Greetings, Shadow Warriors!

There’s an old saying where I come from, and it goes something like this:

“If you can’t come up with a Spwug article for the week, just make something up.”

How anyone in my home town even knew there would ever be a web site called Spwug some day in the future is a riddle that we may never solve (radiation spill).  Be that as it may, today it just happens to be good advice.  I’m having a frazzleweek (not to be confused with a Fraggle Rock) this week, and it’s making it tough to come up with anything substantial to offer.  So instead, I once again break out the odds and ends that I have come across over the past couple of days, plop them all into a stew pot, add some seasonings, stir, and serve it to you with some blue milk, courtesy of the charred corpse of Aunt Beru.

What?  It’s not like the Lars family was going to be drinking it anymore.  It was just sitting there on the table.

Megaman 10 is out.  Rockman continues to cry at the injustice.

For those of us still clinging to the nostalgia of our 80s roots (and who really isn’t these days?) and were feeling a little like we got repeatedly crotch-punched by the last fanboy-pleasing offering, Capcom once again gives us the retro-NES-looking goodness of Megaman 10.  While the last installment offered Proto as DLC, this time he comes ready-to-play, with Bass being the DLC character this time around.  All of the graphic and gameplay charm of 9 returns, but this time you can save yourself a cranial bruising from beating your head against the wall – Megaman 10 includes an “easy mode”.  Meanwhile, the Japanese continue to laugh at us while they exist in their superior universe.

Final Fantasy XIII also came out this week.  World buckles at the contradiction.

I stopped playing this series a long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away…), sometime after X or XI or XVIC or whatever that one was with the different characters (stupid Roman numerals).  I’ve read that there have been a few changes, one of which is that the battle system is set up similar to Advent Children.  I’ve heard mixed feedback.  A few of my friends seem to enjoy it, while a few others do not.  And still a few other others are still wondering how there are thirteen of them when it’s the “Final Fantasy” (and even more when you count the spin-offs).  I still maintain that three six is the best one Square has ever done, and they will never be able to top just how well that game is.

The new Tron Legacy trailer is online.

Some of you may be a wee bit too young to remember the movie that put CG animation on the map and laid the groundwork for what Spielberg, Cameron, and Pixar are doing today in film.  Tron didn’t pull in a very large box office when it opened back in 1982, but it has since gained a cult following – enough of one that Disney finally greenlit a sequel last year.  Jumping on the viral marketing bandwagon, Disney has kept the details scarce on this new movie, but has made discovering the details rather fun and exciting.  Most recently, people around the world had the opportunity to go on hide-and-seek missions to find an individual wearing a “Flynn Lives” t-shirt in several major cities around the globe.  The reward?  Exclusive swag, and the ability to unlock an online page that featured dates and locations for a “secret” showing of the new trailer for Tron Legacy.  For those who could stand to wait a few extra days, the trailer went online for everyone this week.  And it is badass.

Speaking of movie trailers…

I’ve got two words for you: “briefcase armor”:

One of these things is not like the other…

Word has it that John Krasinski has landed the role of Captain America for the new Marvel film.  You may know him from the American version of “The Office”.  The rest of you may know him as the guy completely wrong for the part.

And that concludes this broadcast day!  I know I said before that I would be making stuff up, but I decided not to… or, at least not entirely.  One of the things I mentioned above is not at all true (or is close to the truth but not true).  Can you figure out which one?  Ooohh!  Puzzles!  I’m guessing that this one won’t be enough of a challenge to keep you busy until next Thursday, will it?

Probably not.

There’s nothing special about The Don.  He’s just an ordinary program.

…hooboy!  Look at the time!  Sorry, lads and lasses.  There will not be a full “Office” install this week.  Partly because I’m in the process of backing everything up so I can do a full install of Windows 7 on my lappy (See what I did there?  Tied it all together with cleverity!).

I also had another project come up that needed done ASAP.  And in another clever, M. Night Shamalamadingdong twist, I can use this moment to shill that project to all you fellow Spwugnerians in this space:

I’m currently working for my film friends at Darkstone Entertainment writing episode blurbs for director John Johnson’s new Choose-Your-Own Adventure web series called “Spade”.  Episodes air every other Thursday, with the first episode airing two weeks ago.

That means the second episode is online now!  At the end of each episode, viewers are given a choice as to how they want the plot and/or characters to proceed.  All they have to do is make with the clicky on the choices that are presented.  Then, two weeks later, the option that won the most votes will appear as the next episode.

I give you your first taste with episode 1:

And here’s the newest episode!  Vote and choose what you would like to see happen next!

See you next week with a regular installment!

For those of you who are tired of the oversaturation of zombie flicks and feel like the current vampire trend has become vacuous and pedantic, I have encouraging news.

The werewolf film may be re-marking its territory.

Yes, I know that werewolves have already reared their heads in the forgettable, if not horrible Twilight franchise.  But that wasn’t technically a werewolf movie.  It was a movie about raping your face for two hours at ten bucks a pop.

I’m talking about honest-to-Cthulhu werewolves: ferocious creatures that serve as a metaphor for the insatiable beast that exists in all of us (except for Carl – he’s just a disappointment), but also amuse us with blood spray.  Sadly, it’s been quite some time since we were genuinely treated to a great werewolf flick.  Your tastes may vary, but most folks have to go back as far as the 80s before they can even think of one lycanthrope movie of any serious quality.  For some reason, werewolves seem to be a difficult topic to build a movie around.

But, I think there’s a moonlight at the end of the tunnel.  Universal’s new remake of The Wolf Man is definitely a pounce in the right direction.  Based on the 1941 monster film with Lon Chaney, Jr., this reimagining manages to invoke the spirit of the original classic while adding a dash of Hammer Films’ The Curse of the Werewolf.  The result is a fun and thrilling ride with a wonderful gothic atmosphere that manages to make you feel like you’re watching a new installment in the old Universal series.

I will admit right to your face that I’m a big fan of the old Universal monsters, with The Wolf Man being my favorite.  From Lon Chaney’s first foray into the fur to Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man to even the still-hilarious Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, I’ve been fascinated by the lupine creature.  So, I got quite excited when Universal first announced this remake, despite the soulpunch the studio gave me with that craptastic mess called Van Helsing a few years back.

Though the production was troubled almost from the beginning due to a change in directors, soundtrack swaps, and numerous reshoots, the solid script managed to remain enough of a stable base to give us a solid little film.  The biggest aspect of the movie that will slap you in the face (in a good way) as soon as that first reel starts spinning is the atmosphere.  Like I said above, the gothic tone being given off by the Victorian era setting sets the backdrop beautifully.  Combine that with the muted colors on display, and you almost think you’re watching the black and white classic.  This was actually one of my favorite elements of the film.

Then there’s the score.  Originally, The Wolfman was supposed to be set to a rock score.  I’m certainly glad it wasn’t, as that would have completely killed the mood set by the rest of the film.  As it is, we get yet another twitch of the baton from Mr. Danny Elfman, whose score isn’t as overwhelmingly Elfmannish as we’re used to.  But I think this is a plus in this case, as this movie really calls for something more atmospheric, which I think Elfman does well here.

As for the acting, everyone brings their A-game to the party.  Benicio Del Toro is practically channeling Lon Chaney, Jr. in his performance.  Hopkins chews every bit of scenery he’s in, but that’s always a good thing.  Hugo Weaving’s portrayal of Inspector Abberline (famous for the real life investigation of the Jack the Ripper murders) made me grin from ear to ear as he displayed his smug chutzpah to every character that got in his path.  And though her character seemed to be the weakest link in the film, even Emily Blunt was able to deliver a good performance.

I know one of the major upheavals that came about during production was the fact that Rick Baker’s marvelous make-up effects were not going to be used for the werewolf transformation sequences.  I was extremely disappointed when I heard this, as Baker is a master at this craft.  Heck, one of the reasons he asked to be a part of the film was so he could design these sequences.  Sadly, Universal decided to go with CG for the transformations instead.  I have to admit, I was not impressed when I caught glimpses of them in the trailer.  But, I was pleasantly surprised by how they looked in the final film.  With the right lighting (i.e. dark), I could hardly tell that it was CG at all.  Then there’s the best news of all – Baker’s designs for Del Toro’s final Wolf Man form were kept in unhindered.  And damn, does he look awesome!  Director Joe Johnston knew exactly how to play it, too – flashes of creature throughout the film until we get to see him full on at the end.  Johnston got it, and the viewers were rewarded.

Lastly, there’s the gruesome factor.  One of the things that the original Wolf Man loses on me with subsequent revisits is its lack of real savagery.  As a kid the Wolf Man scared the bejeezus out of me.  With his intense gaze and his rabid snarls Chaney was able to put the wiggins on a boy.  As an older geek, however, the ferocity on display is quite bland.  All Chaney ever really does is grab people while snarling, and maybe occasionally bite a dude away from the camera.  Don’t get me wrong – I still love the flick.  It transcends beyond what it loses as the viewer gets older.  It’s just that the scares aren’t scares anymore, but more like classic thrills in the vein of that kiddie roller coaster that you still enjoy riding from time to time.

Now, you want a Wolf Man movie with bite?  And not just bite – I’m talking eviscerating, lip smacking, flesh-tearing bite.  This film has got it.  Talbot’s beast does his fair share of all of the above, and then some.  And I love it.  There were some pretty gruesome kills in this flick, and I cackled with glee at every one of them.

Now, is this a perfect film?  No.  It definitely has some flaws.  The character development between Talbot and Gwen is kind of weak and feels rushed.  The plot stumbles a couple of times as well.  Talbot’s trip to the asylum in London felt more like a sidetrack to the main story, but at the same time it set up one of my favorite sequences in the film.  I mean, who doesn’t want to see the Wolf Man rooftop-hopping in the light of the full moon in Victorian-Age London?

Despite these flaws, the movie pulls you in and along for the ride.  Like Avatar, you find yourself living and breathing in the environment while getting wrapped up in the events as they unfold on one Lawrence Talbot.  I found myself enjoying it so much, I’m planning on going back to the theater to see it again.

I know that Universal is planning on resurrecting the rest of their creature pantheon as well.  If this movie is a sign of things to come, we may be finding ourselves emerging into a new era of Universal Monsters.

Van Helsing be damned.

The Don was drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s.  His hair was perfect.

Greetings, Toxic Avengers!!

Valentine’s Day is coming up.  So, in honor of this day of hearts and cupids I should probably do some kind of article commemorating fatal romances in movies, dictating the top love triangles in comics, or listing the love ballads everyone says they hate but secretly love.

I’m not gonna do any of that.

Instead, I’m going to veer completely around that holiday of pinks and purples and make a beeline straight for the twenty-four hours (almost) everyone in the U.S. will be observing (theoretically) the day after: Presidents’ Day.

For my contribution to the day in which we acknowledge the efforts of our leading forefathers, I turn to a medium that – in this day and age – can almost be considered as American as baseball and apple pie.

Comic books.

Presidents have been portrayed in comic books almost as far back as the beginning.  From George Washington penning for an (extremely) early version of The Daily Planet to last year’s run of Obama appearances, every age of comics through the years has had a commander-in-chief show up at some point.  In some cases, especially during times of war, having the president appear in a comic book was a way to rally the morale of Americans, as well as to add some weight to a particular hero’s efforts.  If FDR was responsible for helping Captain America obtain the shield he’s known for today, it must be just and right.

But as much as comic creators like to herald our national leaders, they also sometimes throw our presidents into comics to serve in a satirical sense.  The result is that often our leaders are portrayed in a negative light.  The reason for this is simple: comics, like any other entertainment medium, are just as often used to deliver a message as well as entertain.  It is not uncommon for comic book writers to infuse their own views on politics, society, and pop culture into their stories.  Richard Nixon tends to be a perfect example of this, as you’ll see shortly.

So, here are a few of the more notable moments in comic book history when our nation’s presidents made an appearance, for good or for ill:

Richard Nixon: Watchmen

Might as well start with what is most likely the most well-known appearance of a U.S. president in comics history.  Unfortunately for ol’ Tricky Dick, his role in the award-winning series only expounded upon the less-than-stellar reputation he was forever stuck with after his resignation in the shadow of the Watergate scandal.  In Watchmen, Alan Moore creates an alternate 1985 where Nixon is still president, using him as a tool to portray a country that thinks it is invulnerable.  Moore’s take on how Nixon would eventually lead the country to nuclear war was his commentary against “power politics” and “Reaganism”, a statement that continues to resonate with anyone who picks up this powerful graphic novel.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Captain America

FDR appears to have been quite the busy guy in comic books… retroactively.  While not part of the original canon of these books, over the years FDR was retconned into playing a major role in a number of major comic book moments.  Not only did he play a major part in the creation of the Justice Society of America and the All-Star Squadron over at DC, in Marvel’s Captain America issue 255 he makes a cameo appearance to present Cap with his current, iconic shield.

Ronald Reagan: The Dark Knight Returns

Another negative portrayal of a U.S. leader, this time from the pen of Frank Miller.  Miller’s tale also takes place in an alternate reality.  This time, a much older Batman comes out of retirement to reclaim Gotham from being overrun with crime.  Coming out right around the same time as Watchmen, Miller wasn’t afraid to take the founder of “Reaganomics” head on (unlike Moore), portraying him as a slippery-tongued oaf who had only his own best interests at heart.

Ronald Reagan: Legends

Reagan again, only this time, the actor-turned-president was portrayed in a more sympathetic manner.  A semi-successful mini-series that told the story of a Darkseid operative turning the American public against superheroes, Legends featured a Reagan who was a little more reasonable in his decision-making.  Though he initially had to reluctantly issue an order to restrict superhero activity, The Gipper immediately rescinded that edict after the Martian Manhunter saved his life from an assassination attempt.

John F. Kennedy: Action Comics

Kennedy’s appearance in Action Comics issue 309 is distinctive for a couple of reasons – not only does play a major role in the story by teaming up with Superman, he also ends up being one of the few people the Man of Steel trusts with his secret identity.  Sadly, the timing of this issue couldn’t have been worse, though it is part of the reason why this appearance is so notable – Action Comics 309 came out a week after JFK’s assassination in Texas.

Now, before I get comments and e-mails about the bajillion examples I missed, keep in mind that I couldn’t list every single instance of one of our leaders making an appearance in a comic book.  After all of my research, these were the ones that kept popping up the most.  And, for the most part, I think they serve as worthy representatives of a comic book tradition that really shows no signs of letting up for as long as we have presidents in these United States.  And I’m sure that we’ll continue to see them portrayed both sincerely, as well as satirically.

Or we could just get Lex Luthor as president again.

The Don doesn’t get sworn in.  He gets sworn at.

Greetings, Station!

The other day I was listening to the Tenacious D song “Beezleboss (The Final Showdown)” from the soundtrack to Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, a movie which no one saw (as evidenced by the abysmal box office numbers).  Despite its lower-than-lackluster performance, I found the film to be a fun romp in the spirit of the rock band misadventure movies of old.  And being a fan of Tenacious D itself (comprised of Jack Black and Kyle Gass), it was only natural that I picked up the soundtrack to the film.  While it isn’t as good as their first album, “PoD” still contains plenty of little musical gems.  One of my favorites is the afore-mentioned “Beezleboss”.

The song retells a slightly altered version of the story regaled in the previous D song “Tribute” – JB and KG get involved in a “rock-off” with the Devil.  The stakes?  If The D wins, Satan must go back to Hell… and he has to pay Jack and Kyle’s rent.  If Beelzebub wins, he gets to take KG back to Hell with him to be his slave (and not the indentured servitude kind, either).

With the stakes in place, the rock-off commences.  Satan begins with an epic, dark mass of metal proportions.  Tenacious D reciprocate with a fairly inspirational effort, but to no avail.  The Devil wins and prepares to take Kyle back to his domain for eternity.

But wait!  At the last minute, Jables intervenes, causing the Beezleboss to break off a piece of his own horn.  With that piece in Black’s possession, he is able to command the Devil to go back to Hell once more until he is “complete again”.

So, I’m listening to this song and the thought occurs to me – most tales that chronicle Ol’ Scratch competing for a mortal’s soul seem to paint him in the same manner in order to sell the message that good always triumphs over evil.  He’s almost always painted as an honor-bound entity that can be easily beaten by someone with enough talent, hard work, and moxie.

Wait, what?  Hold on a minute.  This is the same guy who had the molten stones to challenge The Big Man.  Sure, he lost and was cast out of St. Peter’s jurisdiction, but he obviously had enough power to challenge George Burns in the first place.  You don’t make such a bold gesture unless you know for certain that you got the Mana to do so.

Plus, Lucifer is also a master of deception.  He managed to fool the first man and woman with fruit.  The guy’s got some serious ad executive powers going on if he can sell a couple of nudists on foliage sweets.  Come to think of it, this isn’t all that different from the supernatural ability Steve Jobs has to convince people to buy things like iPads.

Wait… Steve Jobs… Apple…

Mind = blown.  Where was I again?

Oh yeah… So, The Dark Lord is obviously a master manipulator.  There’s a reason why he is called The Master of Lies – the guy uses words to confuse, deceive, delude, dupe, fool, gull, hoax, hoodwink, kid, snow, take in, trick, intrigue, machinate, plot, scheme, arrange, contrive, devise, finesse, mastermind, cheat, chisel, defraud, fleece, gyp, hustle, and swindle (thanks, Merriam-Webster!).  He’s always in it for his own ends and he does whatever is necessary to get what he wants.

This means that there is no way in Hell (pun intended) anyone like Charlie Daniels or Ralph Macchio could ever hope to defeat him in a one-on-one.  It doesn’t matter how hard you try or how much spirit you poured into your efforts.  The Devil can say whatever he wants.  He could play two plunky chords off- key while you play Vivaldi backwards with your butt cheeks.  He’ll declare himself the winner no matter what.  It’s what he does.  Say goodbye to your soul, Karate Kid, because no amount of Crane Kicks or Drum Techniques or Lipton Brisk Iced Tea will save you from spending an eternity waxing on and waxing off The Prince of Evil.

Now, I’ll give “Beezleboss” some credit.  Despite the fact that the Source of All Evil adheres to a “demon code”, the song (as well as the final scene of the movie, which is where the song comes from) does finally illustrate that The D had no chance of winning a rock-off against The Dark One.  Even the “Real Ghostbusters” episode “Night Game” had a better understanding of how things should work when you compete against dark forces.  Granted, Winston was playing baseball against your more run-of-the-mill demons, but the ump still recognized that evil was free to cheat and play as dirty as it wanted (well, at least as dirty as a Saturday morning cartoon can get).  Of course, in the end good still won, despite the fact that the evil demons cheated the hell out of that game.

Don’t get me wrong.  I completely understand the intention behind the way these stories are told.  Triumph of the human spirit against the forces of evil and the belief that we are inherently good enough to conquer our own (metaphorical) inner demons is a popular trope that’s never going away.  As a society we need to be able to watch movies and television shows, listen to music, and read books and comics that remind us no matter what dark paths we go down or what nefarious entities we meet, we still have a chance and the power within us to punch old Beelz in the front-flow and scream “Adrian!” in triumph.

It’s just that every once in awhile I would like to see Mephisto with his Adamantium cup on.

The Don went down to Georgia.  Her mother didn’t approve.

Greetings, Ko-Dan Armada!

You may remember that last fall I brought you my picks for the fall television shows worth watching in the 2009-2010 season.

It’s not over yet.

U.S. networks like to do this little thing called “mid-season replacements”.  For the broadcast networks, this usually means they replace a show that’s been performing weakly in the fall in January with another show that’s been sitting in their coffers with the hopes that it will do better ratings-wise.  This is not only a big middle finger to the show being replaced, but is kind of a back-handed middle finger to the show doing the replacing, as the replacement show was considered not good enough to start in the fall season in the first place.

Cable networks, on the other hand, view mid-season shows a little differently.  Cable, in their efforts to compete with the “big dogs”, like to schedule many of their shows to start in the spring or summer and end in the fall or winter.  This is so they can pull in all the viewers that would most likely be watching repeats on the major networks.

What this causes is a kind of television symbiosis.  Everyone benefits, no one gets screwed over (except Conan).

I just happen to have two more picks for this television season, one from each category:

“Chuck”

What else can I say about this show?  I think I made my point clear last spring when I went out and bought a five dollar foot long at Subway in order to help keep this show on the air.  Turns out NBC let us believe that the ploy worked, and “Chuck” was renewed for a third season.  Unfortunately, NBC pulled a Monkey’s Paw on the fans and decided not to air it until March.

The television gods must also like five dollar foot longs, because suddenly – like an astromech droid suddenly popping off with a bad motivator – NBC suddenly decided a couple months ago to jettison a couple of their shows that they deemed to expensive or weak ratings-wise.  This paved the way for “Chuck” to have its premiere moved to January.  And there was much rejoicing (yaaaaaaay).

And so far, the show has continued to deliver.  With the main character’s abilities cranked up a notch, the show has also upped the ante character and plot wise.  Add to that some surprisingly impressive guests stars, and “Chuck” continues to be a solid, fun show to watch.

“Burn Notice”

I’ve written about this show before, as well.  When I did my first “Autumn” article last fall, one of the comments I received was that I forgot to include this show.  Not at all.  I just had to wait to include it since it is technically a mid-season series.

And what a series it is.  I managed to catch a random episode of this last year and I was hooked.  I was already about two and a half seasons behind, so I had a lot of catch-up to play.  I ended up marathonning the sucker.  Worth every hour of therapy.

This show continues to exhibit some really tight writing combined with a stellar main cast.  Everyone is simply a pleasure to watch do their thing.  Finding myself literally on the edge of my seat during every episode, “Burn Notice” has the perfect amount of tension, suspense, humor, and drama.  And I can’t mention this enough: it has Bruce Campbell.

With the way the current television climate is… okay, I’m sorry.  There’s just no way I can end this article that will be able to measure up to mentioning the Almighty Chin himself.  It’s impossible.  I just can’t do it.

So instead, I will let the man himself take us out:

The Don has… no.  No.  I just can’t do it.  Bruce Campbell!

Greetings, Fire Gang!

This past weekend I once again had the honor of guesting at Marscon with my 2wcOnline cohort Danny Valentini.  It was a laid back, relaxing affair, just as it is every year.  Our obligations are usually light – do a couple of panels, spend the rest of the day wandering about and enjoying the sights, as well as spend time with friends.  And fortunately for me, my body realized that it was not without sin, therefore it did not cast the first (kidney) stone at me.  Without that little meddler, it was quite an enjoyable weekend.

It’s at this point that it occurs to me that some of you may be wondering which Marscon I attended, as there are two (that I know of) in the Oosa – one is in Bloomington, Minnesota while the other is in Williamsburg, Virginia.  So, to help everyone tell which one is which, I have constructed this handy-dandy notebook reference tool:

Marscon MN: Situated in a region that knows its summer from its winter.

Marscon VA: Situated in a region that gets confused as to what day of the year it is, let alone what the weather is.

Marscon MN: Home state is known as the “Land of 10,000 Lakes”.

Marscon VA: Home state is known to consume large quantities of “Land O’Lakes” butter.

Marscon MN: Has had an impressive array of television actors since its inception, from shows like “Doctor Who”, “Star Trek”, and “Farscape”.

Marscon VA: Has a nice variety of guests, but they’ve been crazy enough to have us for the past few years.  I think we cancel each other out.

Marscon MN: Their web site has this pair of evil eyes watching you from the top of the page and this cool fadey thingey they have going on when you scroll up or down.  Best experienced with a bowl of Spaghettios.

Marscon VA: They keep their web site simple and elegant, with sparklies all over the place in the top page banner.  It goes better with a bowl of Beefaroni.

Marscon MN: Takes place in March, which is notable because that’s when my birthday is.

Marscon VA: Takes place in January, which is notable because that’s when my birthday is not.

Marscon MN: Offers “Progress Reports” on the site that allows potential visitors to see what’s in the planning stages.

Marscon VA: Doesn’t believe in the current grading system and allows its con-goers to progress at their own pace.

Marscon MN: Has Rob Balder as a guest.

Marscon VA: Has Rob Balder as a… guest…  Hey, waitaminute…

Marscon MN: Is held at a Holiday Inn.

Marscon VA: Is held at a Holiday Outt.

Marscon MN: Suffers from Dementia.

Marscon VA: Suffers from relaxation.

Marscon MN: Was founded in 1999, when everyone was partying like the Prince song.

Marscon VA: Was founded in 1990, three years before everyone was partying to a song.

So, as you can see, there are distinct differences (Curse you, Rob Balder, for messing up my stats!) between the two.  I’ve never actually been to the one in Minnesota, but I would love to check it out some day.  I’m sure that I’d be welcome with open arms.

Until they stumble upon this article.

The Don wants to make an evening of it on Mars.  He’s bringing his sandwich Linda.

Greetings, Na’vi!

By now, most of you have probably already seen James Cameron’s latest epic Avatar.  Krellion gave you his thoughts on the film this past December, but you may have noticed that I was noticeably quiet on the subject.

That was because until this past weekend, I had no interest in seeing the film.  Don’t get me wrong, I bore no ill will against the movie at all.  It looked amazing in the trailers and it appeared to be another megahit for the director of Aliens and Titanic.  I’m certainly an avid enthusiast of all the movies Cameron has put out so far.  But for some reason, this particular film didn’t grab me, slap me around, call me a tramp, and make we want to see it.  It just didn’t interest me.

Well, leave it to Krellion to make me an offer I couldn’t refuse. (Hey!  I’m The Don.  That’s supposed to be my job.)  After twisting my arm (by offering to pay for my ticket), we went to one of the evening 3-D showings last Saturday.

I have to admit, I was quite impressed.  But then again, I knew I would be.  That was never a point of contention for me as far as the film was concerned.  The movie was just as head-splittingly stunning visually as I had expected.  What I didn’t expect was that the lackluster, formulaic story would actually pull me in and keep me entranced for two-and-a-half hours.

A lot of that has to do with how it’s presented.  I think Cameron knew that the storyline was one we’d seen a million times before (comparisons to Dances with Wolves and Fern Gully are accurate).  So, in order to compensate, Cameron completely draws you into the story, the world, and the characters.  You almost become a living, breathing part of the narrative.  This is definitely one of those cases where the 3-D effects aren’t used simply as a gimmick; they serve to help fully immerse you into this expansive world.

Of course, you can’t mention Avatar without mentioning the visuals.  I won’t say much on them, as this is the aspect that everyone from Ohio to the Mutara Nebula is already aware of – the sights on display are nothing short of spectacular.  Cameron definitely raised the bar as far as CG effects go, as well as how creative a special effects company can get with exotic, otherworldly locales.

But, while the eye candy is indeed impressive, it’s in the visual effects where my biggest problem with the film lies.

One of the main issues I had with the movie was that despite the brief interaction at the beginning of the film and big battle at the end, the Na’vi do not interact with the humans for most of the running time of the film.  And since I knew going into it that the Na’vi side of the story was almost entirely CG, my mind kept telling me that I was pretty much just watching a CG animated flick.  Without seeing live actors against the CG characters, it made it hard for me to see just how impressive and photorealistic the Na’vi really were.  Don’t get me wrong, all of the Na’vi stuff looked incredible, but without the contrast I couldn’t resolve in my mind that fact that I was just watching a CG movie.

What this created for me was a situation where it almost felt like I was watching two different movies – the CGI animated feature about the Na’vi, and the live action film about marines and scientists trying to exploit a planet’s resources.  It got to the point that every time the story would transition from one to the other I was briefly pulled out of the film, like having cold water splashed on me.  Granted, I was able to quickly get back into the story, but that jarring sensation continued to plague me until we got to the final battle and we finally got to see the “livers” take on the “animatees”.

But man… when the marines finally engaged the Na’vi armies head-on (apply directly to the forehead!), my mind was blown.  Ask Krellion – as soon as one of the Na’vi started to engage the humans in hand-to-hand combat, I actually whispered “Finally!”  This is what I had been waiting to see ever since Cameron first started bragging about how photo real the Na’vi were.  And it was glorious.  Just a shame I had to wait until the last act to really see it in action.

Despite my (minor) issue with the movie, I really did enjoy Avatar.  In fact, despite the formulaic plot, I still find myself thinking back to these characters as their story still seems to resonate with me.  I will definitely be picking it up when it comes out on Blu later this year.  In fact, I may be compelled to go see it in the theater again before it finishes its run.

I’ll even buy my own ticket this time.

The Don sees you.

Greetings, Noghri!!

I hope everyone had a great holiday and is having a wonderful New Year so far.  Let’s not forget that 2010 marks “The Year We Make Contact”.  Not sure what we’ll be contacting, but let’s hope it doesn’t involve turning Jupiter into a sun.

Now that the holidays are over it’s back to the old grind, which means I have returned to deliver my first “Office” of the new year!  Oddly enough, it’s a run-down of some of the cooler, geekier things I got for Christmas.

So as to avoid the funny stares, let’s just get started, shall we?

I actually made out pretty darn well this Christmas, but here are the highlights of my spoils that fit in more with the spirit of Spwug (make with the clicky to make biggy):

About a week before Christmas even arrived, I managed to order the latest re-offering from mattycollector.com – Skeletor.  Made from new molds and fully articulated, Mattel has been offering He-Man action figures based on the classic designs for over a year.  I wasn’t able to get these two when they were first offered in 2008, but I managed to snag them both over the past two months when they were re-offered.  The sculpts are incredible and each figure is based on a combination of the original cartoon design and the original figure design.  They’re a little pricey (about twenty bucks), so they’re only for the serious collector.  They usually offer one or two figures a month, but they sell out quickly.  This month they are offering a figure of a character that never saw plastic – Princess Adora.  You can bet I’ll be snatching up that one.

Another awesome offering from Mattel, these guys are based on the movie versions – not the cartoon counterparts.  I’ve been ordering them for the past couple of months.  The latest figure – Winston – came the same day as my Skeletor.  I almost have the entire team; only Venkman remains.  Bill Murray was the last of the original cast to sign off on his likeness, which is why his is the last of the four to be produced.  He should be available in February.  I can’t wait.  Now I just need to find my Real Ghostbusters figures and have a crazy crossover…

This game is so much fun to play, and I haven’t even started a new game on it yet.  Let me explain: when you first load up the game, it puts you in a practice area where you can just mess around.  For those not in the know, mess around means you can create almost any object by writing the word on the stylus screen based on a word database consisting of tens of thousands of words.  The object of the game is to create objects to solve puzzles.  I haven’t gotten to that part of the game yet, as I am too busy in the practice area creating God and then pitting Him against other people and creatures to see who would win.  So far, God wins every time… except against vampires.   They always manage to turn him.  Weird.  Still, I’m having so much fun with this game that I’m hoping to actually play it soon.

This.  For those of you that have read my Christmas articles, there is one particular memory that makes it Christmas for me over anything else – Mario.  Ever since I got that NES all those years ago, it seemed like every Christmas brought another adventure for the plumber boys to embark on.  No matter what console it was for, it just seemed like Super Mario Bros. and Christmas went hand in hand.  But for the past several years, things have been different.  Nintendo has been sparse with their Mario titles (sparse with any good titles, for that matter).  So, the past few holidays were surprisingly quiet on the coin block front.  Then this wonderful game revealed itself when I ripped off the wrapping.  Holy crap, it’s like I’m a kid again.  This game manages to hold up pretty darn well against what has come before.  With a mixture of SMB 3, World, and the most recent release for the DS, this game is extremely fun and challenging.  Add to it the ability to play up to four players simultaneously, and you have a game that will frustrate you as much as make you squee.

This came as a surprise to me.  I didn’t even know this book existed, and I’m a huge zombie fan.  Christmas carols with the lyrics altered to be about zombies.  It’s so campy, but at the same time it is beyond awesome.  Christmas 2010 – be ready, as I’ll be singing these all over the place.

Along with the Matty Collector figures above, this has to be the coolest geek collectible of 2009 – a Back to the Future Delorean that lights up and makes ten different sound effects from the movie.  I had ordered this through my comic shop, but my wife was nice enough to buy it out from under my nose so as to make it a prezzie for me.  This thing is sweet.  Almost everything that you can think of that should light up on the car in the movie lights up here – headlights, tail lights, dashboard, time circuits, flux capacitor, and – of course – the flux bands on the outside of the car.  This thing is incredible.  Sadly, there aren’t any action figures to go with it (at least not yet).  So, in order to make sure the car had a driver, I had to improvise:

That there would be Matt Tracker from M.A.S.K.  Not the original figure, mind you, but the limited edition figure that was made as part of the most recent (non-movie) G.I. Joe line.  I figured that since his last car had gull-wing doors he was worthy enough to take a spin through time.

Hopefully the rest of you out there had a holiday that visited just as much geekdom at you as I did.  Here’s to a new year and a fresh supply of Spwug for 2010.

I leave you with some disturbing developments that occurred in our LEGO Advent Calendar just after Christmas.  Let’s just say the negotiations apparently turned hostile:

Manny Bothans died to bring The Don this information.  Poor guy.

Seasons Greetings, Chipmunks and Chipettes!

As you’re reading this, it should be Christmas Eve.

Hang on…

Sorry.  I had to take a moment to laugh at the idea of anyone being around to read this on Christmas Eve.  But still, as part of the season of giving I feel it would be unfair of me if I didn’t offer up something to stick in your Spwugnerian stockings.  I’ve noticed that my last couple of holiday offerings were in the form of lists, and since old Kringle himself is a fan of checking such things twice I figured it would keep in the spirit of the season to do another as the last of my Christmas-themed articles for the year.

This time, I offer up my top five favorite Christmas songs:

5. “It’s Christmas All Over the World” – Sheena Easton

I’m a child of the 80s.  Most people know that.  Growing up, I had a HUGE crush on Sheena Easton – her voice, her Scottish accent, and her… hotness.  I will admit that I have a couple of her songs on my iPod.  So, when she did this little ditty for the film Santa Claus: The Movie, I knew I had to have it.  I really love this song.  It’s the epitome of 80s Christmas music – it’s an 80s ballad and a Christmas song all in one.

4. “Christmas Time is Here” – Vince Guaraldi

Christmas just isn’t Christmas without this timeless, holiday classic.  “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is one of my favorite Christmas specials, and both the vocal and instrumental version of this song immediately get me into the Christmas spirit.

3. “Christmas at Ground Zero” – “Weird Al” Yankovic

“Weird Al” is still one of my favorite artists to this day, and this song is still one of his best originals.  Combining yuletide festivities with nuclear Armageddon, this song manages to make me laugh every time I hear it.  This song has to be on my playlist; it just isn’t Christmas without it.

2. “Winter Wonderland” – The Eurythmics

Yeah, I know… I’m a sucker for 80s music, and that more than includes 80s Christmas music.  This is probably my favorite version of this holiday tune.  It’s just infused with so much energy.  Annie Lennox is clearly having a lot of fun, and it’s infectious.

1. “O, Holy Night” – Johnny Mathis

For me, Johnny Mathis is Christmas.  His Christmas music was a staple of our household growing up.  Every Christmas morning, my brother, sister, and I were awakened to the sounds of Johnny crooning his magical holiday tunes.  To this day, every time I hear one of his songs I feel like a kid again.  Because of how much I enjoy his entire collection, I had a hard time picking just one song to represent my number one.  In the end, I chose “O, Holy Night” simply because I think it is one of the best renditions of the song out there.  Johnny’s crescendo in the final notes of the song is just so powerful and touching, it gives me shivers.

And there you have it, folks – my last Christmas article for 2009.  I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday.  For those that don’t celebrate, have a happy Friday.  Woot to the weekend!

I leave you with one last prezzie.  Remember the LEGO Advent Calendar?  Here it is in full glory, all its secret nooks and crannies revealed (make with the clicky to see it larger):

The Don we now our gay apparel, fa-la-la fa-la-la la la la…