Ever been within inches of a passing semi truck on a busy freeway, whipping past at 70 mph? Even in your car, you get thrown around like a leaf? Yeah, that was SDCC for the remainder of the weekend.

While I’d love to share pics, I’m still on borrowed time — my flight back home departs TODAY, thus I can write to you all, but I have roughly 500 pictures to sort, weed out and organize into a functional blog. In the meantime, let me tell you all — California rolled out the red carpet, and I had THE BEST — excuse me, *ahem* THE BEST time at a convention since the Blizzard of 2003 during Katsucon. That’s no small feat.

This was geek Mecca. Direct your prayers of Dr. Horrible and new episodes of Eureka just south of the setting sun, folks. While no show is perfect, and Murphy’s Laws prevail, I will say that the positives of the experience far, FAR outweigh the negatives. In other words, don’t feel bad. Everyone else is broke too.

So, in the meantime (while I’m 30,000 in the air for several hours) here’s my take on:  FIVE THINGS I LEARNED FROM SDCC.

(1): No one in their right mind should ever move an event or convention from San Diego. It’s PRIME real estate. I’m not the man behind the wheel, so there’s no telling what the future holds — but I will say that San Diego embraced the convention with open arms, and there was PLENTY to do and see beyond the convention walls. Go to lunch at the Tin Fish restaurant. Get around on the trolleys. Check out the best damned reuben ever at The Field.  Speaking of fields, the Padres play at Petco Park right up the street (say what you like about the Padres.)  Even the train station is a photo op waiting to happen!

(2): Your Mileage May Vary.  And oh, did I rack up a few.  Now, you can actually stop and get a breather throughout a good portion of the con, you just have to be… creative about it.  And not have any hangups about sitting on cold floors, corners of huge displays or just around the corner of an artist table.

(3): You have to be extra special, determined or crazy (or maybe a heady combination of the three) to actually get the Rare Collectable Merchandise Given Out Only At The Con Wherein You Must Stand In Line For Several Hours For The CHANCE To Get It.

(4): Besides, there are scores of people hired just to hand out free flyers.  Save the earth, collect them all!  I bet you could fill a phone book with all the mini posters, cards, flyers, and extra bits.

(5): Some personal tips to share with you all:

-Bring a camera, and break a bank book on batteries.

-When you’re done packing, open your bags again, take out half the stuff you packed.  You’re not going to need it.

-Say “yes” to whatever absurd means it takes to get there, short of risk to person or possessions.  This place is worth it.

-Water.

-Plan ahead.  There is for even the regular attendees, four whole days worth of events to attend and people to see, things to buy (or have a conniption over whether TO buy) and while you CAN do it all in a day, if you’re around for the whole thing, space it out.  Get some rest.  Eat hearty.  Because TONIGHT WE DINE IN — *ahem*

I’ll be back with photos, folks!  Sorry for the delay, but right now it’s time for me to say goodbye to perpetually sunny San Diego!

(Oh yeah, and there was an earthquake yesterday.  Most bizarre damned thing I’ve ever experienced.)

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OMGOMGOMG Thunder Force VI for real, no lie! October is the revival of THE synth butt-rock shmup!  “I saw the messenger of the new god there.”

But thinking about that, consider there’s been announcements at the start of summer of TWO Bionic Commando games for the XBOX360, a Castlevania 2-player versus fighting game in the works (what?!), and a classic style 8-bit side scrolling Mega Man 9 for the Wii — and the last 8-bit game of the series (MM6) was fifteen years ago! 

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Greetings, Sith Lords!

This week I wanted to change things up a little bit and show you these really awesome collectible figures that everyone should be into.

They’re cute, they’re poseable, they’re MiniMates!

I’ve been collecting these amazing things since they first started coming out. As you can see, there are several different properties being made into MiniMates these days. It all started with Marvel. Eventually DC jumped on board, and now almost any property, from Back to the Future to Clint Eastwood westerns, are getting the MiniMate treatment.

Hey. No fighting please.

Hey! What the hell?!? I said no figh—

Oh dear God.

Somebody help! They’ve gone berserk! Oh crap! Now Banner’s ticked!

Oh dear Lord! Somebody please stop this! And where’s Daredevil?

Oh no. Hulk! Watch out! Did I mention that when DC joined the MiniMate club, that they were the first to make large-sized MiniMates?

Gah! That’s not good. And Grodd made my camera unfocus!

Grodd! Look—

*sigh* Nevermind. Can this get any worse?

SWEET JEEBUS!!!! ZOMBIES!!!!

I… I can’t look anymore. I think I need to go lay down. Oh Lord, the carnage…

Oh wait… There’s Daredevil now! You survived! Hey - you don’t look so good, pal.

Dude! What are you doing?!? You need to get out of there! Don’t just kneel–

Um… yeah. I think we’re done here. I’m gonna go now before anyone discovers this.
MINIMATES RULE!

The Don is a little bit country, and little bits of plastic.

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Hey Spwug readers!  (oh wait — what? — it’s not Wednesday?!  Whoa and last week’s post didn’t post after all!!! Dang it!)  *ahem*

You read that right.  Giant. Robot. Schoolgirls. But I bet she wouldn’t stand a chance against a fearsome looking Maid Guy.  He has x-ray vision, levitation and nightmarish mental projection powers.  In a few days though, I’ll be spirited away to fight devil dogs and collect skulls instead, or at least that’s what I’ll hear.  But wait! Never fear!  George Washington (NQSFW) will save us! 

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Just like the Round Table of Camelot, the Three Kingdoms era of Chinese history evokes images of a time when the world was simple and magical: Men were Men, Heroes were Heroes, and Great Beauties were Great Beauties.

The Three Kingdoms period has been kept fresh in the minds of the Japanese by a great many re-imaginings and retellings, from manga adaptations to the mega-popular Dynasty Warriors game series, in which Men are Great Beauties, Heroes are Men, and Great Beauties are Heroes.

So, of course, with Japan being Japan and money being money, there have been a great many Sproutifications of the Three Kingdoms characters, the most prominent being Ikki Tousen (Battle Vixens here in the states).  Ikki Tousen and its constant mix of action and fan service picked up the bakunyuu (爆乳, lit. “bursting boobs”) title from Tenjo Tenge, which lost fans with its endless stream of rambling crap (no, I’m not bitter about TenTen, why do you ask?) and used characters from the Three Kingdoms era to provide an excuse for big-titted teens to rip each other’s clothes off.

But the liberties Ikki Tousen and the Dynasty Warriors series take with the seminal epic of Chinese culture pale compared to a couple of recent travesties, which have made my Chinese friends weep at how horribly their history has been raped in the name of making money.  First up, you have Tsukisase! Ryofuko-chan, which turns the mighty warrior Lu Bu into a little magical girl (hey, at least Red Hare is still badass) designed to tickle the fancy of fanboys with Lolita complexes.

That one’s pretty bad, and has melted the minds of several friends of mine, but what really takes the cake is Koihime Musou, which started out as an H game (link for those who aren’t at work) and, because the Japanese have no taste, became popular enough to be converted to a PS2 game.  In Koihime Musou, the main character is thrust into an alternate version of the Three Kingdoms period, where the Men are Great Beauties, the Heroes are Great Beauties, and the Great Beauties are gay men (voiced by Wakamoto Norio, which is awesome on at least six levels).

You don’t even need to know Japanese to see how wrong these are - just poke around the sites and marvel at just how far moe peddlers will go in their quest to make money.  It’s pretty impressive.

By the way, don’t click on this link unless you’re secure in your sexuality and libido: here’s the Koihime Musou version of Diao Chan.

You’re welcome!

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There is a long tradition of Hollywood stars going to Japan to make commercials that would be hideously embarrassing for them to make in the West (Lost in Translation dramatizes this process, along with being a very good movie about alienation and isolation). These range from Arnold Schwarzenegger plugging energy drinks to Sean Connery talking to a bunny puppet about yogurt. There are plenty more out there, but few of them have tread into our Sprouting territory, until Suntory coffee decided to raise the ante.

Behold, Tommy Lee Jones as an alien in Akihabara.

Does this mean that Tommy Lee Jones is maid moe? You make the call!

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Someone has taken the end theme from the game ‘Portal’, and ‘translated’ it into Japanese. The link is below, listen at your own risk. (SFW)

Po-taru

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As I mentioned back in Feel the Burning #3: Music to Burn, the formation of JAM (Japanese Animation song Makers) Project in 2000 was an earthshaking moment in anime music.  In the name of “bringing the old, good anime song spirit to the 21st century,” Mizuki Ichiro gathered up some of the most recognized and popular singers in the field to create anime music he could be proud of.

Take a look at the names and discographies involved and it’s easy to see why Japanese otaku quickly became devoted to the project:

- Mizuki Ichiro: Active anisong maker since 1968. Famous for Getter Robo and dozens of other old-school themes.
- Kageyama Hironobu: Active anisong maker since 1985. Famous for the Dragon Ball Z theme, Saint Seiya and a lot of tokusatsu/Power Rangers themes.
- Matsumoto Rica: Active seiyuu and anisong maker since 1988.  Voices Satoshi (Ash) in Pokemon and sings its iconic theme song.
- Okui Masami: Active anisong writer/singer since 1993. Famous for Di Gi Charat, Utena and much, much more.
- Masaaki Endou: Active anisong maker since 1995. Famous for the GaoGaiGar opening and passionate shouting.
- Fukuyama Yoshiki: Active anisong maker since 1994.  Best known as the singing voice of Basara in Macross 7.
- Kitadani Hiroshi: Active anisong maker since 1999. Best known for One Piece opening “We Are!”
- Sakamoto Eizou: Vocalist for cover group Animetal. No longer active in JAM Project.

JAM Project’s music is designed to remind many of its listeners of the songs they listened to when they were young, especially since many of their listeners actually did grow up listening to Mizuki and Kageyama.  They don’t worry about sounding lame or outdated, and don’t feel at all self-conscious when they shout out giant robot attacks in their songs - examples include Masaaki Endou busting out with “DIVIDING DRIVEEEEER” in GaoGaiGar and the whole group shouting “SUPER ROBOT WAAAAARS” during Break Out.

Due to their burning blood and fiery passion, they’ve become the default performers for modern giant robot shows, and they’ve become an integral part of the Super Robot Wars franchise.  A JAM project song is guaranteed to add balls-out energy and full contact awesome to anything, from giant robot fight scenes to fantasy epics and even ero games (it’s a long story and I’ll talk about it next week).

Heck, the Lucky Star opening as sung by JAM Project worth listening to (and a top 10 single in Japan)! And that’s impressive in and of itself.  You should check out their music some time if you’re looking for a good energy boost.

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I was planning to write a post concerning the holidays and other festive things, but something really weird just happened to me and I decided this was way more interesting. At least I hope it is.

The other day I was walking to the supermarket when I felt something in my boot, poking me on the foot. When I got home I fished around inside my boots and found nothing. The next day I felt nothing, even as I trudged through the mall while Christmas shopping. I got home and took off my boots. Nothing.

As I was putting on my boots this morning I felt something poke me in the foot again. This time I immediately reached inside and pulled out the last thing in the world I ever expected to be in there.

It was a Green Lantern ring.

For a split second I didn’t register the fact that it was too small for my hand, or that it was made completely out of cheap plastic, or that it looked like something you’d find at the bottom of a cereal box. All that crossed my mind in that split second were three words… “It’s about time!”

I still don’t know how this little thing managed to get into my boot and evade detection for two straight days. All I know is that for one tiny second I thought I was finally getting something I’ve always wanted for Christmas. Superpowers.

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(WARNING: Almost none of the links in this column are work-safe. Do not view them in front of co-workers, family members, or federal agents.)

As the tastefully named Richard Kim told you on Tuesday, the Gal-game genre tends to fall into three major categories, each filled with dozens upon dozens of very similar games. As with any overcrowded genre, each game company expends a great deal of effort trying to differentiate itself from its competitors.

From monopolizing popular artists (see: Unison Shift and Itou Noizi) to developing famous scenario writers (see: TYPE-MOON and Nasu Kinoko) and even planning word-of-mouth infamy (see: 0verflow and School Days), there are a huge number of ways that a company can carve out a niche and a fanbase (see: Alice Soft and their never-ending series of strategy/conquest/harem/kitchen sink games).

The most amusing method companies use to distinguish their works is through the genre title. There’s no such thing as a Simulation Life Game (SLG) these days, and most developers won’t stand to see their game called a simple Adventure Game (ADV). No, we have such wondrous things as Dies Irae ~Also Sprach Zarathustra~ from Light, which declares itself a 学園伝奇バトルオペラADV, or “School Romance Battle Opera Adventure.”

The hit parade doesn’t stop there, either. Henshi~n, a cult classic about a boy who turns into cylindrical household objects near girls, is a “Metamorph Dramatic Love Comedy AVG.” Propeller’s latest game, Bullet Butlers , gets even more ridiculous. The game’s genre is listed as 銃と魔法と執事と主のファンタジーＡＶＧ, or “An adventure fantasy of guns, magic, butlers, and masters.”

My absolute favorite, though, is from Zanma Taisei Demonbane, one of the most famous works from Nitro+ - you may have seen the cleaned-up anime version of it, Kishin Houkou Demonbane. In its original game form, the genre was listed as 荒唐無稽スーパーロボットADV. This translates to “Preposterous Super Robot Adventure.” I’m not even taking any liberties with the translation there, that’s literally what it means.

Beyond the cheap chuckles, though, these genre titles are pretty good at letting people know exactly what’s in the game. Skim through the Giga online catalog and you’ll find hard-boiled action-adventures, jealous twin adventures, and alternate universe school adventures. If you just lumped them all under “adventure game,” there’d be absolutely no way of knowing what you were in for. Just like RPGs have been separated into various categories - Massively Multiplayer, Tactical, and Sit There Pressing X In Between Cut Scenes, for example - Japanese gal games have made sure to label themselves in such a way that no fan of a particular genre or Sprouting archetype can possibly miss it.

So if you ever walk into one of the basements of Akihabara, where the gal games are sold, do yourself a favor and skim through the titles. Not only will you get a good laugh, but you’ll usually find out exactly what’s inside and whether or not you’ll like it.

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