Greetings, Toxic Avengers!!

Valentine’s Day is coming up.  So, in honor of this day of hearts and cupids I should probably do some kind of article commemorating fatal romances in movies, dictating the top love triangles in comics, or listing the love ballads everyone says they hate but secretly love.

I’m not gonna do any of that.

Instead, I’m going to veer completely around that holiday of pinks and purples and make a beeline straight for the twenty-four hours (almost) everyone in the U.S. will be observing (theoretically) the day after: Presidents’ Day.

For my contribution to the day in which we acknowledge the efforts of our leading forefathers, I turn to a medium that – in this day and age – can almost be considered as American as baseball and apple pie.

Comic books.

Presidents have been portrayed in comic books almost as far back as the beginning.  From George Washington penning for an (extremely) early version of The Daily Planet to last year’s run of Obama appearances, every age of comics through the years has had a commander-in-chief show up at some point.  In some cases, especially during times of war, having the president appear in a comic book was a way to rally the morale of Americans, as well as to add some weight to a particular hero’s efforts.  If FDR was responsible for helping Captain America obtain the shield he’s known for today, it must be just and right.

But as much as comic creators like to herald our national leaders, they also sometimes throw our presidents into comics to serve in a satirical sense.  The result is that often our leaders are portrayed in a negative light.  The reason for this is simple: comics, like any other entertainment medium, are just as often used to deliver a message as well as entertain.  It is not uncommon for comic book writers to infuse their own views on politics, society, and pop culture into their stories.  Richard Nixon tends to be a perfect example of this, as you’ll see shortly.

So, here are a few of the more notable moments in comic book history when our nation’s presidents made an appearance, for good or for ill:

Richard Nixon: Watchmen

Might as well start with what is most likely the most well-known appearance of a U.S. president in comics history.  Unfortunately for ol’ Tricky Dick, his role in the award-winning series only expounded upon the less-than-stellar reputation he was forever stuck with after his resignation in the shadow of the Watergate scandal.  In Watchmen, Alan Moore creates an alternate 1985 where Nixon is still president, using him as a tool to portray a country that thinks it is invulnerable.  Moore’s take on how Nixon would eventually lead the country to nuclear war was his commentary against “power politics” and “Reaganism”, a statement that continues to resonate with anyone who picks up this powerful graphic novel.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Captain America

FDR appears to have been quite the busy guy in comic books… retroactively.  While not part of the original canon of these books, over the years FDR was retconned into playing a major role in a number of major comic book moments.  Not only did he play a major part in the creation of the Justice Society of America and the All-Star Squadron over at DC, in Marvel’s Captain America issue 255 he makes a cameo appearance to present Cap with his current, iconic shield.

Ronald Reagan: The Dark Knight Returns

Another negative portrayal of a U.S. leader, this time from the pen of Frank Miller.  Miller’s tale also takes place in an alternate reality.  This time, a much older Batman comes out of retirement to reclaim Gotham from being overrun with crime.  Coming out right around the same time as Watchmen, Miller wasn’t afraid to take the founder of “Reaganomics” head on (unlike Moore), portraying him as a slippery-tongued oaf who had only his own best interests at heart.

Ronald Reagan: Legends

Reagan again, only this time, the actor-turned-president was portrayed in a more sympathetic manner.  A semi-successful mini-series that told the story of a Darkseid operative turning the American public against superheroes, Legends featured a Reagan who was a little more reasonable in his decision-making.  Though he initially had to reluctantly issue an order to restrict superhero activity, The Gipper immediately rescinded that edict after the Martian Manhunter saved his life from an assassination attempt.

John F. Kennedy: Action Comics

Kennedy’s appearance in Action Comics issue 309 is distinctive for a couple of reasons – not only does play a major role in the story by teaming up with Superman, he also ends up being one of the few people the Man of Steel trusts with his secret identity.  Sadly, the timing of this issue couldn’t have been worse, though it is part of the reason why this appearance is so notable – Action Comics 309 came out a week after JFK’s assassination in Texas.

Now, before I get comments and e-mails about the bajillion examples I missed, keep in mind that I couldn’t list every single instance of one of our leaders making an appearance in a comic book.  After all of my research, these were the ones that kept popping up the most.  And, for the most part, I think they serve as worthy representatives of a comic book tradition that really shows no signs of letting up for as long as we have presidents in these United States.  And I’m sure that we’ll continue to see them portrayed both sincerely, as well as satirically.

Or we could just get Lex Luthor as president again.

The Don doesn’t get sworn in.  He gets sworn at.

Greetings, Noghri!!

I hope everyone had a great holiday and is having a wonderful New Year so far.  Let’s not forget that 2010 marks “The Year We Make Contact”.  Not sure what we’ll be contacting, but let’s hope it doesn’t involve turning Jupiter into a sun.

Now that the holidays are over it’s back to the old grind, which means I have returned to deliver my first “Office” of the new year!  Oddly enough, it’s a run-down of some of the cooler, geekier things I got for Christmas.

So as to avoid the funny stares, let’s just get started, shall we?

I actually made out pretty darn well this Christmas, but here are the highlights of my spoils that fit in more with the spirit of Spwug (make with the clicky to make biggy):

About a week before Christmas even arrived, I managed to order the latest re-offering from mattycollector.com – Skeletor.  Made from new molds and fully articulated, Mattel has been offering He-Man action figures based on the classic designs for over a year.  I wasn’t able to get these two when they were first offered in 2008, but I managed to snag them both over the past two months when they were re-offered.  The sculpts are incredible and each figure is based on a combination of the original cartoon design and the original figure design.  They’re a little pricey (about twenty bucks), so they’re only for the serious collector.  They usually offer one or two figures a month, but they sell out quickly.  This month they are offering a figure of a character that never saw plastic – Princess Adora.  You can bet I’ll be snatching up that one.

Another awesome offering from Mattel, these guys are based on the movie versions – not the cartoon counterparts.  I’ve been ordering them for the past couple of months.  The latest figure – Winston – came the same day as my Skeletor.  I almost have the entire team; only Venkman remains.  Bill Murray was the last of the original cast to sign off on his likeness, which is why his is the last of the four to be produced.  He should be available in February.  I can’t wait.  Now I just need to find my Real Ghostbusters figures and have a crazy crossover…

This game is so much fun to play, and I haven’t even started a new game on it yet.  Let me explain: when you first load up the game, it puts you in a practice area where you can just mess around.  For those not in the know, mess around means you can create almost any object by writing the word on the stylus screen based on a word database consisting of tens of thousands of words.  The object of the game is to create objects to solve puzzles.  I haven’t gotten to that part of the game yet, as I am too busy in the practice area creating God and then pitting Him against other people and creatures to see who would win.  So far, God wins every time… except against vampires.   They always manage to turn him.  Weird.  Still, I’m having so much fun with this game that I’m hoping to actually play it soon.

This.  For those of you that have read my Christmas articles, there is one particular memory that makes it Christmas for me over anything else – Mario.  Ever since I got that NES all those years ago, it seemed like every Christmas brought another adventure for the plumber boys to embark on.  No matter what console it was for, it just seemed like Super Mario Bros. and Christmas went hand in hand.  But for the past several years, things have been different.  Nintendo has been sparse with their Mario titles (sparse with any good titles, for that matter).  So, the past few holidays were surprisingly quiet on the coin block front.  Then this wonderful game revealed itself when I ripped off the wrapping.  Holy crap, it’s like I’m a kid again.  This game manages to hold up pretty darn well against what has come before.  With a mixture of SMB 3, World, and the most recent release for the DS, this game is extremely fun and challenging.  Add to it the ability to play up to four players simultaneously, and you have a game that will frustrate you as much as make you squee.

This came as a surprise to me.  I didn’t even know this book existed, and I’m a huge zombie fan.  Christmas carols with the lyrics altered to be about zombies.  It’s so campy, but at the same time it is beyond awesome.  Christmas 2010 – be ready, as I’ll be singing these all over the place.

Along with the Matty Collector figures above, this has to be the coolest geek collectible of 2009 – a Back to the Future Delorean that lights up and makes ten different sound effects from the movie.  I had ordered this through my comic shop, but my wife was nice enough to buy it out from under my nose so as to make it a prezzie for me.  This thing is sweet.  Almost everything that you can think of that should light up on the car in the movie lights up here – headlights, tail lights, dashboard, time circuits, flux capacitor, and – of course – the flux bands on the outside of the car.  This thing is incredible.  Sadly, there aren’t any action figures to go with it (at least not yet).  So, in order to make sure the car had a driver, I had to improvise:

That there would be Matt Tracker from M.A.S.K.  Not the original figure, mind you, but the limited edition figure that was made as part of the most recent (non-movie) G.I. Joe line.  I figured that since his last car had gull-wing doors he was worthy enough to take a spin through time.

Hopefully the rest of you out there had a holiday that visited just as much geekdom at you as I did.  Here’s to a new year and a fresh supply of Spwug for 2010.

I leave you with some disturbing developments that occurred in our LEGO Advent Calendar just after Christmas.  Let’s just say the negotiations apparently turned hostile:

Manny Bothans died to bring The Don this information.  Poor guy.

… I’m sure you’ve noticed that things have been a little dead around here this week.  Apologies.  With the holidays and all, everyone has been out making with the holiday cheer.  And there will be no Office from me this week due to the eve of the New Year.  But hey – you shouldn’t be here reading up on New Year’s geekness, anyway.  Go out, have fun and have a happy New Year!  We’ll see you back here next week for regular updates.

It’s that time again! And looky here–you’re even getting this over twelve hours earlier than normal! There are two reasons:

1: I had a few free minutes now that I won’t have Tuesday because….

2: ….I’ll be getting ready to leave early Wednesday, celebrating the New Year in a far-off land where Internet access may well be nonexistent for the duration of my stay.

I had some plans for this final post of 2009. My ambition was to do a look back on my articles in 2009, or to write a little preview of reviews to come in 2010. This plan was given a bit of a hitch by virtue of all my writing notes being on the computer that I won’t have for probably another week, pending the arrival of the part needed to fix it (good thing BIOS chips for my system are super-cheap and easy to come by!)

And besides, who’s really reading online articles right now, anyways? If you’re anything like me, you’re trying to recover from Chrismahannakwanzaakah whilst simultaneously preparing for New Year’s Eve parties.

So instead of a review, preview, or rant, I’ll just wish you the safest and happiest holiday season you’ve ever had, full of responsible celebrating, hassle-free gatherings of friends and loved ones, and absolutely no family drama.

….But since we all know that’s impossible, instead I’ll just say “Happy New Year!” and see you all in 2010.

Seasons Greetings, Chipmunks and Chipettes!

As you’re reading this, it should be Christmas Eve.

Hang on…

Sorry.  I had to take a moment to laugh at the idea of anyone being around to read this on Christmas Eve.  But still, as part of the season of giving I feel it would be unfair of me if I didn’t offer up something to stick in your Spwugnerian stockings.  I’ve noticed that my last couple of holiday offerings were in the form of lists, and since old Kringle himself is a fan of checking such things twice I figured it would keep in the spirit of the season to do another as the last of my Christmas-themed articles for the year.

This time, I offer up my top five favorite Christmas songs:

5. “It’s Christmas All Over the World” – Sheena Easton

I’m a child of the 80s.  Most people know that.  Growing up, I had a HUGE crush on Sheena Easton – her voice, her Scottish accent, and her… hotness.  I will admit that I have a couple of her songs on my iPod.  So, when she did this little ditty for the film Santa Claus: The Movie, I knew I had to have it.  I really love this song.  It’s the epitome of 80s Christmas music – it’s an 80s ballad and a Christmas song all in one.

4. “Christmas Time is Here” – Vince Guaraldi

Christmas just isn’t Christmas without this timeless, holiday classic.  “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is one of my favorite Christmas specials, and both the vocal and instrumental version of this song immediately get me into the Christmas spirit.

3. “Christmas at Ground Zero” – “Weird Al” Yankovic

“Weird Al” is still one of my favorite artists to this day, and this song is still one of his best originals.  Combining yuletide festivities with nuclear Armageddon, this song manages to make me laugh every time I hear it.  This song has to be on my playlist; it just isn’t Christmas without it.

2. “Winter Wonderland” – The Eurythmics

Yeah, I know… I’m a sucker for 80s music, and that more than includes 80s Christmas music.  This is probably my favorite version of this holiday tune.  It’s just infused with so much energy.  Annie Lennox is clearly having a lot of fun, and it’s infectious.

1. “O, Holy Night” – Johnny Mathis

For me, Johnny Mathis is Christmas.  His Christmas music was a staple of our household growing up.  Every Christmas morning, my brother, sister, and I were awakened to the sounds of Johnny crooning his magical holiday tunes.  To this day, every time I hear one of his songs I feel like a kid again.  Because of how much I enjoy his entire collection, I had a hard time picking just one song to represent my number one.  In the end, I chose “O, Holy Night” simply because I think it is one of the best renditions of the song out there.  Johnny’s crescendo in the final notes of the song is just so powerful and touching, it gives me shivers.

And there you have it, folks – my last Christmas article for 2009.  I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday.  For those that don’t celebrate, have a happy Friday.  Woot to the weekend!

I leave you with one last prezzie.  Remember the LEGO Advent Calendar?  Here it is in full glory, all its secret nooks and crannies revealed (make with the clicky to see it larger):

The Don we now our gay apparel, fa-la-la fa-la-la la la la…

It’s Tuesday evening again, and time for yet another tea session with yers truly. If you’re anything like me, all those last-minute holiday tasks you thought you’d already knocked out are suddenly smacking you hard in the face, and you don’t have time to read reviews or rants.

But maybe you’d just like a little bit of quickie holiday cheer? Well, Santa Marlink is here to help! Here’s a few webcomics that are currently running holiday-themed strips and/or storylines:

Basic Instructions instructs us on how to be gracious with our gifts and non-murdering of others during the holidays (use the “Recent Instructions” column on the right to find gift-related comics).

The Draconia Chronicles gives its annual presentation of how the Tigers and Dragons (and certain sneaky Foxes) put aside their differences–more or less–and celebrate the holidays.

Kevin and Kell, presenting the Domain version of the movie A Christmas Story.

The New Adventures of Queen Victoria answers letters from Santa and tells the story of “How the Osama Stole Christmas!”

Penny Arcade gives us another classic tale: “How the Illithid Stole Lolthmas.”

Sluggy Freelance shows how “FUNderful” the holidays are(n’t) in a city where a constant state of cheer is required by law year-round, and eggnog is administered via injection. So merry!

West Corner of the Park hopes you have a punderful Christmas!

I know other comics usually do a little somethin’ special for Christmas Day, but I can’t predict the future. Yet.

And if holiday atrocities are more your thing, check out the culinary crimes against the season over at the “Cake Wrecks” blog!

Back to last-minute shopping for me (I should instate a rule that if you don’t tell me you’re giving me a present until AFTER December 5th, you don’t get one in return). Don’t let the holiday humbugs bite! (Too hard.)

Welcome to this week’s post!

-

First up, a couple movies I caught earlier this afternoon:

First was The Princess and the Frog, Disney’s latest animated feature. This film went back to Disney’s roots, using a traditional hand-drawn animation style and incorporating multiple character-sung songs. It also introduces Disney’s first African-American princess, Tiana. Overall, I think the movie was great; it was definitely following in the footsteps of their previous animated musicals, like Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. I’m even thinking about picking up the soundtrack.

After Princess was the just-released Avatar. Being James Cameron’s first non-documentary film in twelve years (since 1997’s Titanic), there has been a major amount of hype generated which I believe it lives up to. I enjoyed it greatly. There were no parts that appeared to drag on to me. The CG was probably some of the best I’ve ever seen. The Na’vi looked so realistic that at times I was thinking that they had painted the actors blue and digitally manipulated their performances instead of them being full-CG creations. This film takes what was done for Davy Jones and his crew in Pirates of the Caribbean and raised it to a whole new level. Now since these were only humanoid alien characters, the movie easily managed to keep out of the uncanny valley, so I’m really curious about what the technology will be able to do when it comes to rendering regular human characters.

I will definitely be picking up both of these when they’re released on Blu-ray.

-

I finally got around to ordering a copy of the full version of Windows 7 Professional. I hope to get it installed sometime after the holidays. Meanwhile, the RC is still going strong on both of my systems.

-

We’re full-on into the holidays, and Christmas is only a week away. I’m sure some people will be doing the long-distance traveling thing to see family, and I just want to tell you to be sure to travel safely. Make sure your vehicle is good to go, especially if you’re traveling to locations where you might experience winter weather. Tires (proper pressure, good tread), make sure your windshield washer fluid is topped off, don’t let your fuel get to too low of a level, etc. Be aware of road conditions, watch out for other drivers that think they need to be wherever they’re going faster than you; there has also been reports of newer LED traffic signals getting covered up due to them not generating as much heat. Get there and come back safely.

-

That’s it for this week’s post. Enjoy whatever your holiday of choice is!

Greetings, Koopa Troopas!

Last month I got to see the most recent iteration of what has become a classic staple of the holidays – A Christmas Carol.  I believe Krellion posted a review of the film here within the hallowed halls of Spwug.  I, myself, enjoyed the latest incarnation of the yuletide tale.  As far as the CGI was concerned, it was impressive – proof that technology continues to get consistently better with every attempt at completely rendering the human condition onscreen.  That combined with the 3-D aspect made for a very entertaining experience.

As for the story itself, I’ll admit that it didn’t quite make my top three favorite versions of A Christmas Carol.

Now, the fact that I even have a top three implies that I tend to watch A Christmas Carol a lot.  That would not be an incorrect assessment.  I love A Christmas Carol.  It is probably, by far, my favorite holiday story of all time.  If there be a version of it out there, I’ve seen it.  From Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol to An American Christmas Carol (with Henry Winkler!), I’ve seen almost every incarnation of this classic.

Why does this particular seasonal exemplum fascinate me so?  As some of you might already know, Charles Dickens originally wrote this narrative as a social commentary against industrial capitalism, based on the awful financial experiences that he and his family had to endure during his childhood, as well as the terrible conditions Dickens witnessed in his travels later in life.  For me, however, this story boils down to one, simple thing:

Redemption.

I’m a sucker for stories that involve a character’s journey into becoming a better person.  It’s one of the reasons I’m still a sucker for Return of the Jedi, despite Empire being the better film (that, and the fact that I’m still a fan of the Original Trilogy).  It’s also an aspect of character development that I love to include whenever possible in my own writings.  And A Christmas Carol is simply one of the best stories of redemption out there.  It’s so well-loved that the book has never gone out of print, and continues to get adapted in various formats every year.

Now, add to that character journey a dash of the supernatural element and you have a story that completely pulls me in.  Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve read the original work of fiction or how many different adaptations I watch in theaters or on TV, the story itself always feels fresh to me – like I’m experiencing it for the first time.  I eagerly travel through the narrative with our main character each time, cringing at his callous nature every time he utters his famous catchphrase, feeling moved with each revelation that penetrates though his thick skull and hardened heart, and sharing his exultation when he discovers that he has been saved from eternal damnation.  For me, experiencing A Christmas Carol every year is much like the excitement one might see in a child as he or she eagerly opens his or her gifts on Christmas morning.

Now, with all of that said, let me delight you with my top three favorite versions of A Christmas Carol.  This list only includes direct adaptations of the original tale.  Scrooged, although one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time, isn’t included because it plays with the mythos within its own universe:

3. A Christmas Carol (1938)

Starring Reginald Owen as the miser himself, this really isn’t the best adaptation out there.  In fact, this version ends up leaving a lot of the darker themes due to the fact that the studio at the time wanted to keep it as a family picture.  Despite its flaws, I find this to be my favorite of the old black-&-whites – even over the better and more popular film with Alastair Sim as Scrooge.  I think my reasons for liking this one so much can be boiled down to the simple facts that 1.) I found Owen to be far more gruff and convincing Scrooge than Sim, and 2.) This version seemed to air a lot more frequently where I grew up, so it became a regular part of my childhood Christmases.

2. A Christmas Carol (1984)

This made-for-television incarnation of the book was my favorite for the longest time, until my number one pick came out years later.  Starring George C. Scott as Ebenezer, this film also had the distinction of casting well-known British thesps David Warner (Time Bandits, Star Trek V) as Cratchit and Edward Woodward (The Equalizer, Hot Fuzz) as The Ghost of Christmas Present.  I loved this one especially because this one got especially dark and ominous during Scrooge’s first night when Marley comes calling, as well as when the last spirit torments him into redemption.  This was the first iteration I saw that actually got scary.  Plus, I love Scott’s performance as Scrooge.  Still, it can only hold a candle to my favorite adaptation:

1. A Christmas Carol (1999)

This one is, in my opinion, the best adaptation of the original Dickens tale hands down.  Another made-for-television movie, this version of Carol aired on TNT and starred Captain Jean-Luc Picard himself in the lead role.  Having already proven that he could do the whole story himself as a one man show, Patrick Stewart brought his master thespian bag to the table in this well-crafted TV movie.  This is the one that I refuse to miss each year, it’s just that damn good.  Every actor cast for the film brought their A-game to the table.  To this day, I still get choked up when The Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge the scene where his younger self’s fiancé absolves him of his vow to her.  Stewart’s Scrooge breaks down in a fit of regretful tears as he tries desperately to plead to his unhearing counterpart to “Go after her!”  His performance alone is enough to raise this version above all others, as well as make me want to see his one man performance of the material badly.

It has been a few years since a new attempt at A Christmas Carol has managed to usurp my previous favorite to become my new number one.  The latest CGI release wasn’t quite up to snuff, but that certainly doesn’t mean I won’t be adding it to my Blu-Ray pile come next Christmas.  I am a sucker for this tale, after all.

The Don got the biggest goose in all of London.  She didn’t do it for cheap.

Greetings, Ka-Nights!

I’m sure most of you out there had your own, personal Jesus Red Ryder BB Gun – that one item or items that you had to have for Christmas.  Maybe it was a racing set, or a certain action figure.  Maybe it was a Cabbage Patch Kid, or a Tamagotchi.  Or, maybe you just got dirt, and you were happy to receive that dirt.  Whatever your personal windmill was each Christmas, nothing ever matched the feelings that swept over you when you finally got to that one present that looked like it might be the right size and shape of what you had been yearning for all year.  You look it over carefully, curiously… wondering if pinning all your seasonal hopes and dreams on this wrapped box of secrets would be worth the risk of possible disappointment.

You slowly undo the first tab of tape, cautiously tearing at the paper…

… and catch your first glimpse of the box underneath…

Your eyes open wide in feverish glee as you suddenly tear faster faster faster…

You got it!  You got…

…socks.

Then your dad laughs and hands you the package that really has the item you’ve been wanting since you saw that commercial cartoon back in January.  It doesn’t matter that your dad is a malicious deceiver of men.  You got what you asked Santa for.  It’s yours!

Five minutes later, you see something on TV that you just have to get next Christmas, your current acquisition just a fuzzy memory…

I know I had quite a few must-haves on my list growing up.  In fact, even at the age of thayunasflakhfy-fqtlkdur, I still end up every year with that one item that I just need for Christmas.  So, as a tribute to the endless quest that many of us embark on annually, I present you with my top five Holy Grails from my childhood:

5. “M.A.S.K” Toys

I remember the first time I saw the “M.A.S.K.” cartoon when I was a kid.  It came on around 6:30 AM (in 1985 time) on one of our local stations and I would watch it every morning before school.  For someone who was already into vehicles that transformed into something else, this show was cool!  The premise was that a special task force called M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armored Strike Kommand) led by Matt Tracker was created to defend the world against an evil terrorist organization called V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem), which was led by Miles Mayhem.  Both good guys and bad had vehicles that transformed into other vehicles, and all the operatives wore masks that had special abilities.  Of course, like all cartoons of this nature that we grew up with, the cartoon was really just a half hour long commercial that sold us toys.

And man, these toys were awesome.  The first vehicle I ever got was Condor – a green motorcycle that turned into a helicopter.  Included was the driver, Brad Turner, whose mask could project lifelike holograms (only for pretendsies).  My friends and I all collected them, and we spent many hours creating our own adventures.

By the second season of the show, the direction of the plot had changed and the characters were suddenly ripping off “Speed Racer”, as the good guys entered race after race against the bad guys for some item that would be deadly in the wrong hands.  The vehicles were still cool, but the line would die off quickly after the show started to suck.  This Holy Grail has the distinction of being one that I’ve reignited my efforts in finding recently.  I have managed to procure two vehicles so far, and am looking to rebuild my collection.

4. CD Boom Box

Sometime in the late 80s/early 90s, CD’s started to make their way into mainstream use for music lovers everywhere.  It was sometime around 1992 that I wanted to get in on this new medium.  I mean, cassette tapes were fine and all, but CDs allowed you to skip to the next song without having to fast forward through the current one!  No more wasting time cueing through tape just to get to a favorite song or to get past a bad one.  With the touch of a button, you could go right to the track you wanted.  Heck, you didn’t even have to listen to songs in the order that they were put on the album anymore!  The Compact Disc revolution gave us the freedom to choose!

It also re-introduced a feature that our parents were familiar with and that we would constantly gripe about – skipping.  Oh yeah, one bump and you just “time-traveled” a second or two into the future of the song you were listening to.  Or, you could revisit the same two second you just heard.  Top notch!

Despite the minor annoyances with the technology, I was extremely excited when I unwrapped that bad boy on Christmas Day, along with a couple of carefully chosen CD selections that would be my introduction to digitally-recorded music.  You know what I did then?

I made mix tapes for my Walkman from those CDs.

3. Star Wars Toys

Anyone who knows me knows I am a HUGE Star Wars fan, despite the prequels.  From the time my parents took me to see the first film (that’s Episode IV: A New Hope to you yung’uns) in theaters at the age of three, I lived and breathed everything Star Wars.  Bed sheets, actions figures, pajamas, cups – you name it, I probably had it.  Every Christmas from 1978 to 1984 saw some assortment of Star Wars merchandise under our tree.  I still have the very first action figure I ever got – a Stormtrooper.  His legs are a wee bit wobbly and he looks like he was dragged behind a bantha for several miles, but I still have him in a box somewhere.

Sadly, by summer of 1985 the toy line would be discontinued.  It had been two years since Jedi premiered in theaters, and a year since it was brought back into theaters for an encore showing.  With the final movie come and gone, interest in the franchise waned considerably.  And so, my ten year old self was left with a gaping hole of no toy series to love (that would quickly be filled not too long after by Transformers, M.A.S.K., Thundercats, Silverhawks, and The Real Ghostbusters toys, to name a few).

I still have the very last figure that was bought for me also – Lando Calrissian in his general uniform, complete with cloth cape.  No Lando… Han won’t have that shield down in time this time…

2. Nintendo Entertainment System

Some of you might remember that I wrote about this as part of my Christmas series last year.  For those that haven’t, you should really go back and read all three of them.  They’re quite good.

I won’t rehash too much since this is ground already covered, so instead I will give you the short version (in rhyme):

Atari 7800 is what I had,

Then I saw my friend’s system and it made me sad.

Nintendo made a console that blew mine away,

Five minutes with Mario and I wanted to stay.

I pleaded with my folks to get us a NES,

But we were too poor; man our life was a mess.

It would be many months before I could play,

So I was over at my friend’s house every day.

We’d play Mario and Popeye and Donkey Kong,

When’s Christmas get here? It’s taking too long!

Christmas finally came and within the first hour,

I was playing Nintendo; I was playing with Power!

1. Debbie

Okay, now we’re to the part where I get sentimental and mushy.  Too bad.  I have to say, without a doubt, the greatest Holy Grail I ever chased after and won was a girl.  And yes, it was around Christmas.

Debbie and I started out as friends in high school.  Her older sister was dating my best friend Chad.  Chad, his girlfriend and I were seniors, while Debbie was two years behind (Yes, that makes her two years younger than me.  Try and keep up.).  In an odd twist of fate (and some manipulation by Chad and Debbie’s sister), Debbie and I started dating.  I can go on record and say that she was, honestly, my first love.  I fell hard.  We were practically inseparable after that (to this day she is the reason I love when it rains).

Unfortunately, like in a Rankin and Bass holiday special, a nefarious scheme was hatched by some evil force to break us up.  And it worked.  I was devastated.  By this time I had graduated and was getting ready to go off to college.  I tried everything I could to get her back, but it just pushed her away more.  It got quite ugly.  So, despite being extremely broken hearted, I did the only thing left that I could do.

I let her go.

The fall semester flew by.  Before I knew it my first semester as a freshman was over and Christmas break was upon us.  I eagerly came home to enjoy my time off…

…only to find a letter waiting for me from Debbie asking me to meet her at the church we both attended regularly for that night’s service.  Reluctantly, I went.  When, what to my wondering eyes should appear… but an angel of a girl who had won my heart earlier that year.

She apologized sincerely, profusely, and several other important words that end in “-ly”.  Skeptical and still sore from the heart-wrenching, I wasn’t sure.  But, over the course of the next couple of weeks, she convinced me, and by Christmas we were together again.

Obviously, we didn’t end up together.  Things happen, as they often do.  We’ve both moved on to bigger and better things.  But, the reason she places at number one on my list of Holy Grails is this – for one, shining moment, Debbie made for me a Christmas that you normally only see in movies and read about in books.  That year my Christmas was one of merriment, magic and wonder – the kind that the hopeless romantic I was had always hoped for.

For once in my young life, I had chosen wisely.

The Don swears that he just has something in his eye.

Guys, it’s the time of year where we show our holiday spirit by spending all our money on gifts that will very likely go unappreciated by their recipients. (Rosy picture I painted there, innit?) But I’m here to hopefully assist in picking a present that won’t go to the Goodwill center on the 26th….At least, as long as the person you’re shopping for likes webcomics.

Here are the stores of some of my favourite webcomics, as well as a mini-list of what you can find there. If you’ve ever heard your cousin mention how much he likes Richard from Looking for Group, or your roommate talking about how cool Sluggy Freelance is, you can achieve temporary respect in the form of a holiday bribe by shopping these stores for relevant merch. This is just a sampling–you can’t know the true glory until you check it all out for yourself. And don’t wait around, because holiday shipping deadlines are nigh!

Basic Instructions – Clothing, books, commissioned images of your fan-friend! We all need instructions on how to live a better life when the moon-men attack.

Draconia Chronicles – Stickers, clothing, calendars! Who doesn’t want lithe and buxom tigers, dragons, and foxes gracing their home? Foolish people, that’s who. (Please note the site is in the process of changing servers this week and may have a little downtime.)

Looking for Group – Comics, figurines, plushies, blankets, clothes, posters, and randomness! I don’t know about you, but I would burn so many villagers for those Richard socks.

Penny Arcade – Do I really have to explain this one? It’s freakin’ Penny Arcade. They’ve got EVERYTHING. They’re the Sam’s Club of webcomic stores. Good deals at bargain prices. You know the drill. (The Fruit F…umm…Lover certainly knows all about drilling. BAM!)

Questionable Content – Prints, clothing, tote bags! Much of which is not, in fact, questionable content, but much of which is, in fact, super cool.

Sluggy Freelance – Plushies, books, games, pins, and clothing! And you can buy a Defenders membership subscription so your Sluggite fan-friend can see all the juicy content the normal peons–err, fans–don’t get to see. Don’t forget to check out the Breakables Store for more delicate articles like calendars, mugs, and mouse pads. If you don’t buy something, Bun-bun plushie will stab you in the eye with his cute widdle pwushie switchbwade. I may do the same if I never acquire my own serial-killing bunny rabbit. (Regretting my own lack of Defender membership to buy the Defenders-exclusive Holiday Overlord version right about now.)

Something Positive – Posters, prints, cards, clothes, and alliteration! (Much of which is not work-safe, so browse with discretion.) Me, I’m holding out for a Choo-Choo Bear squishy stress doll to get made.

Studio Foglio, creators of Girl Genius, Buck Godot, and What’s New? – Pins, books, games, and squeezy toys. A Wulfenbach airship you can squish again and again? No wonder the Baron is an unstoppable force in Europa.

See, now I’ve done practically all the holiday shopping work for you, out of the goodness of my black little lump-of-coal heart, sharing the joy of the season.

You’re welcome.

….I expect to see those Richard socks and Bun-bun plushie under my tree by Christmas morning. Finder’s fee. You know.