Seasons Greetings, Chipmunks and Chipettes!

As you’re reading this, it should be Christmas Eve.

Hang on…

Sorry.  I had to take a moment to laugh at the idea of anyone being around to read this on Christmas Eve.  But still, as part of the season of giving I feel it would be unfair of me if I didn’t offer up something to stick in your Spwugnerian stockings.  I’ve noticed that my last couple of holiday offerings were in the form of lists, and since old Kringle himself is a fan of checking such things twice I figured it would keep in the spirit of the season to do another as the last of my Christmas-themed articles for the year.

This time, I offer up my top five favorite Christmas songs:

5. “It’s Christmas All Over the World” – Sheena Easton

I’m a child of the 80s.  Most people know that.  Growing up, I had a HUGE crush on Sheena Easton – her voice, her Scottish accent, and her… hotness.  I will admit that I have a couple of her songs on my iPod.  So, when she did this little ditty for the film Santa Claus: The Movie, I knew I had to have it.  I really love this song.  It’s the epitome of 80s Christmas music – it’s an 80s ballad and a Christmas song all in one.

4. “Christmas Time is Here” – Vince Guaraldi

Christmas just isn’t Christmas without this timeless, holiday classic.  “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is one of my favorite Christmas specials, and both the vocal and instrumental version of this song immediately get me into the Christmas spirit.

3. “Christmas at Ground Zero” – “Weird Al” Yankovic

“Weird Al” is still one of my favorite artists to this day, and this song is still one of his best originals.  Combining yuletide festivities with nuclear Armageddon, this song manages to make me laugh every time I hear it.  This song has to be on my playlist; it just isn’t Christmas without it.

2. “Winter Wonderland” – The Eurythmics

Yeah, I know… I’m a sucker for 80s music, and that more than includes 80s Christmas music.  This is probably my favorite version of this holiday tune.  It’s just infused with so much energy.  Annie Lennox is clearly having a lot of fun, and it’s infectious.

1. “O, Holy Night” – Johnny Mathis

For me, Johnny Mathis is Christmas.  His Christmas music was a staple of our household growing up.  Every Christmas morning, my brother, sister, and I were awakened to the sounds of Johnny crooning his magical holiday tunes.  To this day, every time I hear one of his songs I feel like a kid again.  Because of how much I enjoy his entire collection, I had a hard time picking just one song to represent my number one.  In the end, I chose “O, Holy Night” simply because I think it is one of the best renditions of the song out there.  Johnny’s crescendo in the final notes of the song is just so powerful and touching, it gives me shivers.

And there you have it, folks – my last Christmas article for 2009.  I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday.  For those that don’t celebrate, have a happy Friday.  Woot to the weekend!

I leave you with one last prezzie.  Remember the LEGO Advent Calendar?  Here it is in full glory, all its secret nooks and crannies revealed (make with the clicky to see it larger):

The Don we now our gay apparel, fa-la-la fa-la-la la la la…

Greetings, Ka-Nights!

I’m sure most of you out there had your own, personal Jesus Red Ryder BB Gun – that one item or items that you had to have for Christmas.  Maybe it was a racing set, or a certain action figure.  Maybe it was a Cabbage Patch Kid, or a Tamagotchi.  Or, maybe you just got dirt, and you were happy to receive that dirt.  Whatever your personal windmill was each Christmas, nothing ever matched the feelings that swept over you when you finally got to that one present that looked like it might be the right size and shape of what you had been yearning for all year.  You look it over carefully, curiously… wondering if pinning all your seasonal hopes and dreams on this wrapped box of secrets would be worth the risk of possible disappointment.

You slowly undo the first tab of tape, cautiously tearing at the paper…

… and catch your first glimpse of the box underneath…

Your eyes open wide in feverish glee as you suddenly tear faster faster faster…

You got it!  You got…

…socks.

Then your dad laughs and hands you the package that really has the item you’ve been wanting since you saw that commercial cartoon back in January.  It doesn’t matter that your dad is a malicious deceiver of men.  You got what you asked Santa for.  It’s yours!

Five minutes later, you see something on TV that you just have to get next Christmas, your current acquisition just a fuzzy memory…

I know I had quite a few must-haves on my list growing up.  In fact, even at the age of thayunasflakhfy-fqtlkdur, I still end up every year with that one item that I just need for Christmas.  So, as a tribute to the endless quest that many of us embark on annually, I present you with my top five Holy Grails from my childhood:

5. “M.A.S.K” Toys

I remember the first time I saw the “M.A.S.K.” cartoon when I was a kid.  It came on around 6:30 AM (in 1985 time) on one of our local stations and I would watch it every morning before school.  For someone who was already into vehicles that transformed into something else, this show was cool!  The premise was that a special task force called M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armored Strike Kommand) led by Matt Tracker was created to defend the world against an evil terrorist organization called V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem), which was led by Miles Mayhem.  Both good guys and bad had vehicles that transformed into other vehicles, and all the operatives wore masks that had special abilities.  Of course, like all cartoons of this nature that we grew up with, the cartoon was really just a half hour long commercial that sold us toys.

And man, these toys were awesome.  The first vehicle I ever got was Condor – a green motorcycle that turned into a helicopter.  Included was the driver, Brad Turner, whose mask could project lifelike holograms (only for pretendsies).  My friends and I all collected them, and we spent many hours creating our own adventures.

By the second season of the show, the direction of the plot had changed and the characters were suddenly ripping off “Speed Racer”, as the good guys entered race after race against the bad guys for some item that would be deadly in the wrong hands.  The vehicles were still cool, but the line would die off quickly after the show started to suck.  This Holy Grail has the distinction of being one that I’ve reignited my efforts in finding recently.  I have managed to procure two vehicles so far, and am looking to rebuild my collection.

4. CD Boom Box

Sometime in the late 80s/early 90s, CD’s started to make their way into mainstream use for music lovers everywhere.  It was sometime around 1992 that I wanted to get in on this new medium.  I mean, cassette tapes were fine and all, but CDs allowed you to skip to the next song without having to fast forward through the current one!  No more wasting time cueing through tape just to get to a favorite song or to get past a bad one.  With the touch of a button, you could go right to the track you wanted.  Heck, you didn’t even have to listen to songs in the order that they were put on the album anymore!  The Compact Disc revolution gave us the freedom to choose!

It also re-introduced a feature that our parents were familiar with and that we would constantly gripe about – skipping.  Oh yeah, one bump and you just “time-traveled” a second or two into the future of the song you were listening to.  Or, you could revisit the same two second you just heard.  Top notch!

Despite the minor annoyances with the technology, I was extremely excited when I unwrapped that bad boy on Christmas Day, along with a couple of carefully chosen CD selections that would be my introduction to digitally-recorded music.  You know what I did then?

I made mix tapes for my Walkman from those CDs.

3. Star Wars Toys

Anyone who knows me knows I am a HUGE Star Wars fan, despite the prequels.  From the time my parents took me to see the first film (that’s Episode IV: A New Hope to you yung’uns) in theaters at the age of three, I lived and breathed everything Star Wars.  Bed sheets, actions figures, pajamas, cups – you name it, I probably had it.  Every Christmas from 1978 to 1984 saw some assortment of Star Wars merchandise under our tree.  I still have the very first action figure I ever got – a Stormtrooper.  His legs are a wee bit wobbly and he looks like he was dragged behind a bantha for several miles, but I still have him in a box somewhere.

Sadly, by summer of 1985 the toy line would be discontinued.  It had been two years since Jedi premiered in theaters, and a year since it was brought back into theaters for an encore showing.  With the final movie come and gone, interest in the franchise waned considerably.  And so, my ten year old self was left with a gaping hole of no toy series to love (that would quickly be filled not too long after by Transformers, M.A.S.K., Thundercats, Silverhawks, and The Real Ghostbusters toys, to name a few).

I still have the very last figure that was bought for me also – Lando Calrissian in his general uniform, complete with cloth cape.  No Lando… Han won’t have that shield down in time this time…

2. Nintendo Entertainment System

Some of you might remember that I wrote about this as part of my Christmas series last year.  For those that haven’t, you should really go back and read all three of them.  They’re quite good.

I won’t rehash too much since this is ground already covered, so instead I will give you the short version (in rhyme):

Atari 7800 is what I had,

Then I saw my friend’s system and it made me sad.

Nintendo made a console that blew mine away,

Five minutes with Mario and I wanted to stay.

I pleaded with my folks to get us a NES,

But we were too poor; man our life was a mess.

It would be many months before I could play,

So I was over at my friend’s house every day.

We’d play Mario and Popeye and Donkey Kong,

When’s Christmas get here? It’s taking too long!

Christmas finally came and within the first hour,

I was playing Nintendo; I was playing with Power!

1. Debbie

Okay, now we’re to the part where I get sentimental and mushy.  Too bad.  I have to say, without a doubt, the greatest Holy Grail I ever chased after and won was a girl.  And yes, it was around Christmas.

Debbie and I started out as friends in high school.  Her older sister was dating my best friend Chad.  Chad, his girlfriend and I were seniors, while Debbie was two years behind (Yes, that makes her two years younger than me.  Try and keep up.).  In an odd twist of fate (and some manipulation by Chad and Debbie’s sister), Debbie and I started dating.  I can go on record and say that she was, honestly, my first love.  I fell hard.  We were practically inseparable after that (to this day she is the reason I love when it rains).

Unfortunately, like in a Rankin and Bass holiday special, a nefarious scheme was hatched by some evil force to break us up.  And it worked.  I was devastated.  By this time I had graduated and was getting ready to go off to college.  I tried everything I could to get her back, but it just pushed her away more.  It got quite ugly.  So, despite being extremely broken hearted, I did the only thing left that I could do.

I let her go.

The fall semester flew by.  Before I knew it my first semester as a freshman was over and Christmas break was upon us.  I eagerly came home to enjoy my time off…

…only to find a letter waiting for me from Debbie asking me to meet her at the church we both attended regularly for that night’s service.  Reluctantly, I went.  When, what to my wondering eyes should appear… but an angel of a girl who had won my heart earlier that year.

She apologized sincerely, profusely, and several other important words that end in “-ly”.  Skeptical and still sore from the heart-wrenching, I wasn’t sure.  But, over the course of the next couple of weeks, she convinced me, and by Christmas we were together again.

Obviously, we didn’t end up together.  Things happen, as they often do.  We’ve both moved on to bigger and better things.  But, the reason she places at number one on my list of Holy Grails is this – for one, shining moment, Debbie made for me a Christmas that you normally only see in movies and read about in books.  That year my Christmas was one of merriment, magic and wonder – the kind that the hopeless romantic I was had always hoped for.

For once in my young life, I had chosen wisely.

The Don swears that he just has something in his eye.

Greetings, M.U.S.C.L.E Things!

Oh crap, it’s December already.  You know what that means…

Tax season is just around the corner!!

…..

Okay, seriously… if you’re not even going to put forth an effort, I really don’t know what to do with you.  But, since we have officially begun the Season of Miracles, I’ll cut you all a break.

The beginning of the ChristmaHanuKwanzolstivus season also means that I will once again be giving you weekly installments filled with holiday goodness.  Now, I debated whether or not to do like I did last year and theme this month’s articles around “A Christmas Carol”.  In the end, I thought it would be tacky to be repetitive, and I really thought it would be lame if I kept repeating myself.  So instead, this season’s articles will just be comprised of random holiday-themed merriment for all.

And what better way to kick of the beginning of the month than with an installment of “Office” that recognizes counting down the days until Jolly Ol’ Scratch Saint Nick comes barreling down Santa Claus Lane (is that even a real place?).  And to help us with said task comes a cool, little item that will drive my fellow LEGO enthusiasts giddy with glee:

Behold, the LEGO City Advent Calendar!

For those unfamiliar with this festive, holiday item, advent calendars are used to count down to Christmas day.  Usually, the calendars will feature little doors for each day of the month.  Behind each door a piece of candy or other small prize awaits the usurper who had the audacity to open the compartment to support his looting habits.

The LEGO City Advent Calendar is especially sweet, as each cardboard cavity holds some little LEGO figure or item that you can put together after you pull that sucker out of its hole.  See?  The fun just keeps on giving with this thing!  You get more to do even after you’ve ripped the prize from its haven of darkness.

Okay, FINE – it does sound like you’re just doing a lot of work.  I knew you wouldn’t understand.

But my fellow LEGOsi’s get it… amirite?!

Here’s a picture of what we have so far.  Granted, I write these articles the night before I put them up on the site – that’s why you only see two of them freed from captivity so far.  Unfortunately, that means that you’re going to be left in suspense as to what today’s advent treasure was.  But, it could be worse – I could do these annually for you fine readers, opening one a day and providing a thrilling story to go along with each discovery, only to leave you all hanging right before the last three days because I got busy and completely disappeared from the site…

But, I mean, c’mon…. I’m not that cruel.

The Don would like to apologize to X-Entertainment.  Just some light-hearting ribbing… please don’t send the crabs after him!

Greetings, Banana Splits!

There comes a time in every child’s life when they must put away childish things and become an adult…

…or they can say “To Hell with that” and continue to have fun by going to conventions like Nekocon.

Guess which one I did this past weekend?

To be fair, I was there in an official capacity, as my partner-in-crime Danny Valentini and I were invited to the convention again this year to be guests.  Supposedly, we do this web comic together called “The Draconia Chronicles” that grows in popularity every year.  Now, I would just chalk this up to rumor for now, because everyone knows that there are no such things as web comics.  That’s just a story parents tell their children at night to scare them so that they won’t grow up to get online degrees.

You should know the drill by now – I do a quick recap of my weekend at a convention, you skim over it feeling unfulfilled, then we both reluctantly agree that we need to see other people as we give back all the items we borrowed or gave to each other.

I’m still waiting to get back my copy of the “The White Album.”

As con Fridays go, this year’s Neko offered pretty much the standard fare – I show up at the convention center about two hours before the Opening Ceremonies.  Heading up to the “Con-Ops” room, I procure my Guest badge.  After some spirited conversation about topics I have no recollection of discussing, I make a dotted bee-line for our table in the Artists Alley.  I say dotted because one can never just go to where they are going at a convention.  Invariably, there will be many stops and restarts as you run into old friends for a quick chat, pose for pictures, stop to take pictures, notice something shiny, pause to ponder the secrets of the universe, stop because you’re chewing gum, or hesitate because the all-powerful con gods sent a messenger to you with a gift consisting of this confection called “Pocky”.  And no, I don’t mean the owner of Spwug.

As I survey the landscape of the cavernous region known as the Artists Alley, I catch up with more fellow AA (not Alcoholics Anonymous) commoners as I wait for my cohort to arrive.  I also wait for time to slowly transport me into the future, for that is where the Opening Ceremonies await me.

When the Hour of Trying to Fool People Into Thinking You Are Someone Important in Front of a Medium-Sized Crowd is finally at hand, my recently arrived partner-in-crime and I make our way into the even more cavernous region where the Ceremonies are to take place.  After a series of horrible attempts at humor that are the reason my parents gave me up for adoption, Danny and I – fully convinced that no one knew who the heck we were – remove ourselves and head back over to “Con-Ops”, where we trade our silly old Guest badges for shinier and cooler “Neko Bazaar” badges.  With renewed vigor, we return to the first cavernous area of which I had already mentioned previously.  From there, we set up our table, and begin the attempt to peddle our wares for the rest of the evening.  And that, little Christopher, is how babies are born.

Saturday finds us arriving early, long before noon’s rising sun can greet us.  We have a panel to host and candy tied to strings so that we can lure entice the con masses to our little panel room.  We are able to capture accrue a respectable number of individuals despite our outlandish buffoonery on display.  In fact, I do believe that a couple of them even stop screaming long enough to ask us questions about our web comic.  I call that a success.  Then again, I call not getting maced in the face when I ask a woman the time a success.

From there, we return to our temporary abode in the Artists Alley for more shilling, more debauchery, more talky-talky…blah blah blah…  You’re already asleep, so we’ll skip ahead…

Two in the afternoon!  We have another panel!  But our princess is in another castle!  Dejected from finding yet another one of those stupid Toadstool weirdoes (where do they all come from?  Do they multiply like rabbits?), we make our way back to the same room our last panel was in.  In a strange case of déjà vu, the room looks exactly the same as the last time we were in it.  In fact, maybe this really is the first time we are in it, and the first time really wasn’t the first time, but instead a strange message from the future telling us what lie in store for our fates.

Nope, same room, different panel.

This time we are joined by real artists and writers as we try our best to sound like we know as much as they do about making web comics.  I think we have them fooled right up to the point where I mention something about the right amount of tension needed on a loom when interweaving the threads of a web comic.  I’m not sure where the audience got the pitch forks and torches, but it makes for an exciting conclusion to what I think was a successful panel.

As my counterpart and I make our escape back to the Caverns of AA, we easily slip back into our respective roles – he’s the DJ and I’m the rapper.  Sales seem to be going well on our new “Men of the Quadratic Equation” calendar, as well as a few other items we have somehow managed to fool the commonfolk into believing have magical powers – mainly some Shamwow!s, as well as a few pounds of Mighty Putty.  Throughout the afternoon and evening we get several con-goers who stop by claiming to be fans of our web comic.  But, I know the truth.  After being visited by them as often as I am, you tend to recognize evil spirits when they show up to haunt you and ask you for favors.

It is at this point that I also have a vision that my wife is in an 80s glam-pop band.  I shiver from the delusion, then down a couple burgers that are really cookies.  My life is strange.

The greatest highlight of Saturday has to be in the evening when we go to dinner.  It isn’t often when an evil spirit actually tries to get you drunk so that they can take advantage of you.  Joke’s on him, though.  I would have said yes sober.

Sunday seems to be a blur.  No, I mean every Sunday seems to be a blur.  I think my brain just hates living in my cranial cavity so much that it just decides to shut down every seventh day as a middle finger to me and my ancestors.  I can’t fathom why.  I mean, it isn’t my fault that the Waltons aren’t real.

Now that I think about it, I do seem to recall some events took place on Neko’s Day of Sun.  We have a final panel wherein we are usurped by dark forces who yank the proverbial rug out from under us by yanking the actual rug out from under us.  I think we still manage to do a fairly adequate job of teaching the wailing masses how not to create or develop characters.  At least, I pray to Bill Cosby that we did.

A few more hours of trying to prove to the con folk that we are not wax statues and the con is officially over.  As my main squeeze who is not my wife but is really the artist who draws the web comic I scribble words for and I break down and cry our set-up at the table in the AA Caverns, we say our goodbyes to a few of the fellow artists who were crazy enough to talk to us.  We make our way to the bar in the hotel that is across the way from the convention center.  I remark as we head over that a way looks an awful lot like grass and asphalt.  Once inside the bar, a friend buys me an apple pie – except that this pie is really liquid and I have to drink it instead of eat it.  But hey, in today’s economy everyone has to make sacrifices – even our American icons.  I heard that baseball is currently just gardening in order to save money.

With the evening now upon us, we make our way to Olive Garden.  There, a free meal awaits all of us who were sneaky enough to convince the staff that we were Guests Neko Bazaar attendees.  But first we stand outside the restaurant to play a game called “Parking Lot-to”.  The object of the game is to stand out in the parking lot until the number of people in your party matches the number called.  Our group makes it to the bonus round, where we win some fabulous prizes – including our meals, as well as a copy of the home game.  I can’t speak for those who are still in the parking lot after we are seated, though I’m told that “manicotti formaggio” is Italian for “convention stragglers”.

I’m glad I ordered the chicken alfredo.

The Don would like to give his heartfelt thanks to everyone at Nekocon for their gracious generosity and hopes to be invited back next year!

Friends, if you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I’d love to buy merchandise from my favourite webcomics, but I don’t want to pay shipping costs just to have to wait for my swag,” then have I got a solution for you! Have you ever considered…conventions?

….Okay, so the cost of a convention admission badge is considerably more than what you’d pay to ship a poster and a T-shirt to your home. Also, in order to attend a convention, you have to actually leave said home. But I’m here, fresh from Nekocon 2009, to show you the pros of allowing cons into your life! (So, how much are you hating me right now?)

With your keepsake convention membership badge, you’ll receive nigh-unlimited access to your favourite artists, courtesy of the Artists’ Alley! Hang around their tables breathing on them while you drop $20 on a T-shirt and calendar! Just imagine, you’ll finally be able to give that fifteen-minute presentation to the creators of The Draconia Chronicles about how their story’s world would be infinitely improved by a crossover with Harry Potter and a repeat appearance by Christopher Walken as a Twilight vampire. Don’t forget to bring your laptop with PowerPoint slideshow!

The best part about that picture is that I totally did not expect to find a Walken/Harry Potter pic when I Googled “Christopher Walken Sparkle.” Thanks, Totally Looks Like.com! Hopefully-humourous text is my addition.

But that’s not all–act now, and you’ll also receive PANELS. That’s right, long discussions and autograph sessions hosted by your beloved artists in which you discuss their works and ask them uncomfortable questions about their sex lives for one to two hours! You can’t get THAT experience from sitting at home reading webcomics!

No, guys, I will never stop channeling Billy Mays. Sorry.

But seriously, folks, if you want to show support for the artists you love and wish to know, you can do a lot worse than to come hang out at a fan convention. Nekocon is an anime-themed convention, but you can find artists of all types, at all types of cons. This weekend, I hobnobbed with and/or observed these rising stars of webcomics in their unnatural element:

–Danny Valentini and (Spwug’s own) Donnie Sturges of The Draconia Chronicles

–Jamie Sturges of Why So

–Chris Malone of Blue and Blond (Chris, if you’re reading this, I never did find out who the screamer in room 417 was to congratulate them.)

–Dave Lister of Paradox Lost

–Aja Moore of vantage/vantage (Currently on a semi-hiatus until the artist finds more reliable webhosting. She also has done other works as well–check out the rest of her DeviantArt page and website!)

Michael Terracciano of Dominic Deegan was sadly not at Nekocon this year, for which we all weep, but he’s yet another webcomic artist who does the con circuit. Speaking of the con circuit, thanks to these conventions, you’ll be able to meet the entire range, from “small business” comic artists to big-name ones whose works are published both online and in newspapers around the world.

C’mon…give conventions a try. Even if you leave traumatized by that Sailor Jupiter with the goatee and hairy legs, you’ll still have your webcomic swag and the beginnings of a bee-YOO-tee-fool friendship with the artists you love! (Sometimes a bit too much. Remember–if you have to ASK an artist to sign your underclothes, chances are, they don’t actually want to.)

The preceding article comes to you courtesy of the zombie plague, which the writer is still afflicted with. Spwug assumes no responsibility for opinions presented here, or undead uprisings that occur as a result of viewing this page.

… I’m gonna have to punk out on this week’s “Office” and give you a “Don Says…” instead.  It’s just as good as an “Office”… really it is.

Okay, it’s almost as valuable as a “Meeting”, at least.  Listen, you can’t use any of these as legal tender (or even chicken tenders) anyway, so what’s the big deal?

Anyhoo, the reason I committed such a heinous act and punked out on a full “Office” article this week is because Nekocon is this weekend.  As we all know, Nekocon is that magical place where dreams come true and wine flows from the highest mountaintops in cascading waterfalls.  It’s where River Phoenix is still alive and continually successful in film and Tom Green didn’t survive putting his bum on a rhino.

Okay, it’s really an anime convention in my backyard of Hampton, Virginia.

But, the best news is that 2wcOnline, that awesome website that is the home of that awesome web comic called The Draconia Chronicles that I’m the writer for – you know, the one that has links to it on the right side of this here Spwug site?  Do you even know where you are right now?  Maybe you should lay down…

Lost my thought of trains…

Oh yeah – 2wcOnline will be there as web comic guests again this weekend!  My partner-in-crime Danny Valentini and I will be there all weekend pimping out our new Draconia Chronicles 2010 Calendar, as well as the rest of our stuff.  We will also be heading up several panels throughout the weekend.  Grab your peepers and check out the sched:2wcOnline

2wcOnline presents The Draconia Chronicles:   SAT 10a – 11a  in Panel 3

2wcOnline State of Webcomics:   SAT 2p – 3p in  Panel 3

2wcOnline Character Creation and Development:   SUN 1p – 2p in  Panel 3

So, if any of you happen to be going to Neko and want to come by and pay your resident Spwugnerian as well as both 2wcOnline Chuckleheads, feel free!  And next week, I will return to my regular programming with a rundown of the con.

I’m The Don and I approve this massage.

Greetings, Fremen!

Anyone who is a huge fan of Hallowe’en most likely knows the history behind the holiday.  Some of its background has roots in the end-of-summer festival known as Samhain (pronounced sow-ane or sow-in), a Celtic festival that celebrated the end of the “light half” of the year and the transition into the “dark half”.

Over the years, the pagan and Celtic aspects of All Hallows’ Even were gradually replaced by more Christianized elements, which caused the holiday to evolve into more like what is celebrated today.  Yet despite theses changes, the original Celtic, Pagan, and Wiccan aspects of what is now Hallowe’en have never really gone away.  Many people still recognize these facets of the ancient festival – and in many cases – still celebrate them.

This is especially true when it comes to modern fiction, especially in movies and television.  Shows like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer and movies like Halloween III: Season of the Witch incorporate the Celtic, Pagan, and/ or Wiccan practices into their Hallowe’en-themed plotlines.  One popular way in witch which this is done is by making Samhain a physical manifestation of the essence of Hallowe’en, imbuing him with supernatural power.  He often uses this power to protect and preserve the holiday.

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I offer you my two favorite incarnations of this Spirit of Hallowe’en…

Sam, From the Film Trick ‘r Treat

In case you missed my review last week (of course you didn’t!), I really love this movie.  I just can’t shut up about it.  Seriously.  An instant Hallowe’en classic, this film follows five different, intersecting storylines in which characters break the traditions associated with the autumn holiday.

This is where Sam comes in.  Dressed in footie pajamas and wearing a burlap sack over his head, Sam looks like he might be just another trick-or-treater.  In reality, he’s the physical manifestation of Samhain, whose sole purpose is to punish everyone who breaks the “rules”.

And punish he does.  Like a pint-sized terror, Sam’s creepy, burlapped visage pops up frequently throughout the movie, doling out just desserts either directly or indirectly to each individual who fails to observe tradition.  Sam’s nocturnal activities, as well as his visual design, help propel him into immediate horror icon status alongside the greats like Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees, and Michael Myers.  In fact, NECA had created an action figure of him long before the film had been released (shown above)!  Not bad for an entity whose reputation precedes him by several centuries.

Sam Hain, From “The Real Ghostbusters”

This version of the patron saint of All Hallows’ Eve proved to be one of the best “villains” of this popular, animated series, mainly due to the fact that his episodes were written by J. Michael Straczynski.  He showed up in two episodes of the original series, and then made a return performance in the “Ghostbusters Extreme” animated series.

This guy is quite the hellion – sinister, manipulative, powerful.  His position in the grand scheme of Hallowe’en differs from Sam’s in that instead of just wandering around castigating those who don’t follow the laws of the We’en, this ugly, red, source of all evil commanded an army of demonic minions.  His goal?  To cast the world into eternal Hallowe’en.  Quite a nefarious scheme (and all the Hallowe’en fans scream “yay!”).  The GBs were able to trap him, but it wouldn’t be long before he escaped from the containment unit, seized the firehouse and attempted to invoke his All Hallows’ Evils once again.  Even though he was defeated by the Ghostbusters a second time, this entity proved that he was not a force to be reckoned with.

This concludes my Hallowe’en series for yet another year.  But, don’t fret boils and ghouls.  There are still a couple of days left until dark half of the year is upon us.  Until then, grab yourself a hot beverage of choice, settle yourself in with your favorite scary movie (might I recommend Trick ‘r Treat?), get your costume ready, and have that bowl of candy set up for those little, monsterish hands that will be grabbing at will.

Oh, and don’t forget your Freddy standee…

The Don got a rock…

…congratulations to Richard and Katy, the supreme rulers of the Spwugniverse!!!!!

They are the essence of everything that is Spwug.  Without either of them, this site wouldn’t be here to bring you a daily dose of all things geek.

It was an honor and a privilege to witness the joining of these two forces of good.  They are my friends.  They are my family.  I am proud to be the head writer of something they envisioned, and I am proud to be a part of their lives.

My best wishes to both of you, Pocky Rich and Katy.  Here’s to bigger and greater things.  With your powers combined, anything is possible.

Greetings, Spin Doctors!

As promised, here is the second installment of my highly popular and deeply revered Fall TV Watch List.  Unfortunately, as I look at the list of shows I’m currently watching, it appears that my list this year is smaller than I anticipated.  Part of that is because of the reason I mentioned in part one – not many new shows for the 2009/2010 season really grabbed me while a large portion of the shows that I did like were snuffed out like a wealthy, old man who lies on his death bed while his pillow-wielding son Billy (sorry – it’s William now) decides he wants his inheritance immediately.

The other reason is because there are about three or four shows that I can’t discuss yet because they haven’t started yet (Thanks, NBC!  Way to show your support for “Chuck”!  I bought and ate a Subway sandwich for that show!)

Still, I’m able to toss four more shows at you this week, with an extra helping of two new animated series that I’m having a ball with.

And remember kids – just because a show may not be listed here, doesn’t mean it isn’t a good show.  Let me be your LeVar Burton and use this series to stimulate your desire to go out and find shows that you like on your own!  These are just shows I am able to fit into my schedule that I really enjoy (except for one – I think I’m just a glutton for punishment with that one).  But, you don’t have to take my word for it…

“Community”

This is one of the two new shows of the fall season that I decided to add to my regular watch list.  In fact, I was originally going to give it a pass.  I’m glad I changed my mind.  This show is pretty funny so far, unlike when I tried that “Office” clone “Parks and Recreation”.  Joel McHale (of “The Soup” on E!) stars as a(n) lawyer opportunist who is forced to go back to community college because it’s discovered by the State Bar Association that his degree isn’t valid.  Add in an eccentric variety of characters that he shares classes with, mix thoroughly, and enjoy.  The biggest surprise here is Chevy Chase.  Yes, that Chevy Chase (no, not the bank).  This guy hasn’t been funny in years, but he seems to have gotten his second third fourth twentieth wind on this show.  I find myself laughing at the antics that made 80s Chevy so much fun.

“The Office”

There are those who are UK “Office” purists.  There are those who prefer the US version.  I say, “Are you gonna eat that donut?”  I mean, what else is there to say about this show?  The US “Office” started out looking like a weak clone of the original, and wasn’t faring much better.  Six seasons later, and the show is still as strong as ever.  I came into this show late, but it has become one of the shows I eagerly anticipate week after week.

“Smallville”

I mentioned that there is one show I’m a glutton for punishment for.  This is it.  I will admit, this show really shouldn’t even be on this list.  The storylines are contrived, the acting isn’t great, the plots go in odd directions that would make your GPS rethink what vocation the GPS Guidance Counselor in GPS high school advised her on (oh come on – we all use the female voice).  But for some reason, I can’t quit this show (yes, I made a Brokeback joke).  If for no other reason, I want to see Clark finally become Superman.  I think Tom Welling fills the role well enough.  And every season they manage to hook me with some gimmick.  Last season it was Doomsday.  This season… Zod.  Yes, he’s already delivered the “Kneel before…” line.  Moving on…

“Dollhouse”

The newest offering from everyone’s favorite scribe (except for you) Joss Whedon.  This is a show that should have been one of the casualties of the 2008/2009 season.  But, somehow Fox decided to graduate it to sophomore status, despite a very clunky year one.  Although the networks stepped on Joss’ toes consistently during production of the first half of the first season (forcing rewrites, episode shuffling, character changes), Joss was able to wrangle the reins back during the latter half, salvaging a sinking show and making the last few episodes pretty riveting to watch.  So far, the second season is starting out rather strongly, especially since all of the build up and introduction has been taken care of.  I’ve always been a loyal fan and supporter of all things Whedon, so I think I’ll be sticking around the “Dollhouse” for a little while longer.  At least until “Firefly” magically makes a comeback.

And now… a few brief words about two new animated shows that I’m finding myself eagerly diving into each week:

“Titan Maximum”

Holy crap, this show is awesome.  Hyperbole aside, this is another stop-motion animated show by the guys who brought you “Robot Chicken”, only this time they’re going the “Venture Bros.” route – creating a new universe of characters based on the sentai shows we grew up with in the 70s and 80s like “G-Force” and “Voltron”.  This show pays homage to those slices of fandom while at the same time parodying them.  And they’ve done their homework, from the character-types they use to the campy music they play during fighting scenes.  And this show is hilarious, importing the same type of humor enjoyed on “Robot Chicken”.  Plus: Billy Dee Williams as the voice of the Admiral that the TM crew has to answer to!

“The Super Hero Squad Show”

I know, your jaw’s in your lap – “Does he mean that little kiddie cartoon based on those little Hasbro figures for the kiddies?”  Indeed I do.  This show is a lot of fun!  When I first heard about it, I said my “feh”s and didn’t think another thought about it.  Then, I got to watch a mini-marathon of the first three episodes during Horrorfind Weekend in the hotel room.  This show hides some really intelligent writing under the “made for ages 4 – 8” Bruce banner.  It’s a silly, pun-filled romp where some of Marvel’s most famous (and even some obscure) heroes go up against the Marvel villains every week.  It’s all fighting and bantering, but it’s imaginative and fresh.  To put it best, it’s like if a Marvel Superheroes cartoon was done by the folks who brought you “Tiny Toons”.

And with that, I wrap up part deux of the 2009/2010 season watch list.  I plan to bring you at least one more, but it may have to wait… until spring, unfortunately.  That seems to be when the rest of the shows on my list come back.  In the meantime, this is October.  I’m running a little behind this year, but expect some Hallowe’en-themed articles for the rest of the month.  I leave you with a nugget of awesome news – our own Head Honchos, Richard Kim and Neomera, are getting hitched this weekend!  Now you know why they’ve been a little sparse around the site lately.  A couple of us Spwugnerians will be in attendance to bring the proper amount of geek representation, of course.  So, when you get a chance, please offer your best wishes to the happy couple!

I’m out!

The Don is ready for his treatment.

Greetings, Cookie Crooks!

First, I want to give a shout out and a hearty ‘thank you’ to my friend Matt Cloude for making a catchy catch-phrase of the title above.  It certainly rolls off the tongue with gusto and flavor.

Now, I promised you all last week that I would bring you back a gift from the horror convention I went to this past weekend called Horrorfind Weekend.  Well, so as not to be the Spwugnerian relative that doesn’t make good on his promises, Uncle The Don has come back with a recap and some pictures!

If you read remember my recap last year of Horrorfind 2008, you’ll recall that the convention had moved to Adelphi, Maryland… and into what looked like a large museum.  This set the unfortunate tone for the entire weekend – a weekend filled with broken promises and asparagus-coated sadness.  Or, in reality, over-priced autographs and a convention that was too spread out.

But wait!  This year would be different, Steve!  Someone realized that last year’s snafu pissed everyone off, so they brought it back to the venue of love and laughter!

Er, I mean that they brought it back to the Hunt Valley Inn in Hunt Valley, Maryland.

Already the weekend was starting off on the right note!  Unfortunately, it seemed as though a combination of year-long grudges, sinking economic times, and the fear of Hamthrax caused attendance to be a little light this year.  But, I didn’t care!  That meant shorter lines, less wait times, and more time to shoot the jib-jab with my favorite acting icons of the weekend.

Here are the highlights.  Click on the images to embiggen (some photos courtesy of my friend Big Danny T):

William Katt

One of the nicest guys at the convention.  You may know him from the TV show “The Greatest American Hero”, as well as appearances on “Matlock” and more recently “Heroes”.  He was one of the few guests that had been able to make it on time (most of the guests arrived late due to delayed flights).  He was extremely friendly, knew the names and details of every episode of “TGAH”, and had no problem spending fifteen minutes talking to my over-giddy butt.  The best part was how I approached him.  It went  something like this:

“Could you show me where the chapter on invisibility is? I’m having a hard time trying to get that one to work.”

The guy even threw in an extra autographed pic for free.  Plus, we ran into him frequently throughout the weekend, and every time he remembered us and stopped to chat with us.  He really is the Greatest American Hero.*

*Except for the fine men and women of your local fire department, police force, and paramedic units

And Now the Severe Beating of a Silent Bob Look-Alike

I got punched in the jaw by Kane Hodder!!  This is the guy who played Jason Voorhees (no relation to Lisa Turtle) in the seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth installments of Friday the 13^th.  He’s a big dude:

Ch-ch-ch Ha-ha-ha-haaaooooowwwwww!

Doug Jones

Here is another guy who is incredibly kind, gentle, friendly, and huggy.  I swear, he’s like the essence of Zen Buddism or something.

And it was completely awesome.

You probably wouldn’t recognize this guy without make-up on.  He’s played Abe Sapien in both Hellboy movies, Fauno and the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth, and the Silver Surfer in Fantastic Four 2, as well as a myriad of characters from other films.  This guy is practically the new Lon Chaney.

Walking up to this tall, lanky fellow, he automatically exudes warmth and affection.  We talked about his body of work, including an internet series he was in an episode of called “Retarded Policeman”.  He was so impressed by my knowledge and fondness of the series and his friends who had made the series that he told me I had made his day.

Then, he told me that he wanted to hug me.  And he did:

I will tell you right now, I felt all warm and fuzzy after that hug.  I wanted to ride a unicorn across a rainbow.  I’m not kidding.  And I feel no shame in saying that.

You Love Me, You Really Love Me!!  Secondly.

I think the biggest highlight of the weekend was getting to meet Jason Mewes again (I met him at Wizard World Philly a couple of years ago).  Only, this meeting would play out a bit differently.  I knew that this time, he would be judging me.  Literally.

You see, he was one of the guest judges at the Horrorfind Masquerade, a costume contest that the convention throws every year.  Suspecting this as soon as I had heard months ago that he would be attending, I decided to make one, final attempt to enter the contest as “Silent Bob”.  The last time I entered the contest, I didn’t win despite the overwhelming audience reaction.  But in the plus column, I did get to kiss Dee Wallace Stone (E.T., Cujo) on the lips.  So, I think I broke even that year.

But this year… oh yeah… I was gonna get back in that ring and see where it would take me.

I was nervous, to be truthful.  I had to get up on stage and slip into a character I had perfected my impression of over the last nine years.  And Mewes would be watching.

I was entered under the “Novice, Purchased Costume” category.  Due to the light attendance, there were only a couple of us in that category.  And I was first.

I made my way up onto the stage, the urge to pee growing, the butterflies in my stomach doing a re-enactment of the Revolutionary War.  I looked at the judges Mewes and did my “Silent Bob wave”.

And he grinned.

That was the fuel I needed!  I immediately whipped around the audience and pulled out my props – two signs.  One said “You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here?”  The second said this:

The crowd went nuts!  Tossing the sign aside I addressed my judges Mewes one more time:

It was at that point that the MC told me I had to do “my thing”.  So I did:

My Jungle Love! Oh-ee-oh-ee-oh!

The best part of the whole thing was that after it was all over, Mewes said to me “Good job!”  That made my entire evening.  And it would have been the high point of my evening, as well as the scene you fade out on in a movie about this moment of my life.

Except that I also won.

Not first prize, mind you.  But I did win second place.  I’m actually surprised that I won at all. To be fair, there weren’t many entries in my category, and none of the other store-bought costumes were really that bedazzling.  Plus, Mewes being a judge probably didn’t hurt.

But, I don’t care.  I won.  Something.

What did I win?  These fabulous prizes:

The Omen and Meet the Feebles on DVD, plus a life-size cardboard standee of Freddy Krueger.  Not a bad bit of kibble, if I do say so myself.  Oh, and in perfect Silent Bob character, I stole one of Mewes’ unopened water bottles.  Obviously, of course.  To get a laugh.  Except that I tried to put it back and fumbled.  To which Mewes replied “Just take it, man.  Just take it.”

Yeah, I’m smooth.

The rest of the weekend was spent hanging out with the guy who played the Hare Krishna zombie from the original Dawn of the Dead, spending time with my Darkstone peeps (those fine lads and lasses who made the Plan 9 trailer I know you all watched already), bumping into Doug Jones and being able to chat with him some more all weekend (and get more sugar-induced-coma hugs), and getting into the Hallowe’en spirit just in time for October to roll up into the hood.

Sadly, the only down side was that Fairuza Balk (Return to Oz, The Craft, The Waterboy) was unable to make it due to a schedule conflict.  She was another one of the guests I was hoping to meet, especially since I had a crush on her as a kid from the very first time I saw her in The Worst Witch. It was disappointing, but it ended up not being that big of a rain cloud on the weekend.

I was too busy traveling rainbows on the back of a unicorn.

Has anybody seen The Don’s tambourine?