Greetings, Choppers!!

The end of summer is upon us!  And with the changing of the seasonal guard, so does my summer series prepare to exit, stage right.

But, I wanted to end “The Don Remembers” with a bang.  Or at least, with a lame crazy stunt no one will notice.  So, as my final offering to you all, I will be going… live!

Well, not really.

What I will be doing is spending this installment on my couch, watching that awesome love letter to those who lived the eighties – Hot Tub Time Machine.  During the course of my film viewing, I will be doing a regular commentary – highlighting each bit of eighties nostalgia I come across and sharing my own, brief thoughts on it.  As I do so, I will also time stamp each comment, so that anyone who wishes to do so can follow along on their own.

Yeah, like that would happen.

So without further ado…  I present to you Hot Tub Time Machine…

Oh, and it’s the unrated version (more nudity for me!)…

Okay… here we go:

00:01:30  The dog’s name is Bono.  Like the lead singer of U2.  Once upon a time, he was just an Irish lead singer in a great band in the eighties.  Now…

00:02:36  John Cusack is in the house!!!  Literally, he just walked into his house.  One of the pioneers of eighties teen comedies.  This man has managed to still have a great career.  One of my all-time favorite actors.

00:04:47  Firebird Trans-Am!!!  One of the finest automobiles of the 1980s.  Introduced in the seventies by Smokey and the Bandit, the Trans-Am became an icon throughout the early to mid-eighties.  Not, my favorite, however.  That distinction would go to K.I.T.T. a year or two later.

00:05:01  Mötley Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home”!  One of the greatest ballads to come out of the eighties from a hair metal band.  I frikkin’ love this song.

00:10:43  Just realized… John Cusack always seems to play characters that get dumped.

00:12:45  Clark Duke just referenced Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining.  That movie scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid.

00:13:54  Crispin Glover!!  Marty McFly’s dad as a bellhop!  From one time travel movie to another.  Turns out, he was cast for this film for just that reason.  Well, one of the reasons.  And it appears he’s doing a variation of “Hey you, get your damn hands off her!”

00:17:15  The hot tub looks like it’s filled with Michelob, a popular beer in the eighties.

00:18:37  Ronald Reagan and George Bush Sr. masks.  Once upon a time in the eighties, that was our President and Vice, respectively.  Reaganomics!!  Remember when Patrick Swayze robbed banks wearing presidents’ masks in Point Break?

00:19:46  Ah, the ski resort.  A common backdrop in eighties comedies.  South Park did a great parody of that trope a couple of seasons ago.

00:20:12  Fluorescent colors!!!  Man, who thought that was acceptable to wear??

00:20:27  Another Crüe song – “Kick-Start My Heart”.  Crüe was king of the hair bands…

00:21:21  Enter the staple of all eighties coming-of-age comedies – the bully.  Two of them, in fact.  Usually in a position of authority, and usually full of douchebaggery.

00:21:31  Speaking of douchbags… “Hey, look – it’s the douchebag from Karate Kid III.”  What an awful film, sullying what were two great predecessors.

00:22:02  OMG – fur boots.  Run for your life.  We have finally captured and killed bigfoot, and made him into footwear.

00:22:08 Eighties overload in 3-2-1 (Contact)…

00:22:10  More bright colors!  And an eighties tune I hear playing in the background that I can’t remember the name of.  I fail.  Commentary over.

00:22:18  Acid-wash jeans.  I owned a couple of these… I’m afraid to admit.

00:22:21  Ah… those weird sunglasses that looked like open blinds…  Never had a pair.  Even I thought they looked stupid, and impractical.

00:22:29  Giant, portable phones.  Only the rich had them because the “plans” were so expensive.  The crappy spin-off That 80s Show tried to do this same gag.  It failed.

00:22:37  “I want my two dollars!”  A direct quote and homage to the aforementioned Better Off Dead, just as Cusack in onscreen.  Love it.  Great movie.  The original line comes from a paperboy who is… a tad overzealous about getting paid for his deliveries…

00:22:40  S-S-S-S, A-A-A-A, F-F-F-F, E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y… “The Safety Dance”!  Love this song.  Great eighties staple.

00:22:45  Jheri curl and smoking in public establishments.  Two tastes that go great together.  No, they don’t.

00:22:50  David Bowie does a promo bumper for MTV… “I want my MTV!”  So, do I, Jareth… So do I…

00:22:53  The Bill Cosby sweater…  The Cosby Show was actually pretty funny.  And a cigarette machine.  No carding required…

00:22:57  Too hot for the hot tub!!

00:22:59  Miami Vice – Popular cop show for its time… and a fashion trendsetter.  That’s partly where all the bright colors came from.  Thanks, Don Johnson.

00:23:03  Poison – another hair metal band from the eighties.  The debate was always which was better – them or Crüe.  I was always for Crüe.

00:23:07  Madonna on the cover of SPIN magazine… back when she was hot and I wanted her badly… In the background, a CHOOSE LIFE T-shirt, popularized by George Michael when he was in the band WHAM!  There are a lot of CAPITALIZED WORDS in this comment.

00:23:10  ALF!!!  (More capitalizations.)  I loved that show.  Was so pissed when NBC cancelled it right after a major cliffhanger.  It would not be the first or last time they did that crap.

00:23:15  Reagan again… trying to talk his way out of something…

00:23:19  Super Mario Bros.!!!!  One of the greatest arcade games of all time!  That was my joint!  Was one of the first hits to come out of the video game fallout of 1983…

00:23:20  The Cuban Missile Crisis… I think.  My history isn’t up to snuff.  I know, shame on me.

00:23:21  Cyndi Lauper.  Strange, fun, and sexy in her own way…  Love her music… and Pete Townshend during his solo days from The Who…

00:23:22  Col. Oliver North… had a shredding party… while Adam Ant sung about “Goody Two-Shoes”.

00:23:23  The old Apple II computers… everyone at school seemed to have one… but me.  I eventually got a Commodore 64.

00:23:24  Sony Walkman!  I had that exact color and model.  I’m actually glad we got out of the cassette era.

00:23:27  Nu Shooz – “I Can’t Wait”.  One of my favorite eighties songs of all time.

00:23:35  Legwarmers.  I actually never got the reason for these.

00:23:37  “Where’s the Beef?”  Classic slogan for Wendy’s.  That old lady was a hoot when she would spout that line.  She’s dead now.  (Ooh!  Too soon?)

00:23:41  Michael Jackson – before the charges, before the color change… he was just about the music.  I love “Thriller”.

00:24:10  Whew!  That was a a lot of stuff…

00:24:55  “Eddie Lives” T-shirt from Iron Maiden, Fishbone T-shirt… one of these bands I actually listened to.  And an old school tape recorder…  Ah, the stuff we would record on those things.

00:25:15  1986… I was eleven and in the sixth grade…

00:25:27  Timecop – not a bad Jean-Claude Van Damme flick.  Creative time travel ideas.

00:25:40  A mullet, a feathered hairstyle, and a hi-top fade walk into a bathroom…I wore two out of three of these.

00:26:27  Cocaine – the drug of the eighties.

00:27:20  The Terminator – James Cameron’s first admitted flick.  One of the best sci-fi/horror films out there.

00:28:03  Enter Chevy Chase.  He had a great career in the eighties… well, at first.  Luckily, this movie and the show Community have finally brought him back from obscurity.  Now, if only we could get Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy back, too.

00:31:06  AIDS.  ‘Nuff said.

00:32:48  “What You Need” by INXS.  I used to think it was pronounced The Ink-sez.

00:33:34  Wine coolers… the alcoholic beverage of the eighties.

00:35:49  “Modern Love” by David Bowie.  I liked some of his stuff, but really didn’t get into his music until much later.

00:36:56  Look at all the eighties cars…

00:37:04  Synthesizer!  I keep saying – we need to bring synthesizers back into music.

00:37:12  Keytar!  This goes double for the Keytar.

00:37:50  Jordans… a shoe that I never owned by a basketball star that I never watched play.

00:38:45  “Push It” by Salt n Pepa… not really my bag.

00:40:00  Denim skirts… those have actually come back.  I kind of like them on the ladies.

00:42:30  So much great music in this flick – “Obsession”, by Animotion.  Another one of my favorite songs from that decade.  I remember roller skating to that song.

00:44:03  “I Wanna Know What Love Is”, by Foreigner.  I love me some Foreigner…

00:48:48  Rocky IV, Rambo III, Red Dawn.  The testosterone in this room is overwhelming.

00:48:49  Yep.  People used to wear their polos with the collars up.  Embarrassing.

00:48:58  “Wolverines!!”

00:49:19  21 Jump Street.  I loved that show.  Aired on the fledgling Fox network and launched the career of Johnny Depp.

00:50:05  Break-up notes SUCKED.

00:51:11  More Crüe – “Keep Your Eye On the Money”.  I think Crüe is the main sponsor of this film.

00:51:23  Manimal.  Eighties show about a guy who could turn into animals.  I never liked it.  I loved Automan, about a guy created from the computer.

00:51:36  Denver vs. Cleveland.  I never watched sports as a kid.  Still don’t.  Sci-Fi/Fantasy all the way.  If it doesn’t have a plot, I’m not interested.

00:51:53  Cutting Crew – “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight”.  I’ve always been a ballad man, and this is one of my favorites.

00:52:26  Break-up poetry.  I was a hopeless romantic in high school.  I wrote a lot if this stuff.  Still have some of it somewhere.  Man, is it awful.

00:54:51  “Let me ask you something McFly.”  From William F-ing Zabka, the guy who made a short-lived career out of playing douchebags in movies like The Karate Kid and Back to School God-bless his douchebaggery ways…

00:55:13  “Bring it on, Spader.”  That would be a reference to James Spader, another actor who played creepy characters in eighties flicks.

00:58:50  “True” by Spandau Ballet plays during a scene that’s a throwback to the final scene in Sixteen Candles with Molly Ringwald – the eighties’ go-to girl for a red head sweetheart.  Man, I hate the song “True”.

01:01:55  Ugh.  Tiger striped pants.  More horrors in eighties fashion.

01:03:29  The punk rock movement and shoulder pads for women’s clothing – two things that do not go together.

01:05:10  The permed, overdone hair the chicks are sporting is outrageous… and I still like it.

01:06:48  Butchering a George Michael song… not cool…

01:06:54  But, doing a Rick Springfield song right…  Too bad the other guy with the word “spring” in his name got the better career.

01:07:22  OOH!  I spy a Back to School poster!  How meta!  And a Last American Virgin poster – the most depressing teen comedy of the eighties.

01:08:06  Another riff on Back to the Future – Nick bringing the future of music to the youth of the past… works out better for him than for Marty.

01:11:06  Crimped hair.  Wow.

01:16:45  Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines in a movie about ballet dancers… and effort to send a message about the Cold War… in a non-manly fashion.

01:30:23  Winding down with The Talking Heads’ “Once in a Lifetime”.  Same as it ever was.

01:32:45  And… in what is a complete departure from eighties time travel flicks – the characters don’t actually just face their issues and learn a valuable lesson while coming to grips with their situation, leaving it as it is.  No, these guys ACTUALLY DO THE COOL THING AND CHANGE THE FUTURE FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT.  Oh, and learn a lesson, too.

01:33:21  And now, we end this long commentary with a slightly altered version of the music video from Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home”.  Love this song.

And that about wraps it up for this lengthy, final installment of “The Don Remembers”.  I actually managed to stretch an hour and forty-five minute movie to a three hour writing exercise, and I prolly missed a bunch of stuff.  Still, it was a blast.  My apologies for putting you all to sleep, and I’ll meet you all back here next week with a return to form for “The Office of the Don”!  Goodnight!

The Don is on his way… he’s on his wayeee…  Bed, sweet bed…

Greetings, Cosby Kids!

It’s incredible whenever new advancements are made in science.  The little kid in me who grew up thinking we would be going to Mars and beyond, or have flying cars, or have perfected artificial intelligence always gets a little excited whenever I actually see something that was previously science fiction become science fact.

But at the same time, that little kid’s heart always dies a little inside when those same discoveries are made.  Maybe it’s because in the grand scheme of things even our biggest advancements still fall under the shadow of the reality that we still have a long way to go to achieve the things the child in me thought he would get to see in his lifetime.  For every successfully cloned sheep, dark matter discovery, or sub-atomic particle that travels backward in time, there’s still the realization that we have yet to travel outside our own solar system, effectively slow the aging process, or even cure the common cold.

But this week?  This week the Saturday morning cartoon-watching, cereal-eating, pajama-wearing me from yesteryear is looking on wide-eyed and in wonder – a Japanese/US research team has created a molecular computer that can handle complex computations like a computer, yet functions more like a real brain. It can even heal and repair itself when it has a problem.

Even more astounding is that the computer is only two molecules thick.

This is pretty mind-blowing stuff.  I mean, just around thirty years ago we were still in our computer infancy.  Atari was the big console of the time.  Arcades still existed to give gamers young and old a chance to play the latest creations (with ash trays!).  William Shatner was shilling for the Commodore Vic-20, the “wonder computer of the 1980s” while any system that was designed for heavy computations still took up quite a bit of room space and most likely involved reel-to-reel tape for data recording.

Yet, only thirty years later we’ve achieved something that by 1980s standards would still be a dream in the distance.  Only it’s not quite that distant.  It’s here.  Now.

Immediate images of Skynet rising to smite us all aside, this is one of those major steps forward in science that has me hopeful and excited for what’s to come in our immediate future, despite the fact that it sometimes seems like our society’s progress seems a little uneven at times.  Achievements like this help to remind me that though it sometimes seems like the fantastical science we see in our favorite fiction may not become a reality within our lifetimes, occasionally we get to see the extraordinary the very next day.  We may not have a colony on the moon yet or mastered teleportation, but right now we are one step closer to creating Data.

Let’s hope it isn’t Lore.

The Don blinded himself with science, then got the hiccups.

Did you ever feel it’s time to ramp up the intellectual content of this writer’s articles?

Yeah, me neither.

But there’s no denying that sometimes, sometimes, when you’re not otherwise paying attention, something involving thinky-meats will come up and smack you over the head, and you’ll say, “This is COOL!” Then you’ll look around quickly, afraid your middle-school science teacher is gloating somewhere nearby.

I’m pretty sure Mr. Jasper* is nowhere around, so I think it’s safe to share this article with you, if I hurry.

An archelogical dig in Turkey has recently turned up the oldest-known human-made structures–predating even the Great Pyramid by about 7,000 years.

This find appears to be raising new questions more quickly than it answers existing ones. Guesses can and are being made at the structures’ purpose, but so many ideas are being tossed back and forth, I couldn’t do that article justice here without just pasting the whole darn thing. And since I didn’t WRITE the whole darn thing, I won’t paste the whole darn thing. Instead, follow the link above to read the whole darn thing, and sit back as your perception of human history rewrites itself!

I’m almost as excited at this amazing find as I am about Christmas, birthdays, and the upcoming Zelda game. There’s no hope for me to ever become a normal person, is there?

*Middle-school science teacher identity invented to protect the guilty….Namely, me. I probably shouldn’t have slept through those archeology documentaries in class….**

**Oh, who am I kidding? I was such a science geek I was practically drooling during those things!

Greetings, Koopa Troopas!

Last month I got to see the most recent iteration of what has become a classic staple of the holidays – A Christmas Carol.  I believe Krellion posted a review of the film here within the hallowed halls of Spwug.  I, myself, enjoyed the latest incarnation of the yuletide tale.  As far as the CGI was concerned, it was impressive – proof that technology continues to get consistently better with every attempt at completely rendering the human condition onscreen.  That combined with the 3-D aspect made for a very entertaining experience.

As for the story itself, I’ll admit that it didn’t quite make my top three favorite versions of A Christmas Carol.

Now, the fact that I even have a top three implies that I tend to watch A Christmas Carol a lot.  That would not be an incorrect assessment.  I love A Christmas Carol.  It is probably, by far, my favorite holiday story of all time.  If there be a version of it out there, I’ve seen it.  From Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol to An American Christmas Carol (with Henry Winkler!), I’ve seen almost every incarnation of this classic.

Why does this particular seasonal exemplum fascinate me so?  As some of you might already know, Charles Dickens originally wrote this narrative as a social commentary against industrial capitalism, based on the awful financial experiences that he and his family had to endure during his childhood, as well as the terrible conditions Dickens witnessed in his travels later in life.  For me, however, this story boils down to one, simple thing:

Redemption.

I’m a sucker for stories that involve a character’s journey into becoming a better person.  It’s one of the reasons I’m still a sucker for Return of the Jedi, despite Empire being the better film (that, and the fact that I’m still a fan of the Original Trilogy).  It’s also an aspect of character development that I love to include whenever possible in my own writings.  And A Christmas Carol is simply one of the best stories of redemption out there.  It’s so well-loved that the book has never gone out of print, and continues to get adapted in various formats every year.

Now, add to that character journey a dash of the supernatural element and you have a story that completely pulls me in.  Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve read the original work of fiction or how many different adaptations I watch in theaters or on TV, the story itself always feels fresh to me – like I’m experiencing it for the first time.  I eagerly travel through the narrative with our main character each time, cringing at his callous nature every time he utters his famous catchphrase, feeling moved with each revelation that penetrates though his thick skull and hardened heart, and sharing his exultation when he discovers that he has been saved from eternal damnation.  For me, experiencing A Christmas Carol every year is much like the excitement one might see in a child as he or she eagerly opens his or her gifts on Christmas morning.

Now, with all of that said, let me delight you with my top three favorite versions of A Christmas Carol.  This list only includes direct adaptations of the original tale.  Scrooged, although one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time, isn’t included because it plays with the mythos within its own universe:

3. A Christmas Carol (1938)

Starring Reginald Owen as the miser himself, this really isn’t the best adaptation out there.  In fact, this version ends up leaving a lot of the darker themes due to the fact that the studio at the time wanted to keep it as a family picture.  Despite its flaws, I find this to be my favorite of the old black-&-whites – even over the better and more popular film with Alastair Sim as Scrooge.  I think my reasons for liking this one so much can be boiled down to the simple facts that 1.) I found Owen to be far more gruff and convincing Scrooge than Sim, and 2.) This version seemed to air a lot more frequently where I grew up, so it became a regular part of my childhood Christmases.

2. A Christmas Carol (1984)

This made-for-television incarnation of the book was my favorite for the longest time, until my number one pick came out years later.  Starring George C. Scott as Ebenezer, this film also had the distinction of casting well-known British thesps David Warner (Time Bandits, Star Trek V) as Cratchit and Edward Woodward (The Equalizer, Hot Fuzz) as The Ghost of Christmas Present.  I loved this one especially because this one got especially dark and ominous during Scrooge’s first night when Marley comes calling, as well as when the last spirit torments him into redemption.  This was the first iteration I saw that actually got scary.  Plus, I love Scott’s performance as Scrooge.  Still, it can only hold a candle to my favorite adaptation:

1. A Christmas Carol (1999)

This one is, in my opinion, the best adaptation of the original Dickens tale hands down.  Another made-for-television movie, this version of Carol aired on TNT and starred Captain Jean-Luc Picard himself in the lead role.  Having already proven that he could do the whole story himself as a one man show, Patrick Stewart brought his master thespian bag to the table in this well-crafted TV movie.  This is the one that I refuse to miss each year, it’s just that damn good.  Every actor cast for the film brought their A-game to the table.  To this day, I still get choked up when The Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge the scene where his younger self’s fiancé absolves him of his vow to her.  Stewart’s Scrooge breaks down in a fit of regretful tears as he tries desperately to plead to his unhearing counterpart to “Go after her!”  His performance alone is enough to raise this version above all others, as well as make me want to see his one man performance of the material badly.

It has been a few years since a new attempt at A Christmas Carol has managed to usurp my previous favorite to become my new number one.  The latest CGI release wasn’t quite up to snuff, but that certainly doesn’t mean I won’t be adding it to my Blu-Ray pile come next Christmas.  I am a sucker for this tale, after all.

The Don got the biggest goose in all of London.  She didn’t do it for cheap.

Earlier this month, the creator of the brilliant social-parody-disguised-as-modern-high-fantasy webcomic, Bruno the Bandit, mentioned that he was no longer working on the comic as a way to make a living. In Ian McDonald’s own words:

Right now, my motivations for doing the strip, not to mention my energy levels, are nearly at zero.

The reason is simple: I failed with Bruno. My ultimate goal was to make a living at this. But it didn’t work out that way. Yes, I kept telling myself that it doesn’t matter that I’m not making a living as a cartoonist, I enjoy doing this as a hobby. Which is not entirely untrue, either. But deep down, what I really wanted was to join the illustrious ranks of webcartoonists who are making a living by publishing their comics online. That ain’t gonna happen. I’m just not that good… either at cartooning, or self-promotion, or both.

Furthermore, my readership has been dropping steadily over the past few years, though I’ve nobody to blame but myself for that, due to all the “breaks” I’ve had to take. As well, feedback on the strip has been at an all-time low. I rarely get any e-mail from readers these days, and the Bruno the Bandit forum is all but dead. I can’t help but wonder if you the readers aren’t getting fed up with the strip. If so, I’m not sure I blame you. I can’t help but wonder if my lack of enthusiasm for working on the strip hasn’t affected its quality of late. Rather than plod along and churn out comics I’m not proud of, I figure I should take a break and recharge the ol’ batteries.

Is this the end of Bruno the Bandit? No. But from now on, when I create new comics, it’s because I feel like doing so, not because I feel compelled to put them out on a weekly schedule.

I’m a huge fan of the comic. Being a long-time reader means I’m pretty familiar with the ebbs of flows of the comic over the years. Which means, I have to agree with much of McDonald’s blog about why Bruno so far hasn’t been successful as a business, having seen things like the frequent hiatuses. And that’s where I’m going with this post.

When you get down to it, there’s a lot that can go wrong when it comes to webcomics. That’s hardly news. We’ve probably all seen creators who started out strong and raked in the donations, only to hit a writer’s block that killed the comic and alienated the fanbase. Or, say, creators who got in over their heads when it came to merchandising, spending so much time stressing over pre-orders and getting things shipped out that their core work, the comic itself, suffered. The two biggest wildcards in making a business out of webcomics are, of course, the creating artist(s) and the audience. An artist may have the best story idea in history, but if you can’t ensnare and hold your target audience with it, you’re screwed. Likewise, the best comic in history won’t stay on top if the artist repeatedly flakes out on updates, delivers empty promises to the fans, or just drives them away with bad behaviour outside the comic.

If you’re seeking to make webcomics a business, you have to be open to listening to your fans’ suggestions. As part of the audience, I’m-a gonna list some of the things that destroy my enthusiasm for any given webcomic and lead me to spend my money elsewhere. I won’t be naming names (though I might be linking links). As always, it’s just my opinion; your mileage probably widely varies.

Flaky updates and empty promises. – Look, it’s okay to have a comic that updates sporadically, but be clear about this point on your site. Don’t say “Updates every Monday!” if it’s more like every Tuesday or every other Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…or whenever you remember you’re supposed to be working on it. Don’t change the update schedule every few weeks. Don’t say “comic will be up tonight” if there’s a chance outside of power outage or family emergency that you can’t deliver. If you have a schedule, stick to it. If you can’t, change the schedule to something that you CAN stick to, even if it means your updates go from three times weekly to once monthly. Hell, even “Updates sporadically” is a legitimate schedule since it tells us not to expect an update every time we check the site. Flaking out on your promises makes you look like a sloppy businessman. If my mechanic doesn’t have my car ready at the appointed time because he never got around to looking at it, I’ll be Googling for a new repairman. Same for webcomics. If you can’t deliver what you promise, I’m not trusting you with my donations or merchandise orders. You’re unreliable.

Semi-relevant to the above: Don’t use your “issues” to be flaky if you want to succeed as a business. – You’re not a freak if you suffer from chronic depression or adult ADHD or any myriad of other mental, physical, and emotional ailments. And I’ll smack anyone who says you are. But if you want to be a strong business, you can’t repeatedly use your issues as an excuse for backing out on your promised delivery of goods. In the “real world,” you get fired if you continually call in sick, no matter how much your boss sympathizes with you. Online, the audience is to some extent your boss, if you’re working for profit. If you constantly disappear for three months and then say each time, “Sorry, my *insert ailment here* wouldn’t let me draw,” the sympathy we all feel for you at first gradually turns into frustration. Millions of people work every day, doing their best to compensate for and conquer their ailments. In order to succeed, you have to work even when you don’t feel like it. I realize this is a touchy subject, but far too often, I’ve seen a webcomic artist vanish for an extended period, only to blog, “I was too depressed to make any updates, but please keep donating!” Your ailments are an explanation, never an excuse. I say this as someone who’s worked hard to defeat my own issues.

This next one invokes Will Wheaton’s Law: “Don’t be a [rhymes with 'stick'].” – You guys might wanna watch your behaviour even when you’re not on your personal site. Whether you like it or not, people’s eyes are on you anywhere you go online, once you gain any sort of following. About four years ago, my favourite webcomic was this unique and well-drawn story about a boy summoned to save another world, only it turns out the boy has so many mental issues and voices in his head that he needs saving almost more than the world he’s supposed to protect. I was in love with this story and its world; I recommended the comic to everyone I knew. Then I noticed that I was on several unrelated forums with the comic’s creator. Then I noticed what a liar, hypocrite, and all-around trolling jerk said creator was, when he didn’t think any of his fans were around to notice. He would deliberately start trouble on these forums, get smacked down by the moderators, then go back to his comic’s forum and cry to his fans about how racist and closed-minded everyone else was, and how poor widdle him got in trouble for being a decent person surrounded by trolls. I lost respect for that person then, and the comic was soon replaced by another in my “favourite” status. Prior to that, I’d been chomping at the bit for the comic to be released in book form. Now the comic’s finally seen the release of its first book, and I don’t care anymore. My interest is gone; that comic isn’t getting my money. I still read it out of habit, but my love for the comic has waned (though that’s also partly because the story’s pacing is awful–almost nothing has happened to advance the plot in the past few years). Some people can separate the artist from the attitude, but I’m afraid my blind eye is only a little bit nearsighted. I’ve had similar issues with a now-idle sprite comic whose artist constantly insulted his own audience, and the writer for a comic in which two people on opposite sides of the world see each other’s lives when asleep. Long rant short: if I catch you being a jerk, you can forget seeing my cash.

Don’t air your dirty laundry to your fans. – For the past year and more, the creator of another comic I follow has been repeatedly begging for more donations, complaining of the financial crisis he, his wife, and their year-old son are in, already having lost one of his family’s properties and dealing with only sporadic employment on top of the bills for the baby. His most current blog posts have been mentions that the comic is only drawing in a fraction of the donations he needs to fund his expenses….Only, he recently blogged that he had the chance to buy the car he’s always wanted. (Note it’s not NEEDS; it’s WANTS.) And even used, this particular model doesn’t come cheaply. My research results averaged from $5,000 to $10,000. You’re probably having a similar reaction to the one I had: “How is it that someone who can barely afford to feed his family can buy a car he doesn’t even need?” I don’t have a problem with people in financial crisis making little splurges. Sometimes that’s all that keeps you sane. But THIS? Is not a little splurge. Many of us have things we’ve wanted to buy for years, but being an adult and providing for your family must come first, particularly if the money situation is as dire as you claim. I acknowledge maybe there’s some unwritten backstory that justifies him buying a car instead of saving for bills, but the situation is presented on his blog as I shared it here. It gets worse, though; the most recent blog post has him complaining that he’ll never be able to buy this car, and putting the blame for it on an unspecified party. His equally underemployed wife, who shares a blog column, posts at the same time that she’s upset that she’s being misunderstood and ignored. Neither one says who they’re talking about, but the timing? Hmmm….If they’re not talking about each other, a little blurb clarifying this would go such a long way. As it stands, right now I’m not donating to someone who appears to value a car over family financial needs, not even if his next post says the three of them are living in a cardboard box.

Now, what’s probably the most important sum-up point of my lengthy rantings–and this part comes from my previous experience with running Web-based enterprises: If you don’t run your webcomic like a business, you won’t succeed as a business. – Just putting up a donation link and three updates every week usually won’t float you. You gotta pimp yourself out more than a five-dollar hooker. A successful business has to advertise, network, merchandise, reinvest…all those things most people hate doing. Most webcomics can’t sustain themselves by selling just books, either–these books tend to be expensive small-run prints with little to no profit. Begging for donations usually doesn’t work either, except to recoup some expenses. Most fans want something more substantial in exchange for their money, like T-shirts, mugs, and plushies, just for starters. Just look at Penny Arcade. Those guys are the classic model for how to run a webcomic business correctly. They stick to their schedule. They offer varied merchandise in their stores. (And they know when to delegate responsibilities like merchandising and advertising so they’re not overwhelmed with projects and can focus on the comic.) They don’t usually talk about their issues, and when Gabe does, it’s not in a whinging way; it’s more educational. They keep their business and personal personas largely separate online (chances are, you’ve been on a forum with one of them in the past and never even knew it), or at least try to be neutral about talking of personal matters on their site blogs. I’m not saying that doing everything Penny Arcade does guarantees you success; after all, their comic has a more mainstream appeal than many others out there in the Interwebs. But learning how to be a businessman won’t hurt you, either.

As usual, this “little” rant got away from me, but it’s all done…for now. I must now go reinforce my pillow fort against angry artists, so ciao!

…congratulations to Richard and Katy, the supreme rulers of the Spwugniverse!!!!!

They are the essence of everything that is Spwug.  Without either of them, this site wouldn’t be here to bring you a daily dose of all things geek.

It was an honor and a privilege to witness the joining of these two forces of good.  They are my friends.  They are my family.  I am proud to be the head writer of something they envisioned, and I am proud to be a part of their lives.

My best wishes to both of you, Pocky Rich and Katy.  Here’s to bigger and greater things.  With your powers combined, anything is possible.

Greetings, Spin Doctors!

As promised, here is the second installment of my highly popular and deeply revered Fall TV Watch List.  Unfortunately, as I look at the list of shows I’m currently watching, it appears that my list this year is smaller than I anticipated.  Part of that is because of the reason I mentioned in part one – not many new shows for the 2009/2010 season really grabbed me while a large portion of the shows that I did like were snuffed out like a wealthy, old man who lies on his death bed while his pillow-wielding son Billy (sorry – it’s William now) decides he wants his inheritance immediately.

The other reason is because there are about three or four shows that I can’t discuss yet because they haven’t started yet (Thanks, NBC!  Way to show your support for “Chuck”!  I bought and ate a Subway sandwich for that show!)

Still, I’m able to toss four more shows at you this week, with an extra helping of two new animated series that I’m having a ball with.

And remember kids – just because a show may not be listed here, doesn’t mean it isn’t a good show.  Let me be your LeVar Burton and use this series to stimulate your desire to go out and find shows that you like on your own!  These are just shows I am able to fit into my schedule that I really enjoy (except for one – I think I’m just a glutton for punishment with that one).  But, you don’t have to take my word for it…

“Community”

This is one of the two new shows of the fall season that I decided to add to my regular watch list.  In fact, I was originally going to give it a pass.  I’m glad I changed my mind.  This show is pretty funny so far, unlike when I tried that “Office” clone “Parks and Recreation”.  Joel McHale (of “The Soup” on E!) stars as a(n) lawyer opportunist who is forced to go back to community college because it’s discovered by the State Bar Association that his degree isn’t valid.  Add in an eccentric variety of characters that he shares classes with, mix thoroughly, and enjoy.  The biggest surprise here is Chevy Chase.  Yes, that Chevy Chase (no, not the bank).  This guy hasn’t been funny in years, but he seems to have gotten his second third fourth twentieth wind on this show.  I find myself laughing at the antics that made 80s Chevy so much fun.

“The Office”

There are those who are UK “Office” purists.  There are those who prefer the US version.  I say, “Are you gonna eat that donut?”  I mean, what else is there to say about this show?  The US “Office” started out looking like a weak clone of the original, and wasn’t faring much better.  Six seasons later, and the show is still as strong as ever.  I came into this show late, but it has become one of the shows I eagerly anticipate week after week.

“Smallville”

I mentioned that there is one show I’m a glutton for punishment for.  This is it.  I will admit, this show really shouldn’t even be on this list.  The storylines are contrived, the acting isn’t great, the plots go in odd directions that would make your GPS rethink what vocation the GPS Guidance Counselor in GPS high school advised her on (oh come on – we all use the female voice).  But for some reason, I can’t quit this show (yes, I made a Brokeback joke).  If for no other reason, I want to see Clark finally become Superman.  I think Tom Welling fills the role well enough.  And every season they manage to hook me with some gimmick.  Last season it was Doomsday.  This season… Zod.  Yes, he’s already delivered the “Kneel before…” line.  Moving on…

“Dollhouse”

The newest offering from everyone’s favorite scribe (except for you) Joss Whedon.  This is a show that should have been one of the casualties of the 2008/2009 season.  But, somehow Fox decided to graduate it to sophomore status, despite a very clunky year one.  Although the networks stepped on Joss’ toes consistently during production of the first half of the first season (forcing rewrites, episode shuffling, character changes), Joss was able to wrangle the reins back during the latter half, salvaging a sinking show and making the last few episodes pretty riveting to watch.  So far, the second season is starting out rather strongly, especially since all of the build up and introduction has been taken care of.  I’ve always been a loyal fan and supporter of all things Whedon, so I think I’ll be sticking around the “Dollhouse” for a little while longer.  At least until “Firefly” magically makes a comeback.

And now… a few brief words about two new animated shows that I’m finding myself eagerly diving into each week:

“Titan Maximum”

Holy crap, this show is awesome.  Hyperbole aside, this is another stop-motion animated show by the guys who brought you “Robot Chicken”, only this time they’re going the “Venture Bros.” route – creating a new universe of characters based on the sentai shows we grew up with in the 70s and 80s like “G-Force” and “Voltron”.  This show pays homage to those slices of fandom while at the same time parodying them.  And they’ve done their homework, from the character-types they use to the campy music they play during fighting scenes.  And this show is hilarious, importing the same type of humor enjoyed on “Robot Chicken”.  Plus: Billy Dee Williams as the voice of the Admiral that the TM crew has to answer to!

“The Super Hero Squad Show”

I know, your jaw’s in your lap – “Does he mean that little kiddie cartoon based on those little Hasbro figures for the kiddies?”  Indeed I do.  This show is a lot of fun!  When I first heard about it, I said my “feh”s and didn’t think another thought about it.  Then, I got to watch a mini-marathon of the first three episodes during Horrorfind Weekend in the hotel room.  This show hides some really intelligent writing under the “made for ages 4 – 8” Bruce banner.  It’s a silly, pun-filled romp where some of Marvel’s most famous (and even some obscure) heroes go up against the Marvel villains every week.  It’s all fighting and bantering, but it’s imaginative and fresh.  To put it best, it’s like if a Marvel Superheroes cartoon was done by the folks who brought you “Tiny Toons”.

And with that, I wrap up part deux of the 2009/2010 season watch list.  I plan to bring you at least one more, but it may have to wait… until spring, unfortunately.  That seems to be when the rest of the shows on my list come back.  In the meantime, this is October.  I’m running a little behind this year, but expect some Hallowe’en-themed articles for the rest of the month.  I leave you with a nugget of awesome news – our own Head Honchos, Richard Kim and Neomera, are getting hitched this weekend!  Now you know why they’ve been a little sparse around the site lately.  A couple of us Spwugnerians will be in attendance to bring the proper amount of geek representation, of course.  So, when you get a chance, please offer your best wishes to the happy couple!

I’m out!

The Don is ready for his treatment.

Welcome to this week’s post to my Geek Journal!

The first day of Fall (or Spring, for you southern hemisphere people) occurs in a few days (Sept. 22nd), meaning that day and night will be equal (12 hours each) as the sun passes over the equator on its way south. This also means that the Fall TV season is about to begin (or already has begun, thanks to Fox), and that Busch Garden’s Howl-O-Scream will be starting soon as well (Sept. 25th!).

It appears that Nintendo has been feeling the pressure of not having dropped the Wii’s price: leaked Toys”Я”Us and Target ads indicate that it’ll be dropping to $200 sometime in the near future, if they’re true. There has also been news that both Sony and Microsoft are looking to release the 250GB versions of the PS3 Slim and Xbox 360 quite soon.

CFLs have gotten a bad rap due to their cost, use of mercury, color issues, hard to use dimmers with, and that a lot take time to get up to full brightness. LEDs are safer, but still have cost and heat issues. A new company is giving their take on the energy-efficient lighting situation: Electron Stimulated Luminescence (ESL) bulbs. These bulbs appear to work similar to the way a CRT does, but instead of being scanned with a single electron beam, the entire face of the bulb is sprayed with electrons, causing the phosphors of the face to glow with a natural white light. I’m really interested in this, but I’m wondering if this will be the next big thing in lighting.

That’s it for this week’s post!

When I’m on the phone with family, my housemate is usually a few feet away, blowing zombies to pieces in Call of Duty 5 or racking up headshots in Battlefield 1943. A common phone conversation goes like this:

THEM: I hear a lot of noise over there. Is he playing games again?
ME: Yep, he’s playing online with some friends.
THEM: Everyone’s staying home to play?
ME: Yeah, no one wanted to waste time and gas driving over to someone’s house, and then we’d still have to drive back home later ’cause we all have work tomorrow.
THEM: So do you guys ever actually hang out anymore, or do you just all stay home and play video games without ever seeing each other?

Gamers are reclusive, shunning the light, not to mention all other people. Surviving on chips in order to gain one more level before work, one more rare drop item, as their chair strains under the player’s ever-increasing bulk. It’s a common myth about gamers, and one that’s probably had most of us rolling our eyes at some point (and had the guilty gamers struggling to get their respective behinds unstuck from their chairs). Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to raise a counterpoint. Not with the fact that you can actually socialize with friends while gaming, via headsets like you’re talking on the phone. No, this is about a much more physical type of gaming interaction.

The Sunday LAN Party. It’s become a sort of tradition amongst my group, only failing to take place when most of us are out of town or have to work. We pick a house, and everyone lugs over their computers and consoles, their handhelds, their huge flatscreen monitors, movies, drinks, and a whole lot of potluckin’-good food. People take turns playing games, since it almost never happens that everyone owns the game currently being played on the local network. While a group game is in session, anyone not playing eats, chats with whoever’s nearby, watches movies, plays cards, or mucks about on a Nintendo DS or a PSP. Even the people who are engrossed in multiplayer gaming are talking with one another–that is, when they’re not yelling instructions like, “ZOMBIE BEHIND YOU!” or “Crap! I need a revive!”

In other words, it’s a real party, full of real party activities (some of which are fueled by real alcohol), and real party people (who may or may not be raisin’ their hands in the air like they just don’t care). It just has the word “LAN” in front of it.

And that bit about us gamers shunning the light? I took this photo at the last LAN party (only had my cell phone camera, sadly). Check out the full-size version, and….Why, just LOOK at all that sunlight coming in through the patio door! Okay, so that part’s a bit tongue-in-cheek….Still, though. It’s natural light. I think it counts.

The boys were gracious enough to reveal part of their screens for this photo, to showcase the variety of gaming we get up to at these things (albeit they’re all on PS3s at the moment. Some Nintendo and PC gaming was going on outside of camera range.) Can YOU identify all the games being represented here?

That’s all for this installment. Tune in next time for…I don’t even know what, but it’ll be here!

Greetings, SAINT prototypes!

I’m feeling a little under the weather this week (no, I don’t have Hamthrax), so I’m keeping this one short.  Luckily for me, yesterday provided me with the perfect gift to leave you with…

You remember the film shoot I was in about a month ago up in West Virginia, right?  At least, I hope so – I’ve been talking about it incessantly like an obsessive fanboy who just met Hayden Panettiere.

The little teaser trailer filmed by Darkstone Entertainment that I got to play a role in, Plan 9, just went live yesterday at its official website to commemorate the 50^th anniversary of the original Plan 9 From Outer Space.  The trailer looks incredible, and I’m proud to be a part of it.

Originally, the remake itself was supposed to make its debut yesterday, but director Johnny Johnson delayed filming so as to procure a bigger budget that would allow him to film the movie in super 35mm film instead of super 16mm.  This means that the film will be higher quality.  But, so that he could still honor the anniversary, Johnny filmed the trailer first so that he could present fans and the curious alike with something to tide them over until the film is complete.

Hopefully, the trailer is enough meat to satisfy those hungry for more, as filming does not begin until spring of next year.

So, give it a look-see.  Enjoy, and see if you can find me lurking within its celluloid goodness…

The Don is a McHobo Happy Meal, served up special between 1:48 and 1:51.