Well ladies and gentleman, I apologize for my absence, but I assure you, it has not been without reason.  I have so much to talk about, I don’t even know where to start, so maybe I’ll do it Krellion’s way, and just do snippets of all the madness s I’ve been up to!

What I’ve read: So I finished Anne Bishop’s The Black Jewels Trilogy. Amazingly, I did this about 4 years ahead of schedule, considering I only bought the book a few months ago, and it’s over 700 pages long. Like I said, it’s a trilogy, all neatly combined into one fat book. It’s very dark, very sexy, but is unfortunately marred by a slow plot and at time, eye-rolling characters.  If you’re fresh off of Twilight and you’re thinking, “Damn, I wish this was made for people about 10 years past their teen angst stage,” this one’s for you. Full review to come.

What I finished playing: Over the weekend I finished the retro classic, Legacy of Ys, the oft-overlooked bastard child born in the age of Zelda. Brought up to date while maintaining its retro feel, Ys doesn’t disappoint for the mass of gamers who inevitably missed this gem in their youths because of poor Japanese timing on poor-selling American consoles. While not the most intuitive of games, it’s great to see the roots of the action RPG, brought to life with some really cool CG work that opens up both titles: Books 1 & 2. If you are among those who missed it, or you just want to relive the nostalgia, Legacy of YS: Books 1 &2 is still available in stores, and comes packed with a neat soundtrack CD.

I also finished playing Final Fantasy IV: The After , or at least, the first installment for Wiiware. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many people my age have a place in their heart for Final Fantasy IV, many of us having played at least one of the 3 remakes since its original debut on the SNES as Final Fantasy II, over 15 years ago. But 15 years have passed in the world of crystals too, and you can relive the glory days as you take control of Cecil’s son, Ceodore, in a brand new adventure that doesn’t skip a beat, not even on its SNES era graphics.

 If you’re like me, and you’ve kept the SNES warm for the day FF2 got a sequel,  you OWE it to yourself to play this, even if it is a slightly overpriced installment package. The moon phases and “Band” system add some fresh spice to the mix, but what you’re really in it for is the fact that it feels DAMN good to walk into Mysidia, 15 years after Cecil returned to it as a Paladin. You’ll see what has become of Kain, easily one of the most iconic characters of the game, and without spoiling anything, Ceodore isn’t the only character who steps up to the plate. Dramatic, kind of hard, and nostalgia driven, like I said, it’s a must play if you were ever originally drawn into the kingdom of Baron’s strife.  If I had to complain about something, it would be the sheer number of monster encounters. But you’ll need the levels.

What I started playing: Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume. After a considerable absence, VP returns, condensed into a nice little package for the Nintendo DS. While the game appears to blow its technological load with the intro movie, the sprite based gameplay isn’t bad, and for series veterans, the mainstay of VP style, button-assigning real-time combat is still present amidst a strategy RPG grid. It’s a strange hybrid, but it works.

What VP has always done well, is forced the player to make difficult choices about their party. Not many games ask you to sacrifice party members, and CotP takes it the next level. The mechanic is the plume itself: Use it on one your characters to turn him into a juggernauting one-hit-killer party monster for an entire battle. But when the battle ends… he’s dead. Permanently. And you get the heart-wrenching death scene afterward, as you realize you’ve doomed that character, all for your own main character’s quest for revenge. It’s an interestingly dark concept, one that I’m not sure I’ll really come to terms with as I continue the game. Full review when I complete it.

What I watched: I finally caught the remake of 3:10 to Yuma, starring Christian “Oh good for you!” Bale, and Russel l “I’ll throw my telephone at your face” Crowe. It must have been a hell of a set.  Am I the only person who hadn’t seen this one yet? I’m not sure, but on the assumption that you haven’t, I won’t spoil anything.

Bale plays Dan Evans, a down-and-out rancher whose fate intersects with the most notorious outlaw in the land, Ben Wade, (Crowe.) Evans is tasked with escorting Wade across the desert to the prisoner train headed for Yuma, all while Wade’s posse is out for blood, and Wade himself begins to slowly kill off the rest of the escort party.

The movie is a man’s man’s western, one in the vein of No Country For Old Men, (which I haven’t seen) and recent Clint Eastwood flicks, that don’t bother romanticizing the west  as some kind of Bonanza or Maverick like romp. No sir, this is guns, blood, dust, and betrayal, some key elements that founded America right there. But it’s also about honor – and that’s why I liked it.

I’m a total sucker for movies that make a question of morality. What defines good or evil? What changes a man from one side to the other? The movie dances around this issue until the very end, which, in all honesty, is still kinda making me scratch my head, and judging from internet reviews, didn’t sit well with critics either. But I thought it was fitting, despite the questions it raised, and it answered those questions well.

So as you can see, I’ve been busy! And I’ve not even begun! Still to come!

Full reviews for the Blood Trilogy and Valkyrie Profile DS!

Anime Expo 2009! It’s this week! It’s epic! It’s awesome! GO GO GO! I’ll have a con-report whenever I can muster it, as I’ll be spending all four days in beautiful (read: hot) LA.

Distant Worlds: Final Fantasy! Yes, I’m goin’ bitches! Performed by the San Francisco symphony orchestra, I’m flying up there for the sole purpose of seeing this show! I’ll let you know how amazing it inevitably will be!

Well, the Electronics Entertainment Expo (E3) has come and gone this year, and I must say, I was glad to be in attendance. The show truly returned to form, bringing with it the mass attendees, the giant screens in the giant booths, and even the “booth babes.” It was, to say the least, a successful year.

While I was busy working most of the show, I did have a chance to check out some of the awesome upcoming titles we should see by year’s end.  Rather than do my usual wall of text, though, I figured I’d give them to you guys top ten style. Keep in mind, I’m an old-school RPG gamer, so if you’re looking for Beatles: Rockband on my list, you’re looking in the wrong place.

So, without further adue, here’s the stuff that sparked the most excitement out of me at the show:

Runner Up: Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom (Capcom, Wii)

The Awesome: I don’t think ANYONE expected this thing to actually make it over to the states, and the fact that is, short of only ONE character, is nothing short of a miracle. That, or some major cash changing hands in corporate Capcom. I’ve played the import version, and I’ve gotta say, for as awkward as you’d think a fighting game would be with a Wii remote, the control scheme is succinctly mashed into the Wii with startlingly clarifying results. It’s nothing like any other fighting game I’ve played, and that’s refreshing.

The Concerning: It had better sell well, or chances are we’ll never see anything like this happen again. Also, I don’t know how 90% of the anime-based characters are, and I hope I’m in the minority there for their intended audience. Capcom has announced that four new characters will be added, and let’s hope they’re cool.

10. Bayonetta (Sega, PS3, XB360)

The Awesome: Bayonetta is an action game that oozes style and well… action. Taking a page from the Devil May Cry series, you chain combos together all the while executing crazy moves and imbuing yourself with crazy witch powers. I’ve got to say, the game looks fluid. It’s clean, chaotic, and most of all, it just looks fun. Alas, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out to the males out there that the “ass physics” of the protagonist are probably some of the finest ass physics we’ve seen in gaming yet.

The Concerning: The formula is getting old and tired. There was a long dry spell of these 3D, combo heavy hack and slashers, and I’m just not sure Bayonetta is really gonna stand out from the crowd as anything super special. Fun, fluid, yes, but original? Didn’t see that.  But before I’m done, I just wanna say “ass physics” a third time.

9. Assassin’s Creed 2 (Ubisoft, PS3, XB360)

The Awesome: For those that could stomach getting all the way through the incredibly repetitive original title, AC2 promises a far more dynamic and varied experience. It really sounds like Ubisoft listened to the fans on this one, and corrected the mistakes that prevented the original AC from becoming an instant masterpiece. The reconnaissance missions should be more action packed, you can hang-glide, swim, and assassinate fools in new and interesting ways. It’s also set in 1400s Italy, an amazing setting that has already yielded some amazing cutscenes and artwork for the game.

The Concerning: Ubisoft has a reputation for hyping the hell out of their AAA titles only to have them fall short of the mark. See the original AC, or even Prince of Persia 2008. I will invest in AC2, but I don’t think I’m going to be as shocked and amazed by its gameplay as Ubisoft hopes I will be.

8. Metal Gear Solid Peacewalker (Konami, PSP)

The Awesome: What isn’t awesome about the chance to play a new Metal Gear? We can hope the control issues that plagued Portable Ops will be addressed, and that we’re in for another epic ride into the MGS saga, in the shoes of Big Boss. Like him or hate him, it sounds like Hideo Kojima has a major role to play in this title, and his games more than prove that video games are an artform in themselves.

The Concerning: Okay, here’s the thing. Do we actually need another MGS ? So far I’m not convinced that we do. MGS4 wrapped up the series succinctly, with epic moments leading to epic conclusions, and more epic-osity than you can actually fathom. Epic overload, really. I don’t think this chapter in Big Boss’s story really needs to be told, and I hope Kojima will prove me wrong. I’m already not liking the potential direction it’s going though, as the trailer showed several Big Boss characters all on the screen at once. This could be his way of hinting at some cool multiplayer mode , or… it’s his way of saying our heads are gonna be spinning the whole time as he gets on his cloning soapbox… again.

7. Metroid: Other M (Nintendo, Wii)

The Awesome: I spent a whole article on how awesome the Metroid series, is, so I’ll keep this brief – the fact that Metroid is going in a new, action-oriented, perhaps even story driven direction excites me. I like when games break new ground but stay true to their roots at the same time. What I saw of Other M in the trailer looks awesome, action packed, and intense. I’m looking forward to this one.

The Concerning: Like I said, Ninja Team is behind this game, and I’ve got high hopes that they conform to Nintendo’s standard of quality here. They need to  make the game at least somewhat more approachable than the Ninja Gaiden series, which is known for wiping the floors with amateur gamers. That’s not what Metroid is. On the same token, they better keep Samus respectably sexy. She’s hot in that “no touchy” sort of way, and if they try to play up her sex appeal, it just wouldn’t be right. Also what the hell is up with that name?

6. Final Fantasy XIV (Square-Enix, PS3, PC)

The Awesome: A true sequel to Final Fantasy XI, SE’s only true MMO, I am on this game like a flea on a dog. I have faith that SE can take what World of Warcraft does well but make the game more than just a mass-market tool of brand marketing and ridiculousness. They’ve already promised that the game will cater to the casual as well as the hardcore, and contain a fully realized single-player experience – something XI sorely, sorely lacked.

The Concerning: How much is it gonna cost? Are they seriously going to expect us to keep playing XI once this is done? And oh my dear god, how am I going to find the time to fit another MMO in my schedule? In life, I think (most of us) make time for one MMO… and once we walk away, can we really come back?

5. Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Vanillaware, Wii)

The Awesome: What I saw of this spiritual successor to Odin Sphere looked beautiful, even for the technologically saddening Wii. The backgrounds and characters are lovingly rendered in 2D animation, and the attacks don’t seem to be suffering from any of the slowdown that plagued Odin Sphere. Games like this prove that 2D gaming isn’t dead. No matter how expensive it is to make, the work on this one will pay off in spades.

The Concerning: If Ignition Entertainment screws up the localization, I will never forgive them, and my vendetta will probably be strong enough to reach beyond the grave and haunt some fools.

4. Golden Sun (Nintendo, DS)

The Awesome: The sheer fact that it exists is awesome. Golden Sun was a fan favorite RPG back on the Gameboy Advance, and Nintendo has taken their sweet time about bringing it back to the limelight. Not much is known about it, but the protagonist looks a lot like Isaac, and the summons look pretty sweet.

The Concerning: I know that Golden Sun: the Lost Age left off with some unanswered questions, but I don’t remember what they were. I do hope there is some continuity here, though.

3. The Last Guardian (Sony, PS3)

The Awesome: What a beautiful trailer this game has. Featuring some crazy beast that looks to be a mashup of a dragon, a rat, and maybe a lion, the game looks epic in scope and chock full of imagination. The game comes from Team Ico, creators behind Ico and Shadow of the Colossus, two of the most critically acclaimed games to grace the Playstation 2. I’m sure it’s going to be a title to keep our eyes on as more becomes unveiled.

The Concerning: That awesome dragon thing is SO going to die at the end, after we’ve been made to care about it and love it and want to have one in the backyard. I’m calling it here and now!

2. New Super Mario Brothers Wii (Nintendo, Wii)

The Awesome: I think every boy and girl who grew up playing Super Mario Brothers with their friend or sibling, switching off when the other died said to themselves or out loud at some point, “Would it be cool to play this at the same time?” That dream has been realized. NWSMBW is the stuff of legend, with not two, but four players trapsing across the side scrolling landscapes only a Mario game could create. It’s beautiful.

The Concerning: Why do players 3 and 4 BOTH get stuck playing Toad? One’s yellow, one’s blue, sure, but of all the characters in the Mario universe, you had to make them BOTH Toads? I’m guessing the princess is busy being kidnapped, but a Super Mario Brothers 2 style reunion would have been nothing short of awesome. Also, I dislike the fact that when one player dies, the screen locks up for a split second. That can really make or break you if you’re taking a leap of faith, as Mario games often require you to do.

1. Castlevania: Lord of Shadows (Konami, PS3, XB360 ?)

The Awesome: Castlevania finally steps back into the ring to contend with the other AAA titles, a match it lost too many years ago to count. Being developed some dudes in Germany and overseen by Kojima himself, the game looks nothing short of an epic journey accompanied by some of the best whip-slinging moves the series has ever known. The narrator of this new game? Patrick freakin’ Stewart. The game is setting up Castlevania fans for something great, and here’s hoping it doesn’t let us down.

The Concerning: Two main problems here – One, the German team developing the title doesn’t have the best track record. They’ve developed like two other games, and both of them were major flops. Secondly, I don’t think they have any actual knowledge of Castlevania as a series, and the name feels very tacked at this point, as there has been no mention of a Belmont, or even Dracula to spare me my worries. I don’t WANT a reimagining or a reboot of the series as much as I want a true entry into the existing timeline of games. It wouldn’t be that hard, and they better throw us fans a bone. OoOooh, bad pun.

Only hours ago, Nintendo’s E3 press conference ended with the announcement of a new Metroid game, being developed by Ninja Team. Only days ago, I completed my first foray into the Metroid series – Metroid Zero Mission for the Gameboy Advance. The Metroid series is like Nintendo’s bastard child, second only to Star Fox maybe. It’ll never have the selling power that anything with the Mario moniker does, and the hardcore audience is (arguably) more intrinsically drawn to Link and his various exploits. 

This is why it’s great to see that Nintendo hasn’t forgotten Samus Aran, promising to give us more of who she is in the new installment, the oddly titled Metroid: Other M. Early reports say the cutscenes look fantastic, and that the game will offer a return to form with 3^rd person platforming. More details will obviously be forthcoming, but the game isn’t due until 2010, so prepare for quite a bit of drip-fed PR and titillating Samus ass shots.

 But for more reasons than having a fine pixilated ass, if there was such a thing as a video game character hall of fame, Samus Aran would deserve a prominent place within it. 22 years ago, she shocked gamers around the world by revealing that she was in fact a she, when at the end of the game she removed her helmet. She was one of the first female video game heroines, and (at the time) she wasn’t even using sex appeal to be one. After all, she was covered from head to toe in space armor. As her wikipedia entry argues, she paved the way for characters such as Chun Li and Lara Croft. 

The game itself was equally as innovative. Metroid was one of the first games to implement the idea of backtracking, where upon gaining a new power, the player would be forced to backtrack an area that was previously inaccessible. It was also one of the first games to be non-linear, offering players the expansive and dangerous surface of the planet Zebes for Samus to confront. 

And as I delved into Metroid Zero Mission, the GBA remake of the original title, I discovered just that – this game isn’t so much about the monsters, the shooting, or even the story – Metroid is a game that pits the player against the terrain, and challenges them to think outside of the box to overcome the challenges it presents. 

For being as old as the game is, I got legitimately stuck in some places. At times, it wasn’t clear to me that I couldn’t progress further without a certain power-up. At other times, I didn’t realize the game would go so far as to employ fake lava pits, or areas you could bomb through at the bottom of real lava pits. I braved entire rooms of extreme temperatures that made my energy tick down like a time bomb, only to discover that a suit modification would later let you walk freely through them. I found energy takes and missile upgrades in the most unlikely of places, and still ended up with only a 62% completion rate. 

And through it all, the only thing I had to blame were my own shortcomings, and like I said in my review of Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, that’s where a game really shines in level and scenario design. Admittedly, the fake lava was kind of a cheap trick, but one I can overlook. 

But no first time experience with a Metroid game would be complete without discussing the very namesake of the game – the Metroids. Metroids are easily one of the most terrifying creatures I think I’ve ever encountered in a game. And Resident Evil or Silent Hill fans can take that to the bank. 

The metroids themselves are confined to a particular area of the planet, one that is designed to show you just how devastating they are. The area is littered with the drained corpses of their prey, and the doors are locked, preventing you from progressing until you eradicate them. One particular passage even has a long fall, where you land atop of a slew of corpses, and are assaulted by 4 metroids. Now that’s survival horror. 

What I like about the concept of the metroid though is that they don’t feel too cheap or overpowered; they’re just fast, strong, and beastly. They require a very precise way of being dealt with, or you become dinner. To look at them, I never really felt just how menacing they are. They look almost sort of cute, with those little teeth and gelatinous heads. To fight them in the game was like reaching out to pet a lion.

Series fans are no doubt accustomed to this, but I had no idea that when a metroid latches onto you, the only way to escape its vitality draining tentacles was to curl up into a ball and drop a bomb. I lost half my energy figuring that out. It also took me a minute to discover that in order to kill them, they had to first be frozen, and then pumped full of missiles. Stronger hides on those bastards than they look. 

As gamers, we owe quite a bit to Metroid. Especially if you’re a Castlevania fan. Naysayers are already hating on the new game for the sheer fact that it’s Team Ninja, but ladies and gentlemen, for my part, I’m going to embrace new innovations in Metroid until proven that this will suck. 

If you’re interested in anything Metroid, Gametrailers has a 5 part retrospective on the series as a whole, that could easily eat up an hour of your time. I recommend them if you’re curious, especially part 5. 

If it fell upon you to recommend a game to an avid gamer that was like nothing they had ever played before, could you do it? It’s easy to find games that build upon their predecessors with new features, or boast about a gimmick that makes it stand out in a sea of genre clones. They’re a dime a dozen. But every so often, an amazing thing happens: A company takes a chance on a brand new IP, with fresh characters, distinct gameplay, and a sense of style that binds it all together into a cohesive and compelling product. One such game is Square-Enix’s The World Ends With You for the Nintendo DS. 

If you haven’t heard of it, there’s probably a reason for that. The game is just over a year old now (I’m not the timeliest of writers) and its hype has died down. Secondly, it’s on the Nintendo DS, which, for some reason, seems to be an excuse for gamers to write off good games. Well, their loss. 

The World Ends With You (TWEWY henceforth) is set in modern day Shibuya, a bustling crossroads of culture in Tokyo. For the uninitiated, think of it like the Times Square or the Piccadilly Circus of Japan. All the area’s major landmarks are faithfully recreated, and the area’s sub-districts are left in tact, despite some name changing to protect the corporate. The music fits the style, taking a page from the Persona series, and launching into fully vocalized Jpop, an amazing feat for being crammed onto a DS cart. Although, the repetitious nature of a few tracks in particular can be brain-grating. 

Players assume the role of Neku Sakabara, a total hater who wakes up in the street without his memories, a ticking timer burnt into his hand, and a pin (the kind you pin on your jacket) in his hand that lets him read others’ thoughts. It only gets trippier. 

He receives an email on his phone, instructing him to get to the “104” building, or “face erasure.” Neku comes to find out that he has been sucked into a deadly game of cat and mouse – the Reaper’s game – and if these first ten minutes of gameplay sound frantic, I’m here to tell you that the next 15 hours before you finish it don’t ever really let up. 

It’s a shame I can’t go into more detail without ruining things. The story in TWEWY is one of its crowning achievements, unraveling the answers to twists as quickly as new ones are introduced. And if anything is left unanswered, it’s intentional – the end game gives you the opportunity to complete challenges as you shed light on the background of the game. 

The characters give you a reason to do that, too. Despite looking as though they were the rejected designs from the Kingdom Hearts concept book, they’re all very real and very hip. I called Neku a hater, because he begins the story as a typical anti-hero, cursing the world and all the people in it for the sheer fact that they exist. He’s the kind of hero that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, that cliché, emo-tastic character that Square-Enix just can’t seem to escape from. But the mark of a good story is when the characters actually progress, and TWEWY offers that for each character they introduce, whether they play for the good or the bad guys. So, as a word of forewarning, give Neku the chance he deserves; he won’t let you down. 

I should also say the localization team did a bang-up job bringing Shibuya to life in a way that a North American player would expect it to sound, making use of slang and jargon that despite being a little forced at times, really add to the immersion. Players earn “bling” at the end of battles, and the typical RPG- style equipment is aptly named “threads.” The option to run from battle? “Gotta bounce.” It may sound cheesy out of context, but it’s so rare for localization teams to have the opportunity to go the extra mile like that. The text flows from one character to the next in stylish, comic speech bubbles, and the voiced lines have excellent delivery, especially the actor voicing Neku. 

But ya know, as much as I’ve talked up all the previous points, it’s the gameplay itself that inspired my original paragraph about just how unique this game is. The game takes full use of the Nintendo DS, implementing the dual screens and the stylus into the battle system. You control Neku on the bottom with the stylus. Depending on what “pins” you have equipped, you can do anything from scratching at an enemy to set it on fire, tapping the screen to fire lightning bolts, or making quick slashes to bring him in for some melee combat. These are only three of hundreds of combinations. 

That in itself, not so amazing. Novel, but not amazing. So here’s the kicker: while you control Neku on the bottom screen, you are also asked to control Neku’s partner on the top screen using the directional pad. (Or the buttons for us sad lefties out there.) Using the pad/face buttons, you navigate through a series of button presses in order to reach the end of a branching path, hoping to create enough combos to activate the “fusion attack” between Neku and the partner. Additionally, as you combo with the two combatants, a “light puck” passes between them, adding exponential damage as you successfully pass it back and forth. 

Suddenly the fighting system becomes as frantic and fast-paced as Shibuya itself, no doubt a calculated move on the development team’s part. Making that connection kinda blew my mind. 

It certainly takes some getting used to, and I don’t think I ever really got it down to the science that many players probably did. I had to practice a great deal at the beginning, but I found that even in the battles that meant nothing, this insane fighting system was fun, and never grew as tedious as a typical RPG’s battle system tends to do. I never really felt like I had mastered it, which kept me on my toes throughout the entire game, again, unlike a typical RPG. 

But TWEWY is anything but typical. It also has quite a few features that allow you to tailor the game to your experience. You can adjust the difficulty on the fly. On easy, you gain less experience. On hard, item drops increase. If the battle system is overwhelming you, can you set the AI to take over your top screen should you find yourself neglecting it. Your pins gain experience while you have the DS off for up to seven days. If you get game over, you can retry the fight on an easier difficulty. Little things this, that wouldn’t have been necessary, only make you appreciate the game and its ground-breaking approach even more. 

Did I mention that your clothes and pins also have a brand, the popularity of which change as you venture through Shibuya? Or that you can feed your characters food to improve stats? Well, that’s how deep and involved the game is. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea; I’m sure of that. But if you’re tired of the same ol’, same ol’, or if you want a real gaming experience like you haven’t had since the “old days,” (whenever those were for you,) I can’t recommend TWEWY enough. The game will never apologize for itself, and it shouldn’t have to. Everything about it is a fine-tuned product, and you will walk away with what you allow yourself to put into Neku’s very personal journey of trust, friendship, and self-discovery.

Sorry I missed a week, Spwuganoids, but you know how it is, right?

So I was listening to the radio this morning, the Kevin and Bean show in particular, and their movie guy, Ralph, was doing one of his infamous rants. That’s not the subject of my entry at all. My inspiration actually comes from the fact while launching into his shpiel, he totally botched a pretty good quote – “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

That’s when I remembered that I actually have a little black book in my drawer where I document quotes that I find particularly interesting, moving, or inspirational. These quotes come from all forms of media – songs, games, movies, books, authors; a lot of people have said, written, and sang a  lot of interesting things in their lives.  Unfortunately, some spoken context is often lost when reduced to sheer text, but I thought I’d share some of my favorites, and maybe inspire some of you to keep your own little black books of quotes. (Or maybe you can use a different color, I’m sure some of you have black books for different purposes altogether.)

Yes, it’s a little nerdy to find yourself scribbling down a quotation, trying to retain accuracy, but that’s supposed to be the audience here, right? Feel free to hit the comments section with your own favorites.

This one is from an old SNES game called Soul Blazer, a game that changed my life as a kid. This quote has helped me deal with many-a-passing: “Like a good night’s sleep comes after a day of hard work, good rest comes after an honest life.” The line is spoken by the ghost of a dog, who died defending the woodland creatures of the world.  Very deep for an SNES era localization.

“I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects.” – Lord Henry Wotton, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

This one requires a little context. It’s from William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury, a book I recommend you never, ever touch. Quentin’s father is giving him a gift, a pocket watch. The quote itself is very indicative of the times we live in, despite being written in the early 20^th century: “I give it to you not so that you may remember time, but so that you ma y forget it now and then, and not spend all your breath trying to conquer it.”

Here’s a doozy. It comes from Hero, a badass movie you should all go see, like, right now.

“Swordsmanship’s first achievement is the unity of man and sword. One this unity is attained, even a blade of grass can be used as a weapon. The second achievement is when the sword exists in one’s heart, but is absent from one’s hand. One could strike an enemy 100 paces away with his bare hands.  Swordsmanship’s ultimate achievement is the absence of the sword from both hand and heart. The swordsman is at peace with the rest of the world.”

Finally, one I think we can all appreciate: “The internet? What the fuck is the internet?” Jay, from Jay and Jay Silent Bob Strike Back. 

So it’s that time of year where the TV shows are wrapping up, and the networks, like bored, overpaid scientists, put each show under the microscope, probe the viewer ratings in places we’d best not mention, and determine whether or not said show will return for another season. NBC recently announced that a number of shows would be returning, including their new drama Southland, Tina Fey’s 30 Rock, Law & Order: Special Victims, and a bunch of other stuff nobody cares about… including Heroes.

What began as an edge-of-the-seat drama about every day people discovering strange powers has spiraled into a hackneyed dirty toilet of stale characters and plot mechanics that even the writers can’t seem to agree upon. If you followed season 3 of Heroes, you know that almost every episode introduced a new plot line or major twist, where in the next episode it was quickly swept under the table to make way for new and interesting ways to destroy a perfectly good series. If you didn’t follow it, or your dropped it, good on you. You weren’t missing much.

The season opened up with a “butterfly effect” style plotline, where “hero” Peter Petrelli was using his newly acquired time-travel power t o go back and forth between the future in order to prevent a dire explosion. It started strong. It introduced a lot of hooks, including Ando’s betrayal of Hiro, which was teased throughout the rest of the season, and Sylar, the ultimate villain, turning into a house-maker dad with a penchant for cooking.

NONE of this was realized by the end of the show. The writers dropped it entirely, instead introducing new plotlines and not even living up to the exciting conclusions viewers expected from the plotlines they did resolve. Sylar’s 10 episode quest to find his father was one such disappointment.

Oh Claire, put the gun down. For being invincible, you sure are worthless.

It can feel much like a dagger in the back when writers who have previously crafted solid work suddenly take a turn for the worse, making characters we’d come to know and love through the duration of the original piece do inexplicably stupid things in the cash-in follow-up. Mohinder Suresh was a likable character in season 1. By season 3, he’s a complete tool.

That’s the thing about this show – it’s a rare form indeed when a show is actually character versus plot driven. Without getting into a bunch of technical writing specifics, 80% of the shows you watch are plot based. The plot takes priority over the characters in the writing and the characters react to events. In a character driven show, like the first season of Heroes, the characters, their conflicting personalities, and their deep-rooted backgrounds make the drama happen. It becomes more important to the viewer to see what happens to the character than what happens next.

Heroes used to be that show. It isn’t anymore. The characters are cardboard cutouts of their former selves, being tossed around in the wind of mediocre plot twists and getting filthier and more painful to watch with each passing episode.

NBC is introducing a few new shows to stir up the primetime pot, including two new medical dramas, Trauma (HMMM!) and Mercy, as well as a post-apocalyptic drama called Day One, following a rag-tag bunch of survivors, apparently pitched by… one of the writers of Heroes. NBC spokespeople have said they would more than likely use the Heroes time slot to try to gain momentum for Day One.

Sucks to be NBC. Because I am personally giving up on Heroes, and if anyone else is in the same boat, Day One is going have problems of its own.

  Only a little more than a month ago I wrote about being pulled into Magic the Gathering for the first time at friend’s house. Here I am writing about the first tournament I’ve entered. Hopefully in another month, I’ll be writing about the first money I’ve won… Haha.

Anyway, yes, over the weekend I participated in a nation-wide (world?) pre-release of the new Magic set, Alara Reborn. Continuing from the previously existing Shards of Alara, this set brings a new ability, “Cascade,” and as usual, a whole bunch of game-changing cards that make all the awesome players drop their mouths in gaping awe and the casual players go “cool.” I am still amongst the latter, so I’ll give you my impressions here, but take them with a grain of salt. I’m no pro.

Cascade is interesting. You play a card that has this ability, and it allows you to thumb through the top of your deck until you find a card with a converted mana cost of less than the card with the ability and play it instantly, free of charge. In other words, if you play Hot Elf Chick and pay her 4 cost, the first card you find in your deck that costs 3 or less is played for free.

It’s kinda interesting in that it’s a kind of random deal. Pro players can organize their decks so that every card will serve some purpose at every turn, but as I discovered in my game, the cards that I was able to play via Cascade didn’t nessecarily work to my advantage all the time. When they did it was awesome, when they didn’t… it was “oh.”

One of new cards in this set is “Terminate,” apparently a remake of card from a previous set. I’m personally finding that cards like this, that allow you to instantly off another player’s creature are becoming more and more valuable as these creatures seem to be finding more and more ways to get buffer, quicker. I myself have several cards that can come into play and devour little foddery creatures and become powerhouses that could essentially wipe the other player in 2 turns. Cards like Terminate and the Oblivion Ring are becoming practically a nessecity.

I guess it’s a little sad to see the drawn out clashes of creatures go by the wayside in favor of simply dealing with creatures with a slight of hand.

As far as the tournment went, I was not unimpressed by how well I did. I fought 5 other players, beating three of them, including one of the guys who got me into this in the first place. Sadly, one of my losses was to my sister’s ex-boyfriend, who’s appearance at the tournament was a shockingly awkward and perhaps comical moment, but we’ll just leave that alone.

The real reason to participate in a pre-release tournment is to take home the foil bonus card whose awesome abilities are sure to please even the most casual of fans. This tournament’s card was the Dragon Broodmother, a fearsome beast who pops out dragons every turn like they were gumballs.

I traded mine away to some kid (he really wanted it) for three other rare dragons. Some might say it was a bad deal, but if that’s not proof that I’m not taking the game too seriously, I don’t know what is. (Besides, most people said I got the better end of the deal.)

P.S., I picked up Anne Bishop’s Black Jewels Trilogy. When I finish reading it sometime in 2015 I’ll review it.

Does anyone here still read? No, video game text, comic books, or your screen at work doesn’t count. Nor do audio books. I’m talking about going to the book store, perusing your genre of choice, and being like, “This sounds good,” and taking it home. For me, that genre would have been fantasy, of course. 

I haven’t done that in what feels like 10 years, and it has probably literally been that long, if not longer. I fell out of place with reading. I think gamers like us tend to get so absorbed with our more media-driven hobbies that sitting down with a book just falls so far down the priority chain that it rarely ever happens. Add this to the fact that we aren’t the most socially driven sub-culture in human history, and you generally could go your entire life without talking to another game about what (if) they read. 

So you head to the bookstore by yourself. You figure, no problem. I’ll just go pick something up. But when you get there, and THIS is what you see, (not the two books, but the rows upon rows of books) the intimidation factor kind of takes over.

The entire face of the fantasy genre has changed. There are entirely new series’ that span multiple trilogies, games like Warcraft and Halo have their own expanded universes, and the Dragonlance books have exploded into an entire shelf worthy of being called “the RPG” shelf, where they can also dump the game strategy guides and D&D campaigns. 

So being a blog writer, I’m probably supposed to have the answer. I should be able to tell ya’ll, this is how you spot a good series, or this author is the bee’s knees, pick up his book today. But the last book I read was Christopher Paolini’s Eragon. And if you want my opinion on that… Well that’s another blog altogether. The two word review: It sucked. 

Hence the other problem. If you’ve been out of reading for so long, your tastes change. I’ve tried to get back into Dragonlance. But now I find that those books lack the maturity to keep me interested. Eragon suffered from the same problem. And people who actually CAN recommend good fantasy series’ are few and far between. It feels like an even more subjective market than regular reading, because once you take a dive into a series, if you can even find the first book, you’re in for the long haul. That seems to be a fantasy author’s end goal these days – suck someone into a world and keep them there for as long as he/she can keep the characters interesting. Makes you miss Tolkien. 

So without any further hemming and hawing about how lame the situation is, I’m gonna open this one up to you, the reader. (However few there are.) What do you read? Why do you read it? And for the love of god, do you know of any fantasy books better than Eragon? 

Last night I completed my 17^th Castlevania game, the latest installation, Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. I know what you’re thinking. Dude, that came out last October. It’s old hat. Nobody cares. Well, if that IS what you’re thinking, let me tell you something, you hater. Dracula is timeless. There’s no “rush” to beat him; he’s only going to rise again in the next game. That’s the whole Castlevania mechanic, after all. (Besides, that’s how bad the backlog of games I hav e to play on the Nintendo DS is.)

Not a Castlevania fan? I don’t blame you. Castlevania’s popularity has waxed and waned like the moon. You might say… like a circle of the moon.  Its portable “metroidvania” installments have really catered to the existing  fanbase, and if that’s not you, nothing I could say here could probably sell you on picking this one up, as it’s a step even further in that direction. However,  if you have even a passing interest, or if you managed to get that ridiculous pun I just made, you should read this anyway.  Just keep in mind, no “casual” gamers need apply. Because before I say anything else, I’ll say this: Order of Ecclesia is probably the hardest Castlevania has been in a long, long time.

Players take the role of Shanoa, one of the first female protagonists to grace the series in what had previously been restricted to a long line of effiminate male vampire hunters – the Belmont clan, to be specific.  She’s a pretty badass character. Hot, graceful, and the first character to make use of a new battle system the game calls “Glyphs.”

See? Hot. 

When Shanoa breaks statues, or kills certain monsters, they drop Glyphs, which offer Shanoa her only methods of attack. Some are traditional weapons, like swords, axes, or lances, while others are elemental spells, like light beams, blocks of ice, or falling rocks. It’s incredibly unique in that unlike previous iterations, where MP was finite and depletable, Shanoa’s MP bar auto refills within less than two seconds of inactivity. The trade, is that EVERY attack she uses costs some level of MP. Additionally, some of these Glyphs can be combined to form uber attacks called Glyph unions which consume the traditional hearts instead of MP. I really liked this system. It was beautiful to spam lightning bolts without worrying about MP loss, or to alternate between a rapier and a beam of concentrated light.

Also unlike previous iterations, instead of exploring one giant castle, you’ve got a whole bunch of various spooky locales to get your ass handed to you in. Enemies hit hard, and bosses…  well,  the game harkens back to a time when reaching a save point never felt so good, and stage bosses were to be both feared and respected. You WILL die on 90% of the bosses, more than once. The game goes super old school on your ass, and forces you to figure out patterns to each boss before you even have a chance of survival. Most of these patterns change up half way through as well, so getting a boss to the midpoint is only half the battle in a literal sense.

This has a up and a downside. First, the bosses were impressive. Not only in size, (some took up the entirety of the lower screen and then some) but in respect levels. If I go up against a boss and it hands me my ass in 10 seconds, I know I’ve got work to do. To me, that’s this game issuing a challenge. It’s telling me I’m not GOOD enough yet, without feeling like the game is resorting to cheap bitch tactics to kill you, alla Megaman 9. No doubt many gamers of today’s generation aren’t of that mind set, but I don’t think they feel the same satisfaction I do when a boss gets rocked on the 15^th try. I feel like I’m showing the game what’s what.

The bad news? It gets old, real fast.  The bosses have ridiculous amounts of HP relative to your damage, and on the flip side, some bosses can kill you in literally five hits. I think Kurt Kalata, maintainer of the finest Castlevania resource EVER, the Castlevania Dungeon, said it best: “One only has to remember one of the most intense battles in Castlevania – the first battle against Count Dracula. It’s remarkably tough, but he can be killed in roughly a minute. Stretching things out is a lousy way to make them more difficult – it just makes the battles more tedious, so they feel more like battles of endurance rather than battles of skill.”

That being said, I killed Dracula in this game in under a minute (on my third try, but my first two were mucked up by own accord.) Sadly, it was the most underwhelming fight in the entire game.

Another area I’d say the game takes a beating is in the story department.  Previous iterations of Castlevania have done a spectacular job connecting in a fairly coherent timeline for a video game. If you pre-ordered Portrait of Ruin, you actually got a nifty time-line poster, showing how all the games fit together. That’s one of Castlevania’s finest points. For as lame as the stories are, they’re ALL connected.

Ecclesia departed from that. They obviously wanted to work in a female protagonist, who was not a Belmont, and so they shoehorned her in. The Belmonts have mysteriously “disappeared,” and the only mention of them comes at the story’s only turning point, midway through the game. I don’t think Ecclesia even commits itself to a year – because if it did, I guarantee you it would conflict with either the Symphony of the Night or Bloodlines plotline. The only way Shanoa even fits into this is if she is after Richter, but before the events of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which has actually been worked into the story as canon. Obviously you don’t know or care about this, but as a fan, as a guy who can name each Belmont, in sequential order, including the ret-conned ones, this is rather important.

The story that does exist in this game is as cheesy and predictable as Castlevania should be, and I was not unpleased by it. The voice acting, except in the case of a few townspeople, is tolerable as well. I only rail against the lazyness of IGA, the flamboyant Japanese dude behind the series’ reigns now, for failing to work in tandem with the other titles.

I also noticed another familiar name in the credits, a Mr. Hulett, as the editor. No doubt he is to credit for the one line that gave fanboys such as I a reason to nod in approval. [SPOILER ALERT PEOPLE!] As Shanoa approaches Castlevania, she launches into a soliquloy, closing with, “I am the morning sun come to vanquish the horrible night!” It was beautiful.

In the end, I am glad to have another Castlevania notch in my belt, and I look forward to the “current-gen” game that was teased at last year’s TGS. I’d love to see the series give me control of a Belmont again.  I’m over these new protagonists.

YESTERDAY – With the launch of the Nintendo DSi, the “upgraded” dual screen, portable gaming system that has dominated the handheld market since its release, a well-concealed legal war between the Nintendo and Apple corporations has come to light. The two media giants have apparently been duking it out for years over ownership of the letter “I,” and have subsequently been pumping out products using the letter in an attempt to claim domination.

The story broke when some gaming journalists, who regularly pour over patent information in hopes of finding leaks and being able to post about said leaks on the internet before other journalists can do so, stumbled on a rejected patent by Nintendo to lay ownership to the letter.

It seems that in 2003, Nintendo had offered to simply buy the letter from the alphabet for an undisclosed sum, reducing the alphabet to 25.  However, the bid failed. The rejection letter from the US patent office stated, “The absurdty of ownng an entre letter s utterly nsane. ‘m sure ths rdculous sentence s more than enough evdence to reject the clam.”

Tracing back the apparent letter war, its origins become fairly clear. With Apple producing products such as the iPod, the iMac, and later, the iPhone, they claimed a very early lead. However, Nintendo was quick to catch up by releasing the Wii, which featured not one, but “i’s, and only yesterday, the DSi.

When questioned, a Nintendo representative stated, “The “i” is just so hot right now… It’s not as cumbersome to write as its H and J neighbors, and to not capitalize it, like, totally defies every English convention since freakin’ English was invented. It’s rebellious, and people dig rebels.”

Apple representatives had a less amicable response. A letter stated, “Nintendo thinks they can claim the letter because they have a lower-case “i” in their name? Never. When we unveil our next product line, the iiiiiiiiiMe+You+Weiiiiiiiii, they will have no choice but to admit defeat in sheer amazement of our pronoun usage.”

Since the news became public, Nintendo has capitalized on the battle to call out Apple, challenging them to a game of Tetris for ultimate ownership of the letter. Apple, however, has declined the challenge, stating that Nintendo would have an unfair advantage with Tetris, and issued a different challenge in response. “Whoever can get the highest score on 10 shitty iPhone games should be the true victor,” stated the release.

With as much publicity as the war has garnered for Nintendo, Microsoft and Sony have been quick to jump in. Microsoft PR representatives are working around the clock to show their strong affiliation with the letter “X”, as it is used in Windows XP and in the X-Box 360.

Sony, however, seems to be jumping on the iBandwagon. Playstation bigwig Kaz “Hir-I” is reportedly having a hard time figuring out how to add “i’s” to current generation Playstation consoles.