Greetings, Centurions!

Today’s installment is going to be a little shorter than you’re used to.  My sincere apologies.  I’m still dealing with things right now in regards to my friend Scot, and it has put me slightly behind on my other obligations.

Be that as it may, I’m still going to give you something, dagnabbit!  Oh man.  Sorry about the harsh language.  Stress can really wreak havoc on a person.  Sometimes a guy – any guy, but maybe one with a beard and long hair who looks a little like Silent Bob – just needs to find him something to help him relax and relieve the tension of the long day.

(Here’s where I use that clunky bit of exposition above to segue into my topic for today’s installment.)

You all know that I have a PS3 now.  I have some good games for it:  Metal Gear Solid 4, Grand Theft Auto 4, The Incredible Hulk.  But there is one game that I can’t seem to get enough of…

To make a long story short (too late), I love me some Lego Star Wars.

I mean, I already bought both the first and second Lego Star Wars games for the PS2 when they first came out.  I’ve beaten both of them.  When I got my PS3, I immediately picked up Lego Indiana Jones, hungry for more Lego misadventures.  But, though I did love Lego Indy, it just wasn’t as expansive and diverse as Lego Star Wars.

So, when my friend Eric decided to pick up The Complete Saga for his PS3, his tempting offer to play the co-op online mode was too sweet to ignore.  I went out and picked it up for myself.

Holy cow.  I haven’t played any of my other games since I popped this in.  I love this game!  It has quite a number of changes to make it worth purchasing even if you already bought the first two.  The game play is extremely fun.  It’s challenging, but not too hard.  You can get through it quickly enough.  Thing is, there is just so much more game to play in The Complete Saga.  I’m swiftly taking this game in whole with a voracious hunger.  There’s just so much to do and so many cool new unlockables to get and use.

If there was one thing that was off about this game, it has to be the online co-op mode.  It’s not easy to just get online and play with a friend.  But, after some research, Eric and I were able to make a few small tweaks that allowed the online mode to work really well.

Despite its minor flaw, this game never ceases to be an enjoyable experience for me.  I’m addicted!

Crap.  Now I have another problem to stress me out.

The Don is a Lego brick… house.

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Greetings, Kobra Kai.

My apologies ahead of time, as there will technically be no real article from me this week.  I really don’t have much to say anyway.  You see, just a few days ago a friend and co-worker of mine – just shy of his thirty-second birthday – had a major stroke at his home.  He is currently in the ICU in critical condition and isn’t expected to make it.

I wouldn’t bring him up here in the halls of Spwug but for one reason – as I was thinking about the last 12 years that I’ve known him, I came to realize he was integral to a lot of the geek stuff I am currently into.

When I first met Scot Blair, we were both airmen in the Air Force.  It was 1996, and I had just gotten stationed at Langley Air Force Base here in Virginia.  I hadn’t really met too many people outside my job, so I hadn’t really made any friends yet.

That all changed the moment I ventured into the Day Room of the dorms to watch The Empire Strikes Back on the big screen TV.

Enter Scot – my first impression was that he reminded me of Whiz from the 80s cartoon “Kidd Video”, and he was just as smart.  He sat down beside me, introduced himself, and we watched the film, all the while quoting every line.

We struck up a friendship from that point on.  Now when I say he was integral to a lot of the geek stuff I’m into, I mean he introduced me to a number of things.  He was the one that had a small collection of anime titles that he would lend to me.  I had already wet my appetite for anime before I met him, but he was the one who pulled me in head first – Tenchi Muyo, El Hazard, Cowboy Bebop (just to name a few).  I may not be into anime as much as a lot of my friends are, but the stuff I do like I owe to Scot Blair.

He was also responsible for making me aware that there was a British TV series called Red Dwarf.  Now, I had read the two books (the only two books) that had been released in the states, and I loved both of them.  But then here comes along Mr. Blair and blows my mind with the idea of a TV show.  I watched a couple of episodes and I was hooked.  It’s one of my favorite series to this day.

I would have to say that the biggest part of my life that he had a hand in was meeting my wife.  In early 2000 I had gotten out of the Air Force and was working as a government contractor with Scot and our friend Eric.  During this time, I was in a really bad state.  I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship with a woman girl I loved very much.  The relationship was toxic and my heart had once again been broken.  I didn’t want to leave the house.  Ever.  Enter Scot, once again.  He had convinced me to go to this anime convention called Nekocon in Virginia Beach the weekend of Halloween.  At this point I was well on my way to growing my hair and beard out to become the wonderful Silent Bob look-alike you all know and love today.  I had planned on going to some costume contests and seeing if I could win some cash.  Instead, I let Scot talk me into going to this Nekocon.  I figured I would just take my poorly put-together Silent Bob costume with me to the con.

Not only was I a HUGE hit (and a staple of anime conventions for years to come), but I also met my future wife for the first time.  And the rest, as they say, is history.

Looking back on all of the above, I realize that Scot had a bigger influence on my life then I ever gave him credit for.  He’s helped make me the geek I am, and helped me take that first step into finding the woman I would eventually call Mrs. Sturges.  That is why I felt it fitting that I talk about him this week, and that is why he needs to recover (among other reasons).  I need to thank him.

Hunh.  Looks like I had a lot to say after all.

The Don offers his thoughts and prayers out to Scot Blair.

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Well, maybe not. I actually DO have a post floating around as yet unformed int he back of my head but I haven’t had time to sit down and think it out. My Best beloved is having surgery tomorrow so I’ve been a bit wrapped up in getting ready for the fun that is the hospital waiting room. I’ve got 2 knitting projects, a magazine for the San Diego Comic Con, a novel, and about 4 DS games to help me wait out a 2 hour procedure. Think I’ve got enough stuff? Maybe I need another game….

Anyway, I have a slightly random question to all you folks out there (more than likely all y’all that are moms, let’s call a spade a spade, shall we?) I have a teddy bear that needs a bath, but I know that washing machines are a bad way to go (glass eyes should not be smacked around, you know.) and besides I really don’t feel like spending $10 on the dryer to get the stuffing dry. Any ideas on surface cleaning stuffed toys?

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Way back when I was first married, my ex and I impulsively decided to go ring shopping while driving past the maul (no typo, I call them mauls for they maul you with savings!).  We walked into the Kay Jewelers at Montgomery Maul (no longer there BTW) and spent a few minutes looking at rings.  When we decided we needed help, we were promptly and most decisively ignored by the staff.  As we were one of two couples in the place, they had to use some pretty strong jutsu to ignore us.  After many minutes of unsucessful attempts to get anyone’s attention, we left and headed to another store.  I can’t recall the name, but again, we were most verily ignored.  Brushed off if you will.

This was a clear case of ageism.

Normally, whenever we were treated poorly, I used to attribute it to racism.  We were a mixed couple, I’m Asian and she was a tall Caucasion blond.  But in this case, I suspect it had more to do with what we were wearing than our skin color.  When I go to the maul, I dress like a proper geek should.  Ultraman t-shirt, pants with zippers.  Clearly not someone who appears to have large amounts of cash.  But here’s the thing.  When a young couple walks into your jewelery store, chances are they’re there to purchase something.  They may not look like much, but it’s a good bet that they have money to spend.  It might not be for an engagement ring.  It could be for a necklace or some earings.  Either way, couples don’t window shop for jewelery.  You can’t drag a guy into a jewelery store unless he’s buying something.

I actually had a decent wad of cash to spend on an engagement ring.  Someone at that Kay Jewelers could have made a decent commission.  Instead, they earned nothing but my enmity and bad publicity because I talk shit about them every time a friend says they’re thinking about buying jewelery which is usually about the time they’ve saved huge cashola to spend on an engagement ring.  We took our business to Mervis who treated us like kings and sold us a higher quality diamond for less than we would have paid for Kay Jewelers.

Idiots.

I’d like to report that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to me now.  But when my current wife and I decided to go ring shopping, we were met with a few cold shoulders.  The fuck is wrong with these people?  By now, I would have thought that these old fucks running these stores would realize that geeks have geeky jobs which in turn hand out geeky fat paychecks.  We did find a place that treated us very well from our first step through the door and we bought my wife’s engagement ring and both our wedding bands from them.   And we’d buy more from them if Audrey actually wore jewelery.

So there you go.  When ring shopping, be wary of anti-geek shop owners.  Don’t give them your money.  They don’t deserve it.  No matter how fancy or upscale the store is, you deserve respect because dammit, you’re gonna buy something shiny and expensive!

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By now, you’ve probably seen the above. Very entertaining. Almost hypnotic with those stripes.

Clearly, the guy is taking video of his girlfriend without her knowing. Now she knows. And while she was apparently fairly pissed off when she first discovered her boyfriend’s indiscretion, she’s now quite comfortable with her fifteen minutes of fame.

Although part of me thankful that he posted the video (now I know Wii fit has a sexy hula hoop game! Maybe my ass will look that hot after hours of Wii), part of me also wonders if maybe our lives in this digital era are a little over exposed. Playing Wii Fit in a t-shirt and undies is something you do in private. It’s certainly not as private as having sex, but it’s not meant for the rest of the world. And yet, even these tiny little moments are exposed to the world.

This is the age of user generated content. We all have opinions. We all do crazy things. And we can all share our ideas in ways never before possible. The crazy thing? There’s an audience! Everyone wants to know what everyone else thinks or says or does. In some ways, it’s a little voyeuristic. But in some way, we all seem to be fascinated with the lives of other people no matter how random or mundane.

In previous generations, posting such a video would have been a one way ticket to single town. These days, hell, even a sex tape might not be enough to break up over.

Anyway, back to gawking at the hula game.

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I hope you all had a great Memorial Day Weekend.

What’s the geekiest gift you’ve either given to your honey bunny or received from said honey bunny?

For my birthday this year, my wife sewed me a custom plushy color variation of Edwardo from Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. Instead of purple, she made a cuddly blue version. He’s pocket sized and could probably go with me everywhere I go, but he stays at home guarding the house from sneaky, foul, tricksy hobbitses. Cute plushy and body guard all in one! Best gift ever!

For my part, when we first started dating, I got a photo print of a digital painting I made for her of Sanrio’s Unico swimming like a dumb ass in hungry shark infested waters. Nothing says love like fanart from an obscure anime movie.  I also once did a silly music video for her birthday which I shall now unleash here:

So, what’s the geekiest gift you’ve given or received for loves?

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I have pondered this question for a while and have asked many of my friends where they stand.  Opinions are more mixed than I thought they’d be.  I’d like to know where you, dear Spwug readers, weigh in.  So here goes.

If you make with the hot nookie with a holodeck program, are you cheating?

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Greetings, Replicants!

First, a quick shout-out to Aqws.  He knew what it was to be roasted in the belly of the Sloar that day, I can tell you.  Good job, man!

Second, today’s installment will be shorter than you are used to.  There, there.  No need to get upset.  I’ve got a good reason, I promise.

 
I’m moving.

 
Yep.  My wonderful, geeky wife and I are moving on up to the east side, out of our current dregs and into our first purchased home!  We’re leaving that silly apartment life behind, I tells ya!  Goodbye mile-walks carrying groceries and noisy neighbors, hello quiet suburbia and Dijon ketchups!

So, you may be wondering, “Does this rambling have a point?”  What I want to pretend you are wondering is, “How is moving different for a fine, upstanding geek like yourself in comparison to some sad, deprived dude who never knew the joy of Saturday Supercade?”

I’m glad I pretended you asked!

For a 33 year-old (shaddap) geek, moving will look slightly different to an outsider.  Let’s take a look at how:

 See you again next week, when I’ll be writing from my new home!

The Don likes the way you move.  Out of his neighborhood.

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Movies are probably the last thing you want to judge in terms of realistic portrayals of just about anything. But let’s do it anyway.

In Star War II: Attack of a Meandering Plot, a conflicted and horribly emo Anakin Skywalker massacres an entire village of sand people, women, children, all of them. He runs home and confesses his crimes to Padme who, in what can only be described as a monumental leap in logic, comforts him. There, there, that’s my little mass murderer. Not only that, she later elopes with him and has hot Jedi relations.

The women I have met in my life time would have slapped the shit out Anakin and called the Jedi Council to take his murdering ass into custody. Love can forgive many things, cheating, leaving the toilet seat up, watching professional wrestling. But mass murder is usually a line that love cannot cross.

Or can it?

There are countless stories of serial killers and murderers setting love letters from women who, despite knowing the full horrors of their crimes, want to marry them. Some women marry murderers while they’re still in prison! Having no real data to work from, I suspect that the actual numbers of women who fall in love with convicted killers is infinitesimally small. But the phenomenon exists and quite frankly, baffles the shit out of me.

Does love make you monumentally stupid or is it just so powerful that you are able to delude yourself into forgiving even mass murder?  A little of both, maybe?

Let’s step back from the mass murderers for a second.  We’ve all had friends with significant others who, in our heart of hearts, we knew were totally wrong for our friends.  And no matter how intelligent our friend may be, he or she is still able to overlook the faults of that significant other.  Hell, you’ve probably been in a horrible relationship yourself without knowing.

So back to Padme.  As baffling as her actions were, I could almost imagine a situation where she could forgive or maybe just overlook Anakin’s killing spree.  I’m sure in her right mind, she would have seen Anakin as a dangerous child.  In absolute love mode, all she could see was a hurt and confused child who just lost his mother.  I’m glad Padme starts to actually come to her senses in the third movie.  A little too late, unfortunately.  In real life, sometimes we too realize too late that love has blinded us stupid.

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Had this jam stuck in my head, Shai’s “If I Ever Fall in Love” (obviously, not Shai in the video). So let’s talk about friends and lovers.

There’s a movie coming out, Made of Honor, where Mc Dreamy’s best gal pal gets engaged. Only then does he realize that he loves her and not just in a platonic friend way. You probably don’t need to suffer through the film to predict that he’ll eventually close the deal and get with his friend. What a home wrecker.

I’ve actually witnessed similar scenarios with my friends. All of a sudden one will realize the other is the one and random acts of dating break out! It’s so darn sweet. And no one is very surprised because everyone else knew they were perfect for each other.

On the other hand, for me personally, it’s never ended well. The two times I professed my love for someone who started as a friend were disastrous. One time I right out blurted “I’m in love with you” and things went from awkward to get the fuck away from me in a matter of weeks. The other time I planted one right on her lips. Never knew you could un-kiss someone but there she was, un-kissing me. That too ended fairly poorly.

I suspect it takes a much lighter touch than just blurting it out or face attacking to break out of the “Friend Zone.” You Friend Zone is the area you place your friends. You rarely see them as dating material let alone potential lovers. If you find most of the time you spend with your friend is in the company of other friends, you’re deep in the Zone.

But all is not lost! Since you’re in the Zone already, it’s not that unusual to ask your friend to hang out with just you, sort of like a disguise date. Go on enough of these disguise dates, you may start to emerge from the Zone without your friend really realizing it. Unfortunately, this may backfire and put you into the “Sibling I Never Had Zone.” Then you’re totally screwed.

If you’re crush has gotten to the point where you just have to make a move or you’re going to explode, you must be willing to sacrifice your friendship. If you succeed in wooing your friends, the benefits are obvious. There will be much rejoicing and laughter. If you fail, you may loose your close friend forever.  There will be much pain and sadness. And if you never try, you’ll never know.  There will be much Friend Zone.

Still, if you ever fall in love again, it might be good to make sure the lady is a friend.  Doesn’t have to be your best friend.  But you should probably get along as friends first before you go in with the face sucking.

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