Greetings, Ka-Nights!
I’m sure most of you out there had your own, personal Jesus Red Ryder BB Gun – that one item or items that you had to have for Christmas. Maybe it was a racing set, or a certain action figure. Maybe it was a Cabbage Patch Kid, or a Tamagotchi. Or, maybe you just got dirt, and you were happy to receive that dirt. Whatever your personal windmill was each Christmas, nothing ever matched the feelings that swept over you when you finally got to that one present that looked like it might be the right size and shape of what you had been yearning for all year. You look it over carefully, curiously… wondering if pinning all your seasonal hopes and dreams on this wrapped box of secrets would be worth the risk of possible disappointment.
You slowly undo the first tab of tape, cautiously tearing at the paper…
… and catch your first glimpse of the box underneath…
Your eyes open wide in feverish glee as you suddenly tear faster faster faster…
You got it! You got…
…socks.
Then your dad laughs and hands you the package that really has the item you’ve been wanting since you saw that commercial cartoon back in January. It doesn’t matter that your dad is a malicious deceiver of men. You got what you asked Santa for. It’s yours!
Five minutes later, you see something on TV that you just have to get next Christmas, your current acquisition just a fuzzy memory…
I know I had quite a few must-haves on my list growing up. In fact, even at the age of thayunasflakhfy-fqtlkdur, I still end up every year with that one item that I just need for Christmas. So, as a tribute to the endless quest that many of us embark on annually, I present you with my top five Holy Grails from my childhood:
5. “M.A.S.K” Toys

I remember the first time I saw the “M.A.S.K.” cartoon when I was a kid. It came on around 6:30 AM (in 1985 time) on one of our local stations and I would watch it every morning before school. For someone who was already into vehicles that transformed into something else, this show was cool! The premise was that a special task force called M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armored Strike Kommand) led by Matt Tracker was created to defend the world against an evil terrorist organization called V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem), which was led by Miles Mayhem. Both good guys and bad had vehicles that transformed into other vehicles, and all the operatives wore masks that had special abilities. Of course, like all cartoons of this nature that we grew up with, the cartoon was really just a half hour long commercial that sold us toys.
And man, these toys were awesome. The first vehicle I ever got was Condor – a green motorcycle that turned into a helicopter. Included was the driver, Brad Turner, whose mask could project lifelike holograms (only for pretendsies). My friends and I all collected them, and we spent many hours creating our own adventures.
By the second season of the show, the direction of the plot had changed and the characters were suddenly ripping off “Speed Racer”, as the good guys entered race after race against the bad guys for some item that would be deadly in the wrong hands. The vehicles were still cool, but the line would die off quickly after the show started to suck. This Holy Grail has the distinction of being one that I’ve reignited my efforts in finding recently. I have managed to procure two vehicles so far, and am looking to rebuild my collection.
4. CD Boom Box

Sometime in the late 80s/early 90s, CD’s started to make their way into mainstream use for music lovers everywhere. It was sometime around 1992 that I wanted to get in on this new medium. I mean, cassette tapes were fine and all, but CDs allowed you to skip to the next song without having to fast forward through the current one! No more wasting time cueing through tape just to get to a favorite song or to get past a bad one. With the touch of a button, you could go right to the track you wanted. Heck, you didn’t even have to listen to songs in the order that they were put on the album anymore! The Compact Disc revolution gave us the freedom to choose!
It also re-introduced a feature that our parents were familiar with and that we would constantly gripe about – skipping. Oh yeah, one bump and you just “time-traveled” a second or two into the future of the song you were listening to. Or, you could revisit the same two second you just heard. Top notch!
Despite the minor annoyances with the technology, I was extremely excited when I unwrapped that bad boy on Christmas Day, along with a couple of carefully chosen CD selections that would be my introduction to digitally-recorded music. You know what I did then?
I made mix tapes for my Walkman from those CDs.
3. Star Wars Toys

Anyone who knows me knows I am a HUGE Star Wars fan, despite the prequels. From the time my parents took me to see the first film (that’s Episode IV: A New Hope to you yung’uns) in theaters at the age of three, I lived and breathed everything Star Wars. Bed sheets, actions figures, pajamas, cups – you name it, I probably had it. Every Christmas from 1978 to 1984 saw some assortment of Star Wars merchandise under our tree. I still have the very first action figure I ever got – a Stormtrooper. His legs are a wee bit wobbly and he looks like he was dragged behind a bantha for several miles, but I still have him in a box somewhere.
Sadly, by summer of 1985 the toy line would be discontinued. It had been two years since Jedi premiered in theaters, and a year since it was brought back into theaters for an encore showing. With the final movie come and gone, interest in the franchise waned considerably. And so, my ten year old self was left with a gaping hole of no toy series to love (that would quickly be filled not too long after by Transformers, M.A.S.K., Thundercats, Silverhawks, and The Real Ghostbusters toys, to name a few).
I still have the very last figure that was bought for me also – Lando Calrissian in his general uniform, complete with cloth cape. No Lando… Han won’t have that shield down in time this time…
2. Nintendo Entertainment System

Some of you might remember that I wrote about this as part of my Christmas series last year. For those that haven’t, you should really go back and read all three of them. They’re quite good.
I won’t rehash too much since this is ground already covered, so instead I will give you the short version (in rhyme):
Atari 7800 is what I had,
Then I saw my friend’s system and it made me sad.
Nintendo made a console that blew mine away,
Five minutes with Mario and I wanted to stay.
I pleaded with my folks to get us a NES,
But we were too poor; man our life was a mess.
It would be many months before I could play,
So I was over at my friend’s house every day.
We’d play Mario and Popeye and Donkey Kong,
When’s Christmas get here? It’s taking too long!
Christmas finally came and within the first hour,
I was playing Nintendo; I was playing with Power!
1. Debbie
Okay, now we’re to the part where I get sentimental and mushy. Too bad. I have to say, without a doubt, the greatest Holy Grail I ever chased after and won was a girl. And yes, it was around Christmas.
Debbie and I started out as friends in high school. Her older sister was dating my best friend Chad. Chad, his girlfriend and I were seniors, while Debbie was two years behind (Yes, that makes her two years younger than me. Try and keep up.). In an odd twist of fate (and some manipulation by Chad and Debbie’s sister), Debbie and I started dating. I can go on record and say that she was, honestly, my first love. I fell hard. We were practically inseparable after that (to this day she is the reason I love when it rains).
Unfortunately, like in a Rankin and Bass holiday special, a nefarious scheme was hatched by some evil force to break us up. And it worked. I was devastated. By this time I had graduated and was getting ready to go off to college. I tried everything I could to get her back, but it just pushed her away more. It got quite ugly. So, despite being extremely broken hearted, I did the only thing left that I could do.
I let her go.
The fall semester flew by. Before I knew it my first semester as a freshman was over and Christmas break was upon us. I eagerly came home to enjoy my time off…
…only to find a letter waiting for me from Debbie asking me to meet her at the church we both attended regularly for that night’s service. Reluctantly, I went. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear… but an angel of a girl who had won my heart earlier that year.
She apologized sincerely, profusely, and several other important words that end in “-ly”. Skeptical and still sore from the heart-wrenching, I wasn’t sure. But, over the course of the next couple of weeks, she convinced me, and by Christmas we were together again.
Obviously, we didn’t end up together. Things happen, as they often do. We’ve both moved on to bigger and better things. But, the reason she places at number one on my list of Holy Grails is this – for one, shining moment, Debbie made for me a Christmas that you normally only see in movies and read about in books. That year my Christmas was one of merriment, magic and wonder – the kind that the hopeless romantic I was had always hoped for.
For once in my young life, I had chosen wisely.
The Don swears that he just has something in his eye.