Greetings, Choppers!!

The end of summer is upon us!  And with the changing of the seasonal guard, so does my summer series prepare to exit, stage right.

But, I wanted to end “The Don Remembers” with a bang.  Or at least, with a lame crazy stunt no one will notice.  So, as my final offering to you all, I will be going… live!

Well, not really.

What I will be doing is spending this installment on my couch, watching that awesome love letter to those who lived the eighties – Hot Tub Time Machine.  During the course of my film viewing, I will be doing a regular commentary – highlighting each bit of eighties nostalgia I come across and sharing my own, brief thoughts on it.  As I do so, I will also time stamp each comment, so that anyone who wishes to do so can follow along on their own.

Yeah, like that would happen.

So without further ado…  I present to you Hot Tub Time Machine…

Oh, and it’s the unrated version (more nudity for me!)…

Okay… here we go:

00:01:30  The dog’s name is Bono.  Like the lead singer of U2.  Once upon a time, he was just an Irish lead singer in a great band in the eighties.  Now…

00:02:36  John Cusack is in the house!!!  Literally, he just walked into his house.  One of the pioneers of eighties teen comedies.  This man has managed to still have a great career.  One of my all-time favorite actors.

00:04:47  Firebird Trans-Am!!!  One of the finest automobiles of the 1980s.  Introduced in the seventies by Smokey and the Bandit, the Trans-Am became an icon throughout the early to mid-eighties.  Not, my favorite, however.  That distinction would go to K.I.T.T. a year or two later.

00:05:01  Mötley Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home”!  One of the greatest ballads to come out of the eighties from a hair metal band.  I frikkin’ love this song.

00:10:43  Just realized… John Cusack always seems to play characters that get dumped.

00:12:45  Clark Duke just referenced Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.  That movie scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid.

00:13:54  Crispin Glover!!  Marty McFly’s dad as a bellhop!  From one time travel movie to another.  Turns out, he was cast for this film for just that reason.  Well, one of the reasons.  And it appears he’s doing a variation of “Hey you, get your damn hands off her!”

00:17:15  The hot tub looks like it’s filled with Michelob, a popular beer in the eighties.

00:18:37  Ronald Reagan and George Bush Sr. masks.  Once upon a time in the eighties, that was our President and Vice, respectively.  Reaganomics!!  Remember when Patrick Swayze robbed banks wearing presidents’ masks in Point Break?

00:19:46  Ah, the ski resort.  A common backdrop in eighties comedies.  South Park did a great parody of that trope a couple of seasons ago.

00:20:12  Fluorescent colors!!!  Man, who thought that was acceptable to wear??

00:20:27  Another Crüe song – “Kick-Start My Heart”.  Crüe was king of the hair bands…

00:21:21  Enter the staple of all eighties coming-of-age comedies – the bully.  Two of them, in fact.  Usually in a position of authority, and usually full of douchebaggery.

00:21:31  Speaking of douchbags… “Hey, look – it’s the douchebag from Karate Kid III.”  What an awful film, sullying what were two great predecessors.

00:22:02  OMG – fur boots.  Run for your life.  We have finally captured and killed bigfoot, and made him into footwear.

00:22:08 Eighties overload in 3-2-1 (Contact)…

00:22:10  More bright colors!  And an eighties tune I hear playing in the background that I can’t remember the name of.  I fail.  Commentary over.

00:22:18  Acid-wash jeans.  I owned a couple of these… I’m afraid to admit.

00:22:21  Ah… those weird sunglasses that looked like open blinds…  Never had a pair.  Even I thought they looked stupid, and impractical.

00:22:29  Giant, portable phones.  Only the rich had them because the “plans” were so expensive.  The crappy spin-off That 80s Show tried to do this same gag.  It failed.

00:22:37  “I want my two dollars!”  A direct quote and homage to the aforementioned Better Off Dead, just as Cusack in onscreen.  Love it.  Great movie.  The original line comes from a paperboy who is… a tad overzealous about getting paid for his deliveries…

00:22:40  S-S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y… “The Safety Dance”!  Love this song.  Great eighties staple.

00:22:45  Jheri curl and smoking in public establishments.  Two tastes that go great together.  No, they don’t.

00:22:50  David Bowie does a promo bumper for MTV… “I want my MTV!”  So, do I, Jareth… So do I…

00:22:53  The Bill Cosby sweater…  The Cosby Show was actually pretty funny.  And a cigarette machine.  No carding required…

00:22:57  Too hot for the hot tub!!

00:22:59  Miami Vice – Popular cop show for its time… and a fashion trendsetter.  That’s partly where all the bright colors came from.  Thanks, Don Johnson.

00:23:03  Poison – another hair metal band from the eighties.  The debate was always which was better – them or Crüe.  I was always for Crüe.

00:23:07  Madonna on the cover of SPIN magazine… back when she was hot and I wanted her badly… In the background, a CHOOSE LIFE T-shirt, popularized by George Michael when he was in the band WHAM!  There are a lot of CAPITALIZED WORDS in this comment.

00:23:10  ALF!!!  (More capitalizations.)  I loved that show.  Was so pissed when NBC cancelled it right after a major cliffhanger.  It would not be the first or last time they did that crap.

00:23:15  Reagan again… trying to talk his way out of something…

00:23:19  Super Mario Bros.!!!!  One of the greatest arcade games of all time!  That was my joint!  Was one of the first hits to come out of the video game fallout of 1983…

00:23:20  The Cuban Missile Crisis… I think.  My history isn’t up to snuff.  I know, shame on me.

00:23:21  Cyndi Lauper.  Strange, fun, and sexy in her own way…  Love her music… and Pete Townshend during his solo days from The Who…

00:23:22  Col. Oliver North… had a shredding party… while Adam Ant sung about “Goody Two-Shoes”.

00:23:23  The old Apple II computers… everyone at school seemed to have one… but me.  I eventually got a Commodore 64.

00:23:24  Sony Walkman!  I had that exact color and model.  I’m actually glad we got out of the cassette era.

00:23:27  Nu Shooz – “I Can’t Wait”.  One of my favorite eighties songs of all time.

00:23:35  Legwarmers.  I actually never got the reason for these.

00:23:37  “Where’s the Beef?”  Classic slogan for Wendy’s.  That old lady was a hoot when she would spout that line.  She’s dead now.  (Ooh!  Too soon?)

00:23:41  Michael Jackson – before the charges, before the color change… he was just about the music.  I love “Thriller”.

00:24:10  Whew!  That was a a lot of stuff…

00:24:55  “Eddie Lives” T-shirt from Iron Maiden, Fishbone T-shirt… one of these bands I actually listened to.  And an old school tape recorder…  Ah, the stuff we would record on those things.

00:25:15  1986… I was eleven and in the sixth grade…

00:25:27  Timecop – not a bad Jean-Claude Van Damme flick.  Creative time travel ideas.

00:25:40  A mullet, a feathered hairstyle, and a hi-top fade walk into a bathroom…I wore two out of three of these.

00:26:27  Cocaine – the drug of the eighties.

00:27:20  The Terminator – James Cameron’s first admitted flick.  One of the best sci-fi/horror films out there.

00:28:03  Enter Chevy Chase.  He had a great career in the eighties… well, at first.  Luckily, this movie and the show Community have finally brought him back from obscurity.  Now, if only we could get Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy back, too.

00:31:06  AIDS.  ‘Nuff said.

00:32:48  “What You Need” by INXS.  I used to think it was pronounced The Ink-sez.

00:33:34  Wine coolers… the alcoholic beverage of the eighties.

00:35:49  “Modern Love” by David Bowie.  I liked some of his stuff, but really didn’t get into his music until much later.

00:36:56  Look at all the eighties cars…

00:37:04  Synthesizer!  I keep saying – we need to bring synthesizers back into music.

00:37:12  Keytar!  This goes double for the Keytar.

00:37:50  Jordans… a shoe that I never owned by a basketball star that I never watched play.

00:38:45  “Push It” by Salt n Pepa… not really my bag.

00:40:00  Denim skirts… those have actually come back.  I kind of like them on the ladies.

00:42:30  So much great music in this flick – “Obsession”, by Animotion.  Another one of my favorite songs from that decade.  I remember roller skating to that song.

00:44:03  “I Wanna Know What Love Is”, by Foreigner.  I love me some Foreigner…

00:48:48  Rocky IV, Rambo III, Red Dawn.  The testosterone in this room is overwhelming.

00:48:49  Yep.  People used to wear their polos with the collars up.  Embarrassing.

00:48:58  “Wolverines!!”

00:49:19  21 Jump Street.  I loved that show.  Aired on the fledgling Fox network and launched the career of Johnny Depp.

00:50:05  Break-up notes SUCKED.

00:51:11  More Crüe – “Keep Your Eye On the Money”.  I think Crüe is the main sponsor of this film.

00:51:23  Manimal.  Eighties show about a guy who could turn into animals.  I never liked it.  I loved Automan, about a guy created from the computer.

00:51:36  Denver vs. Cleveland.  I never watched sports as a kid.  Still don’t.  Sci-Fi/Fantasy all the way.  If it doesn’t have a plot, I’m not interested.

00:51:53  Cutting Crew – “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight”.  I’ve always been a ballad man, and this is one of my favorites.

00:52:26  Break-up poetry.  I was a hopeless romantic in high school.  I wrote a lot if this stuff.  Still have some of it somewhere.  Man, is it awful.

00:54:51  “Let me ask you something McFly.”  From William F-ing Zabka, the guy who made a short-lived career out of playing douchebags in movies like The Karate Kid and Back to School God-bless his douchebaggery ways…

00:55:13  “Bring it on, Spader.”  That would be a reference to James Spader, another actor who played creepy characters in eighties flicks.

00:58:50  “True” by Spandau Ballet plays during a scene that’s a throwback to the final scene in Sixteen Candles with Molly Ringwald – the eighties’ go-to girl for a red head sweetheart.  Man, I hate the song “True”.

01:01:55  Ugh.  Tiger striped pants.  More horrors in eighties fashion.

01:03:29  The punk rock movement and shoulder pads for women’s clothing – two things that do not go together.

01:05:10  The permed, overdone hair the chicks are sporting is outrageous… and I still like it.

01:06:48  Butchering a George Michael song… not cool…

01:06:54  But, doing a Rick Springfield song right…  Too bad the other guy with the word “spring” in his name got the better career.

01:07:22  OOH!  I spy a Back to School poster!  How meta!  And a Last American Virgin poster – the most depressing teen comedy of the eighties.

01:08:06  Another riff on Back to the Future – Nick bringing the future of music to the youth of the past… works out better for him than for Marty.

01:11:06  Crimped hair.  Wow.

01:16:45  Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines in a movie about ballet dancers… and effort to send a message about the Cold War… in a non-manly fashion.

01:30:23  Winding down with The Talking Heads’ “Once in a Lifetime”.  Same as it ever was.

01:32:45  And… in what is a complete departure from eighties time travel flicks – the characters don’t actually just face their issues and learn a valuable lesson while coming to grips with their situation, leaving it as it is.  No, these guys ACTUALLY DO THE COOL THING AND CHANGE THE FUTURE FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT.  Oh, and learn a lesson, too.

01:33:21  And now, we end this long commentary with a slightly altered version of the music video from Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home”.  Love this song.

And that about wraps it up for this lengthy, final installment of “The Don Remembers”.  I actually managed to stretch an hour and forty-five minute movie to a three hour writing exercise, and I prolly missed a bunch of stuff.  Still, it was a blast.  My apologies for putting you all to sleep, and I’ll meet you all back here next week with a return to form for “The Office of the Don”!  Goodnight!

The Don is on his way… he’s on his wayeee…  Bed, sweet bed…

Greetings, Forever Knights!!

By the time I had gotten to that one year and a half of college I took many moons ago, my musical tastes included four different Swedish bands or groups – ABBA (thanks to my Humanities professor’s obscene insistence that any free time in the auditorium had to be filled with the palindromed band’s melodies), Ace of Base (yes, I got sucked into it.  No, I don’t regret it), Yaki Da (produced by one of the members of Ace of Base, but never went anywhere in the US), and Roxette.  Of the four, only one can hold the distinction of being the first and the longest to last, to the point where I still listen to them regularly even to this day – Roxette.

It would be in the late eighties – sometime in 1988 to be exact, that I would hear their first hit single: “The Look”.  A catchy fusion of pop and rock, I would constantly be on the lookout for anywhere this song might get airplay – radio, MTV (back when MTV still played these cool things called “music videos”, some mix tape someone might happen to be playing (back when you could rip songs off of the original media to create your own custom-made life soundtrack without even an batted eyelash from faceless, corporate big-wigs).  The song was the closest I got to rocking out at the time (I know, I was a wuss in junior high… and senior high… and college… and currently as an adult), and I relished every moment when both the male lead and female lead (Per Gessle and Marie Fredriksson) would jam together, either with rocking harmonies or while tagging each other on single leads.  By the time their next couple of singles came out (“Dressed for Success and “Listen to Your Heart”), I knew I had to get the album on cassette (back when music was put on magnetic tape).  “Dressed for Success” capture the same energy I liked from “The Look”, while “Listen to Your Heart” appealed to the hopeless romantic I was from seventh grade up to… what time is it right now?

When I finally got that album, I played the hell out of it, memorizing every note and lyric.  It was the first album I owned that didn’t contain a single song that I didn’t like.  I went through batteries on my Walkman like crazy (back when Sony was the top maker of portable music players).  And as is usually customary for an angsty teen who has found his musical muse, I thought ever song was about me.

Over the course of the next few years, I would pick up each and every album Roxette put out – Joyride, Tourism, and finally Crash! Boom! Bang! The last one I had to buy twice – the first copy I bought was part of a special music deal that McDonalds had with select bands (back when you could eat McDonalds without thinking about how bad it is for you).  Unfortunately, the version of Crash! that the McD was selling only contained select singles from the full album.  Irritated and jonesing for my fix, I went to my local Camelot Music (back when the store existed), and special ordered the full album.

Sadly, Roxette fell off the radar in the US right after Crash! came out, and I thought that that would be the last release I would ever hear from what became my favorite band of all time.  They sang the soundtrack of my life.  Every note they played, every note they sang, described every high and low I was going through during my young life.  And suddenly, there would be no more.

Well, it turned out that Roxette kind of faded out in general after Crash! But they weren’t down for the count.  It would be another five years after that album, but they came back with a slightly updated sound with Have a Nice Day in 1999.  By that time, I was almost done with my four years of Air Force service, and still kind of a wuss when it came to music.  The new album didn’t make it to the states, unfortunately.  Luckily for me, there was this thing called the internet just starting to make a name of itself (back when most people had to tolerate a series of screeches just to connect through a phone cable).  On a lazy day (which was probably every day), I decided to look up the band I still held a candle for.  And lo and behold, I discovered this new chapter of my soundtrack just beckoning me to order it from their website.

So I did.

It certainly wasn’t the same guitar-pop I was used to.  The band instead offered a more dance mix kind of sound.  I didn’t hate it, but I missed the guitar licks and perfectly blending vocals of the earlier albums.  It would also be the first album that contained a song or two of theirs I didn’t like.  Still, over time I would come to love this album just like all the rest, adding these musical narratives to the growing soundtrack of my life.

One more album would be released by Roxette in 2001 – Room Service.  This album seemed to be the meshing of the two sounds that Roxette had come to embody – dance and pop-rock.  I found myself enjoying this album more than the last, as I felt that the band finally found a perfect balance in their music.

Sadly, that album was the last one we’ve gotten, since Marie Fredriksson fell ill to a brain tumor in 2002, just over a year after the release of Room Service.  When I found out the news, I was hit hard.  The band that seemed to know my heart in and out, the band that I would easily listen to over any other, was hit by such a major blow.  I played their music almost all of the time after I found out, almost as if – in some way – I was sending my best wishes across the ocean to the female half of the band that I also considered my musical soul mate.

Fortunately, the operation Marie had to remove the tumor was a success.  She managed to survive, but did suffer some disabilities.  But despite the impairments, she hasn’t quit making music.  After releasing a couple of solo albums following her recovery over the past couple of years, she and Per made an announcement earlier this year that they were working on some more material together.  Originally, Gessle wouldn’t directly state if it was a new Roxette album, but he left a number of hints.  He has since mentioned that a new single is due out in December, with a new album expected next February.

I still continue to listen to Roxette all the time.  Since their last album, my tastes have expanded a bit, and I have picked up quite a few other favorite bands.  But time and time again, Roxette is always at the core.  If I can’t figure out what I want to listen to – Roxette.  If I’m feeling a particular, emotional high or low that I think only one band can understand – Roxette.  They are the band that has gotten me through most of my entire life.

And come February – if there be a new album, you can guarantee it will be played non-stop for a long time.

The Don loves the sound of crashing guitars.

Greetings, Boxcar Children!

I’m kind of taking the week off (but not really) since my birthday is this weekend.  That’s right, everyone – The Don wasn’t actually created in a test tube or grown in the forest of Pernalia.

Nope, I am 100 percent pure, old fashioned, home-grown human. Born free. Right here in the real world.

So, to celebrate being on this ball of rock and water for thirty-five revolutions around the sun, I’m going to list a couple of great geekeries that came out Anno Donini:

Jaws

One of the greatest horror films of all time, and the movie that put director Steven Spielberg on the map.  This movie’s influence was so impressive, that it literally forced an entire generation to rethink going “back into the water” (yes, I know that’s from Jaws 2, but I’m making a point).  With an impressive cast, the perfect amount of tension, and a cunning play on our fears, Jaws managed to work despite the fact that the shark quite often didn’t.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

The film that started a cult phenomenon (doot-doo doo-doo-doot!).  Already a stage show by this time, the film opened to lackluster success.  But over time, Rocky Horror became something more.  Now known as the longest-running theatrical release in history, the movie continues to be shown regularly all over the world.  It’s even spawned its own culture.  Impressive for a movie about a guy wearing fishnets.

Betamax

Ah, poor Betamax – the little videotape that couldn’t.  Sony introduced the first home video system using this technology in 1975 with a price tag of over $2000.  Sadly, this would lead to the first in many “format wars” that would occur over the next thirty-five years.  Despite a higher quality in picture and sound, Beta’s smaller capacity caused it to lose to VHS (also, the porn industry chose VHS over Beta).  But in an interesting twist, most news channels around the country that haven’t gone full digital still use Beta tapes.

Musical Notes

Alice Cooper releases his first solo album – “Welcome to My Nightmare”, a concept album that takes the listener through the nightmares of a boy named Steven.  The stage show is considered one of the biggest stage spectacles of that decade.  And Drew Struzan, most notable for his movie poster work, designs the album cover.

Iron Maiden forms.  My friend Dan Taraschke, still a toddler at the time, starts rocking out for what seems like no reason.  He would find out later in life what exactly happened, helping to form the metal man he would one day become.

Peter Gabriel leaves Genesis.  Oddly, both end up doing better career-wise.  Fans of the original line-up are still butt-hurt to this day.

Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” hits number one in the charts.  Wayne’s World fans have to wait seventeen years to find out what all the hubbub is about.

The Pearly Gates

The Altair 8800 is released, introducing the first microcomputer.  Bill Gates and Paul Allen develop the programming language BASIC and start a little company that, for some reason, never went anywhere called Micro Soft.  I wonder what happened to those guys.

“Live, From New York…”

Saturday Night Live debuted in October under the name “NBC’s Saturday Night”.  Featuring a much looser format, the show featured its original “Not Ready for Prime Time Players” in comedy skits that poked fun at pop culture, politics, and pretty much everything else, as well as more musical segments, stand up, and even a segment that featured new Muppets created by Jim Henson.  The first episode was hosted by comic legend George Carlin, with first appearance by Andy Kaufman.  The show continues to this day, much to the surprise of a lot of people.

Blip…Blip…

Atari released its first console game through Sears – PONG!  My parents actually owned one of the original consoles, and at the time it was some innovative stuff.  Of course, attention spans were a lot longer back in the seventies, so a game where a white dot bounces back and forth between two white lines could entertain someone for quite a long time.  Nowadays, anything less than tons of blood, boobs and hundreds of hours of gameplay is considered a baby’s toy.

That’s all I got for this week.  Yes, I know there are probably plenty more I could have included, but these are the ones that stand out most to me.  Oh, and as an added bonus, you can now find me on movie website CHUD!  I’ve recently been taken on as one of the official CHUD Bloggers, so if you can stomach more than a dose of me a week, you can find more entries there.  In fact, I already have an entry up this week!

Now, as the thirty-five year old in me would say – “Get off my lawn!”

The Don needs a warm glass of milk and a nap.

For those of you who are tired of the oversaturation of zombie flicks and feel like the current vampire trend has become vacuous and pedantic, I have encouraging news.

The werewolf film may be re-marking its territory.

Yes, I know that werewolves have already reared their heads in the forgettable, if not horrible Twilight franchise.  But that wasn’t technically a werewolf movie.  It was a movie about raping your face for two hours at ten bucks a pop.

I’m talking about honest-to-Cthulhu werewolves: ferocious creatures that serve as a metaphor for the insatiable beast that exists in all of us (except for Carl – he’s just a disappointment), but also amuse us with blood spray.  Sadly, it’s been quite some time since we were genuinely treated to a great werewolf flick.  Your tastes may vary, but most folks have to go back as far as the 80s before they can even think of one lycanthrope movie of any serious quality.  For some reason, werewolves seem to be a difficult topic to build a movie around.

But, I think there’s a moonlight at the end of the tunnel.  Universal’s new remake of The Wolf Man is definitely a pounce in the right direction.  Based on the 1941 monster film with Lon Chaney, Jr., this reimagining manages to invoke the spirit of the original classic while adding a dash of Hammer Films’ The Curse of the Werewolf.  The result is a fun and thrilling ride with a wonderful gothic atmosphere that manages to make you feel like you’re watching a new installment in the old Universal series.

I will admit right to your face that I’m a big fan of the old Universal monsters, with The Wolf Man being my favorite.  From Lon Chaney’s first foray into the fur to Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man to even the still-hilarious Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, I’ve been fascinated by the lupine creature.  So, I got quite excited when Universal first announced this remake, despite the soulpunch the studio gave me with that craptastic mess called Van Helsing a few years back.

Though the production was troubled almost from the beginning due to a change in directors, soundtrack swaps, and numerous reshoots, the solid script managed to remain enough of a stable base to give us a solid little film.  The biggest aspect of the movie that will slap you in the face (in a good way) as soon as that first reel starts spinning is the atmosphere.  Like I said above, the gothic tone being given off by the Victorian era setting sets the backdrop beautifully.  Combine that with the muted colors on display, and you almost think you’re watching the black and white classic.  This was actually one of my favorite elements of the film.

Then there’s the score.  Originally, The Wolfman was supposed to be set to a rock score.  I’m certainly glad it wasn’t, as that would have completely killed the mood set by the rest of the film.  As it is, we get yet another twitch of the baton from Mr. Danny Elfman, whose score isn’t as overwhelmingly Elfmannish as we’re used to.  But I think this is a plus in this case, as this movie really calls for something more atmospheric, which I think Elfman does well here.

As for the acting, everyone brings their A-game to the party.  Benicio Del Toro is practically channeling Lon Chaney, Jr. in his performance.  Hopkins chews every bit of scenery he’s in, but that’s always a good thing.  Hugo Weaving’s portrayal of Inspector Abberline (famous for the real life investigation of the Jack the Ripper murders) made me grin from ear to ear as he displayed his smug chutzpah to every character that got in his path.  And though her character seemed to be the weakest link in the film, even Emily Blunt was able to deliver a good performance.

I know one of the major upheavals that came about during production was the fact that Rick Baker’s marvelous make-up effects were not going to be used for the werewolf transformation sequences.  I was extremely disappointed when I heard this, as Baker is a master at this craft.  Heck, one of the reasons he asked to be a part of the film was so he could design these sequences.  Sadly, Universal decided to go with CG for the transformations instead.  I have to admit, I was not impressed when I caught glimpses of them in the trailer.  But, I was pleasantly surprised by how they looked in the final film.  With the right lighting (i.e. dark), I could hardly tell that it was CG at all.  Then there’s the best news of all – Baker’s designs for Del Toro’s final Wolf Man form were kept in unhindered.  And damn, does he look awesome!  Director Joe Johnston knew exactly how to play it, too – flashes of creature throughout the film until we get to see him full on at the end.  Johnston got it, and the viewers were rewarded.

Lastly, there’s the gruesome factor.  One of the things that the original Wolf Man loses on me with subsequent revisits is its lack of real savagery.  As a kid the Wolf Man scared the bejeezus out of me.  With his intense gaze and his rabid snarls Chaney was able to put the wiggins on a boy.  As an older geek, however, the ferocity on display is quite bland.  All Chaney ever really does is grab people while snarling, and maybe occasionally bite a dude away from the camera.  Don’t get me wrong – I still love the flick.  It transcends beyond what it loses as the viewer gets older.  It’s just that the scares aren’t scares anymore, but more like classic thrills in the vein of that kiddie roller coaster that you still enjoy riding from time to time.

Now, you want a Wolf Man movie with bite?  And not just bite – I’m talking eviscerating, lip smacking, flesh-tearing bite.  This film has got it.  Talbot’s beast does his fair share of all of the above, and then some.  And I love it.  There were some pretty gruesome kills in this flick, and I cackled with glee at every one of them.

Now, is this a perfect film?  No.  It definitely has some flaws.  The character development between Talbot and Gwen is kind of weak and feels rushed.  The plot stumbles a couple of times as well.  Talbot’s trip to the asylum in London felt more like a sidetrack to the main story, but at the same time it set up one of my favorite sequences in the film.  I mean, who doesn’t want to see the Wolf Man rooftop-hopping in the light of the full moon in Victorian-Age London?

Despite these flaws, the movie pulls you in and along for the ride.  Like Avatar, you find yourself living and breathing in the environment while getting wrapped up in the events as they unfold on one Lawrence Talbot.  I found myself enjoying it so much, I’m planning on going back to the theater to see it again.

I know that Universal is planning on resurrecting the rest of their creature pantheon as well.  If this movie is a sign of things to come, we may be finding ourselves emerging into a new era of Universal Monsters.

Van Helsing be damned.

The Don was drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s.  His hair was perfect.

Greetings, Station!

The other day I was listening to the Tenacious D song “Beezleboss (The Final Showdown)” from the soundtrack to Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, a movie which no one saw (as evidenced by the abysmal box office numbers).  Despite its lower-than-lackluster performance, I found the film to be a fun romp in the spirit of the rock band misadventure movies of old.  And being a fan of Tenacious D itself (comprised of Jack Black and Kyle Gass), it was only natural that I picked up the soundtrack to the film.  While it isn’t as good as their first album, “PoD” still contains plenty of little musical gems.  One of my favorites is the afore-mentioned “Beezleboss”.

The song retells a slightly altered version of the story regaled in the previous D song “Tribute” – JB and KG get involved in a “rock-off” with the Devil.  The stakes?  If The D wins, Satan must go back to Hell… and he has to pay Jack and Kyle’s rent.  If Beelzebub wins, he gets to take KG back to Hell with him to be his slave (and not the indentured servitude kind, either).

With the stakes in place, the rock-off commences.  Satan begins with an epic, dark mass of metal proportions.  Tenacious D reciprocate with a fairly inspirational effort, but to no avail.  The Devil wins and prepares to take Kyle back to his domain for eternity.

But wait!  At the last minute, Jables intervenes, causing the Beezleboss to break off a piece of his own horn.  With that piece in Black’s possession, he is able to command the Devil to go back to Hell once more until he is “complete again”.

So, I’m listening to this song and the thought occurs to me – most tales that chronicle Ol’ Scratch competing for a mortal’s soul seem to paint him in the same manner in order to sell the message that good always triumphs over evil.  He’s almost always painted as an honor-bound entity that can be easily beaten by someone with enough talent, hard work, and moxie.

Wait, what?  Hold on a minute.  This is the same guy who had the molten stones to challenge The Big Man.  Sure, he lost and was cast out of St. Peter’s jurisdiction, but he obviously had enough power to challenge George Burns in the first place.  You don’t make such a bold gesture unless you know for certain that you got the Mana to do so.

Plus, Lucifer is also a master of deception.  He managed to fool the first man and woman with fruit.  The guy’s got some serious ad executive powers going on if he can sell a couple of nudists on foliage sweets.  Come to think of it, this isn’t all that different from the supernatural ability Steve Jobs has to convince people to buy things like iPads.

Wait… Steve Jobs… Apple…

Mind = blown.  Where was I again?

Oh yeah… So, The Dark Lord is obviously a master manipulator.  There’s a reason why he is called The Master of Lies – the guy uses words to confuse, deceive, delude, dupe, fool, gull, hoax, hoodwink, kid, snow, take in, trick, intrigue, machinate, plot, scheme, arrange, contrive, devise, finesse, mastermind, cheat, chisel, defraud, fleece, gyp, hustle, and swindle (thanks, Merriam-Webster!).  He’s always in it for his own ends and he does whatever is necessary to get what he wants.

This means that there is no way in Hell (pun intended) anyone like Charlie Daniels or Ralph Macchio could ever hope to defeat him in a one-on-one.  It doesn’t matter how hard you try or how much spirit you poured into your efforts.  The Devil can say whatever he wants.  He could play two plunky chords off- key while you play Vivaldi backwards with your butt cheeks.  He’ll declare himself the winner no matter what.  It’s what he does.  Say goodbye to your soul, Karate Kid, because no amount of Crane Kicks or Drum Techniques or Lipton Brisk Iced Tea will save you from spending an eternity waxing on and waxing off The Prince of Evil.

Now, I’ll give “Beezleboss” some credit.  Despite the fact that the Source of All Evil adheres to a “demon code”, the song (as well as the final scene of the movie, which is where the song comes from) does finally illustrate that The D had no chance of winning a rock-off against The Dark One.  Even the “Real Ghostbusters” episode “Night Game” had a better understanding of how things should work when you compete against dark forces.  Granted, Winston was playing baseball against your more run-of-the-mill demons, but the ump still recognized that evil was free to cheat and play as dirty as it wanted (well, at least as dirty as a Saturday morning cartoon can get).  Of course, in the end good still won, despite the fact that the evil demons cheated the hell out of that game.

Don’t get me wrong.  I completely understand the intention behind the way these stories are told.  Triumph of the human spirit against the forces of evil and the belief that we are inherently good enough to conquer our own (metaphorical) inner demons is a popular trope that’s never going away.  As a society we need to be able to watch movies and television shows, listen to music, and read books and comics that remind us no matter what dark paths we go down or what nefarious entities we meet, we still have a chance and the power within us to punch old Beelz in the front-flow and scream “Adrian!” in triumph.

It’s just that every once in awhile I would like to see Mephisto with his Adamantium cup on.

The Don went down to Georgia.  Her mother didn’t approve.

Greetings, Noghri!!

I hope everyone had a great holiday and is having a wonderful New Year so far.  Let’s not forget that 2010 marks “The Year We Make Contact”.  Not sure what we’ll be contacting, but let’s hope it doesn’t involve turning Jupiter into a sun.

Now that the holidays are over it’s back to the old grind, which means I have returned to deliver my first “Office” of the new year!  Oddly enough, it’s a run-down of some of the cooler, geekier things I got for Christmas.

So as to avoid the funny stares, let’s just get started, shall we?

I actually made out pretty darn well this Christmas, but here are the highlights of my spoils that fit in more with the spirit of Spwug (make with the clicky to make biggy):

About a week before Christmas even arrived, I managed to order the latest re-offering from mattycollector.com – Skeletor.  Made from new molds and fully articulated, Mattel has been offering He-Man action figures based on the classic designs for over a year.  I wasn’t able to get these two when they were first offered in 2008, but I managed to snag them both over the past two months when they were re-offered.  The sculpts are incredible and each figure is based on a combination of the original cartoon design and the original figure design.  They’re a little pricey (about twenty bucks), so they’re only for the serious collector.  They usually offer one or two figures a month, but they sell out quickly.  This month they are offering a figure of a character that never saw plastic – Princess Adora.  You can bet I’ll be snatching up that one.

Another awesome offering from Mattel, these guys are based on the movie versions – not the cartoon counterparts.  I’ve been ordering them for the past couple of months.  The latest figure – Winston – came the same day as my Skeletor.  I almost have the entire team; only Venkman remains.  Bill Murray was the last of the original cast to sign off on his likeness, which is why his is the last of the four to be produced.  He should be available in February.  I can’t wait.  Now I just need to find my Real Ghostbusters figures and have a crazy crossover…

This game is so much fun to play, and I haven’t even started a new game on it yet.  Let me explain: when you first load up the game, it puts you in a practice area where you can just mess around.  For those not in the know, mess around means you can create almost any object by writing the word on the stylus screen based on a word database consisting of tens of thousands of words.  The object of the game is to create objects to solve puzzles.  I haven’t gotten to that part of the game yet, as I am too busy in the practice area creating God and then pitting Him against other people and creatures to see who would win.  So far, God wins every time… except against vampires.   They always manage to turn him.  Weird.  Still, I’m having so much fun with this game that I’m hoping to actually play it soon.

This.  For those of you that have read my Christmas articles, there is one particular memory that makes it Christmas for me over anything else – Mario.  Ever since I got that NES all those years ago, it seemed like every Christmas brought another adventure for the plumber boys to embark on.  No matter what console it was for, it just seemed like Super Mario Bros. and Christmas went hand in hand.  But for the past several years, things have been different.  Nintendo has been sparse with their Mario titles (sparse with any good titles, for that matter).  So, the past few holidays were surprisingly quiet on the coin block front.  Then this wonderful game revealed itself when I ripped off the wrapping.  Holy crap, it’s like I’m a kid again.  This game manages to hold up pretty darn well against what has come before.  With a mixture of SMB 3, World, and the most recent release for the DS, this game is extremely fun and challenging.  Add to it the ability to play up to four players simultaneously, and you have a game that will frustrate you as much as make you squee.

This came as a surprise to me.  I didn’t even know this book existed, and I’m a huge zombie fan.  Christmas carols with the lyrics altered to be about zombies.  It’s so campy, but at the same time it is beyond awesome.  Christmas 2010 – be ready, as I’ll be singing these all over the place.

Along with the Matty Collector figures above, this has to be the coolest geek collectible of 2009 – a Back to the Future Delorean that lights up and makes ten different sound effects from the movie.  I had ordered this through my comic shop, but my wife was nice enough to buy it out from under my nose so as to make it a prezzie for me.  This thing is sweet.  Almost everything that you can think of that should light up on the car in the movie lights up here – headlights, tail lights, dashboard, time circuits, flux capacitor, and – of course – the flux bands on the outside of the car.  This thing is incredible.  Sadly, there aren’t any action figures to go with it (at least not yet).  So, in order to make sure the car had a driver, I had to improvise:

That there would be Matt Tracker from M.A.S.K.  Not the original figure, mind you, but the limited edition figure that was made as part of the most recent (non-movie) G.I. Joe line.  I figured that since his last car had gull-wing doors he was worthy enough to take a spin through time.

Hopefully the rest of you out there had a holiday that visited just as much geekdom at you as I did.  Here’s to a new year and a fresh supply of Spwug for 2010.

I leave you with some disturbing developments that occurred in our LEGO Advent Calendar just after Christmas.  Let’s just say the negotiations apparently turned hostile:

Manny Bothans died to bring The Don this information.  Poor guy.

Seasons Greetings, Chipmunks and Chipettes!

As you’re reading this, it should be Christmas Eve.

Hang on…

Sorry.  I had to take a moment to laugh at the idea of anyone being around to read this on Christmas Eve.  But still, as part of the season of giving I feel it would be unfair of me if I didn’t offer up something to stick in your Spwugnerian stockings.  I’ve noticed that my last couple of holiday offerings were in the form of lists, and since old Kringle himself is a fan of checking such things twice I figured it would keep in the spirit of the season to do another as the last of my Christmas-themed articles for the year.

This time, I offer up my top five favorite Christmas songs:

5. “It’s Christmas All Over the World” – Sheena Easton

I’m a child of the 80s.  Most people know that.  Growing up, I had a HUGE crush on Sheena Easton – her voice, her Scottish accent, and her… hotness.  I will admit that I have a couple of her songs on my iPod.  So, when she did this little ditty for the film Santa Claus: The Movie, I knew I had to have it.  I really love this song.  It’s the epitome of 80s Christmas music – it’s an 80s ballad and a Christmas song all in one.

4. “Christmas Time is Here” – Vince Guaraldi

Christmas just isn’t Christmas without this timeless, holiday classic.  “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is one of my favorite Christmas specials, and both the vocal and instrumental version of this song immediately get me into the Christmas spirit.

3. “Christmas at Ground Zero” – “Weird Al” Yankovic

“Weird Al” is still one of my favorite artists to this day, and this song is still one of his best originals.  Combining yuletide festivities with nuclear Armageddon, this song manages to make me laugh every time I hear it.  This song has to be on my playlist; it just isn’t Christmas without it.

2. “Winter Wonderland” – The Eurythmics

Yeah, I know… I’m a sucker for 80s music, and that more than includes 80s Christmas music.  This is probably my favorite version of this holiday tune.  It’s just infused with so much energy.  Annie Lennox is clearly having a lot of fun, and it’s infectious.

1. “O, Holy Night” – Johnny Mathis

For me, Johnny Mathis is Christmas.  His Christmas music was a staple of our household growing up.  Every Christmas morning, my brother, sister, and I were awakened to the sounds of Johnny crooning his magical holiday tunes.  To this day, every time I hear one of his songs I feel like a kid again.  Because of how much I enjoy his entire collection, I had a hard time picking just one song to represent my number one.  In the end, I chose “O, Holy Night” simply because I think it is one of the best renditions of the song out there.  Johnny’s crescendo in the final notes of the song is just so powerful and touching, it gives me shivers.

And there you have it, folks – my last Christmas article for 2009.  I hope everyone out there has a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday.  For those that don’t celebrate, have a happy Friday.  Woot to the weekend!

I leave you with one last prezzie.  Remember the LEGO Advent Calendar?  Here it is in full glory, all its secret nooks and crannies revealed (make with the clicky to see it larger):

The Don we now our gay apparel, fa-la-la fa-la-la la la la…

Welcome to this week’s post of my Geek Journal!

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Sorry for the last of a post last week, I was following the standard holiday herd mentality and visiting family for Thanksgiving. I hope everyone reading this had a good Thanksgiving as well.

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While I was visiting said family, I was able to go see Mannheim Steamroller in concert again thanks to them having a show in Detroit on the Friday after Thanksgiving. I had managed to see them in my local area last year, but they chose not to come back this year (my bet it was the area’s traffic that did this). I had my mom join me for the concert and she enjoyed it as well.

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Gotten from an IRC chat that I spend time in, I give to you 25 Hilarious WiFi Network Names. Note that this may not be safe for work. It gave me the idea to set up an access point with the name “The Black Hole” and have it constantly dump all traffic sent to it.

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That’s all for this week’s post!

…congratulations to Richard and Katy, the supreme rulers of the Spwugniverse!!!!!

They are the essence of everything that is Spwug.  Without either of them, this site wouldn’t be here to bring you a daily dose of all things geek.

It was an honor and a privilege to witness the joining of these two forces of good.  They are my friends.  They are my family.  I am proud to be the head writer of something they envisioned, and I am proud to be a part of their lives.

My best wishes to both of you, Pocky Rich and Katy.  Here’s to bigger and greater things.  With your powers combined, anything is possible.

Greetings, Bugaloos!

Has there ever been a good Batman game?  Sure, there are one or two games that have come close.  Some folks really liked one of the various entries that came out for the early Nintendo or Sega consoles.  Others are huge fans of the arcade game that came out years ago based on the first Tim Burton film.  I, personally, really enjoyed Batman: Vengeance when it came out back in 2001 for the PS2.

But, much like what is going on currently in the comic books (SPOILER ALERT: Dick Grayson is the current Batman!), there’s a new Bat in Gotham…

…and this one is kicking ass and taking initials (it doesn’t have time to write down full names).

Batman: Arkham Asylum is to Bats what Spider-Man 2 was to ol’ Webhead himself – a game that makes you feel like you’re really playing as the character.  I mean, all of the tricks of the Bat-trade are here – gadgets that help you accomplish different tasks, Batman’s signature fighting moves.  There’s even a viewing mode you can switch to called “Detective Mode” that allows you to look for clues.  This is most likely the first time any video game has been able to effectively capture the detective side of our caped crusader.

Every little detail of this game is practically perfect.  Paul Dini, of “Batman: The Animated Series” fame, wrote the storyline for the game.  Kevin Conroy, Mark Hamill, and Arleen Sorkin return to voice Batman, Joker, and Harley Quinn, respectively.  The music, while not lifted from the show, is a perfect match for the atmosphere of the game.

The game begins with Batman showing up on the front doorstep of Arkham Asylum with a “gift” – the Joker, who had recently escaped (again).  The Dark Knight follows the guards as they escort his arch nemesis to his cell.  Unfortunately, it appears that the Joker allowed himself to get captured on purpose!  Having concocted an elaborate plan that sets himself free and puts him in charge of Arkham, the Joker locks everyone inside and sets all the inmates free!

What follows is a very Metroid-style adventure, pitting Bats against many angry thugs with a grudge, as well as some of his greatest villains.  All the while, Batman has to look for clues and secret passages in order to rescue the guards and circumvent different security measures that the Joker has put into place to stop our pointy-eared crimefighter.  Add to that an extra set of clues laid by the nefarious Riddler for Batman to solve, and you have a game that is extremely well-crafted and fun.

I had an absolute blast with this game.  In an unusual turn of events, I was actually able to finish story mode before I picked up Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 this week.  That’s not to say that the game is over.  There are several challenge maps to play through.  If you are a PS3 owner, this includes an exclusive challenge level where you take on “skeletons” while under the influence of Scarecrow’s fear gas.  The other sweet exclusive is the ability to play the challenge levels as the Joker.  The rest are just separate challenge stages where you have to either face of against several waves of thugs, or stealth levels where the object is to take everyone out one by one without getting caught.

Oh yeah – did I forget to mention that there is some element of Metal Gear Solid to the game as well?

That there’s what we call an “inverted takedown”, and it’s one of the many upgrades you can purchase as you play the game.

If there was one complaint I had with the game, it wouldn’t be with the game itself, but with the coding.  It appears that certain PS3 systems have a tendency to freeze up during game play.  I’ve done some research and found that this is a common occurrence, but it only seems to happen with the older systems.  The freezing got so frequent on mine that I eventually couldn’t even play it, as it froze up the minute I started to play.  Every time.  I ended up having to do a system restore to my PS3.  That didn’t eradicate the problem completely, but it did reduce it back to just once every one or two game hours of play.

Despite that frustration, I thoroughly enjoyed Arkham Asylum and have every intention of going back to it at some point, especially since there will be DLC coming with more challenge maps.

But first, I need to switch over to the Marvel Universe for a bit and get my Ultimate Alliance (2) on.

The Don is the terror that craps in the night.