Greetings, Cylons!

Wow.  It’s been awfully quiet around here in Spwugland.

*looks to the left*

*looks to the right*

Hmmm.  I suppose I wouldn’t feel good about myself if I just left you guys in a lurch on a Thursday, sitting about and twiddling thumbs, or whatever you have available to twiddle.

Be nice.

Well, I can’t offer much this week, but the least I can do is leave you something so that you aren’t bored.  The reason for my lack of time and space (dude, I’m a cosmic being!) is that I am currently getting ready for a convention this weekend.  In fact, it’s one of the cons that I really look forward to every year:

 
Horrorfind Weekend in Adelphi, Maryland.

 
You guessed it (always a bright one, you are), Horrorfind is a horror-themed convention,  and it is a blast.  It’s like going to visit Hallowe’en a couple of months before he comes to visit you!  It’s such a magical place - with beer carts being pushed around all weekend long so that you may never thirst, horror flicks playing non-stop on movie screens outside and in, celebrities from your favorite horror flicks and shows, and a dealers’ room loaded with cool horror novelties, films and decorations.

And this year will be even cooler!  Remember that movie shoot I posted about a couple of months ago?  The one where I dressed up as a giant smurf zombie?

That’s right – it premieres this weekend at the convention!  I finally get to see my efforts on the big… screen… in front of all those…

*ulp*

Okay, I think I need to lie down for a minute.  In the meantime, I leave you with this:

Tune in next week, as I post something that may or may not resemble an attempt at a con report.

The Don ain’t afraid of no ghost.  He is, however, afraid of having vegetables thrown at him.

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Ever been within inches of a passing semi truck on a busy freeway, whipping past at 70 mph? Even in your car, you get thrown around like a leaf? Yeah, that was SDCC for the remainder of the weekend.

While I’d love to share pics, I’m still on borrowed time — my flight back home departs TODAY, thus I can write to you all, but I have roughly 500 pictures to sort, weed out and organize into a functional blog. In the meantime, let me tell you all — California rolled out the red carpet, and I had THE BEST — excuse me, *ahem* THE BEST time at a convention since the Blizzard of 2003 during Katsucon. That’s no small feat.

This was geek Mecca. Direct your prayers of Dr. Horrible and new episodes of Eureka just south of the setting sun, folks. While no show is perfect, and Murphy’s Laws prevail, I will say that the positives of the experience far, FAR outweigh the negatives. In other words, don’t feel bad. Everyone else is broke too.

So, in the meantime (while I’m 30,000 in the air for several hours) here’s my take on:  FIVE THINGS I LEARNED FROM SDCC.

(1): No one in their right mind should ever move an event or convention from San Diego. It’s PRIME real estate. I’m not the man behind the wheel, so there’s no telling what the future holds — but I will say that San Diego embraced the convention with open arms, and there was PLENTY to do and see beyond the convention walls. Go to lunch at the Tin Fish restaurant. Get around on the trolleys. Check out the best damned reuben ever at The Field.  Speaking of fields, the Padres play at Petco Park right up the street (say what you like about the Padres.)  Even the train station is a photo op waiting to happen!

(2): Your Mileage May Vary.  And oh, did I rack up a few.  Now, you can actually stop and get a breather throughout a good portion of the con, you just have to be… creative about it.  And not have any hangups about sitting on cold floors, corners of huge displays or just around the corner of an artist table.

(3): You have to be extra special, determined or crazy (or maybe a heady combination of the three) to actually get the Rare Collectable Merchandise Given Out Only At The Con Wherein You Must Stand In Line For Several Hours For The CHANCE To Get It.

(4): Besides, there are scores of people hired just to hand out free flyers.  Save the earth, collect them all!  I bet you could fill a phone book with all the mini posters, cards, flyers, and extra bits.

(5): Some personal tips to share with you all:

-Bring a camera, and break a bank book on batteries.

-When you’re done packing, open your bags again, take out half the stuff you packed.  You’re not going to need it.

-Say “yes” to whatever absurd means it takes to get there, short of risk to person or possessions.  This place is worth it.

-Water.

-Plan ahead.  There is for even the regular attendees, four whole days worth of events to attend and people to see, things to buy (or have a conniption over whether TO buy) and while you CAN do it all in a day, if you’re around for the whole thing, space it out.  Get some rest.  Eat hearty.  Because TONIGHT WE DINE IN — *ahem*

I’ll be back with photos, folks!  Sorry for the delay, but right now it’s time for me to say goodbye to perpetually sunny San Diego!

(Oh yeah, and there was an earthquake yesterday.  Most bizarre damned thing I’ve ever experienced.)

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Greetings, Copper Tops!

So, there’s this little superhero flick that came out last weekend that you may have heard of – The Dark Knight? Some of you may have even seen it. In the off-chance that you didn’t, I sucked it up and took a bullet for you all.

That’s right, I watched the latest Batman film directed by Christopher Nolan, and I passed the savings onto you.

I’ve run into a slight problem with this review that I haven’t run into with my movie reviews so far. Problem is, this film has had a butt-ton of hype surrounding it. A lot of that has been due to the unfortunate demise of Heath Ledger. But that alone has caused almost everyone under the sun to spew gallons of hyperbole about The Dark Knight. The past few months have been nothing but Oscar buzz about Ledger’s final full performance. And since I am a consumer whore (and how!), I’ve been soaking in pretty much every ounce of it – from reviews to interviews to behind-the-scenes stuff. All of that makes it hard to right a proper review without it being tainted.

That’s why I’m going to approach this review a little differently; I’m only going to touch upon certain key elements that I really liked or hated.

Ready?

Here we go…

The Plot:

Likes - I feel it was a lot tighter than the plot of the first film. Obviously, part of that is due to the fact that we’ve gotten the origin out of the way. The plot is grim and gritty. In fact, it feels more like a crime film with a couple of loons dressed as weirdos than a superhero film. I think that’s one of the things that makes it incredible.

Dislikes – At two hours and thirty minutes, the movie just feels too long. There is some fat in there that could have been trimmed. There are points where the plot feels like it’s plodding at a turtle’s pace. The scenes themselves were great. Just wish they had gone faster.

The Acting:

Likes – Do I need to say it? Everyone else already has. Heath Ledger’s Joker kicks ass. He nailed every nuance of the character. I read one reviewer say that Ledger’s Joker makes Nicholson’s from the first Batman film look like Cesar Romero from the ‘60s TV show. I think that is an accurate description. That’s not to say that everyone else did a bad job. Far from it. Every actor in The Dark Knight is fantastic. Another notable performance was Aaron Eckhart, whose performance as Harvey “Two Face” is the most accurate portrayal so far. Even Maggie Gyllenhall impressed me with how much better her Rachel Dawes character was over Katie Holmes. Still, all of these great performances are dwarfed by Ledger. He steals the show here.

Dislikes – To be honest? I really don’t have anything to say here. But if I have to say something… random street witness number three was horrible. Who screwed up on that casting?

Characters:

Likes – There have been complaints that there isn’t enough Batman in his own movie. I disagree. See, the thing about Batman is part of what makes him tick – what makes him who he is – is his Rogues Gallery. Batman wouldn’t be Batman without his villains. Kind of like how clothes make the man. Okay, nothing like that, but you get the idea. Other people groaned at the fact that yet another Batman film has two villains. While I do agree that, in the past, cramming two villains in your Batman flick has often been that film’s undoing, that isn’t the case here. Dent’s transformation is very organic, and serves the Joker plot perfectly. It’s not like before where you have two separate villain plots vying for screen time and then BAM – the two join forces to pee in Bruce’s oatmeal. The Joker uses Dent as a means to an end. And in that lies the brilliance. As for the other characters, each one continues to be captured perfectly by its particular actor or actress. And I was especially impressed by how Rachel Dawes was better used in this film. She wasn’t just a love interest. She was given a lot more to do that helped further the plot.

Dislikes – Like above, not much negative to say here, though I will agree that I wish Two Face had a little more screen time.

Action Sequences:

Likes – Holy crap! The action in this flick makes the first film look like Daddy Day Camp. There were some beautiful sequences in this film.

Dislikes – I would have liked it if the slower portions of the movie hadn’t spread the action scenes out so much.

Odds and Ends:

Likes – The cameos and actors that I was pleasantly surprised to see in this movie – Anthony Michael Hall, Nestor Carbonell (Batmanuel (<=== how funny is that?) from the live action Tick TV show), Eric Roberts. It was great to see these underused and underappreciated actors get some decent screen time in such an awesome movie. Oh, and Cillian Murphy returns as the Scarecrow for a small scene near the beginning of the film; the fact that this movie really felt more like an action/crime drama than a superhero film. No kidding. I felt like what I was seeing on the screen could have been going down in the middle of another film, like Heat. And I loved that.

Dislikes – I’m not one of those folks who can’t stand the gravelly voice Bruce Wayne puts in his Batman persona. I think it’s pretty cool. But, I have to admit that even I was starting to get annoyed by Bale’s throaty verbalizations by the end of the film.

Overall, I think this movie is miles ahead of the first film. A lot of reviewers have been comparing The Dark Knight to The Empire Strikes Back or The Godfather, Part II. It’s definitely a darker film, as almost everything built up in Batman Begins is systematically torn down in The Dark Knight. But this is one of the main reasons why I love this film. That, plus all of the other positives I’ve listed are enough to make the negatives almost unnoticeable. I will say that The Dark Knight is probably one of the best films of the year. I definitely plan to see it again, only this time in IMAX.

Now, if the IMAX showings would quit selling out.

The Don thinks this town needs an enema. Of hugs.

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Greetings, Hong Kong Cavaliers!

You know, I really enjoy our time together.  It’s just you all and me.  Long, lingering stares.  Romantic whispers.  Tender touches.  Restraining orders.

Hey!  What the Hell?!?

What the Hell indeed.  Hellboy, that is.  As in, I saw Hellboy II: The Golden Army this past weekend, and I wanna tell you about it.

Hopefully, the five of you who read my articles are familiar with the character Hellboy and the self-titled comic book series he comes from.  But just in case, here’s a quick rundown:

Hellboy is a demon who was summoned as an infant by Nazi occultists to help them win World War II.  He was “rescued” by the Allied forces and raised by the US government, eventually becoming the top paranormal investigator of a secret, US government agency.

Now, I further hope you’ve seen the first movie.  If not, I’ll wait here while you do so…

 
…

 
*checks watch*

 
…

Good Lord, could you hurry up?  I haven’t got all night.

Okay, so the first flick was a pretty fun-filled romp of awesome, right?  It took what we love about the Indiana Jones flicks (hero versus Nazis with the world at stake), injects it with some supernatural kick-assery (that is so a word), and adds a big, red demon with a big, not red gun as its hero.  Then it ups the action and adventure up several notches.  Bake for a half hour.  Serves several million in box office receipts.

Now, how does the sequel measure up?

It’s like Guillermo del Toro (the director) opened up the floodgates of the imagination and forced it to spew all over film stock.  Then he handed it out to theaters and smoked a huge cigar in celebration.

The basic plot is this:  Long ago, the inhabitants of the realms of fantasy and the jerk humans of reality waged war.  The King of Elves had an unbeatable Golden Army made to eliminate the humans completely.  The bloodshed was so severe that the King regretted his decision.  A truce was made, and in a small bit of Lord of the Rings double-taking, the King of Elves split the crown that controlled the Army into pieces, giving one to the humans and keeping two for himself.  The terms of the truce gave the cities to the humans and the forests to the mystical creatures forever.  This did not sit well with the Prince, and he went into self-imposed exile.  Present day, and the Prince has returned to seek vengeance after seeing how destructive and greedy the humans have become.  He plans to recover the pieces of the crown and control the Golden Army, wiping out humanity for good in order to save the creatures he feels need protecting.  There is one problem – a certain large, red demon with a large, not red gun plans on stopping him with the help of his team mates.

This film was quite the ambitious project, larger in scope and in story than the first film.  This is just one of many ways that it surpasses its predecessor.  Characters are fleshed out and given more to do.  Even perennial favorite Abe Sapien gets more screen time than the first one.  And this time he even gets a romantic sub-plot.  There is just so much going on in the area of character development that I never felt like anyone got short changed.  Every character - villain, hero, and minors – had their chance to shine.

All the actors hit their marks on this go round, and they do it well.  Ron Perlman is Hellboy.  He’s a natural at it, and it shows.  Selma Blair gets more to do and we get to see some incredible growth in her character.  With Abe Sapien, Doug Jones proves that he is the only man in town to go to when you need an actor in a suit.  He even gets to do his own voice this time!  And many of you may try to gag yourselves upon learning that Seth MacFarlane does the voice of new team member and ectoplasmic entity Johann Krauss.  Better to direct those efforts at laughing, because MacFarlane is perfect for the character.  He even has some of the best funny lines in the film.  Even the minor characters, like Jeffry Tambor’s  BPRD director Tom Mannin, make the best of the screen time they are given.

Let’s not forget the villains.  Luke Goss and Anna Walton are amazing as Prince Nuada and his sister Princess Nuala, respectively.  Goss, in particular, brings intensity and nobility to his character.  Walton manages to hold her own as well, giving us a character that not only provides a romantic foil for Abe, but also serves as a centerpiece to the main conflict.

That’s one of the great things about Hellboy II – del Toro doesn’t give us a standard villain.  What this film has is a character that exists in a grey area, much like Magneto in the X-Men comics.  Prince Nuada isn’t evil.  He’s just trying to protect his fellow mythicals; save them, even.  He is a tragic hero in his own right.  It’s this complexity that is another key ingredient to what makes the sequel exceed the first installment.  The lines are not clearly drawn, and even Hellboy finds himself torn.  He’s just like the creatures he’s fighting against, trying to defend a people that reject him and are frightened by him.

Del Toro handles all of this beautifully, combining the social commentary with a well-paced plot, incredible special effects, character development, and some gorgeous fight and stunt scenes.  It’s those ingredients and the execution that make this film an awe-inspiring spectacle.  They are also what make Hellboy II better then its predecessor.  Don’t get me wrong - I love the first film, but the second one just outperforms.

Plus, it taught me one valuable lesson:

Humans suck.

 
The Don has fought his inner demons.  Then they made up and had pie.

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Waugh!  Yesterday was Wednesday wasn’t it?!  Don’t you hate it when one day transposes itself over another?

Anyways, quite a few things going on worth mention:

 -The Demon Mages, Issue #2 is on the threshold of completion.  Took a little extra time, but significantly less OT than before.  Look for that in and around the time of…

 -SAN DIEGO COMIC CON!  I’ll be happy to give you readers the extended post-con coverage (August 2nd.  Let’s be fair; jet-lag) , but in the meantime, a few lead-up articles will get passed around, starting next week.  There’s not much to say here, except that packing for ten days in two bags will be… interesting.

-Almost directly afterwards is Otakon 2008.  This blogger lives moments away from it, so like the event horizon of a black hole, it seems many individuals may be drawn into it’s vortex.  Convention roundup on that one as well will be posted, come August 13th. 

-Pixiv.net & Nico-Nico Douga are neat!  Even if your Japanese is lackluster, it’s easy navigation & content abounds!  I’m there most every day!  Google searches readily turn up non-native registration instructions, so there’s little chance of getting lost.

-BONESAW IS REA-DY!!!  Tough as heck with a keyboard, a little imprecise, but still an impressive game and I chuckled at most of the humor.  A cool homebrewed time waster.

-In the spirit of our nation, I watched Paul “John Adams” Giamatti in probably my most favorite role I’ve seen him play — as the whip smart, buck-nasty Mr. Hertz in Shoot ‘Em Up.  Funny to me to see commercials for his HBO special, and super-impose Mr. Hertz’s cellphone ringing.  Or maybe an extended gunfight with Ben Franklin. 

And now, some new art!  Both done by hand, with markers & pens — the second from back on June 13-15th for the Anime-Mid-Atlantic weekend.

That’s all for now!  See ya next week!

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Greetings, Deadly Friends!

So, some of you may have seen that Iron Man movie that came out a month or so ago.

You may have even stayed until the end credits.

You further may have known that Robert Downey, Jr. made a cameo as Tony Stark in a related film that opened this past weekend.

What am I getting at?  Wait.  What was I getting at?  Oh yeah – I saw that film last Sunday and I’m going to do a mini-review for this week’s Office of the Don.

That’s right, this week I talk to you about The Incredible Hulk.

Now, from what I’ve seen and heard, there are two classes of people – the bourgeoisie and the laissez-faire.  No, wait.  That’s not right.  Hang on, let me look it up…

 
*elevator music*

 
Okay, got it – there are those who like the Hulk film that Ang Lee made a few years ago, and those that don’t.  I, personally, liked the film for what Ang Lee tried to do despite a couple of daddy issues I had with it.  His personal take made for a decent psychiatric study into a popular comic book character.  But it wasn’t the Hulk we geeks know and love.

Now, the latest and greatest from The Transporter director Louis Leterrier?  This is the Hulk film the fans wanted.  It took elements from the Bruce Jones run in the comic (Mr. Blue), the TV series (including the theme song – well done!), and mixed it together with some top-notch talent.

Is this movie as good as Iron Man?  No.  But, it’s close.  The pacing is excellent – it’s set up almost like a combination of a Bourne Identity-style thriller and a monster movie.  All the actors gave great performances.  The only exception was Liv Tyler.  She wasn’t bad, but I preferred Jennifer Conelly’s Betty Ross.

The CGI stands out a little at first.  But by the time Hulk and Blonsky are duking it out on a college campus, the CG effects are forgotten as it pulls you into the action.

The plot seems more cohesive and put together better than in Ang Lee’s effort.  There are a couple of divergent storylines going on with a couple of different characters, but each one seems to serve the greater story, merging into the main plot before the end.

And there’s no crap involving crazy fathers and weird character amalgamations.

Then there are all the little shout-outs to the fans – the mention of S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury, Stark Industries, the Stark cameo, a sequence towards the opening that seems rather familiar to anyone who has seen the show, and the theme song.  Oh, and there is not only a cameo by Lou Ferrigno (jerk), but a surprise cameo by Bill Bixby himself!  All of these are sure to make a fanboy giggle with glee.  I should know.  I tested that personally.

Again, this movie isn’t as good as that other Marvel movie that came out this year, but it’s a fun and wild ride.  If you’re looking for “Hulk Smash!”, you’re gonna get it.

Plus, that feeling I told you about in my Iron Man review?  The one where it felt like the Marvel Universe is finally coming into being and expanding?  This film is just handed us another piece of the puzzle.

And not even Mr. McGee could make me angry after watching this film.

The Don is trying to find a way to control the raging heartburn that dwells within him.

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Greetings, Starfighters!

Okay, I think I’m recovered enough to give you a full article this week. Maybe. Possibly. Ah, who knows?

What I do know is the settling in is going well, and I’m in the mood to write.

This week, I review the new Indiana Jones film – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Now, I’ve been a huge fan of the Indy flicks since I was a kid. When I first saw Raiders, I was blown away. A throwback to the adventure, cliffhanging serials of the 1930s, Raiders of the Lost Ark perfectly captured the themes and excitement of its source material. And it also captured my attention and imagination.

I was less enthused by the darker tone of the follow-up, Temple of Doom (don’t worry, I got better), but found Last Crusade to be a fun return to what I enjoyed about the first film, despite how derivative it was.

So, how does the latest installment stack up?
I hate to say this, but it’s probably better if you don’t compare it to the other three.

I didn’t hate it. In fact, I liked it a lot. I think a friend of mine said it best: “The worst thing I have to say about it is it wasn’t bad. Unfortunately, that’s also the best thing I have to say about it.” I have to agree. What we ended up getting, in essence, feels like a mediocre Indy film. Indy deserves better than that.

Now, before I continue, I want to warn you – do not watch the first three before going to see this film. The reason for this has something to do with something Steven Spielberg said in a recent interview. He mentioned that while the first three films are an homage to the previously mentioned adventure serials from the 30’s, the new film was more of a throwback to the sci-fi and adventure B-movies of the 50’s.

That was my first mistake going in. I did a marathon earlier in the afternoon. So, when I got to the theater to watch the newest addition to the franchise, I was carrying the spirit and essence of those films with me. And for the first twenty minutes of the film, I had to adjust, pulling myself out of the old mindset and slipping myself into the new one.

There are so many things about this film that just didn’t seem to fit. For example (without spoilers), there’s a scene towards the beginning involving a nuclear testing site that I recently found out was taken straight from an early draft of Back to the Future. Once I found that out, I knew exactly why the scene didn’t fit well at all. It was written for a completely different type of character, and Indiana Jones just seemed out of place trying to get through this scene. And that’s part of the problem: there were simply a lot of scenes that just didn’t feel right in context with the rest of the movie.

But, despite the ill-fitted moments in the film, there were just as many scenes and sequences that they got completely correct. Once you get past the set-up and the action sequences commence, you get sucked in and realize that yes, you are indeed watching a new Indy flick. And during those moments you are back in the high that you loved when you saw the first one in the early 80s.

The acting is great. Harrison Ford picks his character up right where he left off and he never misses a beat. Karen Allen pulls her weight as well, and you feel the old chemistry between her and Ford when they are on screen together. Even Shia LaBeouf does good work here – he holds his own against Ford well. It’s almost a competition to see who has better on-screen chemistry with Harrison – LaBeouf or Allen. The rest of the cast isn’t too shabby either. They take the movie they were given and carry it effectively.

I’m not usually one to nitpick about this, but I did have a problem with the CGI. I expected better from Spielberg and Lucas. Okay, maybe not Lucas. I mean, really – CG gophers and monkeys? I seem to remember a time when you guys practically had the market cornered on your excellent use of real livestock. But, the creatures in Crystal Skull looked CG. That’s pretty bad if you can’t even get a gopher to look like a real gopher.

Besides, if there’s a movie series that should never resort to such blatant CGI effects, I would think it would be the Indiana Jones series. That’s always been part of its charm. It feels organic. Star Wars can have its updated CG effects. It works just fine in that genre (I know it’s debatable in the fanboy community), but part of the charm of the Indiana Jones series is that it feels like a world you can find in your own backyard… provided that your backyard looks like a jungle with temples in it or a desert littered with Egyptian ruins. (Shh. You know what I mean.)

Even the soundtrack seemed uninspired to me. I am a big fan of John Williams’ film scores. I’ve always loved his work. Even with the mediocre Star Wars prequels, the one thing that stood out was Williams’ awesome soundtrack.

But while watching the newest Indy film, I felt for the first time like there was nothing spectacular about the accompanying musical score. In every Indiana Jones film, there are always pieces and movements in the score that stick out and grab you, thrill you, and move you along with the scene it’s played over. I didn’t get any of that during Crystal Skull. And it’s a shame. Plus, I noticed that Williams reused a few pieces from his previous films. Now, I don’t have a problem with that at all. I expected “Marion’s Theme” to show up, and even smiled when he included a snippet of the “Ark Theme”. But imagine my surprise when I also hear the “Holy Grail Theme” from Last Crusade… several times throughout the movie. It’s sad when the only pieces that stand out during the film are ones you know all too well from the previous installments.

That said, I did pick up the soundtrack the next day just to see if maybe I was mistaken. Apparently, I was. The soundtrack is actually really good. But, I’ll be damned if I can remember where any of that music was in the film. Not good.

Overall, I will say that I did enjoy Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. But here’s what I would compare it to – say you meet up with an old friend you haven’t seen in about 20 years. Since high school. You meet up and catch up on old times, get to know the current versions of each other a bit and even bring out some of the old jokes and anecdotes that made you both laugh. Problem is, the jokes aren’t as funny as they used to be, or at all. You realize you don’t quite know this person that you used to be close friends with anymore. You two are both different people now, and that friendship you’re both trying to rekindle is a pale shadow of what you remember. You part ways, promising to keep in touch. Admittedly, you both did have a lot of fun meeting up and it was an enjoyable experience. But, will either of you really wanna do it again?

Sadly, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull feels a lot like that. I do recommend seeing it. In fact, I plan to go back and see it again. I wanna see if it works better without the first three films tagging along with me.

Maybe I’ll find what Henry Jones Sr. found – illumination.

For The Don, it’s not the years… it’s – well yeah, actually it is the years.

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Greetings, Highlanders!

Gonna be another short installment this week. My wife and I moved into our new home over this past weekend, and now the unpacking begins. And that is going extremely slooow…

That’s why I’m glad I purchased my very own Flux Capacitor.

“What’s that?” you say? (Aren’t these made-up dialogues between us fun?) Well, let me tell you, over the past couple of years I’ve acquired the irresistible urge to buy authentic, prop replicas. It started with the Master Replicas Lightsabers (of which I own six), worked its way over to Thor’s Hammer from Marvel Comics (Mjolnir for those in the know), and has recently made its way to my newest purchase:

The Flux Capacitor.

That’s right, the device created by one Doctor Emmett L. Brown and used (and abused) repeatedly by his young friend – one Martin S. McFly.

And this sucker’s fully functional (No, this sucker’s electrical). Just 3 AAA batteries and this awesome piece of memorabilia does what it was best known for – fluxing.

And now that I have one of my very own, I intend to use it to go back in time to get all of this unpacking done…before I even started.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

….

But first I need to get me a DeLorean.

The Don is your density. No, that’s not a slip of the tongue.

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Greetings, Shubs and Zuuls!

(A free shout-out in my next article to the first person that gets that reference.)

It’s Thursday again, and time for more rumblings from The Office of the Don. This week, I will review the new Iron Man movie.

As all of you know, Iron Man is a character featured in Marvel Comics – a millionaire playboy named Tony Stark who is the head of a multi-million dollar weapons manufacturing company. After getting kidnapped and suffering a severe heart injury, Stark was forced to build an incredible suit of armor in order to keep him alive. Over time, the armor has gone through many modifications. Stark himself no longer needs the armor to keep himself alive, but continues to don the hi-tech suit to fight crime, run S.H.I.E.L.D., force people to register their secret identities with the government, and to get drunk.

Oh wait… he doesn’t do that last one anymore. But he certainly does the previous two with raucous aplomb.

So, how does the movie stack up? Let me give you some insight as to where I’m coming from first:

I was born in a small town in Connec—oops. Too far back. Let’s take you back to my first article for Spwug. As you recall, I’m a big comic book fan. Spider-Man has always been my favorite. One of the things that has always appealed to me about Spidey has been the fact that his abilities were apart of him. He is Spider-Man. At the end of the day, he can’t just remove those powers. Although he’s tried (and occasionally succeeded) many times.

Iron Man, on the other hand, gets all of his powers and abilities through his armor. I’ve never been a big fan of artificial abilities like that. When he takes off his armor, he is completely vulnerable. And usually drunk (but not any more). Add to that the fact that Iron Man has never had a really great rogues gallery like Spidey, Hulk, or any of the other mainstream Marvel superheroes, and you have a character and a title that both leave me cold.

So needless to say, I came to this movie with the feelings of one who doesn’t even care for the character.

And then the movie handed me my ass and made me carry it around while sucker-punching me repeatedly in the kidneys.

This movie was outstanding! The film’s weight is almost carried on Robert Downey Jr.’s shoulders alone. And he’s up to the task. The man exudes charm and charisma. I don’t think any one else could have done the character justice. He is able to convincingly take a character who is a total jackass and make him lovable. Then he breaks that man down through his journey into personal tragedy and builds him back up through redemption. And that act makes you love him even more. He steals every scene he’s in, and it almost seems like every other character who shares screen time with him feeds off that energy and gives off better performances themselves.

That’s not to say that the other actors are slouches. Far from it. Terrence Howard brings a fresh perspective to the character of James Rhodes. Jeff Bridges proves the man can do evil, and do it well. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play an evil character like Obediah Stane, but he kills this role. And I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed Gwyneth Paltrow in anything. She really shines here as Tony’s assistant Pepper Potts.

In fact, that’s one of the things that I really liked about this movie - it didn’t fall into the standard Hollywood cliché of automatically pairing up the male and female lead in an automatic romance. This movie, in fact, bucks it intentionally. It keeps throwing the characters together in scenes where, in any other film, they would already be on their way to second base. Iron Man instead gives you the set-up, then throws the water on the flames - oftentimes to comedic effect.

Which leads me to the writing and direction. Both are top-notch. The pacing and character development are handled perfectly. A lot of film adaptations based on a comic or book series have a difficult time in their first installment just getting through the origin. Iron Man doesn’t seem to have any trouble at all. You’re kept so amused or amazed throughout the whole film that you forget that you’re even seeing an origin unfolding. And Favreau’s directing, already proven to be spectacular from films like Elf and Zathura, continues to prove he has the chops to take on such an endeavor like Iron Man. This guy has come a long way since Swingers. He has an incredible eye for visual framing, as well as a great talent for stage direction. This movie feels natural and organic, like you aren’t even watching a movie at all, but instead viewing someone’s life unfold in front of you. Well, if that life had armored heroes and giant armored villains battling all over the west coast.

Overall, Iron Man is a nice reminder that Marvel still knows what it’s doing, despite the less-than-stellar results of the past couple of movies that have come from The House of Ideas. Iron Man is a great movie that focuses on the redemption of a man. It’s also a great superhero move as well.

I want to drop one last bit of knowledge on you. This is the first movie to be made specifically by Marvel Studios. While the previous movies based on Marvel properties were in their own self-enclosed world, this is the movie that officially gives birth to the Marvel Universe on film. And you feel it, too. You can just feel that while Tony is trashing bozos in his armor, somewhere there is a man struggling to contain the gamma-irradiated beast within, or that there’s a school for gifted youngsters somewhere in New York. And be patient, my geeky friends. That’s what Marvel is aiming for. In fact, you may not have seen the last of Tony Stark this summer.

Oh, and take the “initiative” to stay until after the end credits of Iron Man. You will be rewarded.

The Don is a cool exec with a heart of papier-mâché.

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Well hello, random passers-by!

Here we are at installment number three, and so far I show no signs of slowing down or changing my gait.

*pant, huff, huff, pant*

Hang on, let me catch my breath… Okay! As promised, I’m changing this week’s segment of OotD up a bit. Nothing related to Spider-Man, no sir. This week, it’s zombies! You know, zombies? The living dead? Reanimated corpses come to devour your flesh and/or your brains?

Yeah… you know zombies. Otherwise, why would you even be here? You didn’t actually believe there would be punch and pie, did you?

So today I’m talking about zombies. And not just random zombies, mind you. Nope. This week I’m going to tell you a little tale about how I was a zombie for a day.

First, a little back story: A few years ago a friend of mine – we’ll call him Dan -and I went to our first Horrorfind horror convention in Baltimore. While we were there we watched this horror/comedy film made by an independent film company based out of Charlottesville, Virginia called Darkstone Entertainment. The film in question – Skeleton Key (no, not the one starring Kate Hudson).

Johnny Johnson of Darkstone Entertainment, minutes before his pants were slain by poisonous guppies.

I have to admit, my first reaction was “What the hell am I watching?” It was a low-budget, direct-to-video, horror film. It looked very amateurish. We sat there as we were bombarded with strange and insane imagery, and walked away thoroughly confused.

Then we found out that Johnny and his cohorts were there at the con in person. Dan was the first to approach and converse with Mr. Johnson. I followed suit, and over time began to realize just what mad geniuses these guys are. They are well aware of the kind of films they make, and make no apologies. The genius is that they have a great sense of humor about themselves, and it’s apparent in the films they make.

Over time, Dan and I have become acquaintances of Johnny and company. Every year we talk to them for awhile at their table during Horrorfind. Every year we talk bravado about how we definitely want to participate in some of their films. And every year we do the exact opposite.

Until this past Sunday.

It was Dan that made the initial jump. He’d been in contact with Johnny for awhile, much to my unawares. He had finally coordinated an opportunity to be a zombie in Darkstone Entertainment’s newest installment of the Skeleton Key series. And being the friend that he is, he brought me along for the ride…

First off, the obligatory disclaimer – I am not responsible for any blindness, madness, loss of mental facilities, or eye gouging that may occur upon viewing the pictures you are about to witness. That said, my humble apologies for what I’m about to subject you to.

One lesson to be learned when filming a movie of any sort – when the call sheet (that’s that neat piece of paper telling you what cast and crew are to report that day at what time and for how long) says you will be filming from 11 AM to 5 PM, that really means that make-up, prep and travel time will take 5 hours, while the actual filming will take all of 30 minutes. Better bring a book to read or whatever portable game system is fashionable this week. Or you could actually talk to the other poor folk who are suffering this with you. Insensitive jerk.

So there I was, knee-deep in local insurgents… oops. I mean Dan, our friend Megan, and I had arrived reasonably on time and rushed upstairs to the offices of Darkstone Entertainment.

And waited.

Even after getting shot several times, I still managed to snag that jerk’s camera.

The next several hours were spent quoting different facets of pop culture, picking the brain of the head honcho (see what I did there?), and each of us taking a turn going through the make-up process:

Mariah’s plan to fool Gargamel with giant Smurfs seemed like a foolproof plan…

The process was not quick. First, we each had to have all of our exposed areas airbrushed with a blue, water-soluble mixture. This took anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour. This, of course, depended on how naked you were. Then we had to dry, which took a couple of minutes. The results left me feeling a little blue:

Using magic to turn up the thermostat when it’s freezing does not work. Even when angry.

After the first process was complete, we were then bombarded with black highlights to give us that spooooky, zombie look.

“Why blue,” you ask? You know, that’s a good question. I have no frelling clue. I never even bothered to ask. Yeah, I’m not very good at this. I do know that it’s the color Johnny Johnson uses for all three films, so there’s that.

And there’s this:

Blue Man Group, Wyoming chapter.

After make-up was complete, and the “guts” to be used for the day’s filming had been mixed together, we were on our way to the shooting location. It was a fun shoot. The clouds above were threatening to dump upon us, but they backed off when I threatened them with threats. Our scene was shot rather quickly, and before we knew it, it was time to pack up and go home. And to wash off all that make-up that took hours to apply.

Overall, it was a fun experience. I look forward to this August, when the film premieres at the next Horrorfind convention. And I may even get another chance to get more screen time. The movie shoot runs through May, and I’ve been invited back to go through the whole experience again. I just might. I’ve been bitten by the “bug”, and now I’ve got the fever… or maybe that’s the infection.

Brains?

The Don just died in your arms tonight. Must have been something he ate.

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