio is probably most famous for providing his uniquely-styled illustrations to the MythAdventures series of books by Robert Lynn Asprin, as well as creating former Dragon Magazine comic series What’s New with Phil & Dixie (which you should really check out on the Foglio’s website, along with Girl Genius and the equally-entertaining Buck Godot!) See? There’s some serious talent behind this print-comic-turned-webcomic-turned-print-comic! That alone should be enough to persuade anyone who’s heard of Girl Genius but never checked it out to take a look.

But we all like pretty pictures, right? And I did say that Phil’s art style is unique…extremely unique. If you’ve seen his work before, you’ll instantly recognize it again. Combine Phil’s art with the colouring talent of Cheyenne Wright, and you’ve got a lovely little vision of sequential art to massage your eyeballs. Let’s take a look at the art of Girl Genius, in which the Foglios’ love of Victorian-era dress and culture and steampunk are allowed to roam freely. (Kaja invented the term “gaslamp fantasy” to describe the comic’s less punky, but no less steamy, setting. I don’t mean “steamy” in the saucy way, either. I mean it in the “Water plus heat equals steam. The world can be saved by steam!” way.) Girl Genius takes place in a version of Europe where mad scientists known as “Sparks” run rampant with their minions and twisted creations. When the heroes of your comic are mostly inventors with tenuous grips on sanity at best, problem solving tends to take on new and amusing levels of meaning. Let’s pull out that art and allow me to illustrate (hehe) with a recent storyline:

The disembodied voice in the second panel talking about tours is the voice of the mostly-insane castle/fortress/mad laboratory the characters are currently trying to repair…so that its homicidal behaviour is directed against, well, pretty much anyone OTHER than the guys doing the repair job.

But the life of a Spark is not all fun and games and dissecting of brains. When you muck about with the very forces that hold our world together, you’re bound to run into a bit of backlash. One of the Sparks, a prince named Tarvek, ends up with the contagious lethal disease Hogfarb’s Resplendent Immolation, which apparently turns its victims all sorts of pretty, pretty colours before death (which may involve spontaneous combustion, or may just lead to a literal meltdown of the body). And also makes them delirious. But really, who notices the difference when the infected is a mad scientist?

And how do you treat a terminal illness? Well, if you’re ALSO a Spark, the solution is easy: you hook yourself up to the sufferer to stabilize him (which also gives you his symptoms), move his brain into a nice safe jar or something for storage, then kill him, drain his blood, decontaminate it, and then bring him back to life, at which point he’ll be good as new! Simple, huh? I wonder why doctors never use this treatment in our world….

Hijinks ensue, of course, and our heroine Agatha Heterodyne ends up catching the disease herself. Which rather complicates matters, as she was the one who was going to be treating both Tarvek and rival noble Gilgamesh Wulfenbach (who did the hooking up of himself to Tarvek in order to stabilize–and rationalise–him). Oh, you wacky Sparks! But this also brings out the “romance” part of the comic’s tagline, “Adventure, Romance, MAD SCIENCE!” Our two rich boys are both gunning for Agatha’s affections, which means putting her health before theirs:

If you’ve fallen behind (or, gods forbid, never started) reading, how can you not want to read this comic after all that? Have you no sense of adventure? Have you no love of romance? Have you no obsession with MAD SCIENCE!?

Well, now, even without doing character bios and exposition of the overarching plot and whatnot, this Girl Genius “mini-review” was still a bit longer than you’d expect a “mini” to be. But that just shows you how enthusiastic I am about the work of the Foglios and Wright!

Greetings, Banana Splits!

There comes a time in every child’s life when they must put away childish things and become an adult…

…or they can say “To Hell with that” and continue to have fun by going to conventions like Nekocon.

Guess which one I did this past weekend?

To be fair, I was there in an official capacity, as my partner-in-crime Danny Valentini and I were invited to the convention again this year to be guests.  Supposedly, we do this web comic together called “The Draconia Chronicles” that grows in popularity every year.  Now, I would just chalk this up to rumor for now, because everyone knows that there are no such things as web comics.  That’s just a story parents tell their children at night to scare them so that they won’t grow up to get online degrees.

You should know the drill by now – I do a quick recap of my weekend at a convention, you skim over it feeling unfulfilled, then we both reluctantly agree that we need to see other people as we give back all the items we borrowed or gave to each other.

I’m still waiting to get back my copy of the “The White Album.”

As con Fridays go, this year’s Neko offered pretty much the standard fare – I show up at the convention center about two hours before the Opening Ceremonies.  Heading up to the “Con-Ops” room, I procure my Guest badge.  After some spirited conversation about topics I have no recollection of discussing, I make a dotted bee-line for our table in the Artists Alley.  I say dotted because one can never just go to where they are going at a convention.  Invariably, there will be many stops and restarts as you run into old friends for a quick chat, pose for pictures, stop to take pictures, notice something shiny, pause to ponder the secrets of the universe, stop because you’re chewing gum, or hesitate because the all-powerful con gods sent a messenger to you with a gift consisting of this confection called “Pocky”.  And no, I don’t mean the owner of Spwug.

As I survey the landscape of the cavernous region known as the Artists Alley, I catch up with more fellow AA (not Alcoholics Anonymous) commoners as I wait for my cohort to arrive.  I also wait for time to slowly transport me into the future, for that is where the Opening Ceremonies await me.

When the Hour of Trying to Fool People Into Thinking You Are Someone Important in Front of a Medium-Sized Crowd is finally at hand, my recently arrived partner-in-crime and I make our way into the even more cavernous region where the Ceremonies are to take place.  After a series of horrible attempts at humor that are the reason my parents gave me up for adoption, Danny and I – fully convinced that no one knew who the heck we were – remove ourselves and head back over to “Con-Ops”, where we trade our silly old Guest badges for shinier and cooler “Neko Bazaar” badges.  With renewed vigor, we return to the first cavernous area of which I had already mentioned previously.  From there, we set up our table, and begin the attempt to peddle our wares for the rest of the evening.  And that, little Christopher, is how babies are born.

Saturday finds us arriving early, long before noon’s rising sun can greet us.  We have a panel to host and candy tied to strings so that we can lure entice the con masses to our little panel room.  We are able to capture accrue a respectable number of individuals despite our outlandish buffoonery on display.  In fact, I do believe that a couple of them even stop screaming long enough to ask us questions about our web comic.  I call that a success.  Then again, I call not getting maced in the face when I ask a woman the time a success.

From there, we return to our temporary abode in the Artists Alley for more shilling, more debauchery, more talky-talky…blah blah blah…  You’re already asleep, so we’ll skip ahead…

Two in the afternoon!  We have another panel!  But our princess is in another castle!  Dejected from finding yet another one of those stupid Toadstool weirdoes (where do they all come from?  Do they multiply like rabbits?), we make our way back to the same room our last panel was in.  In a strange case of déjà vu, the room looks exactly the same as the last time we were in it.  In fact, maybe this really is the first time we are in it, and the first time really wasn’t the first time, but instead a strange message from the future telling us what lie in store for our fates.

Nope, same room, different panel.

This time we are joined by real artists and writers as we try our best to sound like we know as much as they do about making web comics.  I think we have them fooled right up to the point where I mention something about the right amount of tension needed on a loom when interweaving the threads of a web comic.  I’m not sure where the audience got the pitch forks and torches, but it makes for an exciting conclusion to what I think was a successful panel.

As my counterpart and I make our escape back to the Caverns of AA, we easily slip back into our respective roles – he’s the DJ and I’m the rapper.  Sales seem to be going well on our new “Men of the Quadratic Equation” calendar, as well as a few other items we have somehow managed to fool the commonfolk into believing have magical powers – mainly some Shamwow!s, as well as a few pounds of Mighty Putty.  Throughout the afternoon and evening we get several con-goers who stop by claiming to be fans of our web comic.  But, I know the truth.  After being visited by them as often as I am, you tend to recognize evil spirits when they show up to haunt you and ask you for favors.

It is at this point that I also have a vision that my wife is in an 80s glam-pop band.  I shiver from the delusion, then down a couple burgers that are really cookies.  My life is strange.

The greatest highlight of Saturday has to be in the evening when we go to dinner.  It isn’t often when an evil spirit actually tries to get you drunk so that they can take advantage of you.  Joke’s on him, though.  I would have said yes sober.

Sunday seems to be a blur.  No, I mean every Sunday seems to be a blur.  I think my brain just hates living in my cranial cavity so much that it just decides to shut down every seventh day as a middle finger to me and my ancestors.  I can’t fathom why.  I mean, it isn’t my fault that the Waltons aren’t real.

Now that I think about it, I do seem to recall some events took place on Neko’s Day of Sun.  We have a final panel wherein we are usurped by dark forces who yank the proverbial rug out from under us by yanking the actual rug out from under us.  I think we still manage to do a fairly adequate job of teaching the wailing masses how not to create or develop characters.  At least, I pray to Bill Cosby that we did.

A few more hours of trying to prove to the con folk that we are not wax statues and the con is officially over.  As my main squeeze who is not my wife but is really the artist who draws the web comic I scribble words for and I break down and cry our set-up at the table in the AA Caverns, we say our goodbyes to a few of the fellow artists who were crazy enough to talk to us.  We make our way to the bar in the hotel that is across the way from the convention center.  I remark as we head over that a way looks an awful lot like grass and asphalt.  Once inside the bar, a friend buys me an apple pie – except that this pie is really liquid and I have to drink it instead of eat it.  But hey, in today’s economy everyone has to make sacrifices – even our American icons.  I heard that baseball is currently just gardening in order to save money.

With the evening now upon us, we make our way to Olive Garden.  There, a free meal awaits all of us who were sneaky enough to convince the staff that we were Guests Neko Bazaar attendees.  But first we stand outside the restaurant to play a game called “Parking Lot-to”.  The object of the game is to stand out in the parking lot until the number of people in your party matches the number called.  Our group makes it to the bonus round, where we win some fabulous prizes – including our meals, as well as a copy of the home game.  I can’t speak for those who are still in the parking lot after we are seated, though I’m told that “manicotti formaggio” is Italian for “convention stragglers”.

I’m glad I ordered the chicken alfredo.

The Don would like to give his heartfelt thanks to everyone at Nekocon for their gracious generosity and hopes to be invited back next year!

Friends, if you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I’d love to buy merchandise from my favourite webcomics, but I don’t want to pay shipping costs just to have to wait for my swag,” then have I got a solution for you! Have you ever considered…conventions?

….Okay, so the cost of a convention admission badge is considerably more than what you’d pay to ship a poster and a T-shirt to your home. Also, in order to attend a convention, you have to actually leave said home. But I’m here, fresh from Nekocon 2009, to show you the pros of allowing cons into your life! (So, how much are you hating me right now?)

With your keepsake convention membership badge, you’ll receive nigh-unlimited access to your favourite artists, courtesy of the Artists’ Alley! Hang around their tables breathing on them while you drop $20 on a T-shirt and calendar! Just imagine, you’ll finally be able to give that fifteen-minute presentation to the creators of The Draconia Chronicles about how their story’s world would be infinitely improved by a crossover with Harry Potter and a repeat appearance by Christopher Walken as a Twilight vampire. Don’t forget to bring your laptop with PowerPoint slideshow!

The best part about that picture is that I totally did not expect to find a Walken/Harry Potter pic when I Googled “Christopher Walken Sparkle.” Thanks, Totally Looks Like.com! Hopefully-humourous text is my addition.

But that’s not all–act now, and you’ll also receive PANELS. That’s right, long discussions and autograph sessions hosted by your beloved artists in which you discuss their works and ask them uncomfortable questions about their sex lives for one to two hours! You can’t get THAT experience from sitting at home reading webcomics!

No, guys, I will never stop channeling Billy Mays. Sorry.

But seriously, folks, if you want to show support for the artists you love and wish to know, you can do a lot worse than to come hang out at a fan convention. Nekocon is an anime-themed convention, but you can find artists of all types, at all types of cons. This weekend, I hobnobbed with and/or observed these rising stars of webcomics in their unnatural element:

–Danny Valentini and (Spwug’s own) Donnie Sturges of The Draconia Chronicles

–Jamie Sturges of Why So

–Chris Malone of Blue and Blond (Chris, if you’re reading this, I never did find out who the screamer in room 417 was to congratulate them.)

–Dave Lister of Paradox Lost

–Aja Moore of vantage/vantage (Currently on a semi-hiatus until the artist finds more reliable webhosting. She also has done other works as well–check out the rest of her DeviantArt page and website!)

Michael Terracciano of Dominic Deegan was sadly not at Nekocon this year, for which we all weep, but he’s yet another webcomic artist who does the con circuit. Speaking of the con circuit, thanks to these conventions, you’ll be able to meet the entire range, from “small business” comic artists to big-name ones whose works are published both online and in newspapers around the world.

C’mon…give conventions a try. Even if you leave traumatized by that Sailor Jupiter with the goatee and hairy legs, you’ll still have your webcomic swag and the beginnings of a bee-YOO-tee-fool friendship with the artists you love! (Sometimes a bit too much. Remember–if you have to ASK an artist to sign your underclothes, chances are, they don’t actually want to.)

The preceding article comes to you courtesy of the zombie plague, which the writer is still afflicted with. Spwug assumes no responsibility for opinions presented here, or undead uprisings that occur as a result of viewing this page.