Greetings, Choppers!!

The end of summer is upon us!  And with the changing of the seasonal guard, so does my summer series prepare to exit, stage right.

But, I wanted to end “The Don Remembers” with a bang.  Or at least, with a lame crazy stunt no one will notice.  So, as my final offering to you all, I will be going… live!

Well, not really.

What I will be doing is spending this installment on my couch, watching that awesome love letter to those who lived the eighties – Hot Tub Time Machine.  During the course of my film viewing, I will be doing a regular commentary – highlighting each bit of eighties nostalgia I come across and sharing my own, brief thoughts on it.  As I do so, I will also time stamp each comment, so that anyone who wishes to do so can follow along on their own.

Yeah, like that would happen.

So without further ado…  I present to you Hot Tub Time Machine…

Oh, and it’s the unrated version (more nudity for me!)…

Okay… here we go:

00:01:30  The dog’s name is Bono.  Like the lead singer of U2.  Once upon a time, he was just an Irish lead singer in a great band in the eighties.  Now…

00:02:36  John Cusack is in the house!!!  Literally, he just walked into his house.  One of the pioneers of eighties teen comedies.  This man has managed to still have a great career.  One of my all-time favorite actors.

00:04:47  Firebird Trans-Am!!!  One of the finest automobiles of the 1980s.  Introduced in the seventies by Smokey and the Bandit, the Trans-Am became an icon throughout the early to mid-eighties.  Not, my favorite, however.  That distinction would go to K.I.T.T. a year or two later.

00:05:01  Mötley Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home”!  One of the greatest ballads to come out of the eighties from a hair metal band.  I frikkin’ love this song.

00:10:43  Just realized… John Cusack always seems to play characters that get dumped.

00:12:45  Clark Duke just referenced Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.  That movie scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid.

00:13:54  Crispin Glover!!  Marty McFly’s dad as a bellhop!  From one time travel movie to another.  Turns out, he was cast for this film for just that reason.  Well, one of the reasons.  And it appears he’s doing a variation of “Hey you, get your damn hands off her!”

00:17:15  The hot tub looks like it’s filled with Michelob, a popular beer in the eighties.

00:18:37  Ronald Reagan and George Bush Sr. masks.  Once upon a time in the eighties, that was our President and Vice, respectively.  Reaganomics!!  Remember when Patrick Swayze robbed banks wearing presidents’ masks in Point Break?

00:19:46  Ah, the ski resort.  A common backdrop in eighties comedies.  South Park did a great parody of that trope a couple of seasons ago.

00:20:12  Fluorescent colors!!!  Man, who thought that was acceptable to wear??

00:20:27  Another Crüe song – “Kick-Start My Heart”.  Crüe was king of the hair bands…

00:21:21  Enter the staple of all eighties coming-of-age comedies – the bully.  Two of them, in fact.  Usually in a position of authority, and usually full of douchebaggery.

00:21:31  Speaking of douchbags… “Hey, look – it’s the douchebag from Karate Kid III.”  What an awful film, sullying what were two great predecessors.

00:22:02  OMG – fur boots.  Run for your life.  We have finally captured and killed bigfoot, and made him into footwear.

00:22:08 Eighties overload in 3-2-1 (Contact)…

00:22:10  More bright colors!  And an eighties tune I hear playing in the background that I can’t remember the name of.  I fail.  Commentary over.

00:22:18  Acid-wash jeans.  I owned a couple of these… I’m afraid to admit.

00:22:21  Ah… those weird sunglasses that looked like open blinds…  Never had a pair.  Even I thought they looked stupid, and impractical.

00:22:29  Giant, portable phones.  Only the rich had them because the “plans” were so expensive.  The crappy spin-off That 80s Show tried to do this same gag.  It failed.

00:22:37  “I want my two dollars!”  A direct quote and homage to the aforementioned Better Off Dead, just as Cusack in onscreen.  Love it.  Great movie.  The original line comes from a paperboy who is… a tad overzealous about getting paid for his deliveries…

00:22:40  S-S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y… “The Safety Dance”!  Love this song.  Great eighties staple.

00:22:45  Jheri curl and smoking in public establishments.  Two tastes that go great together.  No, they don’t.

00:22:50  David Bowie does a promo bumper for MTV… “I want my MTV!”  So, do I, Jareth… So do I…

00:22:53  The Bill Cosby sweater…  The Cosby Show was actually pretty funny.  And a cigarette machine.  No carding required…

00:22:57  Too hot for the hot tub!!

00:22:59  Miami Vice – Popular cop show for its time… and a fashion trendsetter.  That’s partly where all the bright colors came from.  Thanks, Don Johnson.

00:23:03  Poison – another hair metal band from the eighties.  The debate was always which was better – them or Crüe.  I was always for Crüe.

00:23:07  Madonna on the cover of SPIN magazine… back when she was hot and I wanted her badly… In the background, a CHOOSE LIFE T-shirt, popularized by George Michael when he was in the band WHAM!  There are a lot of CAPITALIZED WORDS in this comment.

00:23:10  ALF!!!  (More capitalizations.)  I loved that show.  Was so pissed when NBC cancelled it right after a major cliffhanger.  It would not be the first or last time they did that crap.

00:23:15  Reagan again… trying to talk his way out of something…

00:23:19  Super Mario Bros.!!!!  One of the greatest arcade games of all time!  That was my joint!  Was one of the first hits to come out of the video game fallout of 1983…

00:23:20  The Cuban Missile Crisis… I think.  My history isn’t up to snuff.  I know, shame on me.

00:23:21  Cyndi Lauper.  Strange, fun, and sexy in her own way…  Love her music… and Pete Townshend during his solo days from The Who…

00:23:22  Col. Oliver North… had a shredding party… while Adam Ant sung about “Goody Two-Shoes”.

00:23:23  The old Apple II computers… everyone at school seemed to have one… but me.  I eventually got a Commodore 64.

00:23:24  Sony Walkman!  I had that exact color and model.  I’m actually glad we got out of the cassette era.

00:23:27  Nu Shooz – “I Can’t Wait”.  One of my favorite eighties songs of all time.

00:23:35  Legwarmers.  I actually never got the reason for these.

00:23:37  “Where’s the Beef?”  Classic slogan for Wendy’s.  That old lady was a hoot when she would spout that line.  She’s dead now.  (Ooh!  Too soon?)

00:23:41  Michael Jackson – before the charges, before the color change… he was just about the music.  I love “Thriller”.

00:24:10  Whew!  That was a a lot of stuff…

00:24:55  “Eddie Lives” T-shirt from Iron Maiden, Fishbone T-shirt… one of these bands I actually listened to.  And an old school tape recorder…  Ah, the stuff we would record on those things.

00:25:15  1986… I was eleven and in the sixth grade…

00:25:27  Timecop – not a bad Jean-Claude Van Damme flick.  Creative time travel ideas.

00:25:40  A mullet, a feathered hairstyle, and a hi-top fade walk into a bathroom…I wore two out of three of these.

00:26:27  Cocaine – the drug of the eighties.

00:27:20  The Terminator – James Cameron’s first admitted flick.  One of the best sci-fi/horror films out there.

00:28:03  Enter Chevy Chase.  He had a great career in the eighties… well, at first.  Luckily, this movie and the show Community have finally brought him back from obscurity.  Now, if only we could get Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy back, too.

00:31:06  AIDS.  ‘Nuff said.

00:32:48  “What You Need” by INXS.  I used to think it was pronounced The Ink-sez.

00:33:34  Wine coolers… the alcoholic beverage of the eighties.

00:35:49  “Modern Love” by David Bowie.  I liked some of his stuff, but really didn’t get into his music until much later.

00:36:56  Look at all the eighties cars…

00:37:04  Synthesizer!  I keep saying – we need to bring synthesizers back into music.

00:37:12  Keytar!  This goes double for the Keytar.

00:37:50  Jordans… a shoe that I never owned by a basketball star that I never watched play.

00:38:45  “Push It” by Salt n Pepa… not really my bag.

00:40:00  Denim skirts… those have actually come back.  I kind of like them on the ladies.

00:42:30  So much great music in this flick – “Obsession”, by Animotion.  Another one of my favorite songs from that decade.  I remember roller skating to that song.

00:44:03  “I Wanna Know What Love Is”, by Foreigner.  I love me some Foreigner…

00:48:48  Rocky IV, Rambo III, Red Dawn.  The testosterone in this room is overwhelming.

00:48:49  Yep.  People used to wear their polos with the collars up.  Embarrassing.

00:48:58  “Wolverines!!”

00:49:19  21 Jump Street.  I loved that show.  Aired on the fledgling Fox network and launched the career of Johnny Depp.

00:50:05  Break-up notes SUCKED.

00:51:11  More Crüe – “Keep Your Eye On the Money”.  I think Crüe is the main sponsor of this film.

00:51:23  Manimal.  Eighties show about a guy who could turn into animals.  I never liked it.  I loved Automan, about a guy created from the computer.

00:51:36  Denver vs. Cleveland.  I never watched sports as a kid.  Still don’t.  Sci-Fi/Fantasy all the way.  If it doesn’t have a plot, I’m not interested.

00:51:53  Cutting Crew – “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight”.  I’ve always been a ballad man, and this is one of my favorites.

00:52:26  Break-up poetry.  I was a hopeless romantic in high school.  I wrote a lot if this stuff.  Still have some of it somewhere.  Man, is it awful.

00:54:51  “Let me ask you something McFly.”  From William F-ing Zabka, the guy who made a short-lived career out of playing douchebags in movies like The Karate Kid and Back to School God-bless his douchebaggery ways…

00:55:13  “Bring it on, Spader.”  That would be a reference to James Spader, another actor who played creepy characters in eighties flicks.

00:58:50  “True” by Spandau Ballet plays during a scene that’s a throwback to the final scene in Sixteen Candles with Molly Ringwald – the eighties’ go-to girl for a red head sweetheart.  Man, I hate the song “True”.

01:01:55  Ugh.  Tiger striped pants.  More horrors in eighties fashion.

01:03:29  The punk rock movement and shoulder pads for women’s clothing – two things that do not go together.

01:05:10  The permed, overdone hair the chicks are sporting is outrageous… and I still like it.

01:06:48  Butchering a George Michael song… not cool…

01:06:54  But, doing a Rick Springfield song right…  Too bad the other guy with the word “spring” in his name got the better career.

01:07:22  OOH!  I spy a Back to School poster!  How meta!  And a Last American Virgin poster – the most depressing teen comedy of the eighties.

01:08:06  Another riff on Back to the Future – Nick bringing the future of music to the youth of the past… works out better for him than for Marty.

01:11:06  Crimped hair.  Wow.

01:16:45  Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines in a movie about ballet dancers… and effort to send a message about the Cold War… in a non-manly fashion.

01:30:23  Winding down with The Talking Heads’ “Once in a Lifetime”.  Same as it ever was.

01:32:45  And… in what is a complete departure from eighties time travel flicks – the characters don’t actually just face their issues and learn a valuable lesson while coming to grips with their situation, leaving it as it is.  No, these guys ACTUALLY DO THE COOL THING AND CHANGE THE FUTURE FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT.  Oh, and learn a lesson, too.

01:33:21  And now, we end this long commentary with a slightly altered version of the music video from Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home”.  Love this song.

And that about wraps it up for this lengthy, final installment of “The Don Remembers”.  I actually managed to stretch an hour and forty-five minute movie to a three hour writing exercise, and I prolly missed a bunch of stuff.  Still, it was a blast.  My apologies for putting you all to sleep, and I’ll meet you all back here next week with a return to form for “The Office of the Don”!  Goodnight!

The Don is on his way… he’s on his wayeee…  Bed, sweet bed…

Greetings, Toxic Avengers!!

Valentine’s Day is coming up.  So, in honor of this day of hearts and cupids I should probably do some kind of article commemorating fatal romances in movies, dictating the top love triangles in comics, or listing the love ballads everyone says they hate but secretly love.

I’m not gonna do any of that.

Instead, I’m going to veer completely around that holiday of pinks and purples and make a beeline straight for the twenty-four hours (almost) everyone in the U.S. will be observing (theoretically) the day after: Presidents’ Day.

For my contribution to the day in which we acknowledge the efforts of our leading forefathers, I turn to a medium that – in this day and age – can almost be considered as American as baseball and apple pie.

Comic books.

Presidents have been portrayed in comic books almost as far back as the beginning.  From George Washington penning for an (extremely) early version of The Daily Planet to last year’s run of Obama appearances, every age of comics through the years has had a commander-in-chief show up at some point.  In some cases, especially during times of war, having the president appear in a comic book was a way to rally the morale of Americans, as well as to add some weight to a particular hero’s efforts.  If FDR was responsible for helping Captain America obtain the shield he’s known for today, it must be just and right.

But as much as comic creators like to herald our national leaders, they also sometimes throw our presidents into comics to serve in a satirical sense.  The result is that often our leaders are portrayed in a negative light.  The reason for this is simple: comics, like any other entertainment medium, are just as often used to deliver a message as well as entertain.  It is not uncommon for comic book writers to infuse their own views on politics, society, and pop culture into their stories.  Richard Nixon tends to be a perfect example of this, as you’ll see shortly.

So, here are a few of the more notable moments in comic book history when our nation’s presidents made an appearance, for good or for ill:

Richard Nixon: Watchmen

Might as well start with what is most likely the most well-known appearance of a U.S. president in comics history.  Unfortunately for ol’ Tricky Dick, his role in the award-winning series only expounded upon the less-than-stellar reputation he was forever stuck with after his resignation in the shadow of the Watergate scandal.  In Watchmen, Alan Moore creates an alternate 1985 where Nixon is still president, using him as a tool to portray a country that thinks it is invulnerable.  Moore’s take on how Nixon would eventually lead the country to nuclear war was his commentary against “power politics” and “Reaganism”, a statement that continues to resonate with anyone who picks up this powerful graphic novel.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Captain America

FDR appears to have been quite the busy guy in comic books… retroactively.  While not part of the original canon of these books, over the years FDR was retconned into playing a major role in a number of major comic book moments.  Not only did he play a major part in the creation of the Justice Society of America and the All-Star Squadron over at DC, in Marvel’s Captain America issue 255 he makes a cameo appearance to present Cap with his current, iconic shield.

Ronald Reagan: The Dark Knight Returns

Another negative portrayal of a U.S. leader, this time from the pen of Frank Miller.  Miller’s tale also takes place in an alternate reality.  This time, a much older Batman comes out of retirement to reclaim Gotham from being overrun with crime.  Coming out right around the same time as Watchmen, Miller wasn’t afraid to take the founder of “Reaganomics” head on (unlike Moore), portraying him as a slippery-tongued oaf who had only his own best interests at heart.

Ronald Reagan: Legends

Reagan again, only this time, the actor-turned-president was portrayed in a more sympathetic manner.  A semi-successful mini-series that told the story of a Darkseid operative turning the American public against superheroes, Legends featured a Reagan who was a little more reasonable in his decision-making.  Though he initially had to reluctantly issue an order to restrict superhero activity, The Gipper immediately rescinded that edict after the Martian Manhunter saved his life from an assassination attempt.

John F. Kennedy: Action Comics

Kennedy’s appearance in Action Comics issue 309 is distinctive for a couple of reasons – not only does play a major role in the story by teaming up with Superman, he also ends up being one of the few people the Man of Steel trusts with his secret identity.  Sadly, the timing of this issue couldn’t have been worse, though it is part of the reason why this appearance is so notable – Action Comics 309 came out a week after JFK’s assassination in Texas.

Now, before I get comments and e-mails about the bajillion examples I missed, keep in mind that I couldn’t list every single instance of one of our leaders making an appearance in a comic book.  After all of my research, these were the ones that kept popping up the most.  And, for the most part, I think they serve as worthy representatives of a comic book tradition that really shows no signs of letting up for as long as we have presidents in these United States.  And I’m sure that we’ll continue to see them portrayed both sincerely, as well as satirically.

Or we could just get Lex Luthor as president again.

The Don doesn’t get sworn in.  He gets sworn at.

Greetings, Ko-Dan Armada!

You may remember that last fall I brought you my picks for the fall television shows worth watching in the 2009-2010 season.

It’s not over yet.

U.S. networks like to do this little thing called “mid-season replacements”.  For the broadcast networks, this usually means they replace a show that’s been performing weakly in the fall in January with another show that’s been sitting in their coffers with the hopes that it will do better ratings-wise.  This is not only a big middle finger to the show being replaced, but is kind of a back-handed middle finger to the show doing the replacing, as the replacement show was considered not good enough to start in the fall season in the first place.

Cable networks, on the other hand, view mid-season shows a little differently.  Cable, in their efforts to compete with the “big dogs”, like to schedule many of their shows to start in the spring or summer and end in the fall or winter.  This is so they can pull in all the viewers that would most likely be watching repeats on the major networks.

What this causes is a kind of television symbiosis.  Everyone benefits, no one gets screwed over (except Conan).

I just happen to have two more picks for this television season, one from each category:

“Chuck”

What else can I say about this show?  I think I made my point clear last spring when I went out and bought a five dollar foot long at Subway in order to help keep this show on the air.  Turns out NBC let us believe that the ploy worked, and “Chuck” was renewed for a third season.  Unfortunately, NBC pulled a Monkey’s Paw on the fans and decided not to air it until March.

The television gods must also like five dollar foot longs, because suddenly – like an astromech droid suddenly popping off with a bad motivator – NBC suddenly decided a couple months ago to jettison a couple of their shows that they deemed to expensive or weak ratings-wise.  This paved the way for “Chuck” to have its premiere moved to January.  And there was much rejoicing (yaaaaaaay).

And so far, the show has continued to deliver.  With the main character’s abilities cranked up a notch, the show has also upped the ante character and plot wise.  Add to that some surprisingly impressive guests stars, and “Chuck” continues to be a solid, fun show to watch.

“Burn Notice”

I’ve written about this show before, as well.  When I did my first “Autumn” article last fall, one of the comments I received was that I forgot to include this show.  Not at all.  I just had to wait to include it since it is technically a mid-season series.

And what a series it is.  I managed to catch a random episode of this last year and I was hooked.  I was already about two and a half seasons behind, so I had a lot of catch-up to play.  I ended up marathonning the sucker.  Worth every hour of therapy.

This show continues to exhibit some really tight writing combined with a stellar main cast.  Everyone is simply a pleasure to watch do their thing.  Finding myself literally on the edge of my seat during every episode, “Burn Notice” has the perfect amount of tension, suspense, humor, and drama.  And I can’t mention this enough: it has Bruce Campbell.

With the way the current television climate is… okay, I’m sorry.  There’s just no way I can end this article that will be able to measure up to mentioning the Almighty Chin himself.  It’s impossible.  I just can’t do it.

So instead, I will let the man himself take us out:

The Don has… no.  No.  I just can’t do it.  Bruce Campbell!

Greetings, Koopa Troopas!

Last month I got to see the most recent iteration of what has become a classic staple of the holidays – A Christmas Carol.  I believe Krellion posted a review of the film here within the hallowed halls of Spwug.  I, myself, enjoyed the latest incarnation of the yuletide tale.  As far as the CGI was concerned, it was impressive – proof that technology continues to get consistently better with every attempt at completely rendering the human condition onscreen.  That combined with the 3-D aspect made for a very entertaining experience.

As for the story itself, I’ll admit that it didn’t quite make my top three favorite versions of A Christmas Carol.

Now, the fact that I even have a top three implies that I tend to watch A Christmas Carol a lot.  That would not be an incorrect assessment.  I love A Christmas Carol.  It is probably, by far, my favorite holiday story of all time.  If there be a version of it out there, I’ve seen it.  From Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol to An American Christmas Carol (with Henry Winkler!), I’ve seen almost every incarnation of this classic.

Why does this particular seasonal exemplum fascinate me so?  As some of you might already know, Charles Dickens originally wrote this narrative as a social commentary against industrial capitalism, based on the awful financial experiences that he and his family had to endure during his childhood, as well as the terrible conditions Dickens witnessed in his travels later in life.  For me, however, this story boils down to one, simple thing:

Redemption.

I’m a sucker for stories that involve a character’s journey into becoming a better person.  It’s one of the reasons I’m still a sucker for Return of the Jedi, despite Empire being the better film (that, and the fact that I’m still a fan of the Original Trilogy).  It’s also an aspect of character development that I love to include whenever possible in my own writings.  And A Christmas Carol is simply one of the best stories of redemption out there.  It’s so well-loved that the book has never gone out of print, and continues to get adapted in various formats every year.

Now, add to that character journey a dash of the supernatural element and you have a story that completely pulls me in.  Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve read the original work of fiction or how many different adaptations I watch in theaters or on TV, the story itself always feels fresh to me – like I’m experiencing it for the first time.  I eagerly travel through the narrative with our main character each time, cringing at his callous nature every time he utters his famous catchphrase, feeling moved with each revelation that penetrates though his thick skull and hardened heart, and sharing his exultation when he discovers that he has been saved from eternal damnation.  For me, experiencing A Christmas Carol every year is much like the excitement one might see in a child as he or she eagerly opens his or her gifts on Christmas morning.

Now, with all of that said, let me delight you with my top three favorite versions of A Christmas Carol.  This list only includes direct adaptations of the original tale.  Scrooged, although one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time, isn’t included because it plays with the mythos within its own universe:

3. A Christmas Carol (1938)

Starring Reginald Owen as the miser himself, this really isn’t the best adaptation out there.  In fact, this version ends up leaving a lot of the darker themes due to the fact that the studio at the time wanted to keep it as a family picture.  Despite its flaws, I find this to be my favorite of the old black-&-whites – even over the better and more popular film with Alastair Sim as Scrooge.  I think my reasons for liking this one so much can be boiled down to the simple facts that 1.) I found Owen to be far more gruff and convincing Scrooge than Sim, and 2.) This version seemed to air a lot more frequently where I grew up, so it became a regular part of my childhood Christmases.

2. A Christmas Carol (1984)

This made-for-television incarnation of the book was my favorite for the longest time, until my number one pick came out years later.  Starring George C. Scott as Ebenezer, this film also had the distinction of casting well-known British thesps David Warner (Time Bandits, Star Trek V) as Cratchit and Edward Woodward (The Equalizer, Hot Fuzz) as The Ghost of Christmas Present.  I loved this one especially because this one got especially dark and ominous during Scrooge’s first night when Marley comes calling, as well as when the last spirit torments him into redemption.  This was the first iteration I saw that actually got scary.  Plus, I love Scott’s performance as Scrooge.  Still, it can only hold a candle to my favorite adaptation:

1. A Christmas Carol (1999)

This one is, in my opinion, the best adaptation of the original Dickens tale hands down.  Another made-for-television movie, this version of Carol aired on TNT and starred Captain Jean-Luc Picard himself in the lead role.  Having already proven that he could do the whole story himself as a one man show, Patrick Stewart brought his master thespian bag to the table in this well-crafted TV movie.  This is the one that I refuse to miss each year, it’s just that damn good.  Every actor cast for the film brought their A-game to the table.  To this day, I still get choked up when The Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge the scene where his younger self’s fiancé absolves him of his vow to her.  Stewart’s Scrooge breaks down in a fit of regretful tears as he tries desperately to plead to his unhearing counterpart to “Go after her!”  His performance alone is enough to raise this version above all others, as well as make me want to see his one man performance of the material badly.

It has been a few years since a new attempt at A Christmas Carol has managed to usurp my previous favorite to become my new number one.  The latest CGI release wasn’t quite up to snuff, but that certainly doesn’t mean I won’t be adding it to my Blu-Ray pile come next Christmas.  I am a sucker for this tale, after all.

The Don got the biggest goose in all of London.  She didn’t do it for cheap.

Greetings, Kandarian Demons!

As I am sure you are all already well aware, Fox has cancelled “Dollhouse”.  And with that, another Joss Whedon creation meets an unfair and premature demise.

It’s unfortunate, really.  Joss has proven time and again that he has some damn good skills when it comes to making stuff up and putting it out there for the masses.  “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel” were both extremely popular and well-written shows, each of which managed to last at least five seasons.  Then there’s Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog – a whimsical internet sensation crafted by Whedon during the WGA writers’ strike back in 2008.  It ended up winning multiple awards, including an emmy.

So, it’s obvious that Joss makes good product.  That being the case, why is it that his last two returns to the small widescreen have each met with failure?  Let’s look at what both shows have in common:

Fox… and Fox.

The first show Joss brought to the 20^th Century jag-offs was that ingenious little sci-fi/western show called “Firefly”.  What made that show work was not just Whedon’s typical mastery of character and dialogue, but also his ability to deftly handle combining two widely different genres into one entertaining show.

Sadly, Fox mishandled this one from the beginning.  First pre-empting it several times with their coverage of the World Series, “Firefly” was stuck on Friday nights – the place where shows go to die.  And to add insult to injury, Fox didn’t even show the episodes in order.  Skipping the two-hour pilot that would have introduced all of the characters, as well as get viewers properly acquainted with Joss’ new universe, the nutwork instead went with the second episode.  This caused a lot of viewers, including me, to scratch my head as I tried to figure out who everyone was and why things were the way they were.  Fox continued to show the episodes out of order until they finally made the decision to pull the plug, refusing to even show the last couple of episodes.  The salt – airing the full two-hour pilot after the cancellation was announced.  That’s showing them, Fox!

And now we have history practically repeating itself.  Once again, Joss Whedon has the plug pulled on a show that had the potential to be great.  Now, I know that he first season of “Dollhouse” wasn’t quite as brilliant as his previous bodies of work.  In fact, the first half of season one was kind of dull, with characters that were difficult to invest in.  Joss’ signature repartee was there, but it felt forced and ill-fitting with this cast of players.  Part of the problem stemmed from the fact that none of these characters seemed to embody that balance of dour and humor.  They were mostly dark.

The blame for this doesn’t rest solely on Whedon’s shoulders, if it lies with him at all.  Once again, the Fawkes network stepped in and did their usual meddling.  First, they made Joss rewrite and/or reshoot several episodes.  Joss has admitted in interviews that the first half of season one was different than what he wanted.  This would explain why the second half seemed to improve.  Then the “Dollhouse” was put where the last Whedonshow died a miserable death – on Friday nights.  Ratings remained abysmal even when the better half of the show aired.

But then, something incredible happened.  Despite bad ratings, “Dollhouse” was renewed for a second season.  Could it be that Fox was finally realizing how badly it kept screwing over the guy who created Captain Tightpants?

Nope.  Sorry.  Just a slight ray of hope only to be extinguished as the network that didn’t understand “Herman’s Head” put “Dollhouse right back on Friday nights.  From there, things continued to go downhill for the show, until Fox made it official a few weeks ago that they were canceling it.  Oh, I know – the official announcement was only made last week.  But Fox made it clear by their actions first – through TV spots announcing that new episodes would not be airing until December, filling their slot with repeats of “House”.  And further, they made it known that they would burn off the rest of the episodes in December.  That’s pretty much preparing the rope for the gallows.

So, here we are… another Joss Whedon show has been canceled.  It’s unfortunate, as the second season was really starting to amp things up.  I stuck with the show through the muck and mire and found myself really starting to like it by the time I got to the most recent new episode.  But once again, Whedon and his fans find themselves back to the drawing board.  As we wait to see what genius he can pull of next and where it might turn up, Joss bides his time until he can put something new out there for everyone to enjoy.  Question is, where will it turn up?

I think he should go back to the web.  His craft seems to work better there.  His fans have unlimited access to his work, and his art seems to thrive in that environment.  There is money and success to be had there if you know how to approach it correctly, and I think Joss has already proven that he knows how to do that.

He certainly seems to have a better grasp on it than Fox.

The Don needs his handler.

…congratulations to Richard and Katy, the supreme rulers of the Spwugniverse!!!!!

They are the essence of everything that is Spwug.  Without either of them, this site wouldn’t be here to bring you a daily dose of all things geek.

It was an honor and a privilege to witness the joining of these two forces of good.  They are my friends.  They are my family.  I am proud to be the head writer of something they envisioned, and I am proud to be a part of their lives.

My best wishes to both of you, Pocky Rich and Katy.  Here’s to bigger and greater things.  With your powers combined, anything is possible.

Greetings, OMACs!

This past weekend I was able to catch a couple of films at our local AMC 24 mulitplex with a few friends of mine (a couple of whom are writers for this site).  The films in question?  G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and District 9 – two movies I would consider to be polar opposites of each other.  So that it doesn’t take me two weeks and two articles to break these down, I’m going to truncate my thoughts on each and present them below.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

I’m going to try to keep my review of G.I. Joe short and sweet, since it will be covered multiple times.  The short (and sweet) of it?  The movie was frikkin’ fun as hell.  I sat there in my seat wishing I was in my jammies with a bowl of cereal as I watched what translated into a direct live-action interpretation of the cartoon.  Stephen Sommers could have gone two different ways with this.  He could have tried to take a cheesy and fun cartoon that a lot of us grew up with and attempt to make a serious special ops flick out of it.  Or, he could realize what the source material was and just had fun with it.

Guess which one we got?

Surprisingly enough, he makes it work.  Two hours of balls-to-the-wall action from start to finish.  The plot is thin, but you don’t care, because the bad guys are doing bad things and the Joes are chasing them all over the globe and some impressive fighting occurs throughout.  He manages to work all of the famous lines from the cartoon in somewhere and manages to do so just short of crossing the cheese-line.  Same thing goes for the characters’ various code names.  Sommer finds some reasonable explanations and back stories for some of the more questionable character monikers (Why is she called the Baroness?  Oh, because she’s married to a Baron. Duh!)

Does the movie take some liberties?  Sure, but no more than Optimus becoming a long-nosed rig or Peter Parker having organic web shooters.  Sommers is able to capture the spirit of the cartoon so well that you should be able to stop caring as soon as you first see Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow face off.  Unfortunately, the 80s Joe purists will most likely continue to fume and call the movie crap despite the fact that it’s actually more faithful than they are giving it credit for.  I won’t even get into the original 60s Joe fans.

Bottom line – I left the theater wanting to go back and watch it again, something I didn’t feel after watching this years Transformers sequel.  In fact, The Rise of Cobra reminded me of how much fun I had when I saw the first Transformers movie… and wishing the sequel had captured the same lightning in a bottle that this movie and its predecessor had.

District 9

I’m going to be honest – there are probably better reviews of this film out there.  There was just so much going on in this film that it’s all swimmy in my head and I’m having a hard time organizing it into a rational thought of trains.

I guess that fact alone makes one important point stand clear – this movie was incredible.  A heavy-handed blast of social commentary hiding in a well crafted and visually impressive science fiction film, District 9 is an assault to the senses.

And I kinda mean it literally.  The movie spends a good portion its first thee-quarters taking the form of a documentary about an alien civilization from outer space landing in South Africa and being forced into the worst horrors that you’ve ever heard about apartheid.  So a warning to the easily motion sick – the “shaky cam” pervades for at least the first forty minutes.  They do alternate between regular film footage and the “shaky cam” footage, but it does pop up frequently.  By the time the movie gets to the last act, the shaky cam disappears and the normal film cameras take over until the end credits.

If you can get past the queasy factor (and this includes the intense violence and gore), you’ll find yourself treated to a great little indie pic.  It’s a character-driven plot (my favorite) that pummels you with intense images of an alien race being treated brutally by the local rent-a-government.  And it manages to do so without being preachy.  Drop a human in the middle of it who gets exposed to a DNA-changing substance, and you are subjected to almost two hours of an emotional roller coaster as this guy finds himself on the opposite side of his persecution stick.  I found myself feeling conflicting emotions over some of these characters, alien and human alike.  And I think that was the intent.  Director Neill Blomkamp manages to manipulate you through the entire film emotionally, and it turns out to be an amazing experience.  I don’t think I used variations of the word emotion enough.  But that’s where this film lies – it’s told from the heart.  I think that District 9 is not only the best sci-fi film of the year, it’s also the best social commentary of the year.

I will offer one warning – if you see this film, follow it up with a lighter film.  A comedy, maybe.  Or maybe just visit some fuzzy kittens or something and pet them for an hour.

So there you have it (a letter opener) – two movie reviews for the price of one.  Although, that’s not really true.  That’s like saying you’re getting two sandwich halves for the price of a whole sandwich.  But that’s not all.  Tune in tomorrow night when our in-house-Egon Krellion possibly offers you yet another look at that movie based on those plastic figures you all used to strap M-80s to back in your youth.

The Don wants a body massage.  Porkchop Sandwiches!

Greetings, Borrowers!

Most of you are familiar with Sam Raimi – if not by name, then by his body of work: the Evil Dead series, the Spider-Man movies, or the recently released, instant horror classic Drag Me to Hell.  In between those well-known films, Raimi has managed to build himself a decent portfolio of film work, including Darkman and The Quick and the Dead.

But there’s one film on his resume that most people may not be familiar with.  Even Sam Raimi himself has tried to pretend he isn’t familiar with it.  The film in question was his second studio film after Evil Dead.  Called Crimewave (The XYZ Murders if you’re overseas), this little turd burger of a cult classic is a perfect example of how a movie studio can take all the hard work you’ve done to create what has the potential to be a classic film and punch it repeatedly in the face.

Let’s start with the perfect ingredients, shall we?  First, you have a decent script that combines slapstick, film noir, and black comedy co-written by Sam Raimi and the Coen Brothers (you know, those guys who have made some classic films of their own like Fargo, Oh Brother Where Art Thou?, and No Country For Old Men).  Next, you put Raimi himself in the director’s chair.  Then, you cast everyone’s favorite Old Spice spokesman Bruce Campbell as the leading man.

Sounds like a recipe for a great flick, right?

Unfortunately, Embassy Pictures had different ideas.  Cutting portions of the script, recasting Campbell’s part with an unknown, and slapping the crew with “excruciatingly specific and alternately vague demands” under a small budget made filming conditions a literal hell.  By the time filming had completed, the movie had gone way over budget and schedule, and Embassy continued to butt heads with Raimi over things like producing credits and scoring.

After all of the dust settled and the smoke cleared, Crimewave hit theaters with a resounding thud.  Raimi quickly and quietly disassociated himself with the film, going on to make other films that looked much better on his resume.

Meanwhile, Crimewave found its way to pay-TV and VHS in the mid- to late 80s where it slowly picked up steam to become a cult classic.  In fact, it’s so cult, the cult itself doesn’t even realize that it likes the movie.  But, over the past couple of decades VHS copies have become highly sought after, especially since it’s been the only way anyone could see the film.

Until now, that is.  A couple of weeks ago I had the displeasure of catching it on one of the Encore channels.  Having not seen it since I was a kid, I decided to record it on TiVo and gave it a look-see this past weekend.

You’re welcome.

After watching it I have one thing to say – the film is a mess.  But, it’s a completely insane, madcap kind of mess.  This easily falls into that category of “so bad it’s good” kind of films.  The plot (what there is of one) is kind of simple – two guys share a partnership of a security company.  One guy decides to secretly sell the business out from under the other partner’s nose.  The other partner finds out and hires two crazy exterminators (“We Kill All Sizes”) to off the traitor.  Soft, sweet, and clumsy milquetoast guy who works for the company gets caught in the middle while trying to woo the girl of his dreams.  Crazy exterminators decide to kill practically everyone they come across.

This manages to carry itself out for just under an hour and a half.  The film really just boils down to a series of Three Stooges-style gags (a Raimi trademark) married to a darkly comedic take on mass murder, all of which lead up to the predictable happy ending.  Wanna know the weird thing?  I still enjoyed the hell out of it.  The movie is hopelessly flawed, with horrible editing and the camp level turned up to “11”, but darn it if I didn’t laugh quite frequently throughout.  I mean, this movie is so out there that you find yourself laughing at the most inane things no matter how lame they are.  I really had fun watching this movie.  It’s just a shame that we couldn’t have gotten the movie Sam Raimi had intended.

All that said, I think that this is one of those movies that could go great with a small group of friends, some delicious snacks, maybe a beer or two, and some witty banter.  In fact, I’m really surprised that MST3K never tried to acquire the rights to take a crack at this film.  Maybe the Riff Trax crew could tackle it, if the movie ever comes out on DVD.

Until then, I think I’ll keep it on my TiVo for awhile.

The Don used a Shemp to write this.

Greetings, Lunataks!

Remember how sad and annoying it was when Hollywood and Televisionland decided that remakes were the sure-fire way to go when it comes to making butt-loads money?

Remember those days fondly, because the new money-making scheme is called “the reboot”.

Birthed partly out of the fallout of last year’s writer’s strike, reboots are an attempt to breathe new life into a dying or dead franchise while making a quick buck – either by offering a brand new installment of an existing series with geriatric versions of our protagonists still trying to prove their mettle while popping daily doses of Centrum Silver or simply by throwing out everything that was beloved by fans of the original source material and creating an antimatter version of that material from scratch.  Several shows and films we grew up with have been popping up allover the radar with varying levels of success within the past year.  While Stallone was able to deliver a one-two punch last year (technically one of them came out just before 2008 started, but the receipts carried into 2008) with both of his surprisingly well done attempts – Rocky Balboa and Rambo, other properties – like Indiana Jones and “The X-Files” – were received much like one would when they find out for the first time that their horse is lame and would be served better keeping glitter and cotton balls stuck to construction paper.  Same thing has been happening on television.  “90210”?  Back and apparently a hit (I gotta scratch my head on that one).  The new “Knight Rider”?  Dismantled.

The trend continues this year, as three different reboots have already made their way into theaters – Friday the 13^th, Star Trek, and Terminator: Salvation.  I’ve covered the first two on this site already.  For the most part, both of them have proven to be pretty damn good and each one has gone on to make some decent bank at the box office (which, unfortunately, means that the “powers-that-be” will continue to milk this strategy until our children’s children are watching “Re-Lost” and The Bourne Resurrection).

So, how does Salvation measure up?

First off, there was a fair amount of controversy before the movie even completed its first set of dailies.  From script re-writes that had to be halted due to last year’s writers strike to the original ending getting leaked to the film’s star going on a YouTube-captured tirade, Salvation was already at a disadvantage going into production.

As a result, the finished film has its faults.  There are some plot holes that are quite noticeable, especially after you take a moment to think back on the film after the credits start to roll.  The “new” ending feels tacked on, especially if you were able to catch the details of what the original ending was going to be from one of those popular movie sites.  Some character motivations don’t quite make sense.  Our main character and leader of the resistance feels forced into the plot.

Here’s the funny thing – even after giving all of that some serious consideration, I don’t care.  If there’s one great thing McG has done with this new Terminator franchise, it’s giving fans and casual movie-goers two hours of fleshbags vs. machines in a constant whir of non-stop action.  And I had an extraordinarily large amount of fun watching it.

The acting wasn’t bad, either.  Of special note – Anton Yelchin, fresh off his stint piloting a space wessel, does an incredible job channeling Michael Biehn in his performance of Kyle Reese.  That’s not to say that the other actors weren’t as good.  Sam Worthington delivered a solid performance as a man who isn’t what he thinks he is.  Moon Bloodgood (is she a D&D character?) held her own as well.  And you can never go wrong with Michael Ironside in your film.

Then there’s the extra, little nuances that McG added to the film to sweeten the fun.  An uncredited Linda Hamilton lends her voice as Sarah Connor to a couple of key scenes.  John Connor plays a familiar song over a boom box on the highway to draw out a couple of terminator-cycles.  The photograph of Sarah Connor makes a welcome appearance.  The origin of John’s face scar from T2.  And of course, the return of Arnold – the evil T-800 version (with original hairstyle!) – in a brief battle scene.

Oh, and then there’s a pleasant surprise – a Danny Elfman score that actually doesn’t sound anything like any of his other scores.  I watched the movie listening closely to the orchestral tones that accompanied each frame of celluloid.  Not once did I hear any of Elfman’s familiar cues or chord progressions.  In fact, I had to check the closing credits just to make sure I saw the opening credits correctly.  Yup, Danny Elfman did the score for Salvation.  And he managed to compose an impressive collection of companion pieces that actually sounded original.  Well done.

After mixing all of the above ingredients together, Terminator: Salvation ends up being a sum of equal parts crap and awesome.  Well, not really.  All of the elements that are really well done that make the movie fun and exciting end up tipping the balance in favor of being a good summer action flick to watch.  As I said before, even with the obvious problems the movie has, it still didn’t take away from how much I enjoyed it.  I walked out of that theater really looking forward to the next chapter of the war vs. the machines.

Unfortunately, the box office for Terminator: Salvation hasn’t been great, which means that the potential for a sequel looks grim.  And not grim like you’re-the-future-leader-of-the-resistance grim.  No, this is more like we’re-gonna-be-watching-Twitter:The Movie instead-of-original-films-or-even-remakes-or-reboots grim (don’t laugh – a Twitter project is in the works).

In the end, what we’re left with is a Catch-22: if Salvation does well enough at the box office we’ll end up getting another fun sequel.  Maybe two.  But, with that success on top of the success of Star Trek Hollywood gets further validation that reboots work and that’s what we end up seeing for the next fifteen years.  On the other hand… well, actually there is no other hand.  No matter how well Terminator performs Hollywood probably already has it in their head that reboots are a new cash cow and will be milking the teats raw on that concept for quite some time.

Time to go program my TiVo in advance for the “ER” reboot (coming to NBC fall of 2023!)

The Don will be back… and in greater numbers.

This bit of machinima is pretty neat, it’s a World of Warcraft political demographics poll.
Regardless of who you’re voting for, it’s a fun watch.