…congratulations to Richard and Katy, the supreme rulers of the Spwugniverse!!!!!

They are the essence of everything that is Spwug.  Without either of them, this site wouldn’t be here to bring you a daily dose of all things geek.

It was an honor and a privilege to witness the joining of these two forces of good.  They are my friends.  They are my family.  I am proud to be the head writer of something they envisioned, and I am proud to be a part of their lives.

My best wishes to both of you, Pocky Rich and Katy.  Here’s to bigger and greater things.  With your powers combined, anything is possible.

The print version of Spwug has the great honor of carrying Captain Space, written by Mookie Terracciano of Dominic Deegan fame. When we last saw Captain Space he had just boarded a hijacked trade ship and was battling his way to the bridge to confront the leader of the infamous Void Angels!

RESUME TRANSMISSION OF SPACE JOURNAL ENTRY 2RKX.62
The Void Angels, a band of space mercenaries hired to keep the Beldarian Trade Belt safe from criminal activity, were no better than a murderous gang of outlaws themselves. They had hijacked the trader class space cruiser Treasure Chest, captured the acclaimed Captain John Courage, and had been running illegal operations out of the very Trade Belt they were commissioned to protect. One of their number, a teenage girl named Grex Obil, had summoned me to stop her comrades for reasons yet unknown to me.

I was on board the Treasure Chest when the badly wounded Grex Obil informed me that Captain Courage was being held hostage on the bridge, and he did not have much longer to live. If I didn’t act quickly, young Grex would also perish from her injuries.

There was little time to formulate a plan. I set my Space Blaster to Stun and approached the bridge. The doors slid open and I found myself staring at two space assault rifles. Two Void Angels were preparing to pull the triggers. With only space-seconds to react, I ducked under their deadly guns and delivered two vicious blows to their abdomens. The mercenaries doubled over and dropped their space rifles. Unfortunately for me, space rifles are terrible weapons with no setting besides Kill. Fortunately for me, as a trained member of the Space Patrol, my greatest weapons are my mind and body.

I had a precious few space-seconds to assess the situation. There were five Void Angels with space assault rifles. The command crew of the Treasure Chest remained at their stations, flying the hijacked ship. The leader of the Void Angels, an imposing Fleggarian known as Bamrukku, stood over the bound and motionless form of Captain John Courage. They all looked to me as I strode over their incapacitated comrades.

“It’s Captain Space!”

Laser beams sizzled over my head as I ducked behind a computer console. This was going to be difficult. I had to subdue the Void Angels without harming the Treasure Chest’s command crew, or else there would be no one to fly the space cruiser to safety! And if the Void Angels became desperate, there was a strong chance they would turn their deadly rifles on the innocent crew.

“Surrender, Captain Space!” Bamrukku barked. “Give up, or I will blast Captain Courage into cosmic debris!”

There seemed little option for me then. I slid my Space Blaster out from behind the computer console and stood with my hands raised in surrender, but not before flipping a small switch under my helmet. What little hope I had sparked in the command crew of the Treasure Chest fizzled out as the space mercenaries approached me with their assault rifles.

“Bwa ha ha ha!” Bamrukku guffawed. “That’s the problem with you Space Patrol pansies! Just threaten someone’s precious little life and you’ll do anything to keep them alive! Even surrender!”

“What’s your game, Bamrukku?” I demanded as the Void Angels moved to bind my hands behind my back. “Why are you doing this?”

“Why else? For money!” He arrogantly swaggered over to me, leaving Captain Courage unattended. “The Beldarian Merchant Guild will easily turn the other cheek to illegal operations in their Trade Belt if you give them enough incentive. We do their ‘protection work’ for no cost to them at all, and they let us make our money in whatever way we see fit!”

“You’ll never get away with this. The Space Patrol will not allow it.”

“Bwa ha ha ha! Somehow I doubt that. By the time your precious Space Pansies find you and Captain Courage, you’ll be cosmic corpses and no one will know who destroyed you!”

I could not help but smirk. “Is that so?”

The Void Angels cried out as a massive battleship appeared on the bridge’s main screen. It bore the symbol of the Space Patrol proudly on its hull and aimed its impressive array of guns at the Treasure Chest. It was the pride of the Space Patrol fleet, the Shining Star. A familiar voice came through the open channel.

“This is Admiral Orbit, commanding officer of the Space Patrol! Stand down and surrender! I repeat, stand down and surrender!”

I watched realization dawn on Bamrukku’s face. He was so proud of himself for capturing two members of the Space Patrol that he had neglected to check if I had activated my own emergency distress signal. Fortunately for me, the warp drives on Space Patrol ships are the most advanced in the galaxy.

“You’ll never take us alive!” Bamrukku roared. “Void Angels! Kill them all!”

There was little choice for me then. I escaped the untrained clutches of the Void Angels that flanked me and knocked them out with little effort. I snatched up their space assault rifles and opened fire on the space mercenaries. Fortunately for them and the crew of the Treasure Chest, I am an excellent shot. They found themselves suddenly unarmed as their weapons were blown out of their hands. They quickly surrendered.

Bamrukku was not so easily spooked. When the shooting started, he quickly returned to Captain Courage’s side and hoisted him up as a shield. By the time I wheeled the space assault rifle on the Void Angel leader, he was cowering behind the beaten and weakened body of Captain Courage.

“Let me pass, Captain Space!” Bamrukku bellowed. “Let me off this ship or I’ll blast Captain Courage into cosmic–!”

“Stop shouting, you cosmic coward!” Captain Courage snapped. He suddenly whipped his head backwards and I heard the eerie sound of a Fleggarian nose breaking. Bamrukku clutched at his face and dropped to his knees. I took the opportunity to retrieve my Space Blaster and subdue the mercenary leader with a single Stun shot.

“Looks like you weren’t as close to death as I had been lead to believe,” I said to Captain Courage.

“I’ve been closer,” he replied.

“Everything under control, Captain Space?” Admiral Orbit asked through the open channel.

“The Treasure Chest is secure, Admiral,” I said.

The Void Angels were quickly rounded up and put into the prison holds aboard the Shining Star. Medical cruisers whisked Captain Courage and Grex Obil to the nearest space hospital. Authorities from Planet Zanatar, the closest planet to the Beldarian Trade Belt, were brought in to help the Space Patrol with an investigation into the Beldarian Merchant Guild’s notorious activities. Even with Bamrukku’s confession, it has been difficult to find further evidence against the Guild. They are a slippery bunch with an impressive team of space lawyers.

Captain Courage recovered more quickly than anyone had anticipated and returned to active duty less than one space week later.

I visited Grex Obil in the hospital once she was permitted visitors. I asked her why she betrayed the Void Angels. She said she’d joined the space mercenaries to protect the Beldarian Trade Belt, but became disillusioned with the group once she discovered their criminal intentions. I told her that she was brave to do the right thing in the face of frightening opposition.

“But Captain Space,” she said just before I left, “now that the Void Angels are out of commission, who will guard the Trade Belt? The Beldarians may be corrupt, but there are still people there who need protection.”

“Don’t worry, Grex. I think I know someone just right for the job.”

The Space Patrol saw fit to leave a small garrison of soldiers at the Beldarian Trade Belt. Now we could keep a watchful eye on the Beldarians as well as on the innocent people who may be in danger. Members of the Space Patrol are stationed there on rotation, except for one very eager new recruit who wishes nothing more than to remain at the garrison and protect the people there. I think Cadet Grex Obil will do well in the Space Patrol.

As for me, I resumed my tireless patrol with a smile. It is always nice to find others who believe that there is always a need for heroes…

…in space!
END OF TRANSMISSION

Another installment of Spwug 4 articles! This one is written by Marco Soto, and if you need a reason to avoid MMORPGs and are tired of having your standard reasons refuted by the hardcore gamers, he’s here to help.

Speaking as someone from “The Big City,” I’m rather used to panhandlers, beggars, and the homeless. Those individuals that always seem to be on the wrong side of town when their car runs out of gas, or who haven’t eaten in days (even though they had a burger in their hands just 15 minutes ago).

So, I wasn’t that taken aback to find the same situation going on in most MMORPGs. What DID strike me as odd, though, was the sheer laziness of the beggars that I found. People asking for 5 gold in Guild Wars just struck me dumbfounded. Especially when you could walk out the front gate and kill the first thing you saw and it would drop 5 gold or the equivalent. Requests for beginner swords would go up and you can get those weapons for free from certain NPCs.

Now, there are always the enterprising beggars that will be willing to entertain for their handout. The “Will dance naked for gold” women are always a laugh. Every once in a while you’ll get someone who gives an in game reason for needing money. “Seering Vet down on his luck. Dwayna bless you” has always been my favorite.

But, really, do we need the streets of Ascalon to be so lined with beggars that the sidewalks are soft? Does Ironforge need a dwarf on every corner with a cardboard sign?
Do the City of Villans and City of Heros need another emote of someone with a tin cup?

As with the RL version of the problem, the MMO version can be tracked back to those certain individuals who, just to shut people up, end up paying off the beggars and thus, perpetuate the problem. Come on, people, stop giving in. Help is one thing, but are you really helping someone by giving them something instead of letting them get it by *gasp* playing the game?!

Sure, when someone asks a question, by all means, help them out by providing an answer. After all, we were all noobs once. But when it comes to money and items, especially ones that could be picked up off of the ground not ten feet away, let those grubby little street urchins fend for themselves. Heck, you can even help them out by telling them where they can get what they’re looking for, on their own. Just so long as they go out and get it for themselves instead of just asking for it. Make them play the game, for crying out loud.

Or you could just play their character for them. Cut out the middle man and just tell them if they sign over their character to you, they can go to bed knowing that little Timmy will become a big and strong leader of men (orcs, elves, whatever) and they don’t have to worry about a thing. They don’t even have to play the game, and that’s what they’re really asking for, isn’t it?

Here’s a game review from Joe Chan. Lineage II looks very shiney, but you don’t have to take MY word for it!

It turns out there’s this little-known MMORPG out there that only about 1.5 million people worldwide play called Lineage II. I first checked out this game a little over a year ago where I was greeted with breathtakingly stunning visuals and PC archer fire from the treelines which kept me from ever getting past the boundaries of my starting city. But there was one thing in particular that caught my eye — and I’m not talking about that last arrow that bounced me back to the spawn point.

I’m talking cheesecake.

I mean, dang, there’re some drop-dead gorgeous female avatars kicking my butt in that game.

So, when my friends at NCSoft invited me and a few other press folks to take a personalized tour of their newest Lineage II campaign arc, The Chaotic Throne: The Kamael, I was ecstatic. I mean, now I could check out those hotties without getting beaten to a pulp.

Lineage II has always been heavy on the PvP, though they have been adding more features to make it friendlier towards solo-play as well. However, to truly enjoy the bulk of the game, you’d have to join in the PC genocide and slaughter player avatars alongside your fellow gamers. Join in a clan and participate in a planned castle siege, or take down some of the epic bosses in the game. There’s a ton of stuff to do that you can’t accomplish on your own.

This latest installment of the Lineage II saga introduces the rediscovery of a race known as the Kamael, winged war machines that were once so badass, they had to get one of their wings clipped to seal the bulk of their power away. New to the game are features such as fortress sieges, which allow you to put together parties to take on strongholds 24/7, new armor slots, transformations, and, of course, a new playable race: The Kamael.

But, c’mon now. I wasn’t there for the new feeps. Though I smiled and nodded graciously at my hosts’ words, I was really there for the hands-on demo that would finally grant me the chance I’ve been waiting for and I know it wasn’t just me. I exchanged knowing glances with my fellow journalists, and we knew that soon we would catch a glimpse of hot elf booty.

Finally, the long-awaited moment had arrived. I was seated in front of a brand-spankin’ new Dell Dimension XPS with a 24-inch widescreen LCD as my guiding light, and as the game revved up, I slid down my chair to mask my giddy glee. There it was: the world of Lineage II and all it had to offer at my fingertips, and let me tell you, my friends, I was not disappointed.

cheesecake

After giving us a brief moment to run around to check out some of the new game features, greeting us at our rendezvous point was our host and tour guide, a pale elf lass in silk and lace. I didn’t want to seem like I was ogling, so I complemented her on the spiffy hat she was wearing while my eyes drifted lower. I was instantly teleported elsewhere. I forgot she had GM powers.

orc!

I found myself outdoors, near the entrance to one of the instanced dungeon areas, where before me stood a towering orc gal who looked like she could easily kick my ass and eat it too, with a side of fava beans and a glass of chianti. But my, she had some impressive assets. I chose to side with caution and tried to avoid staring for too long, but she still noticed me looking and growled. I never knew a game avatar could piss itself.

elf

The tour guide took pity on me and brought me back to the rendezvous area. She shooed me off towards the rest of the group after admonishing me, and I slunk back in feigned defeat. After all, I had caught sight of another looker. Another elf, this time decked out in glittering white armor. As I edged closer towards my companion while preparing a few choice pickup lines, a voice not unlike Barry White’s issued forth and … oh for crying out loud, it was a guy! Curse those elves for all looking too pretty. I ran down the corridor, crying.

female human

I suppose that due to my reaction, my fellow party members thought that I had encountered a mob. They chased after me thinking they were rushing to my rescue. I turned back towards the sound of armored feet clanking on the stone floor and caught sight of a mini-skirt-clad human woman in a most vulnerable upskirt position. I grinned stupidly as she paused long enough to beat me to a pulp. It was worth every cut and bruise.

fight!

As it turns out, there really was a mob right there in the room with me. The redhead left just enough life in me to let the monster finish me off, before she proceeded to beat on it with almost everyone else. I say almost everyone, because there was a second human girl that just stood there, staring at my broken, bleeding body while the others were fighting for their lives. I weakly raised my hand to beg for a heal plz!!!, but she just giggled and walked off. Damn her. Those cat ears were a nice touch though.

winged cheesecake

I awoke to find myself in a chamber surrounded by strange creatures. As it turns out, they were actually one of the newer features of the game, temporary transformations so that players could take on other forms. Of course, from my vantage point, all I saw was this scary four-winged Amazon hovering above me. For a brief moment, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven, but I couldn’t see under that scale mail loincloth, so it had to be hell. Then she kicked me in the head and forced me to get back into the game.

dwarf… girl

After some aimless wandering, I found myself staring at a most incongruous sight. There, in the middle of the room was a dwarf… girl — the problem is that those dwarf women look way too cute to belong in this game — and yet there she was, twirling and sparkling like some anime magical girl. And the kicker is the sight of her in a birthday hat and a full-metal chastity suit. Talk about mixed signals! I only stared long enough to gawk since that hammer really scared me. Oh, and if anyone discovers where the key is supposed to go, I’ll give you $10.

female Kamael

Turning away from the diabetes-inducing sight, I literally ran smack dab into one of the new denizens of the game — a female Kamael in all her one-winged, battle bikini hottie goodness. This time, I couldn’t help but to gaze; after all, my head had bounced right off her steel bustier. She just perched there, smiling, hand at her hip. You’re looking at exactly what I saw right before I learned that the female Kamael specialize in crossbows.

She laughed, shot me in the face, and sent me back to the spawn point.

This week’s article is brought to you by the lovely and talented Jekka Cormier. More of her work can be found at Seraphic Blue.

When I first started cosplaying I was in a pretty good situation. I had a steady fulltime job and not too many responsibilities. Combine that with my insistence on details and you can probably see how some of my first costumes easily climbed into the 300-400 dollar range of cost.

If only those days could have lasted! Long gone are the days I could splurge on meticulous embroidery for my Edward Elric coat. Since then I’ve learned a lot about how to make my dollar stretch as far as possible and more than a few tricks about how to get my costumes to stop breaking the bank (even if the shoes still tend to break my feet.)

One of the most important ways to limit my spending, first of all, is to limit the amount of new costumes I’ll allow myself to put together in a year. This is something I decided right from the start: no more than 3 new costumes in a year. Any more than that and I need to start thinking about which one I don’t need, or which one I can put off a little longer. (This year’s three winners were Allen Walker, Cardcaptor Sakura, and as-of-yet unfinished Digimon pajamas.) So that’s a good way to make sure you don’t get too crazy on your spending. Set realistic limits on yourself.

Assuming you can sew or make props on your own, it’ll almost always cost less to make your own items rather than have them commissioned or buy them from a retailer. Even then you need to consider the materials that you’ll be using. Wal-Mart generally has a good selection of 1 or 2-dollar fabrics, but you’ll want to be careful about using a fabric that doesn’t flow well or gets easily wrinkled, or is too thin (thus rendering your otherwise awesome costume more see-through than you might have been prepared for.) I made a mistake like that with the red cotton for my Chrono the demon costume – it was inexpensive and I needed a lot of it, but it wrinkles so badly that in retrospect I wish I’d splurged a little more. If you buy your fabrics and material from a retailer like Jo-Ann Fabrics, sign up for their newsletter. They mail out 40% and 50% coupons regularly and you can end up saving quite a lot on your fabric.

If you can work without a pattern, that’s pretty darn awesome. I’m visually stupid, though – I definitely need a pattern or it’s just going to come right. Some patterns can run expensive, $15 or so, so be sure to visit a craft store while they’re having a pattern sale. I try not to buy any patterns unless it’s during one of those sales, when I get one for $1.99 or $2.99 or so. It’s another good reason to sign up for their flyer, as you can find out in advance when those sales are going to be. Even if you haven’t got anything planned just then, there are some patterns that are just a good idea to have on hand for costumes. I recommend having a basic kimono pattern, a pleated skirt pattern, and maybe some sort of hooded coat. I have several patterns with hoods, but that’s just a thing of mine. I love hoodies!

Another great idea to save you some money is recycling. This has a few different meanings. Look around your house for any clothes you might already have than can be altered or adapted to work within your costume. If you can tweak a turtleneck or a labcoat into a piece of your cosplay, that’s one less turtleneck of labcoat you need to buy fabric and thread for and spend all that time sewing and finishing. How about some shoes that you don’t particularly need to wear out anymore? Wrong color? Spray-paint those suckers (in a well ventilated environment and with care of your surroundings, of course, because wow does spray paint ever get all over everything!) How about having two cosplays that use a common piece? It could happen. Is there a piece of a cosplay that you’ve retired that could be altered for a new cosplay? Make it happen!

Speaking of recycling, keep an eye out for things you could use for props and such that might otherwise just get tossed out. I’ve made a few staves out of thin PVC piping (the kind I used to make boffer weapons out of in college); I have a friend who made the most amazing staff I’ve ever seen out of some foam core she rescued from a dumpster. That’s right, folks: cosplayers, saving the planet! Saving some green, even. Oh, oh, that’s funny…

Right. So, there’s one last nugget of advice I have for my cosplaying brethren who find themselves a little on the broke side, and that’s to believe in the power of the yard sale. I love eBay, and Cosplay.com has a Spam board where people sell off their old retired cosplays, wigs they don’t need, fabric they don’t need, shoes they don’t need… the list goes on and on. You can sell off what you’ve got lying around and don’t need, and if you’re lucky you can pick up something you need for a fraction of what it could have cost you otherwise.

Hope that helps! Until next issue, I’ll see you guys in the halls.

The first in our series of articles from what would have been our next print issue. Here, with more of his ranty stylings, is an article from our very own Angry Zen Master. -Neomera

The morning of September 11, 2001, I sat in my living room starring unblinkingly at the television. I had just seen the second tower fall live on CNN and I needed someone to explain just what the hell was going on. My mind could not perceive such horrors let alone process seeing it all happen in real time. I needed more information. And for the next few hours, for the next few days, CNN streamed information into my brain meats faster than I could absorb.

The September 11 attacks really put news organizations on the front page. Never before had the twenty-four hour news cycle been so challenged with keeping a frightened, angry, and hurt public as informed as humanly possible. They did their best to stream information to the public as quickly and efficiently as possible without tainting stories with spin or punditry.

The twenty-four hour news cycle was working, keeping the public well armed with raw information. Thusly armed, we gradually recovered from our initial fears.

It’s now more than six years later and when I turn on CNN, I’m subjected to uninterrupted coverage of OJ Simpson’s pre-trial hearing, Miss Teen South Carolina’s gaff when asked a geography question, Britney’s latest public humiliation, Tay Zonday singing about Cherry Chocolate Rain. The same twenty-four hour news cycle that calmed a terrified people is now filling hours with sensationalist tabloid fluff. They’ve traded journalism for entertainment.

Cable network news is all about ratings. They will do anything to appear to be relevant. There’s no better example than CNN’s YouTube Presidential candidate debates. On paper, it certainly seemed like a good idea. Young people complain all the time that Presidential candidates and politicians are truly out of touch, that they don’t care about the issues that are important to the average citizen, that they’ve sold our government out to special interests. What better way to prove these conceptions wrong than by giving the public the opportunity to address the candidates themselves. Sure, that’s a winner of an idea.

I have never witnessed so many softball questions at any sort of debate ever. Instead of taking the candidates to task for the failures of the past six years, the questions presented the candidates the perfect opportunity to reiterate all their campaign rhetoric. There was no real debate, no real discussion, no real information. CNN might as well have aired three hours of campaign ads.

The twenty-four hour news cycle has completely destroyed news journalism. Gone are the days of in-depth investigative reporting. Objectivism has given way to opinion pieces, punditry, and ultimately, sensationalism. The latest hit on YouTube is given as much air time as Bush’s insistence that Iran is still pursuing nuclear weapons. It’s nearly impossible to take the cable news networks seriously.

These days, I can’t help but smirk every time I hear James Earl Jones recite CNN’s tagline, “The most trusted name in news.” It should read, “The most trusted name in tabloid news entertainment.”