Greetings, my excellent friends!

As one of our new Spwug colleagues pointed out yesterday, the European Organization for Nuclear Research just activated their Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.  In case you aren’t caught up to speed, the purpose of this Collider is to help physicists better figure out particle physics – including learning more about the Big Bang, black holes, antimatter, and dark matter.  There was even some debate over the safety of such an endeavor, as well as some attempts to stop the Collider from ever being fired up.  But, as of yesterday, the button was pressed, and first phase has begun.  That sucker is on like TRON!

And… so far so good, right?  I mean, we haven’t been invaded by inter-dimensional beings, had our souls devoured by one of The Old Ones, or been sucked into the never-ending void of nothing.

Although, I do have to wonder why my wife and I suddenly have a roommate with a weird eye-stalk coming out of his forehead, or why my walls are bleeding.  Eh, I’m sure everything’s fine.

Besides, I would rather spend this time paying homage to CERN’s first step into the history books by sharing with you a few of my favorite movie and TV moments where “pushing that button” or “flipping that switch” to further science really did screw things up.

 
“Quantum Leap”

I’m sure a lot of you remember this little gem from the late ‘80s/early ‘90s.  It was about a scientist named Sam Beckett who was pressured by his financial backers to prove his theories on time travel or lose funding.  So what did Sam do?  That’s right – he “pressed that button”, stepped into the accelerator… and vanished.  Then, for five seasons, he “leaped” around time, assuming other peoples’ identities from the past and trying to “change history for the better”.  And all he had for help was his best friend who could only appear as a hologram.  Meanwhile, his memory was all Swiss-cheesed and his friends and family back home had to struggle to keep the project together while trying to get him back.  Of course, if he hadn’t pushed that button, we wouldn’t have had five years of a great little show that could.  Unfortunately, pushing that button also meant we had to suffer a major blunder when NBC cancelled the show prematurely, forcing the writers to scramble together a crappy ending.  Sam never went home.  And we never forgave NBC.

 
Back to the Future

Ah, one of my favorite movies.  I’m kinda stretching my own set-up here, since technically Marty’s trip to 1955 was an accident.  But, I think it still qualifies because Doc Brown “flipped that switch” on the time circuits with the intention of using the DeLorean to travel through time to understand the universe better.  It’s just too bad he got shot by Libyans outside the Twin Lone Pines Mall and Marty ended up in the driver’s seat.  Still, the best of intentions led to a great adventure story that ended up with Marty changing his own future for the better and ultimately saving his friend from lead poisoning.  Unfortunately, it also led to two sequels that weren’t bad, but not nearly as good as the adventure that started it all.  Not to mention the fact that thanks to Marty, we had to suffer an “evil” 1985 for a bit.  Crazy drunk pedestrians.

 
“Sliders”

Okay, this one is in slightly the same vein as “Quantum Leap”, but I really loved this show (when it originally aired on FOX).  Here you have a teen-boy genius named Quinn who is developing a way to travel through dimensions.  After an alternate version of Quinn shows up to help Quinn Prime figure out one last equation, QP decides to “press that button” on his remote timer, sending himself, his professor, his pseudo-girlfriend, and a random entertainer into an alternate reality.  Oh, and surprise: the timer has been accidentally reset so that they have to keep traveling to random universes in order to find a way home.  Not only did this get them into a lot of trouble every week, but meeting a female version of oneself is kind of creepy.  So creepy, in fact, that your show gets stuck in a war over creative differences that ends with you getting handed over to the Sci-Fi Channel and most of your original cast leaves.  And we all know what the Sci-Fi Channel does with potentially good shows…

 
The Fly (1986)

David Cronenberg’s 1986 remake of The Fly made the original look like a Disney adventure.  Cronenberg knows how to make with the gross-out, and he didn’t disappoint with this film.  In it, a scientist named Seth Brundle creates a set of telepods that allows teleportation.  For science!  After a couple of minor setbacks, Brundle is finally able to transport living tissue successfully.  So what does he do?  C’mon, have you been paying any attention?  Right – he “pushes the button(s)”, climbs into the telepod and prepares himself for molecular transport.  Unfortunately, a fly literally gets into the works.  And instead of head and arm swapping, we get to watch Jeff Goldblum (in all of his quirky-acting glory) slowly fall apart in what would become one of the best on-screen transformations into a giant, mutated monster.  Sadly, it didn’t end well.  No, Brundlefly did not become a superhero.  No.  He became Brundleflytelepod.  Then he became Brundleflytelepodshotgunheadsplodey.  And just to pour salt in the head wound, we got a lackluster sequel three years later with Princess Vespa and Rocky Dennis.

Well, that does it for this installment.  I wish I could have listed more, but due to space and time (HA!  See what I did there?  Collider!) I decided to limit this list to the first few “don’t push that button” moments that immediately sprang to mind based on my fondness for them.  There are definitely more examples out there.  You can find them in your public library!  Okay, no you can’t.  Okay, maybe.  Look, it doesn’t really matter.  What I’m getting at is this: take a moment to celebrate Collider Day (That’s what I’m dubbing it.  And I’m trade-marking it, too!  Gimme money!) by going out and finding a few titles that you enjoy involving scientists, weirdos, hobos, and general crazy people who “push that button” or “flip that switch” in the interest of science, pop them in your media player of choice, and enjoy!

Oh, and don’t mind that thing in the corner with the tentacles and moss growing on its head.  It only eats when the screaming stops.

The Don is afraid to dive into the plasma pool.  It hasn’t been a full hour since he last ate.

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Greetings, Free-Roaming Vapours!

I’m feeling a bit under the weather right now, so this installment won’t be very big.  But, I do wanna share with you a severe injustice that’s being done to the geek community right now (you may already be aware of it):

Activision has decided not to put out the new Ghostbusters video game that was scheduled to be released in October.

As you probably know already, Dan Aykroyd has been trying to get a third round of the GB franchise going for a long time.  Last year, he was finally able to put his plans into action – but instead of making a third film, it was decided to tell the story through a different medium…

A video game.

The result is an amazing-looking game that finally gives fans what they’ve wanted for so long – Ghostbusters 3.  That’s right, it’s and all new story written by Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, and features the return of all four of the original actors to voice their film counterparts.  Also coming back are William Atherton and Annie Potts - the original actors for EPA jerk Walter Peck and mousy secretary Janine Melnitz, respectively.

The screen shots and promo videos really demonstrate who great this game looks.  Combine that with the fact that every single one of us (except for you, Party McPooperstein) wants the opportunity to throw a proton beam at some ex-lifers, and you got yourself a highly-anticipated game…

…except the fact that when I went to pre-order it last weekend I found out it was taken off of Activision’s release list.

Jerks.

Now, not to worry.  After doing some digging, it appears that the game hasn’t been canceled.  It’s just that Activision is a big, stoopid doo-doo head.  Meanwhile, Aykroyd and the developers themselves are still shopping around for a new distributor.  From what I’ve learned, it looks like the game may be postponed until next year to coincide with the 25^th anniversary of the original movie.  And that may end up working in the game’s favor.  So, just hang in there.  We’ll get our GB game.

In the meantime, just remember – if someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “yes”!

The Don tried to think of the most harmless thing.  The giant, angry ham sandwich is his fault.

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Greetings, Galaxy Rangers!

Not a very big installment this week, as I am swamped with various bits of creative endeavors that need to be attended to. But… I don’t want to leave you all with emptiness and solitude. It’s so… empty and solitude-like. And there’s no pie there.

For those of you who are going to Dragon*Con this weekend – have fun! Come back in one piece, and get me Nathon Fillion’s autograph.

Okay, you don’t really have to.

So, where was I? Oh yes – this week’s column. Well, I haven’t had the chance to do much this week worth writing about, but I did manage to play one sweeeeet little demo on my PS3:

I’m talking about the demo for the upcoming Star Wars game The Force Unleashed.

Now, before you start groaning and rolling your eyes in that George Lucas raped my childhood kinda way, hear me out. Say what you will about special editions, prequels, and CG animated movies sans the 20^th Century Fox logo. This demo alone made me forget about all that. I was too busy throwing stormtroopers around with the Force.

I’m not going to go into a full review, at least not until I get to play the full game. Instead, I’m going to offer up a short list of things that made me giggle with excitement while I played the demo.

Yeah, so I giggled. So what?

List of Things I Loved About The Force Unleashed Demo:

- Smooth and amazing graphics.

- Great orchestral score, some from the films, some brand new.

- Taking out stupid Imp droids! Gonk droid is enjoying his sandwich made of pure not-functioning.

- Breaking the windows of the Star Destroyer and letting the vacuum of space suck my enemies out for me. Bye, guys! Hope you don’t mind the opposite of breathing.

- I took out a dude by throwing a TIE Fighter at him with the Force! Booyah!

- The Force is crazy!

- No good guy heroics this time. I’m all SITH, baby!

- Infusing my lightsaber with Force lightning ensures my enemies suffer a death reaction to lightning and being sliced in half.

- All grabbing your trooper buddy does is give you company when I Force lift you and drop you into the no-bottoms below.

- I split that AT-ST up the middle like there was candy inside!

Based on all the fun I had with the demo, I can’t wait until release day to get the full game. It’s been awhile since I’ve been this excited about Star Wars, and I wanna jump in head first before that feeling wears off. Who knows when it will come back again? So, hurry up and get here, mid-September! I wanna start trashing bozos now!

*sigh*

Fine, I’ll step forward so that I may see…

The Don was once a Jedi Knight, the same as your father. Wait, who are you again?

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Greetings, Dream Warriors!

First off, I want to take a moment to celebrate my 20^th article with Spwug!

Okay, moment over.

Now, if memory serves, I believe I said last week that I would do something resembling a con report for my trip to Horrorfind last weekend.

You asked for it.

This year, instead of being at the Hunt Valley Inn in Baltimore, the festivities were moved to the UMUC Marriott Inn and Conference Center in Adelphi, Maryland.  This would prove to be the con’s undoing over the weekend.

“Why?” you ask, in what has become a regular staple of our time together.

To put it bluntly, I was severely disappointed.

Let me break it down for you:

One of the things that didn’t quite hit me immediately when we got there, but which began to permeate through me as the weekend wore on, is that the atmosphere didn’t seem right.  One of the things I loved about Horrorfind at the Hunt Valley Inn was that everywhere you went, there were decorations, costumes, tables set up to peddle wares of dark design – all of these  constant reminders that one was forehead-deep in the middle of all that is horror.  The Hunt Valley Inn was small and cozy enough that you couldn’t turn anywhere without soaking in the ambiance.  It was everywhere - from the autograph room brimming with celebrities of the horror genre, to movie screens showing a fine mixture of cheesy and horrifying fright fests, to the dealers’ room that spilled out into the halls with curiosities and items of novelty that put the Hallowe’en displays in Spencer’s to shame.  There was even a haunted house set up within one of the hotel rooms that put your typical spook houses to shame.  You could wrap the convention around you like a blanket, and it was warm with delicious evil.

Sadly, the Conference Center in Adelphi was missing all of that.  It was a much larger building, so all of the different events were spread out considerably.  The halls were rather large, stark and cold.  No decorations other than the tape and skulls used to direct unsuspecting attendees to their tickets of disappointment.  There were a couple of tables placed out in the halls here and there, but it was a non-existent attempt at a sinister décor.  The movie screens were shoved out of the way and hidden into side rooms, and the dealers’ room seemed like a pale reflection of itself.  Once littered with treasures and prizes of the macabre, now the tables seemed uninteresting.  I barely bought anything the entire weekend.

That’s probably a good thing, as the other problem with the convention this year was that a good number of the guests this year jacked their prices up enough to make you wallet shriek in agony.  I ended up only getting pictures and autographs from Roddy Piper (John Carpenter’s They Live), Chris Sarandon (The Princess Bride, Fright Night), and Michael Biehn (The Terminator, Aliens, Tombstone).  That was pretty much all I could afford, as each one of them charged $25 for an autograph, plus an extra $25 to have your picture taken with them (in Piper’s case, it was only an extra $10).  This was quite a mark-up from the standard 15 – 20 bucks for both.  Now, it turns out that almost all of the regular staples of Horrorfind (Ken Foree, Dee Wallace, Sid Haig) kept their prices reasonable.  Problem is, I had already gotten all of them at previous cons.

So, I sucked it up as I blew about $135 on three celebs, noting that the lines for each of them varied from very short to non-existent.  This was a complete 180 from past conventions, when all of the big guests would have lines with at least an hour-long wait.

Sucks about them gas prices, hunh guys?

The only saving grace for the entire weekend was the time I spent hanging out with the Darkstone Entertainment folks.  You know, the independent film company who made a movie not too long ago that I got to be a zombie in?  I pretty much spent the entire weekend at their table, helping them promote stuff, picking their brains, and providing a sound board for film ideas.  It was a blast getting to hang out with them all weekend.

Of course, the best part was getting to watch the premiere of Skeleton Key 3, the movie I had the privilege to be a part of.  For two hours I sat with a good-sized crowd as we laughed and applauded a fun and crazy new entry in John Johnson’s SK series.  It was quite surreal to see myself in blue make-up, trying to eat brains on the big screen.

So yeah… my Horrorfind experience for this year.  Not the pinnacle of fun.  Again, if it wasn’t for the enjoyment I had with the Darkstone crew, this past weekend would have been a total bust.  I may have seriously considered not going back.  I’ve certainly decided that I’m not bothering with autographs next year if the prices continue to be that high.  As it stands, I plan on returning next year, if only to pimp with the D once again.  If my audition with them this Sunday goes well, I may become a permanent fixture.

Oh yeah, I suppose I should show you pictures.  I mean, they’re only worth $25 each ($10 in Piper’s case).  May as well make good use of them:

We’re here to kick ass and chew gum.  And I’m all out of money.

My father’s final words were, “Charge him $50 for a picture and an autograph.”

There’s no fate but what you make.  And it costs $50.

 
I leave you now on a high note:  the Friday of the con, my friend Dan took me to this really cool retro toy shop in Ellicott City, Maryland called All Time Toys.  This place was awesome!  It was like my entire childhood was on display for me to behold!  All the classic toys I grew up with – Transformers, G.I. Joe, Star Wars, The Real Ghostbusters, He-Man, Visionaries, and more – were there to be purchased.  Some toys were loose, some in their original packaging.  All of them were reasonably priced.  It was amazing!  This guy had everything!  And what he didn’t have at the store, he had in storage and could get it for you.  He told us that he had enough stock, collected over several years, to fill a K-Mart.  He also had this on display:

And he had just sold it for $5K!

Man, I would love to have my own Han Solo in carbonite.  Maybe I can afford one the next time I stop by there if I stop spending money on celebrities.

The Don is alive… and in perfect inebriation.

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Greetings, Cylons!

Wow.  It’s been awfully quiet around here in Spwugland.

*looks to the left*

*looks to the right*

Hmmm.  I suppose I wouldn’t feel good about myself if I just left you guys in a lurch on a Thursday, sitting about and twiddling thumbs, or whatever you have available to twiddle.

Be nice.

Well, I can’t offer much this week, but the least I can do is leave you something so that you aren’t bored.  The reason for my lack of time and space (dude, I’m a cosmic being!) is that I am currently getting ready for a convention this weekend.  In fact, it’s one of the cons that I really look forward to every year:

 
Horrorfind Weekend in Adelphi, Maryland.

 
You guessed it (always a bright one, you are), Horrorfind is a horror-themed convention,  and it is a blast.  It’s like going to visit Hallowe’en a couple of months before he comes to visit you!  It’s such a magical place - with beer carts being pushed around all weekend long so that you may never thirst, horror flicks playing non-stop on movie screens outside and in, celebrities from your favorite horror flicks and shows, and a dealers’ room loaded with cool horror novelties, films and decorations.

And this year will be even cooler!  Remember that movie shoot I posted about a couple of months ago?  The one where I dressed up as a giant smurf zombie?

That’s right – it premieres this weekend at the convention!  I finally get to see my efforts on the big… screen… in front of all those…

*ulp*

Okay, I think I need to lie down for a minute.  In the meantime, I leave you with this:

Tune in next week, as I post something that may or may not resemble an attempt at a con report.

The Don ain’t afraid of no ghost.  He is, however, afraid of having vegetables thrown at him.

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Greetings, Wheeled Warriors!

Just like a tagline from one of those classic, B-movie horror trailers of the ‘50s and ‘60s, I Survived Last Weekend’s Parental Invasion!

Dunh dunh duuuuuuuhn!

It was (almost) painless. One of the highlights of the weekend is that I got to finally play (at my dad’s request) Metal Gear Solid 4 for the PS3, a game I’ve had since I purchased it with my PS3 bundle, but haven’t had the chance to crack open yet.

And when I say I played MGS 4, what I really mean is that I attempted to play a game that continuously handed me my ass.

As you are all aware, the Metal Gear titles stand apart from other classic video game series that have endured since the bygone days of the NES.

What sets it apart? Ah, ever vigilant with the questions. You have an incredible thirst for knowledge. Don’t even pay attention to what the jerk next to you just said about you.

Whoa-hey! No need for fisticuffs, unless there’s money riding on it.

Ahem. Moving on…

What sets the Metal Gear series apart is that the player doesn’t just run through levels, guns blazing, blam-blam-thank-you-ma’am, taking out the bad guys, saving the world, and getting the girl. Okay, there is some of that, but is that the focus?

No.

In this game, you have to sneeeeeak around. And to help you with that, you have a camouflage suit, shadows to hide in, boxes and walls to hide behind, and the ability to mooooooove reeeeeeeal sloooooooow.

It’s more fun that it sounds. It’s also really frustrating. This is because the makers of the Metal Gear up the ante when it comes to the enemy AI. These guys respond to anything your character (Snake) does – footsteps, movement, knocking on walls, etc. If any of these things are spotted by the enemy, an alert goes off and a swarm of reinforcements are called in to test your allergic reaction to lead. This forces the player to run for his life, trying to find a place to hide until the alert gets called off, or to face his attackers and eat oblivion. And it’s even more intense with the newest installment.

When you’re succeeding at pulling off the stealthy, it’s kind of a rush. You’re in the zone! You’re a shadow! A wraith! None of these villainous yahoos have a frikkin’ clue where you are, what you are doing, or even that there could be a guy somewhere doing a thing.

Sadly, the scenario above may happen once in a thousand attempts. What really happens is more like this:

“Oh yeah, I’m moving slooooowly. No one even kno-“

ALERT! ALERT!

“What the hell? How did anyone see me? There wasn’t even anyone around!”

“Aaaaaarrrrggh! Where did they all come from! Jeebus! They’re shooting at me!”

“Gottarungottarungottarun-oh good, a locker to hide in.”

“GAH! How did they know I was in here! No one saw me!”

“Quit shooting at me!”

“StopstopstopstopIT!!!!!!! I can’t get out of here with you all surrounding me!”

“Rations! Rations! Crap, I’m using up my rations and they keep hitting me!”

“Please stop shooting at me!”

“Okay….okay. I’m hidden. They can’t find me hiding under the truck.”

“Alright, the alert has been lifted, I can sneak back out.”

“Look around carefully… no one there…or there. Coast seems clear.”

“Oh! Dude coming. Going camouflaged. Okay, at 90% camo, no one can see—“

ALERT! ALERT!

“What in the seven levels of Cabbage Patch Hell!?! How did he see me!?!”

“Aaaagh! Go away!” Quit shooting!”

“They killed me!!”

“I’m gonna go curl up in a ball on my bed and play Barbie Dream House on my DS.”

The funny thing (or the sad thing, depending on your point of view) is that despite how frustrating the game can be, I can’t stop playing it. I love watching the story unfold, I love all of the little easter eggs scattered throughout the game, as well as the funny tricks you can do during and in between levels (you can call a female psychiatrist on your CODEC and make her boobs jiggle on the CODEC screen by shaking your controller). I love all of the bells and whistles. And the game looks awesome. The graphics are the best I’ve seen so far. I feel like I’m watching a movie that I get to play in. All these things keep me coming back even after I’ve been given a big defeat sandwich.

Or maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment. It would explain how I survived last weekend.

The Surgeon General has determined that The Don is dangerous to your stealth.

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Greetings, Freejacks!

Apologies ahead of time.  This installment will be shorter than you are used to.  See, I’ve had—

Hey!

Quit cheering.  It’s rude.

Anyway, my plate has been extremely full lately.  Between my hours changing at my job, my parents coming for a surprise visit this weekend, and having to put extra hours in on my web comic “The Draconia Chronicles”, I barely have time to sit and chat with you fine people.

Why are you laughing, now?

So, I wanted to share with you an exquisite little British show that just came out on DVD here in the US that anyone who can declare themselves a true geek should fancy.

I’m talking about “Spaced”.

Anyone who loved Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz should love this show as well.  Four of the lovable Brits who are responsible for the movies above are also responsible for this instant classic of a show – Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright, Nick Frost, and Jessica Hynes (née Stevenson).

The plot is simple – Simon and Jessica play Tim and Daisy (respectively).  Both of them recently became in need of a place to live.  After a chance meeting in a diner, they decide – despite not really knowing each other – to pose as a couple in order to meet the criteria necessary for a cheap flat (that’s what they call apartments in the UK) that has just become available in the classifieds.  The series, which only lasted two seasons, follows their lives as they deal with the crazy and surreal situations that keep popping up episode after episode.

What makes this show a must for the geek crowd is the fact that it’s filled with geek moments and references to a lot of the pop culture you and I squee over endlessly (okay, maybe just me).  In fact, one episode is directly responsible for the creation of Shaun of the Dead.  And at just under $30, it’s one of the more reasonably-priced British imports we’ve seen in some time.

“Spaced” is an awesome series, one that will make you laugh constantly.  At the very least, you’ll be pointing at every other moment in each episode, saying “Holy crap! That’s awesome!”

Or you may suddenly find yourself in a random, slow-motion shootout using your hands as guns.

 The Don doesn’t think dogs can look up either.  Let the aerial attacks begin.

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Greetings, Copper Tops!

So, there’s this little superhero flick that came out last weekend that you may have heard of – The Dark Knight? Some of you may have even seen it. In the off-chance that you didn’t, I sucked it up and took a bullet for you all.

That’s right, I watched the latest Batman film directed by Christopher Nolan, and I passed the savings onto you.

I’ve run into a slight problem with this review that I haven’t run into with my movie reviews so far. Problem is, this film has had a butt-ton of hype surrounding it. A lot of that has been due to the unfortunate demise of Heath Ledger. But that alone has caused almost everyone under the sun to spew gallons of hyperbole about The Dark Knight. The past few months have been nothing but Oscar buzz about Ledger’s final full performance. And since I am a consumer whore (and how!), I’ve been soaking in pretty much every ounce of it – from reviews to interviews to behind-the-scenes stuff. All of that makes it hard to right a proper review without it being tainted.

That’s why I’m going to approach this review a little differently; I’m only going to touch upon certain key elements that I really liked or hated.

Ready?

Here we go…

The Plot:

Likes - I feel it was a lot tighter than the plot of the first film. Obviously, part of that is due to the fact that we’ve gotten the origin out of the way. The plot is grim and gritty. In fact, it feels more like a crime film with a couple of loons dressed as weirdos than a superhero film. I think that’s one of the things that makes it incredible.

Dislikes – At two hours and thirty minutes, the movie just feels too long. There is some fat in there that could have been trimmed. There are points where the plot feels like it’s plodding at a turtle’s pace. The scenes themselves were great. Just wish they had gone faster.

The Acting:

Likes – Do I need to say it? Everyone else already has. Heath Ledger’s Joker kicks ass. He nailed every nuance of the character. I read one reviewer say that Ledger’s Joker makes Nicholson’s from the first Batman film look like Cesar Romero from the ‘60s TV show. I think that is an accurate description. That’s not to say that everyone else did a bad job. Far from it. Every actor in The Dark Knight is fantastic. Another notable performance was Aaron Eckhart, whose performance as Harvey “Two Face” is the most accurate portrayal so far. Even Maggie Gyllenhall impressed me with how much better her Rachel Dawes character was over Katie Holmes. Still, all of these great performances are dwarfed by Ledger. He steals the show here.

Dislikes – To be honest? I really don’t have anything to say here. But if I have to say something… random street witness number three was horrible. Who screwed up on that casting?

Characters:

Likes – There have been complaints that there isn’t enough Batman in his own movie. I disagree. See, the thing about Batman is part of what makes him tick – what makes him who he is – is his Rogues Gallery. Batman wouldn’t be Batman without his villains. Kind of like how clothes make the man. Okay, nothing like that, but you get the idea. Other people groaned at the fact that yet another Batman film has two villains. While I do agree that, in the past, cramming two villains in your Batman flick has often been that film’s undoing, that isn’t the case here. Dent’s transformation is very organic, and serves the Joker plot perfectly. It’s not like before where you have two separate villain plots vying for screen time and then BAM – the two join forces to pee in Bruce’s oatmeal. The Joker uses Dent as a means to an end. And in that lies the brilliance. As for the other characters, each one continues to be captured perfectly by its particular actor or actress. And I was especially impressed by how Rachel Dawes was better used in this film. She wasn’t just a love interest. She was given a lot more to do that helped further the plot.

Dislikes – Like above, not much negative to say here, though I will agree that I wish Two Face had a little more screen time.

Action Sequences:

Likes – Holy crap! The action in this flick makes the first film look like Daddy Day Camp. There were some beautiful sequences in this film.

Dislikes – I would have liked it if the slower portions of the movie hadn’t spread the action scenes out so much.

Odds and Ends:

Likes – The cameos and actors that I was pleasantly surprised to see in this movie – Anthony Michael Hall, Nestor Carbonell (Batmanuel (<=== how funny is that?) from the live action Tick TV show), Eric Roberts. It was great to see these underused and underappreciated actors get some decent screen time in such an awesome movie. Oh, and Cillian Murphy returns as the Scarecrow for a small scene near the beginning of the film; the fact that this movie really felt more like an action/crime drama than a superhero film. No kidding. I felt like what I was seeing on the screen could have been going down in the middle of another film, like Heat. And I loved that.

Dislikes – I’m not one of those folks who can’t stand the gravelly voice Bruce Wayne puts in his Batman persona. I think it’s pretty cool. But, I have to admit that even I was starting to get annoyed by Bale’s throaty verbalizations by the end of the film.

Overall, I think this movie is miles ahead of the first film. A lot of reviewers have been comparing The Dark Knight to The Empire Strikes Back or The Godfather, Part II. It’s definitely a darker film, as almost everything built up in Batman Begins is systematically torn down in The Dark Knight. But this is one of the main reasons why I love this film. That, plus all of the other positives I’ve listed are enough to make the negatives almost unnoticeable. I will say that The Dark Knight is probably one of the best films of the year. I definitely plan to see it again, only this time in IMAX.

Now, if the IMAX showings would quit selling out.

The Don thinks this town needs an enema. Of hugs.

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Greetings, Hong Kong Cavaliers!

You know, I really enjoy our time together.  It’s just you all and me.  Long, lingering stares.  Romantic whispers.  Tender touches.  Restraining orders.

Hey!  What the Hell?!?

What the Hell indeed.  Hellboy, that is.  As in, I saw Hellboy II: The Golden Army this past weekend, and I wanna tell you about it.

Hopefully, the five of you who read my articles are familiar with the character Hellboy and the self-titled comic book series he comes from.  But just in case, here’s a quick rundown:

Hellboy is a demon who was summoned as an infant by Nazi occultists to help them win World War II.  He was “rescued” by the Allied forces and raised by the US government, eventually becoming the top paranormal investigator of a secret, US government agency.

Now, I further hope you’ve seen the first movie.  If not, I’ll wait here while you do so…

 
…

 
*checks watch*

 
…

Good Lord, could you hurry up?  I haven’t got all night.

Okay, so the first flick was a pretty fun-filled romp of awesome, right?  It took what we love about the Indiana Jones flicks (hero versus Nazis with the world at stake), injects it with some supernatural kick-assery (that is so a word), and adds a big, red demon with a big, not red gun as its hero.  Then it ups the action and adventure up several notches.  Bake for a half hour.  Serves several million in box office receipts.

Now, how does the sequel measure up?

It’s like Guillermo del Toro (the director) opened up the floodgates of the imagination and forced it to spew all over film stock.  Then he handed it out to theaters and smoked a huge cigar in celebration.

The basic plot is this:  Long ago, the inhabitants of the realms of fantasy and the jerk humans of reality waged war.  The King of Elves had an unbeatable Golden Army made to eliminate the humans completely.  The bloodshed was so severe that the King regretted his decision.  A truce was made, and in a small bit of Lord of the Rings double-taking, the King of Elves split the crown that controlled the Army into pieces, giving one to the humans and keeping two for himself.  The terms of the truce gave the cities to the humans and the forests to the mystical creatures forever.  This did not sit well with the Prince, and he went into self-imposed exile.  Present day, and the Prince has returned to seek vengeance after seeing how destructive and greedy the humans have become.  He plans to recover the pieces of the crown and control the Golden Army, wiping out humanity for good in order to save the creatures he feels need protecting.  There is one problem – a certain large, red demon with a large, not red gun plans on stopping him with the help of his team mates.

This film was quite the ambitious project, larger in scope and in story than the first film.  This is just one of many ways that it surpasses its predecessor.  Characters are fleshed out and given more to do.  Even perennial favorite Abe Sapien gets more screen time than the first one.  And this time he even gets a romantic sub-plot.  There is just so much going on in the area of character development that I never felt like anyone got short changed.  Every character - villain, hero, and minors – had their chance to shine.

All the actors hit their marks on this go round, and they do it well.  Ron Perlman is Hellboy.  He’s a natural at it, and it shows.  Selma Blair gets more to do and we get to see some incredible growth in her character.  With Abe Sapien, Doug Jones proves that he is the only man in town to go to when you need an actor in a suit.  He even gets to do his own voice this time!  And many of you may try to gag yourselves upon learning that Seth MacFarlane does the voice of new team member and ectoplasmic entity Johann Krauss.  Better to direct those efforts at laughing, because MacFarlane is perfect for the character.  He even has some of the best funny lines in the film.  Even the minor characters, like Jeffry Tambor’s  BPRD director Tom Mannin, make the best of the screen time they are given.

Let’s not forget the villains.  Luke Goss and Anna Walton are amazing as Prince Nuada and his sister Princess Nuala, respectively.  Goss, in particular, brings intensity and nobility to his character.  Walton manages to hold her own as well, giving us a character that not only provides a romantic foil for Abe, but also serves as a centerpiece to the main conflict.

That’s one of the great things about Hellboy II – del Toro doesn’t give us a standard villain.  What this film has is a character that exists in a grey area, much like Magneto in the X-Men comics.  Prince Nuada isn’t evil.  He’s just trying to protect his fellow mythicals; save them, even.  He is a tragic hero in his own right.  It’s this complexity that is another key ingredient to what makes the sequel exceed the first installment.  The lines are not clearly drawn, and even Hellboy finds himself torn.  He’s just like the creatures he’s fighting against, trying to defend a people that reject him and are frightened by him.

Del Toro handles all of this beautifully, combining the social commentary with a well-paced plot, incredible special effects, character development, and some gorgeous fight and stunt scenes.  It’s those ingredients and the execution that make this film an awe-inspiring spectacle.  They are also what make Hellboy II better then its predecessor.  Don’t get me wrong - I love the first film, but the second one just outperforms.

Plus, it taught me one valuable lesson:

Humans suck.

 
The Don has fought his inner demons.  Then they made up and had pie.

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Greetings, Wonder Hamsters!

I’ve been a big fan of “Weird Al” Yankovic (not Yankovich, thank you)  since his first major chart hit – “Eat It” – started making the rounds when I was eight years old.  I was a trailer park kid, so I wasn’t able to get any of his albums in stores.  Nope.  But, I had plenty of friends who made me copies of his releases on tape.  That’s right - I was playing it illegal waaay before NAPSTER.  I did what I wanted!  I robbed and pillaged!  I pretended real life problems and video game problems were synonymous!  And I ruled the world!!!  MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*ahem*

Sorry about that.  I guess the spirit of the Al is infecting me a little.

Anyway, to make a long story short (too late), I’ve been a fan since I was eight.  Last night I had my first opportunity to see him live in concert with my wife and a couple of friends.

In a word – WOW.

To say I went to a concert is an understatement that makes calling a HUMVEE a gas-hog an accurate assumption.  When you go see “Weird Al” perform, what you attend is a multimedia experience.

For two and a half hours, we were subjected to his Royal Weirdness on stage performing a lot of his hits (most of them from his latest album, Straight Outta Lynwood).  During that time, this man – who is pushing 50 – exuded an energy and limberness I’ve never seen in a human being before.  Incredible!  There were a lot of costume changes, but this is where the “multimedia experience” comes into play.  During his costume changes (sometimes they came after each song) a three-screen display would show clips from several of his “AL TV” specials, as well as clips from movies, cartoons, and awards shows that he has been featured in.  With all of this bombarding your senses, there was not a dull moment.

And the performances for each song were mind-blasting!  As I said before, he had all this maniacal energy not typical of a 48 year-old man.  He never wavered, never faltered.  Even when wearing layers that would have dropped a lesser performer from heat exhaustion, Mr. Alfred Matthew Yankovic brought the crazy.

My favorite performance was when Al came out to do “The Saga Begins”.  Why?  Ask the Star Wars geek within me, as he was screeching the entire time when a small squad of Stormtroopers came out with Darth Vader leading them to center stage.  Then, the coily-coiffed one and his band came out in Jedi robes to perform the song (with the exception of keyboardist Rubén Valtierra, who was dressed as the Emperor).  At that point my inner geek fainted, and I had to slap him around to get him out of his stupor.  Geek side revived, I was able to enjoy the rest of the song.

The rest of the concert was nothing short of exuberant.  All five of us walked out of there last night hopped-up on all of the raw energy that was flying around that venue.  I’ve been to plenty of concerts in the past few years, but I have never been to anything like that before.  I left The National (in Richmond, Virginia) invigorated, giddy, and it felt good.  It was like a roller coaster – intense, fast, and exhilarating.  And it was over too quickly.

Next time he’s playing nearby, I’m going for another ride.

The Don dares to be stupid, much to his wife’s embarrassment.

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